Ovarian Cancer Community
Jan
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Jan


Hi All,
I started this this AM and have updated it.  I decided to just leave it the way I wrote it originally and you'll see the edit.
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Whew boy...I don't really post too much anymore and it is killing me to come here now to post this.  I don't have a lot of information but will be speaking to Lisa later today.  Lisa told me that Hospice is setting Jan up today.  I am very scared and part of me wants to run and not find out the truth but that won't happen.  What I wanted to do today is ask that those of you who know Jan, will you please post some thoughts so that Lisa can give them to Jan?  I want her to know just how deeply she is loved and missed on this forum.  Thank you.  I will start.
**edit**  Lisa said that Hospice has set up a bed downstairs for Jan.  At this time, they are trying to get her pain regulated.  It sounds like she's either over medicated and sleeping or awake and in pain.  I really hope they can get that to a point where she can be as comfortable as can be without sleeping all the time.  It sounds as if she has a blockage of some sort.

All who know Jan knows that she is a fighter.  I know she is fighting her hardest right now and will continue to do so.  I want her to fight with all her might but I also want her to realize that it's OK if she just cannot fight any longer.  I pray that the Lord holds Jan and her family closely to him.  I pray that Jan feels the love and comfort of her Father.  Lord, I ask you to cast out fear if there is any and replace it with peace.  This is my prayer for Jan, her family and all of us.  I know that I am afraid, mad, sad.  I don't want to lose my friend but I also don't want her to be in pain any longer.  I'd better stop now but I could go on and on...**end edit**

My Dear Buddy, Jan,
I can hardly choke this out.  I feel that all through our friendship I have tried to think about anything but today.  I've wanted to give you a normal friendship, knowing that we met on an ovarian cancer site but still...   I came on here with questions, like anyone else.  I felt a little guilty for blabbering my stuff when there were women on here dealing with their cancer when I was in limbo-land.  You drew me out, got me talking and our friendship formed.

In the short time we've known each other there have been some kind of wild and strange things happen on this forum.  Some have hurt me as I am sure you have been affected by the fakes but the difference between us is that you see people in such a unique way.  Maybe that's the lawyer in you?  You have been able to come back here and give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.  You see people for who they are and you certainly call em like you see em.  I LOVE that about you.  That quality is so child-like and pure and if we all took the time to really listen to our gut like you do it would sure as h*ll cut out a lot of the bull.  If I do answer a post I usually ask myself...what would Jan say to this person?  Then I temper it down a little...LOL  ; )   No, really though, you have a way of telling the truth even if it may not be what someone wants to hear.  It may not be what they want to hear but it may be what they need to hear.

I know for a fact that you have helped many women here.  The forum hasn't been the same since you've been gone.  So many of the "old timers" aren't around much.  We've lost too many to death and some have gone off to other forums.  I'm so very thankful that we have kept in touch and I'm mostly thankful that we got to meet last year.  To put your beautiful face and tiny body together with your ferocious, huge, loving, giving and honest heart was something I will treasure forever.  I remember I kept asking you if you were OK.  Finally you said, "Lori, you haven't been around a lot of cancer patients, have you?"  LOL  The answer was NO and I guess it showed.  LOL  Not sure why that makes me chuckle but it does.

You are one person who sees beauty around you.  You nurture.  You care.  You live and love.  And, I love you.
L
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118 Comments
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My dearest Jan, I joined this forum just over a year ago before there was a cyst forum.  It was just after you dealt with the fakes and yet you still embraced and welcomed and trusted me.  You made me feel so special by sharing your friendship and introducing me to so many other magnificent women.  I was and am so honored.  I rejoiced in reading your 'tell it like it is' responses and appreciated your wit and intelligence.  You protected the forum and worked so hard to make it a place where women with cancer could freely express their thoughts and fears.

I loved our chats and will hold the stories and secrets from your past close in my heart.  I shared my personal problems and you gave me such a reality check.  You pushed me and gave me the strength to confront my husband and force him to go out to work.  This has changed and improved my marriage beyond my expectations.

I so regret that I have not met you or heard your voice and so wish I could hug you, cradle you, rub your head and assure you as a mother would.  You are so special and I miss you terribly.  I pray that you can be relatively pain free for the rest of your time so you can share with those you love.  I'm glad that Cory is there with you and that you and Lisa had this time together.  How I would have loved a big sister like you.

Take care my angel.  You are so loved.

Trudie
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Dearest Jan,
I wish you peace and miss you.
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Dear Little One,  There's so much in my heart but I don't know how to write it down. That's a first since I tend to say too much. Like Trudi, I came here before there was a cyst forum and just wanted to learn a bit about my old ovary learning new tricks. Hmm. I've always enjoyed reading your posts because you can speak your mind, smack someone in the rear when they need it and also pour on the love and tenderness when someone is hurting. You are a wonderful, amazing woman. I haven't met you face to face but you've taken hold of my heart and I'll never let you go. Well done, my little firecracker.

Love you so much,  Irene
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My dear friend, like you when you knew about Leslee, you didn't have the words to tell how you felt, now I don't  have any.  You seem eternal to me, too tough to give in to anything,  I like so many others ask the question, WHY, there is no answer to that, I kinda think God picks a very special group of women to endure this disease,  You are special Jan, Cory is also, to stand alongside anyone you love when something like this happens, is so difficult,  I just want you to know that I have not stopped praying for you and will continue to hope you can weather this and come back to us, we do miss you.  Love , Marty
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Jan,  Most of the strength I have now I have gotten from you.  Can you believe I finally have cut down my baby-sitting??  You have given me the back bone I need to take care of myself for a change.  I think of you and I see beauty, courage, strength and a huge loving heart.  I see your face in every beautiful flower I see.  When I see a weed I don't walk past any more I pull it out for you.  Be free of pain know how very much you are loved.  My prayers are with you and your family.  Peace and love, Marie
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I wished I am able to hug you physically. I miss you not only at the forum, but also our private chit-chats. I missed your wicked humour. You have once said that if it hasn't be this disease, we would not have 'met'. I am glad that I have 'met' you and have known you. You have given much help and comfort to me when I needed the most.

I would be praying for you and your family.
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Jan....
To think, I'm here complaining because I feel like I can't take this anymore...
I sit in awe of you every single day Jan, wondering how you do this? How you hold your head so very high in spite of the obstacles in front of you. How you continue to be such a source of support to those in need when,  all the while, your in need of support yourself. How you keep on fighting against this terrible monster knowing  that there are no guarantees in life.
You have no idea how much you have affected not only my life, but the countless others who visit this forum each and every single day. You are the one who could always be counted on to protect our little group here...I know I always have you in my corner, no matter what. I can't say that about too many other people in my life...
I feel like Marty nailed it on the head when she said she always thinks of you as eternal...that's exactly how I feel.
Jan, I know I can't be there to hug you or just to listen to you but I want you to know, I am always here...always.
I hope you can find some comfort in all the loving messages left here for you.
You remain in my prayers...
Love you,
Becky xx
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Dear Jan,
Very sorry to hear your situation. Just want you to know you have been well loved by so many and are the inspiration for me.

Peace and Love
jun
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Jan,

There is so much I want to say, but I know I would never get it out and make sense.  From the moment you "set foot" in this forum, you made a difference.  You made it your duty to post and help those who came here for answers.  Your honesty has always been refreshing.  This disease is not pretty, yet some don't want expose how brutal it really can be.  I think we learned to have strength from you.  We learned to go on and face another day, even when things really s*ck!  You became a friend to all of us.  You were one of the first people I met in person from the forum.  That was a great meeting because I don't think either of us knew what to expect.  But it was such a good visit.  I can't tell you how honored I am to have gotten to know you.  I miss reading your posts, and only wish you felt well enough to post again.  

