I am numb

[Jane39]

I am going to ramble here for a bit so please forgive me.  About 6 months ago I was feeling quilty that I had put this cancer behind me and was confident that I was in the clear, being a Stage 1A, but clear cell histology, with 6 cycles of chemo all projected to be behind me,  but for the past month + I've had this gnawing feeling that something wasn't right.  I've had mild twangs on my right side and some bloating.  I stepped up my appt with my gyn/oncologist, exam, pap all normal, my ca125 at the end of June was 5.9, he wanted me to step up my pet/ct scan in which I had yesterday.  My nightmare started when the nurse called about an hour after I got back into my office.  She was dancing around everything but needed me to go back in and get a dedicated CT and another CA125.  I started sweating and literally thought I was going to pass out.  Long and short of it, I have a 2.68 cm x 2.68 cm nodal mass behind my stomach, that had FDG uptake on the PET, and was confirmed to actual tumor on the designated CT.  They will biopsy it to confirm that it is ovarian tumor, but they are confident that it is, and I guess they will remove it and then Chemo again.  They expect me to respond well, as I did the first time to get a 4 1/2 yr remission.  I truly believed that it was never coming back, so as I am sure some of you may know, how devasted I was to get this news.
I hate this cancer.  I have never cried so much in the past 18 hours.  I know I can do this, the surgery and the chemo, but ~~~~~what can I say, I am truly numb at this point.
Jane

[lavender2]

It was the same for me - I knew something was wrong - the doctor did nothing with my initial symptoms - just said she would give me a referral to a urologist.  But I felt something was wrong, so I went back in and asked her to at least feel my abdomen.  The  minute she felt it, she said there was a mass, and sent me for a CT scan.  I'm so thankful I went back, and it was caught at 1C.  That made it really clear to me that we have to pay close attention to what our body is telling us.

[Jane39]

I don't know how to explain the feeling, very weird.  I wanted to get into the doctors office and get this scan done.  Just like when I did that cancer walk, I had a button that said, Ask me How I beat Ovarian Cancer, and I didn't want to wear it, thought it was bad luck, in my mind I hadn't beaten it yet, I hadn't made my 5 years.

Oh well, hope this is just as early, and everything goes off without a hitch.  Will take everyones prayers.  Will touch base once I am home and feeling semi-human again.  I am not going to look at anything tomorrow cancer related, just need to get home, drink this horrid Miralax *shutter*, get some sleep, try anyway, and we have to be up at the hospital at 6:30am on Wednesday.

Jane

[OCFB]

Something else you said in your original post really struck me...
You had a gnawing feeling that something was wrong.  That's how I felt before I was diagnosed when the GI told me I had IBS.  I just knew there was something else going on and I pushed him to order the CT Scan.  He said at the time, "It's gonna be negative."  Yeah, right! Two weeks later I was having surgery.  You really have to stay on top of things.  I truly believthat our body tells us when there's something wrong.  
Anyway, I'm keeping you in my thoughts and looking in from time to time to see how you are doing.
Linda

[Jane39]

Totally if I hadn't been having regular scans, this would not of been caughted until it was way too late.   Even originally when my cancer was first caught in 2006, my CA 125 was only 30.  Every since, my numbers have run from 3.9 to 7.9, then last week it was a 9.  I know a couple women who are Stage 1 Ov CA, and they have never had a PET/CT which blows my mind.
I look at the fact that this  last scan, saved my life.  I always said, if the cancer is going to come, please let it be caught early.  And my re-occurrence seems to be early.  I'll keep my fingers crossed.  

[OCFB]

I'm a Stage I3C, and after 6 rounds of chemo had CT scans every 6 months for 2 years, and one more at 3 years.  Since my CA 125's have remained <4 since then, my onc has not suggested any repeats.  I'm now 6 years NED.
I really believe the scans are life-saving.  My CA 125 was only 37 at the time I had my surgery, so if we had gone by that, I probably wouldn't be where I am today!

[Jane39]

I had one every six months for the first two years, then yearly after that.  MY CA 125 was 9, if I only relied on that being a marker, I'd be in big trouble.  And from what I have read that is standard protocol for follow-up care, exams, blood work and PET/CT scans.

[lavender2]

I had a CT scan after chemo ended, (1 1/2) years ago, but I've heard no mention of having another one.  How often should one have CT scans?  

[dawnlyn]

I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you, you are and will be in my prayers.  I hope your recovery is speedy...Please know that we are all here for you.  

I do not get a CA125 test done, my doc said not a good indicator for me.  Mine fluctuated between 9.8 and 11.  But I have been getting CT scans every 6 months,

You will beat this, please take care and rest as much as possible.

