How long were you in the hospital? Were you in ICU?

My DIL diagnosed May 14 w/OVCA has made the rounds from her local doctors here in Austin, two visits to MD Anderson, and one visit so far to The Mayo. At The Mayo last time, they resected (don't know if that's the right work) her liver. As I understand it in my untechnical terms, they stopped the blood flow to the liver's right lobe & changed the blood flow to her left lobe in hopes of generating and making the liver grow.

She came back to Austin and had her 4th chemo on Monday.

Plans are for her to go to The Mayo September 2nd for tests to make sure nothing's changed for the worst, and the surgery is scheduled for September 3. They will be removing ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, cervix, working on the liver, working on her diaphragm and intestines, and seeing what can be done about the spot in her lungs. The doctor has told her she will be cut from her sternum to her pubic area. Basically, they are taking out everything she doesn't need to live.

The surgery sounds so brutal, and the docs have told her that recovery will be slow, long, and difficult. She is 40 as is her husband, my son, and they have a 7-year old daughter & a 5-year old son.

Can any of you give hints as to what make her recovery more comfortable? She's likely to be in ICU for 2 or 3 days, and in the hospital for ? I don't know how long.

I'm sure many of you have had this kind of extensive surgery. Is there anything we can do or provide in order to make her recovery less painful and less stressful?

I'm the mother-in-law who'll be at home in Austin with the children. Any hints on how to ease their fears and insecurities? I've got to tell you, I'm scared about this major surgery. It seems like it's almost too much to bear. And then after that, two more chemos. My stomach has been upset for days, I wake in the night with DILs name and prayer on my heart. I'm just so @#$%^&* scared. As I said before, I HATE OVCA.

Thanks for listening to my anxiety and frustration, and anything you can advise me of would be greatly appreciated.

[crecco]

  It is natural for you to be scared and upset. Thr most important thing is to try not to convey it too much to the kids, they have worries of their own that they do not understand. As for the recovery, the best thing to do is exactly what the Drs say. If he says wait six weeks before lifting anything, then she needs to wait six weeks. It takes longer for the inside to heal than the outside. Plenty of rest helps but it also helps to try to start doing things on her own as soon as possbile, such as sitting up and then getting up and walking for short periods. Of course they will tell her this in the hospital.
  What they are doing is going in and removing as much of the visible cancer as they can, that is what accounts for the long inscision. The chemo afterwards will be to help get rid of anything they could not get and keep any microscopic cells at bay as long as possible.
  I am sure that she will do just fine. Let her know that you are there for her and the kids will be fine. Remain positive and keep up the hope.
     Chris

[Ramsay14]

My mother in law and father in law came to stay with me for a month after my surgery.  They were invaluable to me.  My MIL took care of the housework and meals and my FIL drove my daughter to all the millions of places she needed to go and also took care of all the phone calls, mail, etc.  All I needed to do was concentrate on recovering and all my husband had to do was concentrate on helping me recover.  Making sure my daughter's life was as unaffected as possible was the most important thing to me.

[marie3B]

I had a huge surgery, too.  I was thinking I would be unable to even move afterward for a long time (assuming I even survived).  I felt amazingly okay afterwards.  They took huge tumors out along with part of the rectum and a bunch of the colon, all female organs, and the omentum.  I was in the hospital 7 days not ever in ICU.  I could have gone home on day 5, but my bowels took extra time to function.  Reglan and miralax helped that.  Friends brought meals and all of the things we always need to run to the store for:  toilet paper, soap, paper towels, Pepsi, milk, etc.  They also kept my grandkids busy for me doing the things witth themI used to do before surgery.  I didn't need to do much.  I kept busy writing thank-you cards.  Even though the surgery is a big thing and sounds so scary, it is a wonder how much our bodies can handle.  She may do much better than anyone expects.  I hope and pray that that is the case.  My surgery was on 6/16/2007.  By 7/3/2007, I walked the kids all the way to the park for fireworks and back.  I hope she has a successful surgery and a speedy healing process.  Marie

[butterflytc]

My debaulking was done on Dec 8th 2004, was in hospital for 10 days, home 10 days, and back in on Dec 28th (to insert my portocath for chemo) Started Chemo first week in Jan 2005.

   I do not remember to much about it all I hate to admit, everything happened so fast. I was in for a hysto. not OVCA, that was found during the surgery. I was 44 at the time diagnosed 3b.

   It sounds to me by your writing of your DIL that she is finding her strength already. I am sure she is very grateful to have your help and support. None of us had any choice but to go thru it, there was no backdoor out, or I would have taken it lol.
wish you both the best

[Angie1992]

One thing I know that is going to help your daughter is having a wonderful mother in- law like you.  And I want to try to help you as much as I can.  I spoke with a child psychiatrist for some tips because my son was young when I had my first surgery.