You know I am not that far away.  If you or Cory need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask.  If you're up for a visit, let me know that, too.  I'd love to come to Nashville some weekend and visit with you.  Please take care.  I love you both.

Gail
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I dont even know where to begin as I sit here with tears in my eyes....Jan, you were the one who always made me feel welcomed even though I didnt suffer from this horrendous and horrific disease...you were the one who always was the first one who listened and responded to whatever questions I have had...you were one of the first women who guided me through many of my fears during my health situation...you were the one who always put a smile on my face and made me laugh...I sit here so astonished at what is happening to you. You are a fighter...someone I truly admire...someone with whom I have shared with...someone I truly respect as such an honorable caring woman who has such dignity, pride and compassion...You are someone who has touched my life immensely...You found beauty in the simplest things and have taught me many of lifes lessons...You opened your heart and soul for everybody on this forum...I wish you peace Jan...I wish you comfort...I wish your family comfort and peace as well....Please know that my prayers and thoughts are with you always....Love ya, Gia xoxoxo
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I am so sad tonight. I often don't allow myself to feel deep emotions and I have spent years trying to figure out why that is. But tonight I know exactly what I am feeling and the my  emotions tonight are as raw as they are deep. Yet, somehow, I don't feel like thinking that this recognition of my feelings tonight is 'progress' because I would rather just be feeling anticipation... I would rather be anticipating hearing what was going on in your life, Jan. I would rather be anticipating reading your latest post; impressed by your commentary and your beautiful writing and your insight. Your insight was amazing. Amazing.

I was intrigued by you from the start. I wanted to get to know you. You are like this magnet of strength and much like what I am hearing from the others tonight, I knew I could learn from you. What I did not realize was that I would not only learn from you, but that you would become a friend of mine.

Look at the outpouring of love, Jan! Don't EVER doubt just how incredibly special you are to us, Jan. The forum was changed forever the moment you arrived... you brought vitality, honesty, strength, and passion to this little corner of the powerful Internet world. Thank you for giving new life to my world, Jan.

Holding you in my heart and wishing you peace and freedom from pain,

Much love, Mary
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Dear Jan,
    For some reason, I just never thought that I would be writing a note such as this. I still find myself looking for your posts . You are truly so missed ! I, along with others, joined this forum when there was no cyst forum. I was struck immediately by your strength , wisdom and, of course, humor. My one regret is that we never spoke in person and that I never met you . I only wish I could wave some magic wand and "fix" this for  you.
    There are simply no words to convey how much I admire you.. You are the poster child for "say what you mean, and mean what you say"!! You are truly loved and missed. My prayers are with you, Cory and your incredible family..

Love,
Sandy
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Wonderful Ladies,

Your thoughts and prayers for Jan are overwhelming.  Her nurse is looking at me right now like I'm crazy because I'm crying.  Luckily Jan can't hear tears, but she can hear everything else.  Her hearing has always been good and especially now. Cory and I took turns staying up with her.  And NO this is not a death watch as she puts it.  It's just I want to spend as much time with her before I leave Saturday.  Jan I talked on and off for hours last night reliving funny stories and boy do we have some whoppers.  Also, we got some things settle as to what to do when it's time.  The nurse Betty, comes in at 8:00 a.m. and leaves around 3:00 and then Cory and I take over. She's had some wonderful friends drop by and drop off food.  We eating Hi on the hog.  Jan's appetite has been good.  Up until Monday, she was eating a few times a day.  But now it's just maybe a meal and and maybe a snack each day. You know Jan she loves her fruit.  I know I'm babbling but if I stop typing I start crying, so bear with me.  Right now she's sleeping sort of. She wakes up every few minutes and then falls back asleep.  Jan has her moments when she'll stay awake for half hour and we'll talk about family or flowers or the forum.  

Marie, Jan will be glad that you aren't baby sitting as much.  She told me about that yesterday and I will pass it along that you finally are looking after yourself.  She speaks all of you often and wishes you all well.

Lori,  Thank you so much for putting all this on the forum.  I will keep you all posted

Lisa
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Jan , Cory, Lisa - my thoughts are with all of  you.  

Jan - thanks for allowing us to be part of  your courageous battle.  Know that there are many of us left behind that will continue to be "your" voice as we fight to raise awareness and education about this dreaded disease.  

I hope that you are free from pain.

Sending lots of love from NYC,
Pam
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I have never had the honor to talk to you on this forum, yet I feel the impact you have had on this forum through these wonderful ladies. I have found strength from these ladies, they have taken me in when i neede someone the most. They educate and give wisdom and strength to those who come here seeking answers, they calm your fears and listen to a person. They take time out of their lives to help others. They care about anyone who comes to this form. They offer prayers to a person and their families.

I do believe that God picks those that are special in His eyes and they are his Angels on this earth and through God they are able to give compassion, wisdom, courage and strength to others.

Jan, you are the mentor. You have given yourself freely to help others. Your presence is etrenal. You have passed on your compassion, wisdom, courage and strength to others on this forum . You are a Angel on this earth.

Prayers to you all
Penny
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Jan,

I'm praying for comfort and peace to you at this time.  You were there for me when I needed you.  You helped to provide me with both the perspective of a daughter as well as a mother and for that, I'm so very much appreciative.

God Bless,

Karen
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Jan.........
Through tears I type this........  tears because I am SO ANGRY and tears because my heart is breaking for you and your family.  I continue to pray for your miracle and miracles for everyone who battles the beast each day.  You helped me so much when I first came here.  I was scared and worried and a mess and you were there to help me find answers.  It is because of STRONG women like you that I have stayed in this forum and follow your progress and try to do my part to find answers or even just put a smile on someone's face.  You, Donna, Leslee, Becky and so many others are the inspiration behind the memory and hope garden.  YOU are a miracle and I am so glad Lisa is there with you.  Rest and I hope you find the peace you seek.

Heidi
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Jan, it saddens me so very much to see this post.  I am not the best at writing down what I want to say, but I am going to give it my best shot (hope it makes sense ;)  When you and I first "met", we did not get along all that well.  I remember one post that you and I were just bickering  back and forth.  I also remember Gail telling me that you asked her if I was a "real" person or a "fake".  I can definatley see where you may have questioned me.  Then came that magical weekend last year when I got to actually meet you.  I have to say that I was pleasently surprised and could not believe how well we hit it off.  You are such a beautiful person, inside and out!  You are one of the strongest women I have ever met.  You inspired me to "take the tiger by it's tail" and demand that my doctors listen to what I had to say.   I can't begin to say that I know what you (or any of the ladies with cancer) are going through, but God gave me broad shoulders for a reason....I am great at listening and helping others with thier problems.  I know I can't take away your pain, but I am praying for you all the time.  I pray that God grants you peace and that he lets you be pain free.  I also pray that He holds you in his hands and gives you comfort and strength.  I pray that you see His glorious face in all the beauty that is surrounding you and that He shows you how very much you are loved.  I truely miss you bein on here.  I miss your wisdom, honesty, caring, but most importantly, your friendship.  Please know that we are here for you and Cory anytime you need us.  We love you so much and hope to see you back here soon.  Rest, and take care of YOU and do not worry about us.  We love you, Kasie
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Dear Jan,
I wish you and your loved ones strength and peace.
In behalf of every woman on this forum, thank you for all the help and support you've given us, now it's our turn to return the support to you.
I wish you tranquility and to be pain free.
Gentle Hugs,
Jane
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I wish you much peace and am praying for you and Cory. You have been an inspiration to me. Lifting you up in prayer.
Love and Hugs, Terry
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Oh my....I am not sure what to say....Lori, thank you for bringing this to the forum....I have been wondering where the old timers have been. - so to speak.....

