Aa
Goodbye and Good Luck to all
Tybear,
Are you talking about my post saying the words "chemically castrated"? If so, I think you need to read that post and all my posts on here together, and give me the benefit of the doubt. I would never write that in a mean way, certainly not about YOU! Oh my God what a shock to come on this site and read all this!
I have been freaked out, seeking answers, alone with three young babies to care for and I was in such a state I had to go to the ER (first time in my life)last weekend. I've actually felt desperate, almost suicidal. I just got my final MRI report and it is inconclusive, with possibility of lymph node involvement. What does that mean, I have no idea and I come to this site and this is what I find?
I don't belong here, you are right. I would never write anything to intentionally hurt anyone, I've had incredible fears about what I am going through and am asking questions about all the possibilities I am facing. I'm absolutely beside myself with panic and one of the biggest decisions I face is whether or not to have a full hysterectomy, ovaries and tubes included or not. I am only 39! I'm seeking HONEST answers and I'm sorry I chose a word that offended you.
Good luck to everyone, I'll leave gracefully. I think you all have a bonded group, and I am the outsider and I respect that. I actually have lived my life expecting not to belong, so this isn't new for me.
Thanks especially to Linda and Pam, you really helped me and I've ordered the books that others recommended to help me face these next very difficult months. Keep your spirits up! XO Jan
Are you talking about my post saying the words "chemically castrated"? If so, I think you need to read that post and all my posts on here together, and give me the benefit of the doubt. I would never write that in a mean way, certainly not about YOU! Oh my God what a shock to come on this site and read all this!
I have been freaked out, seeking answers, alone with three young babies to care for and I was in such a state I had to go to the ER (first time in my life)last weekend. I've actually felt desperate, almost suicidal. I just got my final MRI report and it is inconclusive, with possibility of lymph node involvement. What does that mean, I have no idea and I come to this site and this is what I find?
I don't belong here, you are right. I would never write anything to intentionally hurt anyone, I've had incredible fears about what I am going through and am asking questions about all the possibilities I am facing. I'm absolutely beside myself with panic and one of the biggest decisions I face is whether or not to have a full hysterectomy, ovaries and tubes included or not. I am only 39! I'm seeking HONEST answers and I'm sorry I chose a word that offended you.
Good luck to everyone, I'll leave gracefully. I think you all have a bonded group, and I am the outsider and I respect that. I actually have lived my life expecting not to belong, so this isn't new for me.
Thanks especially to Linda and Pam, you really helped me and I've ordered the books that others recommended to help me face these next very difficult months. Keep your spirits up! XO Jan
As a mental health professional, invalidating someones feelings is never okay, and this is what it seems like you have done to Tybear. She is frightened, and I'm sure she is experiencing many emotions and I'm not sure why you feel the need to invalidate them. What we all seem to find tiresome is your need to defend the use of the word castration regardless of anyone elses feelings. Wonder what that's about...
we would like you to come join the msn site your very welcome if you have any probs send me a message.
Anna, my dear hubby is of English ancestry and he is one of the funniest guys I know. That's part of the reason why I married him. He could always make me laugh and still can :-)
I appreciate your quick wit. Sometimes that's what is needed on this forum!
Linda J
I appreciate your quick wit. Sometimes that's what is needed on this forum!
Linda J
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA thankyou Linda thats actually a fantastic compliment. My disregard for all things protocol doesn't always go down so well in the UK. I love my country - erm I think - shame about the stiff upper lip.
Anna x
Anna x
Anna, you crack me up. You have a great way of telling it like it is! You are a wonderful addition to this forum.
Linda J
Linda J
Don't go...
We're here to support no matter what. Everyone says things in the heat of the moment/feeling, and things can be read by others in a way that it wasn't meant.
Not all of us had the icky cancer dx (me included) but I've found such friendships on here, and more knowledge then I ever expected to have regarding my problems.
Please don't leave....
**Hugs**
~Marianne
We're here to support no matter what. Everyone says things in the heat of the moment/feeling, and things can be read by others in a way that it wasn't meant.
Not all of us had the icky cancer dx (me included) but I've found such friendships on here, and more knowledge then I ever expected to have regarding my problems.
Please don't leave....
**Hugs**
~Marianne
Please don't leave!!!!! Diversity is what makes us human & wouldn't it be boring if we all thought & acted the same.