Love,
Dawnlyn

[phoensam]

So sorry to hear you are going through this...I can't imagine how tough it must be.  I feel confident your surgery will go well and that it won't be long before this nasty disease has left you once again.  I look forward to hearing that you are back on your feet after the surgery.  

[Jane39]

Nope my CA 125 was a 9.  That is slightly elevated for me, mine would go from 3.9 and the highest I think was 7.  So as I've preached to a couple people, whom have the same diagnoses, Stge 1A clear cell, believe it or not, some of these women are getting NO scans at all as followup.  I may grow green as I think this scan was my 8th?  This time this scan saved my life, if I had a doctor that monitored me with CA125 test alone, I'd be in trouble.
Again all of you ladies, your support and words of faith, are truly wonderful.  I really need it.  I will post "sometime" after surgery.  This time the incision will be quite big, so I expect healing may be a little harder, but we'll see.
Hugs to all of you!!
Jane

[lavender2]

Jane, what a shock.  I'm sorry to hear your news.  I am stage 1c clear cell - 1 1/2 years out.  I'm glad they found it early.  Did your CA-125 go up at all?

[ineedtohavefaith]

Jane, you will be in m prayers...as I just said to a friend....once you get rid of the tumors, the cells that are left deserve a little chemo cocktail...and it will taste like Raid, LOL Keep your chin up...love n prayers, Denise

[Aglaia]

Hi Jane -

I just came upon your original post.  I really don't know what to say, but please know that I will be praying for you!  By now you'll have had your surgery, and I wish you nothing but a healthy, speedy recovery!  Stay strong, because you can do this.

Aglaia

[ireneo]

You"re on my calendar. Will be praying from now until you write back. hugs

[marie3B]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope everything goes well and recovery is easy for you.  Marie

[Jane39]

Thanks again for all the support.  It truly means alot to me.  I just got the confirmation (like I didn't know all ready), but this mass is positive for clear cell, so I have officially "re-occurred".  Surgery is on Wednesday at 8:30am.  I am nervous, but I am ready.  I just now need to finish getting my house and my office together.  I will be thankful for any prayers anyone wants to say on my behalf.  
I will check back with you all after I am home and recover a bit.  Thanks again ladies.  You are all wonderful.   Jane

[OCFB]

You beat it once, Jane, you can beat it again.  There are so many of us that have had recurrences and we're still here, so set your mind to it.  I'm thinking of you...
Linda

[Flicka0459]

Jane,

I can't imagine what is going through your head right now, but you have a great attitude and I KNOW YOU CAN BEAT THIS AWFUL UGLY DISEASE!  I'll pray a rosary for you to have the strength to do this and you can always count on us for support.  Lisa

[dawnlyn]

Jane,

I wanted you to know that I was thinking about you....I too was dx with stage 1a....You are in my thoughts and prayers.....

Love,
Dawnlyn

[ineedtohavefaith]

Jane, I know I am fairly new here...but you know what? You beat it once...you WILL do it again!!! Nothing but love & prayers...
~Denise

[TrudieC]

Jane, stopped by to see how my friends are doing and was devastated to hear this.  My thoughts and prayers are with you as you reenter the fighting ring.  Kick it hard!

[marie3B]

Enjoy that grandson.  I know my grandbabies are what keep me going.
Thinking of you, Marie

[dian07]

Hey there.  I have been reading and rereading your first post this morning.....I have started to respond on three different occasions.  I can't find the words.
Jane, my nightmare just bit you in the rear !  I am 5 years out from chemo this month.....I have trouble believing it won't return to slap me just as you have been slapped.  
Girl, I am so sorry this has happened to you, but,  I am  glad to learn you have a grandson to love this weekend.  These little people are such gifts of love and laughter...I watch a little granddaughter and am deeply enriched by her.
A day won't pass without me thinking and wondering about you.  
Please know we are all here all the time....you are not walking alone.
Peace.
dian

[Jane39]

Thank you all so much.  I know I will do what I need to do, this crap isn't getting me, I am going to get it.  We know how it is when the air is taken out of our sails though.  It really was unexpected, and I just truly never imagined it would come back.
So I will be in Baltimore Monday morning having this nasty thing biopsied, and then will see my gyn/oncologist on Tuesday and I assume schedule surgery, will recover and jump into the chemo, get it done.  
I have been seeing a doctor in one form or the other almost every 3 months, the last year, I would say every 6 months, because I was getting farther out, and everything has been picture perfect.  I am glad I have you wonderful ladies in my corner.  The encouragement has done my weary soul some good today.  Now I am going home and am going to enjoy my grandson tomorrow and not think about anything, for just a little while.  Thanks again ladies.  I will keep everyone updated.