Jan....You are one of the strongest and willful women I will ever have  the pleasure to meet even if it is only on the internet..........I feel a connection to you and to all the women on this forum....You all took the time to guide me when I needed it the most while you and the rest of the ladies here were all dealing with your own demons...Jan you are a very special lady and I wish I could see your garden.....We talked once of starting rose bushes under jars......Grandma's ways........I am thinking of you and yours and praying from the bottom of my heart.......I love you.....Dawnlyn
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I am late in responding to Cirella's wonderful post for you Jan, and so sorry to hear hospice is in. This is the hard part for me, saying good bye to those we love. It only seems like yesterday, meeting you and the other ladies in Springfield. The reading of all the angels we have lost to ovca in our balloon ceremony, and the flowing of tears, wondering if we would all meet again a year later. I cried knowing this moment would probably come for some of us in that circle, but came away from it happy to have gotten the chance to meet each and everyone of you, putting a face to the hardships, somehow making the  words come alive for me. Now when I read the daily struggles, I see an image of each of you. Jan my image of you is a strong feisty little thing of a woman, with a husband who cares so much. I will always see you lying on a blanket tending flowers in your garden (including the flower hats!). You changed the board in many ways, with your strength and dedication, to those you love, and determination to fight those who were here to only cause trouble, and do harm. I am blessed to have you on my friends list, greatful to have met you in person, and thankful to have had the chance to hug you, hear your laughter, and meet your loving husband Cory. I am so glad Lisa is able to spend some time with you now, as I know the love of a younger sister who lifts my spirits in hard times. Stay strong, for her Lisa, Stay loving for her Cory, and Jan know you are loved and thought of daily, with prayers for strength, peace and pain free days. all my love always.
butterflyTc
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Dear Jan,
I’m late responding because I was out of town over the holiday but I thought of you and prayed for you often while I was away. I am so sad to hear about the turn things have taken for you. You were one of the first people to welcome me to this forum and befriend me. I was still adjusting to the shock of being diagnosed and you let me know I could face whatever happened with courage and dignity.  Your postings have educated and encouraged so many of us, and your genuine interest in each of us has been such a blessing.  We miss you.  

It was truly wonderful to meet you and Cory this past summer.  I know you felt chemo-brained out that day, but Dave and I really enjoyed your direct talk, your honesty about how you were feeling, and sharing a little bit about our lives with each other.  We also enjoyed Cory’s sweet spirit and gentle nature.  It was so nice to be able to hug you in person rather than send a hug via email.  I hope that you are at peace and without pain, that you know how very special you are to all of us and how much you are loved.  You have changed our lives for the better, and that is something we’ll always remember.  Much love to you and Cory, and thank you Lisa, for the update.  Chris P
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Thank you Lori, for posting this.  When I came on here seeking help and questions, Jan was one of the first to respond in her unique way of telling it like it is, lol. But she was always so incredibly helpful, caring for everyone on here, informative, loving, funny and kind. I see hats, I think of Jan and how beautiful she looks in them. I tend to my rose bushes outside and I think of Jan and her love of flowers. I will always be grateful to her for showing me what a strong woman is, how a strong woman copes, and how the love of a good man and wonderful woman friends can mean the most in this world. I pray that God will hold you in his arms, bring you comfort and peace. I pray also that God will bring comfort, understanding and love to Cory and to Lisa. Through the difficult times ahead, please know that you are loved and have touched my life in ways that you will never know. Huge Hug, Colleen
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Good Morning Ladies,

We have had so many wonderful people pray for Jan and many have stopped by and bring food for Cory.  Jan is sleeping most of the time now.  The good news is, her daughters Kelly and Katie are coming today for a visit. They are also coming on Saturday as well. It will be great for her to see them and for me too.  I haven't seen either one in over 10 years.  I will take pictures of the girls and post them when I get back.  This may be a little TMI but, last night I had a dream about my mother and when I woke I couldn't remember the dream I just know that my mother was in it and felt at peace.  Maybe she was trying to tell me everything will be alright.  I will pass along the messages to Jan if she's awake long enough.  Cory has read all the post so far and is really touched by your kindness.  

I will try to post again tomorrow.

God Bless all of you.

Love Lisa  
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Thanks so much for the update Lisa...I can't stop thinking about Jan and I wonder all the time, how she's doing.
I'm glad Cory has had a chance to read all these wonderful posts...I hope they bring him and your family comfort during this difficult time.
Thank you so much for keeping us all up to date...
Love Becky
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Lori, I also thank you for stating this and Lisa my heart goes out to you for keeping us up on what is going on. I have to say that this is what I have been afraid of. Jan is the first person on the internet that I actually began talking to on the phone. We formed a fairly close bond that has alwyas seemed to hold together, no matter what the rough times were that we faced here. We have always been able to tell each other what we felt anf tried to help the other one through the rough times that came our way. Here I am feeling bad about being sick from chemo when I shouldn't be because I know it could be so much worse.
  I am so glad that her daughters are coming today as I am sure she will like that. Lisa I am glad that you are there for her too. If you can, please try to help with her gardens because I know that she would not want them to suffer. The last time I talked with her, I offered to come down to stay for a few days if she wanted, please let her know that the offer still stands. I do not care what her house looks like, what she looks like, all that is irrelevent. I want to be there if she needs a friend. I will try to call a little later today and if she is not up to talking, I will talk to you for a bit. I just want her to know how much I love her and that I am thinking of her constantly.
   Love Chris
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Jan,
I haven't been posting for a very long time, but please know i have been coming by the forum and still praying for you all.  You are the one that answered my questions with honesty and support and for that I will be forever thankful.  You are the kindest most articulate 'mana wahine' (and you know what that means, the strongest of all women) I have ever known.  I wish you the most beautiful peace and love Jan, and my prayers and thoughts are with Cory and the family.

Arohanui..Kim
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My dearest Jan,
Words can not express what I feel right now. I have not been able to come here and write because I was too heartbroken. I have talked to my mom so many times about you, and she has given me much comfort knowing you will be out of pain, able to see your mom, and looking over all of us when God takes you in his arms. I love you so very very much Jan. I think about you all the time. ALL THE TIME. You are in my heart, mind and soul. I am praying for you and your family, especially Cory.
May God bring you peace, may you feel at ease, be painfree, and feel the magnitude of love surrounding you. I love you. Deandra
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Dear Jan,
I regret that I have not been around much lately, but I do think of you often. I know we started off with fireworks, but so much good has come from that initial misunderstanding, I really do believe that was the purpose of it all. Your spunk, loyalty, wisdom and understanding combined with your amazing strength and leadership has spread far beyond the world of the first forum and so many of us have benefited from your presence. I only wish I was one of the lucky ones to have met you. I have saved that amazing letter you wrote me and read it often and smile at the wonderful kind words and the ones that made me laugh out loud. (Especially the southern graciousness part, not bad for a Canadian, eh?!")  Just KNOW, without a doubt, that you have made a difference, that lives have been changed, people have been touched in ways you may never even know.
I hope and pray that you feel peace and comfort now, that you feel the love that comes not only from those dear ones by your side right now, but from all those who love you from afar.

Joelle
  

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Jan is wise, sharp and always willing to go the extra mile.  What is happening to her now is just wrong in so many ways.  Words fail me and cannot capture the love and support I would offer to her if only it could make a difference.  
Peace,
Sharon
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Good Morning Ladies,

Jan is sleeping right now.  