As you can see from all the posts no one wants you to leave, so pull up your boot straps & get back on that computer. Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay.....
As you can see from all the posts no one wants you to leave, so pull up your boot straps & get back on that computer. Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay,Stay, Stay.....
Gratefull now come on chick - there are no outsiders here and you know it. Dont be a martyr. I mean I could feel insulted that I am not party to this msn group (grin) tut tut.
The whole point is - or at least should be - that this group is like a shock obsorber. We can throw are deepest feelings into the group without having to watch our p's and q's. The problem with group dynamics is that one person inevitable becomes the scapegoat. Someone who we project all our own anxietys upon. They take on the role of the 'tactless one' or the 'weak one' or the 'heartless one' or what ever else needs to be projected into the group. If grateful leaves someone else will take on the role, simple as. There is always going to be anger festering but people need to learn not to take it personally. We are not here to talk about the weather and the price of washing powder. We are here to vent when we need to vent. Thats what I love about Dian - ive read her posts before I ever started talking. She says it like it is, no frills, no bo****.
"Please do not begin your recovery by using your condition as an axe. It can get very tiresome very soon, especially since everyone else, here and out there in the world, is suffering from something devastating too". Your a right old peice of work you. If I find out I have OC ill do what I damn well like woman. She is a young mother with a small child ffs. She has every right to be ANGRY and smash up her house and kill the milkman if she wants. Just because Jo Bloggs down the road is suffering doesnt make her pain any less its all relative.
Anna x
The whole point is - or at least should be - that this group is like a shock obsorber. We can throw are deepest feelings into the group without having to watch our p's and q's. The problem with group dynamics is that one person inevitable becomes the scapegoat. Someone who we project all our own anxietys upon. They take on the role of the 'tactless one' or the 'weak one' or the 'heartless one' or what ever else needs to be projected into the group. If grateful leaves someone else will take on the role, simple as. There is always going to be anger festering but people need to learn not to take it personally. We are not here to talk about the weather and the price of washing powder. We are here to vent when we need to vent. Thats what I love about Dian - ive read her posts before I ever started talking. She says it like it is, no frills, no bo****.
"Please do not begin your recovery by using your condition as an axe. It can get very tiresome very soon, especially since everyone else, here and out there in the world, is suffering from something devastating too". Your a right old peice of work you. If I find out I have OC ill do what I damn well like woman. She is a young mother with a small child ffs. She has every right to be ANGRY and smash up her house and kill the milkman if she wants. Just because Jo Bloggs down the road is suffering doesnt make her pain any less its all relative.
Anna x
OOOOOOooooooo i'm seething need to take 5 before responding I think! or my post will read like this ***** ** ********* the *** ****** **** is *******
Anna x
Anna x
I can't follow all your many long postings, you have so many of them on this section and on the "alternatives to hysterectomy" area... I can't figure out why you copied Becky's post....
Dear Grateful
please don't go!
I too know how it feels to be the outsider. Firstly, none of us who feel this way are so outside as we feel. Secondly, outsiders have a crucial place in any group dynamic.
I relate to what Mary is saying - I sometimes say things then don't understand why they have caused upset, & it burns. I know my heart is good however, and that is what matters. You know this of yourself too.
Perhaps some of us were overcompensating in our desire to protect Tybear's feelings. I think there is a lot of ferocious lioness type protective feeling here & it is just as much there for you as for anyone.
Don't push people away when you most need them. I have this reaction, & have done so all my life, and facing this predicament now has certaintly brought that home to me.
Love
R x x (((( hugs ))))
please don't go!
I too know how it feels to be the outsider. Firstly, none of us who feel this way are so outside as we feel. Secondly, outsiders have a crucial place in any group dynamic.
I relate to what Mary is saying - I sometimes say things then don't understand why they have caused upset, & it burns. I know my heart is good however, and that is what matters. You know this of yourself too.
Perhaps some of us were overcompensating in our desire to protect Tybear's feelings. I think there is a lot of ferocious lioness type protective feeling here & it is just as much there for you as for anyone.
Don't push people away when you most need them. I have this reaction, & have done so all my life, and facing this predicament now has certaintly brought that home to me.
