Brownie/Deandra Update

I know I have been away for awhile and please know that I think of all of you daily, I just had a very hard time with my friend (Jessie age 20) dying from ovarian cancer a few weeks ago. Then I would come to the forums and get depressed all over again because it seems like everyone is having problems. I just love you all so much and HATE to see so many in pain. Nevertheless, I thought I should update about my condition.
  I have now been without chemo for a little over a month and all I’ve done is pray that the word progression not be used when describing my condition. I had a PET scan done a week ago to check on the latest and had an appointment with my oncologist to talk results. I have to be honest and say I have made myself sick thinking about these results. Rightfully so, the last time I was without chemo my cancer progressed to visible golf-ball sized tumors in less than a month and a half. The results were not as bad as I prepared myself for, but they weren’t impressive either. There is a small tumor on my liver that couldn’t be more stubborn if it tried. This stubborn sucker is trivial but giving my body a break from the chemo is unfortunately not an option. I asked what my prognosis would be if I stopped chemo entirely and my oncologist predicted months before I really start to feel the effects of the cancer. He also said by a year I would be pretty sick and there would be no quality of life to even consider. That's what they mean when they say you are in a battle. The side effects are staggering but you do what you have to in order to live. I guess when you’re over 85 and battling cancer you may argue ‘is this worth it?’ but I am only 28 and for God’s sake - I haven’t even blown out a birthday cake with the words “over the hill’ yet!  You’re d@mn right I’m not done here.
The plan is to stay on one of the chemo drugs (Avastin) which did not give me too many problems until my body recovers from the side effects of Doxil. We will then re-evaluate and come up with yet another chemo cocktail that a) will keep the cancer at bay and b) have the least amount of side effects. I never thought the trial-and-error notion would be used in saving my life, but I never thought I would be dealing with cancer at the age of 28 so what do I know!? Am I content with this plan? No, not really. I would be lying to you if I said I’m not tired… I am – very tired. I had such a hard time with the Doxil side effects (hand/foot syndrome) that I just can't picture yet another chemo's side effects that I have to endure. My onc said probably Topetoocan (sp?) is the next step. What do you all know about this drug?
I will be getting to all my personal emails soon. I love you all and pray for you daily -  D

[JC145]

I applaud your courage and determination.  I cannot imagine facing this disease at such a young age. I have blown out many "candles" and realize how fortunate I am to have had all of those healthy years.  I will pray for your strength and positive results from the chemo.  May the Good Lord bless you with many more candles to blow out.  I also am truly sorry for the loss of your friend .. and to OVCA no less.  That had to be extremely hard.  Stay strong ... Judy

[lvfrogs]

Deandra,
You are one of the strongest women that I know.  Your courage and determination in fighting this damn cancer is astonishing. I truly do not know how you and the other women on here handle it on a daily basis. My heart just aches for all of you.  I pray that you will have that day when you blow out your "over the hill" candles and can tell us all about it!  Love and prayers always, Colleen

[TrudieC]

Deandra, thank you for the update.  Keep on fighting girl!  You will blow out many 'over the hill' candles and hopefully many of us will be there with you to see it.  

Take care, Trudie

[gma718]

You know how I feel for you and I wish I could help you in some way....I know you have that fighting spirit and you will continue to come ahead...Hopefully the new chemo cocktail will be easier to handle and will destroy those lingering suckers!!! Please know that I think of you very often and in my heart know that YOU will be blowing out those "OVER THE HILL CANDLES"!!!! Love ya, Gia :)

[vegas2cr]

Sending you hugs love and determination... Miss you here on the forum but understand.. Ronni

[Knotmeg]

D- I'm in awe of your courage and strength....I'm thinking of you always and hope you continue to fight!

Meg

[cirella]

Deandra,
Sigh...I was so hoping that your post would have better news.  I'm so sorry that you have to continue with the chemo.  But, you will do what you have to b/c you are a true fighter and I read so much determination in your words.  I love you for that.  You fight, girl, with everything you got.  You WILL be blowing out those over the hill candles!