Jan got to see her daughters Thursday.  Friday she started to go down hill rather quickly. I guess she just really needed to see her daughers.  When I talked to her Home Hospice case manager Friday afternoon, she said she would be surprised if Jan was still here on Sunday.  I was supposed to leave today (Saturday), but will not be leaving until after she is gone.  I asked Cory what he wanted me to do and he told me to stay.  My sister Cindy came in yesterday with her husband Hank.  When she saw my sisters husband and I told her who it was she got a really big smile and said his name clear as a bell.  We all like Hank a lot.  But she's in a lot of pain when she's awake and sleeps most of the time.  I've been signing on and showing Cory your responses and he has been really touched by the overwhelming support you have shown Jan.  

Gotta go.  She's awake but onlyfor a minute.

Love Lisa
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Hi Jan. Haven't been around for a while. You may be asleep. I pray you sleep peacefully and pain-free. I'm thinking of you all and my prayers are with you. Lots of luv,

Vixen
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But as it is written, eye has not seen,
nor ear heard, neither have entered
into the Heart of man, the things
which God hath prepared for them
that Love Him.


                           1 Corinthians 2: 9

Go into peace dear friend.  Marty
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May our Risen Lord lift Jan in his loving arms and take her safely home.  

We will all miss her.

Judy
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I am so saddened to read this news about Jan. She has fought this battle so hard and so courageously, and has given so much to her friends no matter how badly she was feeling herself.
I pray she has peace and freedom from her suffering and that she will have beautiful gardens to tend to in Heaven.
I will keep her family in my prayers.
Valerie
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May God put his powerul arms around Jan and take her quietly home.  I pray that Jan is not in pain any longer.  I pray that got take Corey, Lisa, Jan's children, her family, and friends in his loving arms and give us the peace it takes to let Jan go.  I pray for support for Jan's family.  Please know that God is there for you through this terribly difficult time.  I have no doubt that God will have his arms open, waiting for Jan to run into them.  He will most assurdely be saying....."Well done my good and faithful servent!"  

Corey and Lisa, I wish I had some words that would help you get through this, but I know nothing I say can take away your pain.  Please know that we all love Jan and you all so very much.  We will be here to support you, talk with you, cry with you, and remember Jan with you.  We love you all so very much.  Jan has helped so many people on this forum.  I am glad that Jan and I were able to meet and find out what great people that other one was.  We had a bit of rocky start, but we ended up being friends.  She means a lot to me and I am just so sorry.  Love and prayers to you all.  Kasie
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Jan and family,
My love and prayers go out to you. Jan and family, may you find peace and comfort in knowing that Jan is loved by so many.  Hre is wishing Jan a peaceful and painless sleep. Julie
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Thinking about Jan on this late Saturday night. i just woke Luke up to cry to him about my beautiful friend - may she be pain free!!!! Love you Jan
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May God take you by hand and lead you into Heaven, my prayers are with you and your family and friends. Jan doesn't know me, yet the posts here have touched my heart. The love and caring from so many, only proves to me how loving Jan is. May God be with you in your journey home.

gentle hugs
Angel
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God Bless you all,

I have received e-mails, phone calls and text from so many of you. I believe that Jan is in her final hours.  It's about 6:30 central time.  Last night Jan was very agitated. Today so many people wanted to stop by which made her more restless. Her breathing is quicker. Cory finally requested that a sign be put up that he was not receiving any more visitors. Right it is Cory, her daughters Kelley and Katie, my oldest sister Cindy and myself. The day nurse Martha has been wonderful. Martha is kind and considerate and firm when too many people try to get in.

We have been playing some of her favorite music. Jan is very ecclectic in her taste. We've been trying to be quite so that Jan can move to a better place, but every once in a while we start giggling about some that was said or a humorus story.

She loves all of you very much. I'm just sorry that Chris, Gail and Lori where not able to get here to visit. I was supposed to leave yesterday, but the nurse advised me to stay. I asked Cory what he wanted me to do and he asked me to stay.  So, I will be here to guard him like stink on sh!t.Katie, is a smart @ss just like her mother.  She's sitting here teasing me. Katie looks just like Jan when she was a teenager.  Kelley actually looks like my sister Pat.  We have had a wonderful visit.  Jan was able to talk with her girls this past Thursday and get some things said that might able not else be said.  I think it was good for all of them.Jan and I had a long talk last Tuesday and we shared some memories that we had from our trips out west and some of the christmas we had.  

I know she loves you all and I know that you all love her.

I will keep you posted.

Lisa  
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I'm thinking about her these last few hours. May she be in peace as Jesus comes to wrap her in His arms. Love you Jan
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Lisa, I know how these last hours feel, it is hard, we try to cram a whole lifetime into such a short time, to say all those things that we feel are important,  but we could tell that all Leslee actually wanted was just the feeling of Love from all of us. the hand that was held, the kisses, the music and prayers.  I am sure if Leslee could have told us one thing it would have been, don't shove me out the door, let me go in my own time, I am waiting for the hand that will guide me the rest of the way.  My heart goes out to the whole family, know that Jan is on her way to the best experience in her entire life, she goes on before you but will be waiting for you when it is your time, Love has no ending, it transverses all , past, present and future.  I grieve with you all, the pain we have at being left behind is  very hard to get ahead of,  many tell us that time helps, but the memories of our loved ones will always linger close by,  I just let mine come out whenever they want to, a sound, a smell, a color,  music, flowers, a favorite place,  these are what she left for me to remember our times together.   I loved Jan as a friend and she helped me  along the road, now I hope that in turn I can help you all a little.   Be strong for each other, that is what Jan would want.  Marty
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Thank you for taking the time to write to a bunch of strangers. And yet Jan holds such a big place in our hearts, she's a beloved family member. I've been at work all day but I did cheat and went online earlier to search for news.

I remember awhile back Jan was worried whether she would be forgiven for some of her naughty moments in the past. Would you please remind her how precious she is.

Love and hugs to you all.  irene


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I am just so upset. I have been on holidays this last week with family and not able to really get on line and can't believe this is happening. I am so glad that Jan will be released from pain and able to relax and stop this fight and be at peace but I am so saddened. Jan took me under her wing and always provided support like a big sister. She seemed to want to protect us younger OVCA sisters and always thought about others and put them first even when she was hurting. She's such a spunky and firey lady that she made me laugh despite what we go through. What an impact one lady can have!
I really cherish the time we all had in springfield and being able to meet and chat in person under the tree in the middle of the gardens. We talked that we might not all be at our next meeting but I just didn't think it would be Jan.
Love and Peace to you Jan. Your memory will be cherished and your spirit long reaching.

Bron.
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I am still numb about Jan..She was the fiesty one on this forum..always looking out for everyone and would always put a smile on my face.. I am so sorry for the pain you are all enduring at this time..I pray that you all find comfort in knowing when it is Jan's time she will finally be pain free.....she will be missed so much...I admired her strength, her wisdom and her wonderful sense of humor...she was so caring and always put others first..In my heart I beleived she was invincible! I will miss everything about her and I am so sorry that I never got the chance to meet her in person..she has left a lasting impression on my heart...May God watch over all of you....Gia
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Dear Lisa,

Thank you. I hope you know how important you have become to us. You, too,  are a very special lady!