Love
R x x (((( hugs ))))
So, first off, I must address you, Ne'chee. Again, this is a forum titled Ovarian Cancer. The treatment for Ovarian Cancer IS hysterectomy. I did not "readily" agree to let a Dr remove my ovaries "while he was in there" - it only makes sense (to most people) that you would remove the ovaries if you had ovarian cancer. That being said, Jan I hope you don't leave this forum because of what happened. I posted twice that I realize you probably didn't mean it in a mean spirited way or to be hurtful. I understand that. I was just asking women to be more careful about the words that they leave on this site, as women from all walks of life will read it. I understand all to well, the feelings of desperation that come with the unknown. I am a 27yr old single mom to a 3yr old, and just last weekend, had to take all my meds to my sisters house because I was afraid of what I might do to myself - I was at the lowest point I have ever been in my life. Please don't feel like you are not wanted here. I didn't mean for you to feel attacked, but I did take your comment personally. I am struggling with feeling like less of a woman right now (having no hair really doesn't help!) and to see that word sent me over the edge. It's my struggle though, and I'm going to have to develop tougher skin - I'm sure my lack of hormones isn't helping. This has gotten blown out of porportion, and I'm sorry I started such a fuss. I hope you don't leave this site, but if you choose to, I really do wish you well, and hope you are in the 99% club.
Becky
Becky
Personally I think this entire conversation is ridiculous and juvenile.... grow up.
dian
dian
COMMUNITY LEADER
While the term "castration" may be technically correct, so is "total abdominal hysterectomy", or "bilateral salpingectomy and oophorectomy". In day to day language, castration is thought of as a punishment for sex offenders. I know no women who would choose to use that word to describe their surgery. Right or wrong, that's just the way it is. The women on this forum come here to get answers to their questions about ovarian issues, cancer dx or not. None of us are here because we "choose" to have our ovaries removed. If there were not underlying issues, we would not be here in the first place. We are about answering each other's questions using our own experiences, as well as helping calm the fears of having surgery or other procedures done because we had no choice in the matter. I didn't ask for cancer, but I got it anyway. It was a horrible experience, but the least I can do is lend a hand to someone else who may be going through the experience themselves.
I realize Grateful06 meant no harm by her post. But I'm not so sure about you.
Gail
I realize Grateful06 meant no harm by her post. But I'm not so sure about you.
Gail
Hi Grateful, hope you decide to stick around. Everyone has something to offer here and you definitely DO belong.
Linda J
Linda J
I think what we have here is simply a case of a lot of highly-elevated emotions. While we attempt to joke around and have fun here, we are all here for one reason: WE ARE SCARED and we need support and we need information and we need reassurance and comfort.
Please do not leave, Jan. I think you can see that we all love you and feel you belong--just as TyBear belongs. Unfortunately, for us, we ALL belong. And just like any family (cysters or no) we will have misunderstandings--especially on a written board where we can't hear the voice tones and that leaves a lot open to interpretation. But, also as a family, we never walk away from each other. We forgive and we move on--TOGETHER. Why? Because we truly care about each other.
I cannot think of one person on this board that I would like to leave. Everyone here has helped me and for that, I, too, will be like your chosen name--Grateful.
Please do not leave, Jan. I think you can see that we all love you and feel you belong--just as TyBear belongs. Unfortunately, for us, we ALL belong. And just like any family (cysters or no) we will have misunderstandings--especially on a written board where we can't hear the voice tones and that leaves a lot open to interpretation. But, also as a family, we never walk away from each other. We forgive and we move on--TOGETHER. Why? Because we truly care about each other.
I cannot think of one person on this board that I would like to leave. Everyone here has helped me and for that, I, too, will be like your chosen name--Grateful.
Jan, I read what you wrote. I didn't find it offensive at all. You were being real and heartfelt.
I am in an uncomfortable sitution at the moment. Jan, it was my post you responded to that got the fur flying (Mammarabbit and the sex question). I have to tell you the truth...as I read your post, I didn't flinch one bit. In fact, you were basically backing me up as far as how hormonal changes can effect you...that try as you might, there may be times in your life whether or not you have had a radical hysterectomy (removal of ovaries) that you truly feel absolutely nothing as far as sexual interest goes.
I recall vividly feeling nothing...feeling disgust actually and how horrible that was for me. For me that was five months after my surgery in 2000. For you it was during a pregnancy when things are usually depicted as a time of love and roses. How saddened you must have felt. So, when I read that my post had caught your interest and that you appreciated the information and you would at least be prepared for whatever may come, well, I was very pleased. When I read the word that has caused so much controversy, I actually just assumed you were well-read, since so many research books do address this term whether they are using the word to make a point or if they are just stating it as a comparison to what men would have to go through (and how doctors would not even consider this for men, although for women, the feeling is that some doctors just don't understand...don't care...whatever).
