Thanks for your post. It has been one month since my Mom passed away. It does not get easier, but I am starting to believe that she is with me and is my angel. I am an only child and my father passed away in '95, so it has been my Mom and me ever since. She was my best friend and I miss her so much.
My Mom was a stubborn woman who was always a care giver. She did not like having anyone take care of her - especially me. She always thought that kids are not to take care of their parents - it should be the other way around. So, she would fight as hard as she could, but always told me that she would never become fully reliant on me and my husband.
My Mom - Marikay - moved in with us after she was diagnosed in July 2007. They told her that she had stage III ov/ca. They tried to perform the debulking surgery and were successful in removing about 60% of the mass. The rest of the mass was wrapped around her artery and she had some problems with her bowels. The first like chemo (carbo/taxol) made her very ill. She did two rounds of that but her CA 125 levels kept rising - it got as high as 3,000. After the surgery, it was 256 (that was the lowest it ever got). After carbo/taxol, they tried Doxil. She tolerated it better, but she was always in the hospital for blood clots, dehydration and/or low blood counts/hemoglobin. She also had a lot of fluid in her abdomen that had to be drained every 3 - 4 weeks (she hated this!).
Her last round of chemo was the second week of May. She ended up back in the hospital on the 19th and was told on the 20th that the chemo was not working. They told us that she was "not in any immediate danger" and that she could come home and be on hospice care for anywhere from 3 - 6 months. We called hospice and planned on taking her home the next day....but that didn't happened. When I got to the hospital the next morning, she was not responding. She could hardly get any words out, but she did say my name and said she was tired. I called my family because the NURSE (not the doctor) told me that I should have her brothers and sister there with her because she took a bad turn.
They say that she gave up when she heard the news that she could no longer fight. I know she did not want to have anyone help her walk or do anything more to take care of her - especially me. So, I think she gave in and allowed herself to finally let go of the fight.
When you think you have 3 - 6 months and then she's gone in less than 24 hours, it is horrible. I am still in shock that she was able to go so quickly, but take comfort knowing that she had her dignity and was able to go on her own terms. And, she knows that she saved me a lot heart ache because I did not have to watch her suffer more.
That's my story. There are a lot of little details about how disappointed I am with her doctor....but that's another story.
Now that you have the news that your Mom is not going to respond to chemo anymore, spend as much time as you can with her. Some are lucky to have their loved one around for longer than they anticipated, and then others are like me. Enjoy your Mom, make her laugh and tell her you love her every moment. As everyone told me, she needs to know that it is all ok and that you will be ok too.
Anytime you need to chat, my email is dgallagher70 at yahoo.
Take care....and good luck.
Deb
So sorry about your mother. Take care.
Dear Debra,
I was so sad to hear about your mother. May she rest in peace. I just like you discovered this forum a few weeks ago and allthough i have not posted yet I feel the support and the friendship these people have.
My mother was diagnosed May 3 years ago with stage 3C and this week we were told there is nothing more they can do.
I feel so lost and not sure what to do or expect. I have all these questions but when faced with the doctor or one of my mom's nurse I can't seem to ask the hard questions. Part of it my fault because as they say "don't ask the question if you think you won't like the answer.
I know this is still very very recent for you and your wounds are still very raw but if you feel up to it, I would like you to share your journey with me. I know it will probably be very hard to hear but i'd be willing to hear it from someone who has actually been through it.
My prayers are with your mom and I know she is looking down on you just like I feel my mom will always be there for me. We have to believe that.
Bless you and your family,
PS : i tried to send you an email and it did not work. I can be reached at ***@****
Sylvie
Quebec Canada
It touches my heart that so many of you have sent your wishes and prayers our way. Thank you - all of you - for the kind words. I take comfort knowing that my Mom is with me in spirit - always.