Love,
Sandy
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God Bless you Lisa. I can only imagine the pain that you are going through right now, and yet you are taking the time to keep us updated. I can tell you are sisters as Jan would be doing the same thing.
  I am glad that she is surrounded by those she loved the most in life. There is so much I could say, but I won't, as I think we are all feeling the same.
   Thank you Lisa.
    Love Chris
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   My heart goes out to all of you Lisa. I am glad she has her family around her. I wish I had the words in me, to express how I feel. It will be a sad loss for all of us here at medhelp, and an even bigger loss for Cory, and her family and friends. I hope she is no longer in pain.
God Bless you all
love
butterflytc
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I pray that you all find comfort in knowing when it is Jan's time she will finally be in peace and pain free..Jan will be missed very much.
Love, Terry
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I have been putting off posting this as it is very hard for me to find any words that seem appropriate.  First, I thank you Jan and from a once very scared little 15 yr. old girl, she thanks you.  Your words of encouragement for her and your hope for her shone through some of her darkest nights.  You believed all along she would be OK and she is to date.  Your up front "soap box" style was always an attention getter and truly insightful.  I view you as a very intelligent woman with the mind to help those on this forum coupled with the heart of gold to heal the forum mindset.  If one was accepted by you and you were on their side, you would be first to their defense, defending the defenseless.  You would be there to share, to care, to console, maybe something seaming as simple as wishing them a Happy Birthday (which always made my day as well as Ashley's day).  If one was not accepted by you and you were not on their side....whoa!  Of course anyone sincere and serious about this forum and the situations all are going through, they were immediately accepted by you.  It was the jokers and fools that had another thing coming...A moment with Jan in the timeout corner.  If it is in fact your time to lay down your sword and shield, please know like all the previous posts, Ashley and I will miss you.  Miss you spunk, fire, loving personality, and extreme knowledge and wisdom.  I will continue to pray that what god feels is right and just is his bidding and not for me to question.  We love you Jan.

God Bless,
Bob and Ashley
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So many things are left to say, but I don't know how to say them.  I feel the need to say more than I have said, and somehow come up with something witty or profound...but my mind isn't working that way.  My mind is already missing my friend, and wishing like everything it didn't have to be this way for her, or for any one else.  It just seems like it's been a never-ending thing since last January when Rose Marie passed away.  With each one, a hole is left in the forum.  While I am happy they don't have to suffer any longer, I am also selfish, and want them back here.  Difference is, I want them back here in good health with smiles on their faces.

I regret not getting to see Jan this week, but know her last moments should be spent with those who love her surrounding her and holding her hand.  Cory doesn't need to be saddled with having to play host.  So for now, all I can do is offer my virtual hand to hold, and my prayers for a gentle passing.  

Thank you, Lisa for updating like you do.  I know it can't be easy to find time to post.  But bless you for making the time.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sisters too.  

Love,
Gail    
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   Like so many others, I find myself at a loss for words, and that is not something that happens very often. There is so much I would like to say, but my emotions are in such turmoil that I cannot think straight. I am sad beyond words, I'm confused, I'm mad as hell, and everything is just twisting and turning together, leaving me in a fuzzy haze.
  Honey, as hard as it may be to face, your work here is done, and it is now time for you to rest. You have touched so many of us in so many ways that you will never be far away from any of us. Those of us that have been fighting this battle with you, will continue to fight on, knowing that is what you would want us to do. As for myself, it renews my hope knowing that you will be watching over me as my own journey continues. I wish I had been able to tell you this in person, but am so very happy that your loved ones are there with you. My prayers are with you. Go in peace my dear friend.
  I love you Jan.
         Chris
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Hey guys,

Jan is now on oxygen.  She was up all night talking, well talking as well as she could.  She's still wide awake, well sort of.  They have upped her meds to 24 mg per hour with a 12 mg every 6 minutes if needed.  The nurses have been really great.  Jan refuses to relax and just let go.  She is in severe pain and I wish she would once in her life just let God take over and stop being such a control freak!

I'm so frustrated.  Cory is taking a nap now and and Katie and Kelley are still here and I think Kelley doesn't have an off switch.  The girl never stops talking.   God help me.

Love Lisa
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Oh Lisa.. my heart just aches for you... Are you able to rest at all?? Something I was told when my mother was in her last hours; The told me to tell my mother that it was o.k to go.. It's alright to let go. I was told they sometimes need to hear that . Sometimes they feel they must hang on for the family.. At the hospital her last night, we told her exactly that although it broke my heart.. as we were leaving , my son also  went back and said to her" It's o.k. now.. you can go".. Three hours later she was gone.

What you are going through is so hard..God Bless..

Love,
Sandy
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  I do not know what to say, I see myself two yrs ago sitting by my moms bedside, waiting for God to take her. I hope you are getting some rest yourself? Jan would not want you to get sick. We took shifts with my mom, I crashed during the daytime, and stayed up all night with her. My sister was there for her in the daytime, and slept at night with a baby moniter by her bedside. Take care of yourself Lisa. It sounds like Kelley takes after her mom.

Love
butterfly Tc
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It gets so very ugly.  Let the lady babble, it's the least we can do.  Why do we have to endure this f-ing indignity?  Wishing I could relieve you for an hour or two...
S
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Everyone at MedHelp has been saddened by the news.  Our thoughts and prayers are with Jan and all who love her - especially those in the OVCA Forum & Community who have been so deeply touched by her love & support.

With love,

Cindy Thompson
MedHelp
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Oh Lisa, I am so sorry Hon. I wish there was something I could do. I understand your frustration, just try to remember that we all deal with these things in different ways. Maybe to continue talking is Kelly's way. Maybe it keeps her from really having to face what is happening. I am kind of the same way. If I stop talking, then my mind starts in, and all of the things you don't want to think about come rushing at you.
  I think that Sandy may have the right idea. As hard as it sounds, maybe Jan needs to hear that it is ok for her to let go now. I know that she is a fighter and can be stubborn as all get out, but let her know that it is ok now, she is not giving up, she is going with God.
  Love Chris
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It sounds as if things are winding down now. I hope and pray that Jan will not be in pain. And that the peace that He promises, is already there to greet her into her new home. There will be oodles of beautiful flowers in her new garden..I know that for sure!

I was one of the ones who had the priviledge to get to know Jan in person...here in my home, at the hospital and just meeting her out and about in Nashville. She was also the first to welcome me to MedHelp and to introduce herself. I cannot express how great that made me feel at that very scary juncture in my life. I will forever thank her for the kindness she showed.

I have not tried to come because I know that she's had many visitors.  It's time for just family now. Lisa, thank you for the updates you have been sending. You must know that they are greatly appreciated by all her friends.
Teresa
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To darling and special Jan,

May the blessing of Light be on you -
light without and light within,
May the blessed sunlight shine on you
and warm your heart till it glows like
a great peat fire, so that the stranger
may come and warm himself at it, and
also a friend.
And may the light shine out of the two
eyes of you, like a candle set in two
windows of a house, bidding the wanderer
to come in out of the storm.
And may the blessing of the Rain be on you -
the soft sweet rain. May it fall upon your
spirit so that all the little flowers may
spring up, and shed their sweetness on the air.
And may the blessing of the Great Rains be on
you, may they beat upon your spirit and wash
it fair and clean, and leave there many a
shining pool where the blue of heaven shines,
and sometimes a star.

And may the blessing of the Earth be on you -
the great round earth; may you ever have a
kindly greeting for them you pass as you're
going along the roads.
May the earth be soft under you when you
rest upon it, tired at the end of the day, and may
it rest easy over you when, at the last, you lay
out under it;
May it rest so lightly over you, that your soul
may be out from under it quickly, and up, and
off, and on its way to God.

Peace and Love to you Jan,  My love and prayers for you Lisa..Cory, Kellie and Katey......Kim (a friend who's life has been touched and made better by this incredible lady)
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for the last few hours I simply held Leslee and told her not to worry about any of us, we would be OK,  We talked about her beautiful family and life, and that none of it would have been possible without her,  at the end I simply told her to go towards the light and she would find peace there.  Jan will hear all you say, she may not be able to respond, but she will know how much you all care about her.  I know from first hand experience that there is a light at the end, too many people have told me they see it, to discard it as hearsay.