Well, not sure if that makes sense. Anyway, I didn't think for even a second that you were trying to be harsh or unkind. You used a word. Ok. You used a word.
Years ago (I am 53) I struggled with great anxiety for a few years (honestly, I swear this was hormonally related and thankfully I don't struggle quite so much with this now) but, I recall at times I would speak to people and then I'd go home and think..."Gee...did they get what I meant? I hope they understood that I didn't mean this..that...whatever. I hope I didn't hurt their feelings." I frankly drove myself and my husband crazy. I was able to combat the problem without losing myself in the process and I also decided then that I needed to take better care of myself and just hope that people understood me...and, took me for who I am....that they would see the good in me and understand right away that I would never mean anything unkind or malicious. But that I was not going to drive myself crazy by worrying about every word, comment, etc. And, if they didn't understand that...well, that was out of my control.
Bear with me...one more story. When I was 13 or 14, I went to stay at the home of my Godfather and his family for a weekend. I sort of had a "date" for a school dance with my Godfather's son..one of 7 children. Well, on the day after the dance, we were going somewhere and Bobby's older sister was driving. We were all chatting and I told Bobby to "shut-up." I need to digress for a second. I come from a wonderful family and I had a very cool Mom (she died in 1997) and she was a Eucharistic (gosh...I hope I spelled that right) at the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington D.C. She was one of the finest persons I have ever known. But, I will say that in our family we would jokingly use the word "shut-up"....we NEVER EVER said it when we were angry with a family member...and, we did not mean it but in a fun, joking way in the house..the car...as a family. You get the picture.
So, here I was just "Joking" around with dear Bobby...and the sister who was driving the car slammed on the breaks and stopped the car to turn around to me....and with fire in her eyes she told ME to shut-up....that she did not EVER want to hear that word again, and "How dare you use talk taht way to my brother."
I was MORTIFIED. I wanted to die then and there. I have never forgotten a single minute of that afternoon. I have also accepted the fact that her anger was a bit misplaced and yet I still have a bit of a bad taste in my mouth when I think of "Bobby" and the Godfather's family! But, I did feel she was being unfair.
So. I will go...have to walk the girls (doggies)...I hope you stay.
Mary
I recall vividly feeling nothing...feeling disgust actually and how horrible that was for me. For me that was five months after my surgery in 2000. For you it was during a pregnancy when things are usually depicted as a time of love and roses. How saddened you must have felt. So, when I read that my post had caught your interest and that you appreciated the information and you would at least be prepared for whatever may come, well, I was very pleased. When I read the word that has caused so much controversy, I actually just assumed you were well-read, since so many research books do address this term whether they are using the word to make a point or if they are just stating it as a comparison to what men would have to go through (and how doctors would not even consider this for men, although for women, the feeling is that some doctors just don't understand...don't care...whatever).
Well, not sure if that makes sense. Anyway, I didn't think for even a second that you were trying to be harsh or unkind. You used a word. Ok. You used a word.
Years ago (I am 53) I struggled with great anxiety for a few years (honestly, I swear this was hormonally related and thankfully I don't struggle quite so much with this now) but, I recall at times I would speak to people and then I'd go home and think..."Gee...did they get what I meant? I hope they understood that I didn't mean this..that...whatever. I hope I didn't hurt their feelings." I frankly drove myself and my husband crazy. I was able to combat the problem without losing myself in the process and I also decided then that I needed to take better care of myself and just hope that people understood me...and, took me for who I am....that they would see the good in me and understand right away that I would never mean anything unkind or malicious. But that I was not going to drive myself crazy by worrying about every word, comment, etc. And, if they didn't understand that...well, that was out of my control.
Bear with me...one more story. When I was 13 or 14, I went to stay at the home of my Godfather and his family for a weekend. I sort of had a "date" for a school dance with my Godfather's son..one of 7 children. Well, on the day after the dance, we were going somewhere and Bobby's older sister was driving. We were all chatting and I told Bobby to "shut-up." I need to digress for a second. I come from a wonderful family and I had a very cool Mom (she died in 1997) and she was a Eucharistic (gosh...I hope I spelled that right) at the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington D.C. She was one of the finest persons I have ever known. But, I will say that in our family we would jokingly use the word "shut-up"....we NEVER EVER said it when we were angry with a family member...and, we did not mean it but in a fun, joking way in the house..the car...as a family. You get the picture.
