Living Trust, MEdical Directives....

Another post we were talking about our kids --- and the horrible what if's that we are all facing. I didn't want to hijack the post, but did want to talk about what you have/are done/doing.  

I don't know if I have cancer.  I have a mass.  It's big, and growing.  I lost my mom to ovca 5 years ago.  I have a daughter who just turned 15.  I am fairly recently divorced ( 1 year ) and I don't have a huge extended family.  

The day after I met with the gyn-oncologist, I found a family attorney, and started working on setting up a living trust.  Although my dd (dear daughter) would NOT like to live with her father, that will have to be the plan.  He is not abusive, or neglectful....just a liar and a cheat, and unable to manage his finances.  

Altho I don't have much, I do have some life insurance through work, and as long as I pay the premium, it will stay in force. That and my house.  I HAVE to protect my dd's intrests, as her dad would spend the money on stupid things, and leave her with nothing.  It isn't fun to do, and it's humbeling to have to do it, and think about it, but it is also very empowering, to know that I CAN DO something to protect her if I something happens to me.  

I met with two of my closest friends and their husbands, and have set them up to administer her trust, and I know that they will do what is in her best interests, whether it is college, trade school, what ever.  

[Tybear]

What a tough spot to be in. I understand. I am 28 yrs old and have been battling late stage ovarian cancer for two years now. I am a single Mom to a four year old boy and I do not want him living with his father if something happens to me. I know his Dad loves him, but, well, lets just say he hasn't seen him in a month now because he's been too "tired". So tired apparently, that he can't even pick up the phone to say hi to him or see how school's going. I went and got my will done and the bottom line is, I cannot do anything except state my wishes in my will, for what I want for my son (which is to live with my sister and her family). His father, because he shares joint custody, automatically would assume custody of my son. My sister and her husband would have to file a custody order with the courts and fight for him, which they already have promised me, they would do. As for my estate (which isn't much...just my house, and life insurance policy through work) it was left in control with my two sisters. Trust me, although he said money wasn't the issue, my ex was soooooo angry that I did that, and didn't leave it with him! He couldn't believe I wouldn't trust him with it....I can't even type that without laughing at how clueless he can be....Anyway, just wanted to let you know that there are people out there who are worried about the same things you are...you aren't alone in this! I'm sure this will all work out for you and hopefully this won't be cancer, but if it is, we will all be here to support you.
Take care,
Becky

[sktmom]

Hi andi,
I know we were discussing our worries about our children on another thread. It is something of great concern.....like you and Becky....I am a single mom. My daughter's father has not been seen or heard from since our divorce was final when she was 3. I feel that this is a very important document that needs to be prepared whether you are healthy or ill. It would be so difficult for a child to be left in limbo while people who are not his/her mother decide where he/she will live. This is something that so difficult to decide and do because as a parent you want to be the one there for your child.....no one can do it like a mother. We can only hope that writing it down in a legal document will help alleve some of our children's stress. As far as the medical advance directive.... that is the issue I am having the most difficulty with. It feels to me like I am admitting that the cancer will get me and I won't be able to speak for myself except through a document in the end. I know that is not the intent of an advance directive, but all the same...that is how it feels. Even though it is making me uptight, I am preparing one so that I am prepared for any circmstance.
Good Luck with your appointment,
Kimberly

[SimplyStar]

A living will and a trust and a will are three of the best safeguards  you can have. Having been through family "battles" many times in my life time, nouthing would hurt me more than to think my children would get into fights over my possesions. I saw it the first time wjhen my gramma died, I was 12, she had always lived with or near us, the other 2 rarely saw her, they descended the day of the funeral and fought like cats and dogs over her very meager possesions.  My dad just stood back and let them take it all, which was fine with him.  I saw it again with my MIL,  I even saw it happen when my Mom died, I became very determined never to let that happen with me, everything of value is written in my will and who gets it,  a trust is set up for my son that is a Downs, he gets money from the sale of the estate to be in trust so the state can't jump in and take it.  I have a living will so that those decisions are taken out of my childrens hands.  Nothing gives me a bad taste in my mouth more than family fights after a death. Two of my brothers fought over a gun of my Dads, they didn't speak for years.  I always think of Solomons judgement of the baby, when I run into this. I told my kids if they ever fight over this when I am gone I will come back and haunt them.  Material things mean very little to me now at my age, I give away a lot of it and sell some of it on ebay because I sure can't take it with me.  Save your children the heartache of these decsions if you need to make them, there are legal papers on the net you can purchase for a few dollars, and get them noterized and save those high lawyer fees. that is what I did and they are binding by most states.

[EchoUK]

You should make wills whatever your health circumstances and keep them updated - heaven forbid but anyone can have an accident  at any time so don't leave things to chance.

[nyc lady]

I echo EchoUK.  My friends, prefectly heathly couple in their late 30s, early 40s...two kids under the age of 5, have a "will" already in place should something happen to them.  Of course the circumstances change when the parents aren't together, but, it is very important to be prepared especially with young children...no one knows what can happen.