Is it normal to not want to tell family members.....
My question is, when I first starting having problems, back in May, I never told anyone not even my husband. He still dosent know. My sister is the only one I told and I didnt tell her till I got the results of the biopsy. I just couldnt being myself to tell anyone is this normal????? When I told her she said I should have told her that she could have supported me. I promised if ever again something like this happens Im to tell her. Well now I have to return for a second mammogram and again I dont want to tell anyone. Whats wrong with me? Why cant I talk to anyone but all of you?
I didn't have a choice of whether or not to tell my immediate family, they knew before I finished surgery. But I feel that while it is your choice to decide who you should or should not tell, it may be easier for you let a few close and supportive people in. If you could open up to a close family member, such as your husband, they may be able to help you cope in ways you didn't know were possible. Personally, I had a hard time telling my co-workers and extended family, i would get upset or angry at their reactions. I finally had to practice what I said and phrase it in the most positive way possible. If you provide the set up and model how people should react (positive, upset etc), they typically follow suit.
It is hard to tell others because when you say it out loud to someone it becomes real. I practiced phrases, too. The first time I said it outloud it was through tears. It got easier each time, as did my own acceptence. WITHE
Your're right Im afraid of their reaction............... I dont want to see their faces, or hear Oh My God! So how do you tell someone bad news? No matter how I say it my kids are going to automatically think the worst. I dont want them to lose sleep or be worried like me. (They are adults not kids........... ) I dont know, all I do is shake my head in disbelief.
The hardest telling was to my 10 year old son. When I was 12 my mother died of this cancer, everything was kept a secret it was the early 60's and people still thought the big C was contagious ! Well, times have definitely changed and now there are many supports out there for everyone...this forum for instance. There is no easy way to say I have cancer but not saying it to those who love you, hurts them more. I wish I had a phase to offer you, but only you know how to best approach the subject with your loved ones. So sorry you have to tell.
Every one is right here. But to tell your family gives them the chance to help and support you. I have said all along that even though I hate what this disease has done to me I hate what it has done to my family even more. But I cannot imagine not telling them. It is natural for them to think the worst, but let them go with you to Dr visits and hear for themselves. They will be glad they did, and so will you.
Granted there is no easy way to tell them, so just do it. I think that you will feel much better once it is out in the open.
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