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Lisa,
Thank you so much for posting when I know that you must be hurting so much. How hard it is to let those we love go. It is that fighting spirit of Jan's that she is holding on. She is probably arguing with God that no, dammit, she isn't going yet! There are flowers to be planted, friendships to be made and nurtured, and of course, her love for her family and especially Cory. Marty says it well.
Hugs,
Colleen
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Thank you for keeping us updated.  I wanted you to know that I wish as we all do to be there for Jan and all of you in this time.  I have continued praying and I know God has opened up his arms and will be holding all of you.   As I type this the tears are streaming, I wish there was more I could do.  I never got the chance to meet Jan in person I wish I did. From meeting her here she is an exceptional lady.

Love,
Dawnlyn
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  Lisa,
    I woke up thinking of Jan this morning and wondered how all of you were doing. I hope that this new day will be a day of love and peacefulness for you and alll of Jan's family.
    I have put together a Rainbow of Roses on my profile page esp. for Jan and I think that she would find it as beautiful as I do. I wish there was a way for me to send her each and every one of them.
        Love Chris
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Lisa,

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.  I will concur with the other ladies that talking to her to let her known it's ok is helpful.  I made lots of promises to my mom last year as we did this.  For my mom in addition to the morphine, they gave her xanax and she relaxed and slept at that point and didn't appear to be in anymore pain.

Prayers to all of you,

Karen
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I'm sure Jan just wants to cherish every moment she has with her family.  It is heartbreaking that she must catch up on so much through so heavy a pain.  May the angels lift your pain and worries dear Jan.  You are so loved.

Trudie
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I am getting really confused! I have just read my emails and have been tagged in goodness knows how many all alluding to Jan being gone! I have just spent the last hour crying that it was too late for me to say anything to her and now it looks like I was mistaken! Was I?? Oh how hilarious Jan would have found that bless her. How is Jan can someone fill in this stupid woman! Please tell her I love her and am thinking of her please please can someone tell her.... please tell her I had a little girl called Poppy mai and ill send her a picture!

Love you Jan XxXx
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  Congratulations on your little miracle Poppy mai, that is lovely news today.

Jan's sister Lisa, has been updating us with news of Jan. As you have read by now she is in hospice care, with her family all around her. Lisa has been wonderful, taking the time to update us all. I am sure like others on the forum, I am checking the board often for any news.
take care
butterflytc
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I keep writing stuff and deleting it because I have no clue as to what to say.
Your blunt honesty always reminded me of my grandmother. She like you always said what she thought. I know we didn't talk awhole lot, or had gotten to know each other well, but I don't do to well talking with my fingers. But know that you are one heck of a lady, and will always be remembered and loved. God bless you. Paula
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Anna - Jan asked me not that long ago about you and the baby....I told her that you had a little girl as I saw the news on Facebook....she was thrilled to hear it!!!!

Lisa - Cory - Katie - Kelley and the rest of the family - sending lots of  hugs your way....not much more I can do.  Wish there was some magical dust that would make all this bearable.

Jan - it's okay to let go.....we will continue the battle for you!!!!

Love all,
Pam
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Jan is still with us. They upped her Dilaudid to 60mg per hour and 12mg every 6 minutes.  Then this morning they started in conjunction with the Dilaudid - Phenobarbitol 60 mg every hour.  Just a few minutes ago they upped her Phenobarbitol to 260mg per hour.  She is with her minister again this morning.  Hopefully, this will help her rest.  She's been up for 2 days.

Lisa
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Thank you for the update.  Praying for strength and peace for all of you, especially Jan right now.  It's so hard to say goodbye to someone who has been such a strength on this board. Pam is right and it's okay to let go - we'll continue the fight for you.  Love, Chris P
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Thanks for the update Lisa, I know it is difficult for you all right now. It means the world to us, that you take the time away from family to let us know how our friend is doing. I would not expect any less from Jan, she is a true fighter. God be with you all.
love
butterflytc
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Sounds like the Jan I got to know on this site.  Tough to the last minute.  God Bless her.  May she finally get some rest in the arms of our Dear Lord.  Thanks for keeping us informed.

Judy
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Ladies,

Thank God for Cory.  He has been like a rock!  He's allowed me use his computer to update all of you.  It sits close to Jan's bed so I don't have to leave her side.  He has been nothing short of the perfect brother in law.  I told him he's a keeper.  In our family when we receive a BIL or a SIL it's like the old roach motel commercials.  You can check in, but you can't check out.  Unless we don't like you then we can't get rid of you fast enough.

Tonight they put in a catheter.  If she knew what we were doing she would jump up out of the bed and beat the cr@p out of us.  But finally she is resting comfortably.  Her breathing is shallow, but her vitals are still strong.  I only pray that tonight is the night, but the nurse says probably not.  I just want this to go away and I want to stop crying everytime I read a post about her or have to put one on myself.  This really *****!

I hate that they haven't put more funds into this disease.  I hate that Washington doesn't give a cr@p!  All they care about is all the piggyback junk they put on their special interest bills.  But all I can do at this point is be here as long as I can and wait and try to take care of Cory, Kelley and Katie.  

May God keep you and bless you.

Please pray that Jan goes quickly and keep Cory, Kelley and Katie in your prayers, as I know you will.

Love
Lisa  - Jan's little sister.  
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Lisa ,God teachs us a lesson at times like this, in His time, not ours, His is the ultimate  care provider and when He is ready He will will gather Jan up gently and take her home.  All my Love to you all at this trying time,  if you can read some scripture to her now, like the 23rd Palsm and the Lords Prayer.  
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I admire your strength and courage you have shown your sister and your family..Last night I was reading some old emails and posts between Jan and I...she was some special lady and very strong willed...I only pray that she is comfortable now and not in pain and that God watches over all of you at this most difficult time...xoxo Gia
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Dear Lisa,
    I can hear the love you feel for Cory, and meeting him in Springfield last year. I understand why. He is so good for Jan, and really looks out for her. You could see the love they share. I hate this feeling of meeting people here daily, supporting them throughout this damn disease, and then not being able to find closure. Only to watch for word that the person we have shared days with, is now gone from our forum. Unfortunately when our time comes, God takes us in his own time, and we must travel that road alone. If we are truly blessed, we have wonderful family and friends around us, to keep us feeling safe til that moment arrives. I am glad that Jan has so many with her now, to keep her feeling safe..but my heart breaks for all of you, having to say Goodbye to your wife, sister, mom. Jan loved, and was loved, and is being loved til then very end of our time is what counts. We as cancer patients, all worry about the end, and don't want our loved ones to watch us suffer. It is something we live with throughout our battles. Being here supporting each other is what we try and do, but what do we do with the loss we feel? Knowing we cannot stop the end of the disease, and just hoping the friend on the other end of the computer knows that we still are here supporting them til the last breath, and struggling with the emotions of our own futures. We become like family here in so many levels, and have to accept that we can only be there for the fight. The end is in God's hands, not ours. From the bottom of my heart, I wish we could take the pain out of the endings, and not have to say farewell to so many people who have touched our lives. I am trying to find comfort, in seeing those people who are waiting for us on the other side. My heart aches for you right now Lisa, and I thank you deeply for keeping Jan safe and loved, while she is on this earth.
God Bless
love
butterflyTc
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Lisa,
I can't say it any better than ButterflyTc did. I pray everyday that when God is ready, he will take Jan in his loving arms. I pray that he will wrap those same loving arms around you, Cory, Katie and Kelley. With love, Colleen
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Lisa...
I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and Cory...when I think of Jan, the one word that comes to mind is Fiery. I remember how mad she was, watching her friend Donna go through this so it only angers me even more, knowing that now Jan is in the same spot. She was appalled that Donna had to suffer at all and to know that Jan is in pain and now catheterized? It seems beyond unfair...
I don't think it's wrong of you at all to wish for her to go because, what your really wanting, isn't for Jan to be gone but for Jan to be free of pain...I understand that wish completely. You have every right to feel that way...you love her and when you love someone like that, you don't like to see them hurting or doing things you know they wouldn't have wanted done.
You and Cory both must be so tired...I do hope your finding time to take care of yourselves as well.
I can't tell you how much it means to all of us to be recieving these updates. I know it must be hard for you but it is so appreciated...
Love Becky xx
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Jan's still with us physically.  Her BP is dropping rapidly but her heart rate is within normal range. I wish she was the one with the bad heart and not me. This way maybe she'd be at peace now.  I thought for sure when they put the catheter in last night she would wake up and kick our butts but she didn't.I've been praying since I got here on the 9th for God to take her quickly.  But as you have said in God's time not ours. So I switched to praying for intercession from my parents (all dead) that they take her in their arms and gently bring her home to God's mansion. I told Jan that God's gardens are even better than the ones my mother  used to have but without the weeds. Maybe that will give her a little incentive to get there.  The nurse seems to think that it won't be much longer.