So, here I was just "Joking" around with dear Bobby...and the sister who was driving the car slammed on the breaks and stopped the car to turn around to me....and with fire in her eyes she told ME to shut-up....that she did not EVER want to hear that word again, and "How dare you use talk taht way to my brother."
I was MORTIFIED. I wanted to die then and there. I have never forgotten a single minute of that afternoon. I have also accepted the fact that her anger was a bit misplaced and yet I still have a bit of a bad taste in my mouth when I think of "Bobby" and the Godfather's family! But, I did feel she was being unfair.
So. I will go...have to walk the girls (doggies)...I hope you stay.
Mary
Please don't go! We need you and you need us. Come on over to the Battalion site, you will find plenty of support, love and care.
~Tascha
~Tascha
I am so sorry that you feel like you do not belong. I have not been on this site for long, but we have a deep friendship here, and you DO belong here. Not all of us got the cancer dx, me included, but we support one another. I hope that someday I may be able to help others the way that I have been helped here. PLease join the msn site so we can get to know you better. Kasie
I will second what has been said and yes we would love you to join the MSN site
Please join if you have any probs please let me know.
***@****
You will be very welcome and rember you always belong and never feel that you dont.So please send me a message and i will help you get there.
You are apart of the Battalion
Mid from OZ
Oh wow. Oh wow. I am so sorry you are upset. Look, can I say..... IT IS NOT YOU!!!!!!!! Please please please don't feel bad. You are not an outsider, well, not in my books Kiddo! Would it help if I said "I know how you feel?"
OK, this requires fiddling with the computer but we have another site, you can join (free) via MSN and thanks to the talents of Mid in Oz, did you know about it? This is the address (I copied and pasted it):
http://groups.msn.com/BulgeBattlingBattalionCysters/welcome.msnw?&pps=k
Everybody there is free to say and do whatever they like! and we can even live chat! I personally would LOVE you to join.... We are not a clique. We just like and respect each other. Cysts, OVCA, hysters, HRT concerns, life stuff, worries, fears, kids, no kids, dogs, stories, you name it.
Please don't feel bad, may I venture to say in a little tiny voice that ... no matter WHAT we are suffering .... we should all be nice to each other? Now THAT will probably get me accused of being a Pollyanna or something, but I for one would LOVE to communicate with ya! We welcome you with open arms Cyster!
Love, Katie
OK, this requires fiddling with the computer but we have another site, you can join (free) via MSN and thanks to the talents of Mid in Oz, did you know about it? This is the address (I copied and pasted it):
http://groups.msn.com/BulgeBattlingBattalionCysters/welcome.msnw?&pps=k
Everybody there is free to say and do whatever they like! and we can even live chat! I personally would LOVE you to join.... We are not a clique. We just like and respect each other. Cysts, OVCA, hysters, HRT concerns, life stuff, worries, fears, kids, no kids, dogs, stories, you name it.
Please don't feel bad, may I venture to say in a little tiny voice that ... no matter WHAT we are suffering .... we should all be nice to each other? Now THAT will probably get me accused of being a Pollyanna or something, but I for one would LOVE to communicate with ya! We welcome you with open arms Cyster!
Love, Katie
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE...THIS SITE IS HERE TO HELP YOU...COMFORT YOU AND TO ANSWER ANY QUESTION THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE...
DEAR...I'M 32 AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL...
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE....YOUR A PART OF THIS GROUP...
WE ARE HERE FOR SUPORT...
AND I FOR ONE AM GOING TO SUPPORT YOU DEAR...
YOU PICK UP YOUR HEAD...AND PUT, YOUR TRUST IN THE GOOD LORD, AND HE CAN TAKE YOU WHERE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN...
GOD BLESS U DEAR!
DEAR...I'M 32 AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL...
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE....YOUR A PART OF THIS GROUP...
WE ARE HERE FOR SUPORT...
AND I FOR ONE AM GOING TO SUPPORT YOU DEAR...
YOU PICK UP YOUR HEAD...AND PUT, YOUR TRUST IN THE GOOD LORD, AND HE CAN TAKE YOU WHERE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN...
GOD BLESS U DEAR!
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