He said to explain things to children in child terms.  Such as "Mommy has a bump and the doctors are giving her a shot to make it go away."  If your too specific, they won't understand and it will scare them.  Answer all their questions in those terms too. Get them each a gift to open the day she goes in the hospital with a little note from her telling them each how much she loves them.

Have a written plan for things that may come up.  This will relax her and help her feel that her children's needs will be met while she's gone, from their favorite foods, favorite bed time books, doctor's numbers, etc.

I remember in ICU, I don't know why, but having my hair brushed for me was so relaxing (after a couple of days).  The nurse talked so kindly and softly and that was a comfort too.  Just thinking of all this takes me back.  Sending love and prayers.  Let us know how you all are doing.

Love, Angie

[Teresa222]

I found foot and leg rubs to be wonderful for me.  It took my mind off all the bad stuff and relaxed my entire body.  I hope these work for your DIL. IF not, ask her what will make her feel better. It could be just a warm cup of tea. I find the Camomille (sp?) to be especially soothing for me.
Teresa

[shewrites]

It's clear that you're a caring, loving, terrific mother-in-law.  I'm sure you'll continue to be sensitive to the needs of your son and daughter-in-law.  

Your job, it appears, is the kids.  If you focus on their needs, perhaps you'll be able to keep your own fears under control.  You might want to try to establish some "rituals".  For instance, could you use a digital camera to record the kids activities every day -- and maybe post them for their parents to see?  (Facebook is a great tool for grandparents, you know.  And the kids can add little reports as picture captions.)  If you've got a regular camera, maybe the kids could make little scrapbooks and mail them every few days.  

We'll be here supporting you, too.  

[dragonfly46]

hello,
I live in SD my name is dragonfly46; I am a Stage 3b;  invasive 7.3cm in size tumor in my left breast;  2/8 lymphnode positive Breast Cancer survivor.  I just completed 8 rounds of chemo, bilaterial mastectomy, 5 weeks of radiation.  I am healing from the burns.  I have a pursistant 5cm Sonolucent cyst on my left ovary; we plan on removing the left and right ovary during my next surgery.

What signs if any did you have?  I am wondering if I should have the whole kit-in caboodle removed.  (female reproducing organs)  I don't plan on using them.  My Ongologist tells me it is not up to me, it is up to my insurance co.    

[Tealoak]

I am sorry to hear about your DIL.  I am 43 and live in Houston, last Sept I ended up in the hospital with blood clots in my leg and lungs.  They found advanced ovarian cancer as the cause.  I, too, had massive surgery:  all things reproductive; omentum; spleen; appendix;  part of pancreas; several places on liver; ablation on diaphragm, small/lg colon, bladder.  I was in Hermann in the Med Center but had a team from MDAnderson do the dx & surgery.  I know my cancer was far more extensive once inside than the CT scan implied but I also had a huge tumor ( think small volleyball) hiding things.

I was certain I would be in tremendous pain and miserable for weeks and weeks. I was in the hospital for a week after surgery in part b/c of my blood clots and in part b/c of bowel issues.  Once released I never even took pain meds at home beyond 2 advil at a time.  I wasnt supposed to drive for a while, but since I wasnt on narcotics I said what the heck and was driving within a few days.  I listened to my body and if something was sore or hurt I was careful.  I just truly didnt have the kind of pain I was expecting.  My leg held me back more than the surgery.

I have driven myself to every single Dr visit, chemo and scan.  I know there will be a time when I need friends to take me, but I am not at that point so I do not want to 'use up' friendships. I am single and have no children so am used to being very self-reliant. Initially I was really worried, but it hasnt been a big deal yet.  I did 9 cycles of carboplatin/taxol which initially worked but by chemo #4 my CA125 was slowing creeping up.  We ended up doing 9 cycles as it was hard to tell if it was residual cancer or progression....it was progression.  I then started a phase 1 trial at MDAnderson about 8 weeks ago that involves weekly chemo.  After 6 weeks my cancer has decreased by 26% ( multiple inoperable liver mets & bunches of lymph nodes).

I am glad your DIL found a place that fits them.  I am sorry it wasnt MDA.  I am just certain that my Gyn-Oncs ( Dr. Frumovitz did my surgery and Dr Ramondetta is Gyn-Onc now) both hung the moon and I adore them each.  It makes a huge difference.  I have wondered if Dr. Frumovitz would have done my surgery if he knew how extensive the cancer was before hand--however he managed to achieve optimal de-bulking and I know I likely would not still be here if he had not tried.

I wish your DIL the best with her surgery.  Everyone handles and experiences it differently.  I hope she has as easy a time as I did ( granted when one expects the very worst, it is easy to be pleasantly surprised) but she is young, active and strong and I really think that makes a huge difference.

Teri

[Katie116]

Thank you so much. Your story is encouraging.  I'm just hoping & praying that once the docs are on the inside, there won't be any big shocking things they find..... But so far, everything has been shocking. I'm glad you are doing so well.