It's a beautiful day in Nashville. 64 so far. I'm a big Star Trek fan (yes I'm a Trekkie) anyway as the Klingon warriors say. "Today is a good day to die"  

That's what Jan is a Warrior.  She has fought a good battle and today is a beautiful day.

Love Lisa
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I keep checking for news but with fear in my heart. This brings back so many memories from my time with my Dad. I remember the fatigue, the worry, the tears. And yet you don't want to miss a moment with the person you love. I want to hold you all so tightly in my arms and make it easier some how.

I just posted a poem that was given to us during that time. It's not depressing but hopeful. I read it so many times before and after my Dad's death. Perhaps someone else can read it first and see if they agree with me. I don't want to add to your pain.

Love and hugs and so much more,  irene
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I found this on line and thought it was very fitting for Jan.  It is from Somethingtoshare.com and the author is Jill Lemming.

Far from this earthly place,
there lies a world beyond...
a place where special people go to rest

A garden, filled with flowers,
"God's favorite bouquet"...
I know that God has picked the very best

My dear Jan, I pray you are relieved of your earthly pain and that you go to this wondrous garden.  

Thank you so much Lisa.  My love to you and your family, Trudie
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Lisa,
   Like so many others here, the last few days have been spent back and forth at the computer, waiting and watching for news of Jan, and crying each time. And like Becky I cannot help remembering how mad she was watching Donna slowly leave. I know that Jan would never have wanted it to be like this. Unfortunately even though we may be ready to let go, it will only happen when God is ready.
  I had to smile though when you spoke of the catheter because you are so right, Jan would have kicked your butts right into tomorrow, and probably would have removed it herself.
  We are all praying with you. Not for Jan to be gone, but for her to go as quicky and painlessly as possible. It would not be fair of us to pray that she does not go yet because the time has come for her to be free of this disease, to be happy again, and in a place where there is no cancer.
  It is a beautiful day here also and you are right, Today would be a beautiful day to die. I know that if it were in her hands, Jan would have wanted to go quickly. She would not have wanted us to endure the pain of watching her go slowly. Yes Jan is a true warrior and will always remain so in our eyes. I know that when she is finally at peace, she will be watching over us, we will all have a guardian angel by the name of Jan.
  Hon I can only imagine how hard this is on you. You are the rock holding everyone together right now. So please take care of yourself too. Make sure that you are getting some rest. Also let Cory know that we are there for him. He has been a wonderful husband to Jan and been right by her side every step of the way. May God bless him and continue to give him the strength to get through this.
  I include my prayers that this will all be over soon for our dear Jan. She has fought hard and now deserves some peace and happiness. May she soon enter the beautiful gardens that God has waiting there for her.
  Love Chris
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Praying for strength and peace for all of you, especially Jan right now.May the Lord wrap his arms around her and take her safely home.
Love, Terry
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Lisa,
    It's just gorgeous here in Florida too .. while walking I wondered "Maybe it's gorgeous wherever Jan "is"..Because I know she's still with us all in spirit .. I just pray that her suffering ends soon.. ..
    Lisa, thank you so much for allowing us to be a part of Jan's final hours.

Much love,
Sandy
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I am not looking to upset anyone here, so please hear this with my intended positive tones.
The Jan I came to know would want us to celebrate her life....not wilt and wither.  You all talk here of her "spirit" and spunk and describe her as "fiery" .  It is sad she is passing from this realm to the next...... leaving many who love and care for her behind.......but the world is better for having her here for her short lifetime.  She is a bundle of hugely powerful energy that will definately continue to exist in many ways!  She is not going to cease to exist....her energy is everywhere!  She is a powerful soul following her own path......when she is ready to say good-bye she will....until then, she continues to let everyone know who's boss!
I hope I haven't upset anyone.  If I have, please accept my most sincere apology.
Peace.
dian
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Thank You Dian, to me the most telling part of my daughters passing was the understanding, that came to all of us , as to just how much she had done in her time   6 months later I still hear it from her co workers and the people she cared for, It is a legacy  that many still live with and by. Yes, Jans legacy will live a long time also,  There are special people in this world and they have a deep impact on us,  death does not take that away.  We celebrated a life , well lived, at Leslees funeral, and we thanked God for sending her to us.
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Dian

It's ok to say how you feel.  In fact, I think most of us feel the same way.  But we all need to say what's on our minds and I have enjoyed reading all the responses that have been given.  I have read a few to Jan and to my sister, Cindy and Jan's daughters.  Cory has read a few, but can't anymore.  It's just too hard for him.  So I just give him your good wishes and one day I will print all these off and give them to him.  

I'll keep you posted.

Lisa
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Lisa .. you have been Jan's angel on this forum.  These are all hard for the whole family.  May God bless you and the family.

Judy
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I just spoke with Lisa and she asked me to update everyone.  They have continued to up the pain killers and Jan's breathing is becoming labored and her BP is still lowering.  Lisa says she'd be very surprised if Jan doesn't leave us tonight.  She put the phone to Jan's ear and let me tell her how much I will love and miss her.  I'm shaking right now with sadness and am so glad to have been able to support Lisa in as small a way as I can.  
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I have type out what to say for the last half hour and I keep erasing it.  Because it just didn't sound right.  It's about 4:50 a.m. central time.  Jan has good to God's garden to tend to her favorite flowers.  I really want to scream, because I don't know what to say or do.  Jan passed at 12:30.  Cory and I had just gone to bed and the girls went outside to look at her flowers and the nurse went to prepare Jan's next shot.  And typical Jan, she didn't want anyone to experience the devastation of her last breath. The night nurse (Linda) called the Emergency RN (Lou Ann) to come and pronounce the TOD, which officially was 1:05a.m.  The funeral home was  contacted and they came to pick Jan up.  My sister Cindy finally went back to her hotel for some rest and Cory went up to bed about an hour ago.  The girls are getting ready for bed and I'm WIDE AWAKE.  I know I should get some rest but I think that I'm beyond sleep, so I'm cleaning. Don't tell my husband he might expect me to do that when I  get home.

Tomorrow Cory and I will go to the funeral home to finish up stuff and then he wants me to do a PowerPoint Slide presentation that they can show at church.  I'll send you all copies.  If I don't have your e-mail address already just send me a note here and I'll send it to you.  I don't know when the funeral is going to be.  I think maybe Saturday.  