I hope and pray you don't have the side effects as before.  Stay strong and know we're all behind you holding you up.

Love

[justscore]

Like everyone else has said, your strength and determination is amazing.  I so admire your outlook and your ability to to fight a good fight.  You DESERVE so much better!  I hope you live for the moment and I pray for healing and peace for you and your family!

Heidi

[kimmywah]

I have nothing more to add than what the wonderful people above have said..other than with all my heart I pray for a cure and for good news for you and the other ladies here..every day.
My thoughts and love are with you.....Peace and Love..Kim

[Jan214]

Sweetie, you know how I feel about you and what you have had to endure.  It is just not fair.  You have fought so hard and I think you are doing the right thing.  Youth and attitude  both make a heck of a difference when fighting cancer and you have both of those on your side.  You have an amazing spirit that is not ready to give up and I am so proud of you for that.  Darn the stubborness of that little tumor.  

I think staying on the Avastin while you get over the effects of Doxil is a wonderful idea.  

I think you will find that the side effects of Topotecan are much more tolerable than the Doxil.  On a 1-10 scale, where one is not bad and 10 is,"shoot me now" Doxil would be a 50 from what I hear.  Gemzar is another one that most think is bad.  Well, you remember how bad it was for me.  
Anyway, I have been on Topo since June 10th.  I take 1/2 xanax before chemo, 1/2 when I get in the car after and than I sleep all day.  I get up and take another xanax hoping to go back to bed.  Honestly Deandra, it is one that I have found that I can miss most of the side effects by sleeping the first two days even if I have to drug myself to do it.  I am usually better but still not great on Thursday and than by Friday I am usually manically ready to go.  It didn't go that way last week, but this week seems better.  The worst part is the fatique.  70% of the people on it report almost overwhelming fatique and it is true.  I am tired a lot without having any real reason to be, but as far as any side effects like blisters, mouth sores, nausea, etc none of that is even an issue mostly.  I am on Aloxi though and it lasts for 5 days.  Sometimes by Sunday or Monday when the Aloxi is wearing than I have to be sure to use my nausea pills, but that goes away when I go back on Tuesday.  I think that you will find it is a blessed relief from Doxil anyway.
Take care of you and build your strength back up..
Love,
Jan

[jlock]

I admire your courage and your fight.  I want to fight this diease myself,so I can imagine how hard you are fighting.  I did 6 cycles of Topo and had a very easy time of it.  Some nausea and headaches,that was about all.  The only bad part was I recurred 3 months after my final infusion.  Good luck and keep up your fighting spirit~~~~Joanne

[Lafnatitall]

Deandra...what a terrible loss for you with your friend...I'm so sorry you're hurting from that.  My onc here in SA gave me , Deandra.the choice of Topotecan or Etoposide.  I've chosen the Etoposide because it is an oral chemo which stays in the body 24/7.  I take it everyday for three weeks and then have one week off.  The only side affects I have had are the nausea, fatigue, and my neuropthy is returning.  I go in for my first onc visit this Friday, the 19th, to see how this first go round is working on the cancer.  

You WILL blow out those candles, Deandra...so start now o develop those lungs!

Rhonda

[survivor_susie]

I agree with what everyone else is saying.  Stay in here and fight, Deandra.  We're all behind you.  

What a gentle spirit you have--I say that not only because I've read your posts, but because I've had the pleasure of meeting you.  Now, put that sweet spirit away and fight like HE&& !  I saw a tee shirt advertised on the internet.  It read, CANCER, YOU'VE PICKED THE WRONG BIT**!  So, go get on your fighting gloves and knock 'em dead, girl!

My prayers are with you.
Kathy

[Brownie3321]

Thanks everyone! It means so much to me to read all the messages of support. I love you all and pray for everyone. With love, Deandra

[crecco]

Deandra,
  I am so sorry that things have been so rough for you lately. But your strength and determination shine through. And you are right, you haven't come this far to just give up now. I know that you will be blowing out more than your share of over the hill candles on many birthday cakes.
  Love Chris