It just keeps getting worse...

[Tybear]

I went and got the results of my Ct scan today. I have 5-10 new small tumors on the inside of my stomach lining. the tumors I originally had have all grown, some by more than a centemeter, some by a little less than that. As suspected, I do have a tumor working it's way through my vaginal wall, which is why I'm having bleeding. And my right kidney is now moderatley backed up, along with my right ureter. Just for fun, I also have a bad, bad kidney infection on my left side, the one with the nephrostomy.
I asked my oncologist what to do when the surgeon says no to surgery (because I'm now, almost certain, he will) I just assumed I'd go back on Avastin and he told me not unless I want to risk bleeding to death. I guess because that one tumor is through my vaginal wall, if I do the avastin and it eats away the tumor, I'll be left with a hole that will just hemmorage. He is scheduling me to see a radiation oncologist in Toronto.
I'm so overwhelmed...I don't want to do this anymore. I've given up hoping things will go right for me because they never seem to and it's just to hard to deal with it when they don't. I'm trying so hard to act like nothings wrong because I hate seeing that look on my parents face, the one where their wondering if their daughter is going to die.
I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from.

[Teresa222]

Don't give up the fight Becky. God Bless..
Teresa

[fungirl1011]

Becky, I just saw this and I am so sorry.  I can't say I know what you are going through, but you are always in my prayers.  This just blows so bad.  I am hoping that they will come up with an answer that will at least give you some peace of mind.  You are such a Strong woman, Becky, and I know that somewhere deep inside of you, you still have that fight left in you.  Just know that we are always here for you anytime you need us.  I wish I could be there to help you out with Ty or to just give you a big hug.  You will continue to be in my prayers.  Love ya girl, Kasie

PS I hope this doesn't sound too stupid.  I sometimes have a hard time writing what I want to say.

[nyc lady]

I do not know what to say....this is all just so wrong.

Sending you lots of hugs and positive energy.

Love.
Pam

[ShawnP]

I am truly sorry for everything that you're going through.  I don't have any special words of wisdom, but I have always kept you and Ty in my prayers.  If there's anything you need, let me know.

Also, if you find a way to get a second opinion, I'm close to MD Anderson and you're more than welcome to stay with me.  I will gladly provide you with a place to stay and shuttle you to the facilities as needed.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as always.

Love,
Shawn

[mb16]

Becky, don't know what to say, but don't give up and offer still stands if you need anything.

Wendy

[doicat]

Ty:

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  I so relate to you dealing with your parents...having to give them the news.   That's the hardest thing for me too.  

They've just got to have something else for you girl!  I'm praying so hard for you and am hoping they will find a magic bullet.  Something to kill the cancer.

Hugs
Teresa/Doicat

[gma718]

Please know that I am praying for you and thinking about u often..keep fighting!!!! xoxo Gia

[silver&gold]

I too am sorry to hear about your results, its just so unfair ! . I am sending prayers your way .

Love Angie

[dawnlyn]

I am so sorry to hear this news.....I was so hoping as was everyone that you would be given some good news........I want you to know, that I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers..Please know that we all love you and are hoping and praying for your miracle.......Love, Dawnlyn

[Burnzie]

Dear Becky,
I feel so bad for you that things never seem to stop.  You are a VERY STRONG person, but it is time to lean on the people that love you, like your parents.  It is time for them to be strong for you and you son.  You need to share the reality of the situation with them so they can digest it and turn around and give you support.  I hope that you get to see the radiation oncologist very soon.  Thinking of you.

Karen

[ladyjogger31]

I'm so sorry to hear this news. Your a tough girl and a fighter. Please know I'm praying for you. Keep that good positive attitude!!! We are all hear for you.I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
Hugs, Terry

[coogeegirl]

I really wish there was something to I could do to make it a little better for you. Please know that I am thinking of you and willing you to find the strength to go another round with this terrible beast.

I have had radiation as part of my treatment if I can help you at all with any questions please do not hesitate to let me know.