Everyone is in bed now and I  just can't stop crying.  The really *****.  I wish you could have known Jan the way I did and I wish I could have know Jan the way you guy did.  Maybe one day we can compare notes.  

Kelley and Katie did ask me to tell you that Jan spoke of you guys often and how much each of you on the forum helped her.  They appreciate that you guys were there for their mother, when they couldn't be.

I don't think I can do this, people aren't suppose to die this young.  Jan's birthday is May 1st.  Maybe we can still have a virtual Birthday Party (53).

I'll keep you posted on further arrangements.

I love you guys,
Lisa
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I'm so, so sorry Lisa. I don't know what else to say.....
Please know that we're here if you or Cory or the girls need a shoulder to lean on...
My deepest condolences,
Love Becky
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I am so sorry, my deepest sympathies go out to all of you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  And remember what Becky said we will be here for all of you.

Love,
Dawnlyn
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I am so very sorry.  I will continue to keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.  

God Bless,

Karen
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My condolences. I would be thinking and praying for your family.

PinkTissue
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Good bye sweet Jan...God speed brave warrior!!  My deepest condolences to Cory, Lisa and the rest of the family for your loss.

God Bless,
Bob & Ashley
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Today is the day I've dreaded for a very long time.  It is comforting to know that Jan is now pain free and sitting in her Father's loving arms.  On the other side...I'm heartbroken.

Hugs to you and the family, Lisa.
Love, L
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Goodbye my sweet Jan.  I am so glad you are relieved from such suffering and pain.  My heart is breaking knowing we won't have you in our world.

Lisa, please give my condolences to Cory and the girls.  And sweetie, do know that Jan was so happy to have you with her in her last days.  Try and rest and take care of you.

Love, Trudie
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Lisa and all;
   I didn't know Jan, but I've been reading this post to keep up with what was happening. My prayers go out to you all. I lost my beloved Mom to OVCN and someone sent me this poem. It just seemed to fit. I have no idea who wrote it.

gentle hugs to you all
Angel

  
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

  
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

  
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

  
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

  
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

  
When GOD looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There is no longing for the past.

  
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven,
And now at last you are free.
So won't you take my hand.
And share my life with me?

  
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we are far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
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Lisa,
    There are simply no words that I can add. I'm just so very sorry, and yes, she was much too young ! But, I'm glad the suffering is past . Jan is leaving a very large empty spot on the forum and in our hearts. Take care and thank you again for letting us be a part of your family.

Love,
Sandy
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May God hold her in the palm of his hand, and bring peace to all of those left behind.
love
butterflytc
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Lisa,
  I don't want to say I am sorry because that just doesn't sound right. I am heart broken, as I know that alll of you are too. Even though we have known that it could be any day now, it does not make it any easier. I am comforted by the fact that Jan is now in such a better place, free of this damn disease and all that goes with it. Even more by the fact that I now know she is watching over us all.
  Please send my love and deepest sympathy to Cory, her daughters, and the rest of her family.
  Goodby my forever friend, until we meet again. May you finally rest in peace.
      Love Chris
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My deepest sympathies go out to all of you.I will be praying for your family. Jan will be missed by all, she was a warrior and fought till the end. We will continue to fight this battle.
Love Terry
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The glue that held this forum together has left us for a better place.  We won't be the same without her.  My heartfelt sympathy to all of you who knew Jan personally.  I echo the words written by Kiddthekatt .. so beautiful.

Judy
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Tis very  hard for me to write this,  good bye dear Jan, for just a little while,  your work here on earth is done and to a better place you have gone.   We enfold all those you leave behind  in love, and  will try to help ease the lonliness they feel with your passing.

Marty
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I am so very heartbroken to read this.  We all knew that it was coming, but dang it, I am not ready to let Jan go.  I am so thankful that she is out of pain and no longer suffering, but I am selfish, and I MISS HER ALREADY!!!!!  I hate this damn disease!!!  

Thank you God, that you have Jan in Your loving arms and are showing her her own special garden in Your kingdom.  Lord, please give Cory, Lisa, Kelley, Katie, family, and friends the comfort and peace that only You can do.  Give us all strength to get through this.  We know Lord, that you have a purpose for all that you do, and we thank You that our dear friend Jan is no longer suffering, but in Your presence, walking on streets of gold.  We love her so much Lord, but we know that nothing compares to the love that You have for her.  Please tell her we love her and miss her lord.  Thank you for giving us the chance to get to know such a wonderful woman.  In Jesus' name,  Amen

Lisa and Cory, please accept my deepest sympathies, and know that we are here for you anytime you need us.  Please know how much we loved Jan.  Kasie
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I am overwhelmed with sadness for a woman whom I have never met, yet who had such a profound effect on me.  
Goodbye Jan, now you have perfect peace, and thank you for your guidance, your wisdom, your humour, your compassion and your strength.  And thanks for being so straight and honest with everyone.  You will be missed every day.

To Corey, Lisa, Kelley, Katie and all Jan's family and friends, my deepest sympathy.  How wonderful to have such love surrounding Jan.

Arohanui...peace and love..Kim
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God bless you Jan.  I don't post often anymore but I still check in to see how everyone is doing, and although you didn't know me, I said a prayer for you every night.  You were a wonderful person, and helped out a lot of women on the board.  You will be missed!
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Goodbye sweet, beautiful Jan. You will always remain in my thoughts and heart. I know you will be at my wedding Jan, I know I will FEEL you there. I love you.
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Hi all,

The funeral for Jan is Saturday.  Because she is being cremated there is no viewing.

The visitation with friends and family starts at 12:00p.m.  and the service is at 2:00 p.m.

Donelson Church of Christ
2706 Old Lebanon Road
Nashville, TN  37214-2582
615-883-6699

Gail it will be so nice to meet  you.

Love Lisa
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I am planning on attending.
(Gail, would you like to meet before the service and sit together?)
Teresa
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Lisa I have checked my computer minute by minute and praying moment by moment for Jan, you and her lovely family.  I am so sorry to hear about the saddness you are feeling.  My heart hurts for the feelings of "missing her' that you must all feel.  I pray that this saddness and lonliness will be filled with the comforting peace and promise you will be together again. God's love be upon you!!!!!!

Alisa
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My heart is still breaking. Missing you already, Jan. I somehow feel your presence on the forum...and in my heart. Thank God you are not in pain anymore.

Reading Ireneo's journal tribute (For Jan's Family) helped. Thank you for posting the poem, Irene. It was beautiful and comforting.

Love, Mary
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I do like the idea that Jan is still on a journey but to an exotic place filled with flowers, beauty and kindness.

Posting any place right now is difficult because I feel some anger about what she went through. I read some posts elsewhere and think, "Are you kidding? Do you know what other people are going through right now!?"  So I say nothing of course. I know I'm guilty of complaining and grumbling about the petty things in my own life at times. There's no room for me to criticize.

Wondering how the service went yesterday and how the family is doing. I hope they got plenty of hugs.
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I am so saddened by jans passing. I never got a chance to know her, but I'm hoping that we can all gather strength from her. This is not much, but I was feeling good enough today to plant a little garden. Would anyone mind If I  planted it for Jan. A small rememberance of what sounds like a very special lady.
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Peace and blessings . Sorry I did not know Jan but all these lovely posts of her has moved me so. I am another Jan who wishes to express my feelings here if I may offer a small rememberance as well. I have a healing rose garden here and there are well over about 80 or so rose bushes. I have planted a few of them and named them after a few sisters who have left us for now. I hope it will be okay if I name one Jan in her memory. Thank you.     Jan (in So. Calif.)
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