The speaker at my Mom's funeral said that our loved ones always leave their fingerprints behind on everything they touched. Every time I turn a corner in my home, I imagine her there....leaving her fingerprints behind. She, like many other women, have touched so many hearts by showing how strong women can be when fighting this disease. I hope that each of you who have lost a loved one to this cancer can remember the fingerprints they left behind - especially those that have touched our hearts.
Thanks again to all. I am truly touched by all of your posts.
Debra
I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my DEEPEST condolences.
If tears could build a stairway.
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring your MOM home again.
With Love, Sunes.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother I hope you find some peace in knowing that she is not suffering any more.
Hugs
Jenny
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I can't imagine what u are going through. My mom was dx in May 06. I pray you find strength to get through this horrible time.
Dear Debra, I am so sorry your mum has passed away. I lost my mum to this disease Oct 07. I miss her so much, but I get comfort from the fact that she is no longer in any pain. Remember, our mums live on in us. Much love, Sam x
I want to offer my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I was crushed to read your post, but felt your energy in the post showed incredible stength and courage. I know it must have been very difficult for you to write that last post, so thank you. You will be in my prayers. With love, Deandra
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Even though I wasn't here when you were posting more often, I too am a daughter, here for answers and have found nothing but LOVE and SUPPORT from people on this forum.
My deepest and sincerest sympathies to you and your family.
Meg
I lost my mom to this beast when I was 7/8 (2 months b4 my 8th) but it is not easy at any age to lose a parent. You sound like you were wonderfully supportive and I am sure your mother appreciated all you did for her. I don't guess we are related but who knows? Take care of you and live a good full life. Live the life your mom couldn't. She would want you to be happy and have a nice life.
I am really sorry you have to go through this, but we do go through these things for a reason even if we don't always know what that reason is.
Kindest Regards,
Jan Hayes
May God love give you peace at this time. My sympathy to you and your family.
Judy
It sounds like you've been a brave and supportive daughter. My heart goes out to you and you family.
I also am so sorry that you lost your mother to this awful disease. I am glad you found this site and were able to get information and support. You and your family are in my prayers. Chris P
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Please know that we offer you our support and comfort during this time.
May your mother rest in pease.
My thoughts are with you and your family,
Pam
I feel for you at this time as I too, lost my mom to cancer...there is a piece of me that is always missing ......I refuse to feel like she is gone instead I feel like she is my angel standing beside me at all times....Keep her memory alive and know that she is finally at peace after a long battle .....My prayers, thoughts and sympathy go out to you always....Take Care, Gia :)
We thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry to hear your mother lost her battle with this horrible disease, but I am glad you could find support and comfort here. I, too, have a daughter and the affect this has had on her is the single worst part of having ovarian cancer. My sympathy...Paula
I wish to extend my deepest sympathy to you and your family for the loss of your Mum. May God keep you in the palm of his hand.
Peace......Kim
Sending prayers your way and keeping you and your family in my thoughts at this very sad time.
Angie
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. But I am glad to know that you found a place of refuge here with us. It is amazing how much it helps. I extend my deepest sympathy to you and your family. May God bless you all in your time of need.
And please as the others have said, feel free to come here when ever you want. We will try and help in any way that we can.
Chris
A Mother is a precious part of our lives, but I want you to know that you were also very precious to her. It is very difficult sometimes to be a caregiver to someone you love. I sincerly hope you can see your Mother at peace now and know she would not want you to grieve too long. Keep her memories close and live a good life that would make her proud of you, as that is what a Mother really wants for her children, is to be happy with their lives. A loving daughter is a treasure.
Marty
I am so sorry for your loss. This brings tears to my eyes. I know its hard for you but you just need to hold on to all the great memories the two of you shared. I know you will never heal from the heart break but hope you do find comfort within time.
Fiana
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Your love and care for your Mom still shines through your words. I still miss my Mom even though it has been 12 years. But I always feel as if I am carrying her around with me. That helps me feel more at peace with the loss of her physical being. I know you will find that peace.
Sincerely,
Mary
Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your Mom.. And we do all care. Ronni