Hugs

Jenny

[bmcd]

Oh Becky...

I'm not going to say I understand how you feel and what you are going through because I don't.....All I can say is I'm sorry...stay strong and keep the failth.

Praying hard for you,
Bob

[lvfrogs]

Becky,
I hated reading this today. I can hear that overwhelming feeling in your words and I understand that. Please know that I am and we are all here for you, to vent, cry, scream, talk....I am with the others on the fact that maybe they will be able to do the surgery, like Irene said, they do so many minimally invasive surgeries now, why can't they do that? Your parents love you and they want to help you, you lean on them right now!! I will keep you in my prayers and wishing I could give you a big hug, Colleen

[chelan3]

Becky, I'm sorry the results you received from your recent CT scan were not what you had hoped for.  Please know there are lots of people here that have you in their thoughts and prayers.  

Debbie

[gah_70]

Becky, I don't have anything else to add to what everyone else has already said.  Just want you to know I am thinking about you and praying for you.  I'm glad you can come here to let it all out.  I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to see the disappointment on anyone's face.  I know they all feel like they can't do anything to make it better, and it blows!  But you have a strong support system and you need them now just as much as ever.  I may not be there to offer my support in person, but you certainly have it in any other way you need it.  

Love,
Gail

[JC145]

Becky .. did you read the post on the lady who had radiation 28 years ago.  Why no PM her for more details.  I know they don't usually like to radiate the soft tissue areas (colon, etc.) but at this point, you have everything to gain. Also, I know of a woman who had 3 stable tumors that did not respond to tx (@ Moffitt Cancer Center).  She had a 2nd debulking and they found multiple spots on her diaphram and a coating all over her liver.  She is scheduled for another surgery (going across the stomach) to fix those things, then will have chemo.  She is more than double your age ..... so another surgery may help fix some of the stuff and you can go from there.

Otherwise, my heart is breaking for you and Ty.  I cannot imagine being 30 years old and having a little one and dealing with all of this.  Your parents need to be there for YOU .. not you worrying about them.  Lean on them and let them love you and help you through all of this.  We are all here for you .. I will keep you in my prayers.  Love, Judy

[jane65]

I can only add my love and best wishes, for a positive plan of action to take care of this unfortunate set back.
We're all praying for you, and sending you our love.
Jane

[Ramsay14]

I am so very sorry about this Becky.  Tears streamed down my face when I read your post.  I do want to say though, that I agree with bebe.  There is always hope.  In the worst of circumstances there is always hope.  

P.S.  I don't want to do this anymore either.

[justscore]

I am so sorry.......I don't know what else to say.  This just SUX!!!!!  You have overcome so much and are such a STRONG person.  Keep believing and know we are all here for you.  I have something I would like to send you.......can you message me an address to mail it to?  

Heidi

[ireneo]

Excuse my ignorance here but it seems that doing surgery to remove the vaginal vault and the nasty tumor gobbling a hole through it seems a reasonable request. There are so many minimally invasive surgical techniques now. You don't have a solid "no" yet do you? Perhaps he'll surprise you and take care of that troublesome spot. That would be one less to think about. I know, there are others lurking about but bleeding so much isn't good either. I'm sorry. I'm just wishing they could/would do something to help.

irene

[bebe709]

Please, Please be POSITIVE!!!  Keep your spirit up.... and believe that you are going
to be okay... and that its a set-back ... but you will get thru this.... You have to believe that.... I will pray for you... But please don't give up Hope.... Where there is life there is
Hope... that's my motto... I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way.. Be Well

Bebe709

[TrudieC]

Becky, I am speechless - wishing I knew how to comfort you.  How I hope and pray that the radiation could help.  Are there counsellors out there who have experience with cancer patients that may be able to help in some way?  I'm not too far away and if you ever need anything please ask and I am there.

Hugs, Trudie

[Pat4444]

I know this must be unimaginably hard for you and I am so sorry. Keep your chin up and try not to give up. I will pray for you and hope you find something that works and your discouragement goes away. Pat