Need Support...

[Tybear]

I need your support...I need your prayers. This is what I come here for. I get my CT scan results on Monday and I find out if the Avastin worked or not. I am so scared. What if it didn't work? What if it worked a little? What if my cancer has gotten worse? What do I do next? So many questions...no answers. The stress I'm feeling right now cannot be properly put into words. If this didn't work, it was a waste of money - to the tune of nearly $19,000.00. Do you know how lousy I'll feel if this did nothing? My parents money...my Aunt and Uncle who helped me...I'll feel like I failed them. I'm scared of what lies ahead...the unknown. You'd think after nearly three years of this, I'd be used to it by now....but it never get's any easier, does it?
Thanks in advance,
Becky

[crecco]

You have all of my prayers and support that you need, and then some. Sounds like Mon will be the day. They are checking my CA Mon to see if it is working for me also.
  Hon your family loves you and I am sure they will do everything in their power to ensure you get the best treatment that you can. In no way should you feel like a failure. It is not your fault if it doesn't work. That is a chance we take everytime we try a new chemo. Please do not look at it as a waste of money, I know as expensive as it is that may be hard to do, but I am sure that it is worth every penny to your family to find something that will work. I agree, it doesn't get any easier. I go through these same thoughts every time I have to start a new chemo. But, it will work!!!!
   Keep the Faith,
      Love Chris

[marie3B]

I am with you in this. You have my prayers and I am sure hoping the scan shows you have had great response. As far as the money... you are worth more than 19,000 to me and I am not even your family. I will be thinking of you. Marie

[SimplyStar]

Becky  , the last thing you need to worry about is the money part, ask any Mother or Father how much their child is worth, and with an Aunt and Uncle thrown in, kiddo  you are loved!!!!!  What is Tyson worth to you?  We have no way of knowing whether a chemo will "work" or not,  guess that assay thing is one of the ways to see if it won't, but I understand they are not 100%  and very expensive.   Go Monday "loaded for bear"  ask all the questions that are stressing you out,  you are not a failure in any way, you are in the greatest fight right now that any human can be in.  In my prayers each night I ask that Jesus  lay his hands on all of your bellies and take that cancer away.  Just close your eyes and imagine that healing hand laying there taking away that cancer.  And BELIEVE  it will happen.   Don't say any What ifs. Say  It will be OK and I will survive.  Leslee and you both will have GOOD NEWS  Monday.  Marty

[gma718]

Please stay positive...you need to be calm..I know how hard it is..but I know that we are all behind you and pray for you I will especially!!! Heres to good news on Monday!!!! Dont ever feel like a failure! You are a survivor!!! Your family loves you and would do anything for you..this is in Gods hands and he holds our cards and everything will be good!!!! Love, Gia

[msjazz]

I agree with everything Chris said. I know Johnny would pay for whatever would keep me alive. We had a semi discussion about that the other day. I feel guilty that I am sending the clinic 2400.00 today for balance for Jan and Feb. I hope you get a good report and a break from all this. Thats all I am hopng for now is just a break again. I think if we hang on surely something will come through for us.It certainly isn't your fault you have this, and your family wants you around! I think if I didn't have my family and friends I wouldn't keep fighting, because for some of us it is not easy. Try to have a good weekend, we will all pray for you. Sometimes God sends miracles when His time is right.  Love Donna

[Anna-maria74]

Oh Becky, I didnt realise you were in such a bad place. When ever we talk it is about everything under the sun and bar the kitchen sink but we so rarely talk about your cancer. Sometimes I sense you are distracted but you are so positive that I forget just how bad and scary things are for you. Well that and of course the fact that when I start talking I need a gimp mask to shut me up. What I will say though is will you PLEASE stop worrying about the money. No-one is is worried about the money apart from you and you are not to. I love you you know that!

You dont always have to be cheerful when you call Becky. Its great to be positive but if you feel like rubbish tell me......

You are going to be ok what ever the results are but goodness knows I am praying so hard for you.

Anna XXXXXXXXXXXXxx

[butterflytc]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend, as I know the waiting is soooo hard. I hope you get good news on Monday, and everyday after that.
((hugs))
butterflytc

[ireneo]

I don't have cancer but I do know about waiting, whether it's for heart surgeries, ovary surgery or for test results. It just nags at your thoughts and drains your feelings. I'm sorry you're going through this but be assured you're in my thoughts and will be waiting to hear your news.

[cirella]

It must be so hard not to look at all the 'what-ifs'.  Marie is so right, no amount of money can be put on your life.  You are worth so much more than that.  I really pray that this new line of chemo works for you.  I want you to not worry.  Your picture with that beautiful little child and your smiling face is how I want you to look every day.  I do pray for peace and answers for you.

Always,
L

[silver&gold]

Dear Becky,
Im so sorry you feel so anxious , I will of course be praying for you and hope that the ct scan is good and the Avastin has worked . The stress you are feeling  is understandable gosh you must be so tired. I have read many of your posts and know that you are a real fighter and I admire you . Im sure your family think you are worth every penny and you can never put a price on this fight you just keep going !! .
Will be thinking of you on monday , Take care Angie

[purrrkat]

Hi Becky,

I'm not dealing with cancer either, I've followed your journey as you've shared it with us. You were also helpful to me when I was uncertain about what to do next. You son is also about my daughter's age, so I relate to a lot of the stuff you say about him!

As for support, please know that there is a chorus of loving women (and a few men, too) from all over the world sending prayers and warm thoughts to you for Monday, and to you as you go through this very stressful "not knowing" period.

My mother died of breast cancer about 15 years ago. The thing that has stayed with me about the disease is that though it is a "physical" illness, much (if not most, at least in my mother's case) of the suffering from it is emotional. Even if you're in remission, even if you've had a long, long remission, once you've got the "big C", it's always with you emotionally. You still have to face it periodically with scans, and that "not knowing" is like a bunch of cracked-out mice running on about 50 high-speed treadmills in the brain. I feel for you.

As for the money? If you find out the Avastin didn't work? Well, I'm sure you thought of this, but what if your family hadn't spent the money and not even tried it, and the disease progressed? They would spend the rest of their lives wondering if they could have saved you. Think about what you would do for your son. I know for my daughter, NO amount of money, in vain or not, is too much. I know you feel the same about Ty. I know you know this stuff, and that this feeling is not entirely rational, but it's always good to get confirmation, I think.

Forgive me if this is repetition here, but I have a few practical ideas for dealing with this kind of stress:

1. Valium/Xanax/Ativan. There is no shame in requesting these things from your doc. And if you have the money to pay for it out of pocket, I say it's worth it.

2. My shrink taught me that when we're stressed out, the two sides of our brain "split" and don't communicate with each other. This makes things worse. So, when I'm freaking out I do activities with my hands that force communication between the two sides of my brain. For me, juggling is a good one. But even just throwing a ball back and forth between your right and left hand is good.

3. Find an activity that mildly engages your brain. Examples: crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, even filing.

I'll tie this message up by once again saying that there is a chorus of "voices" behind you holding you up, praying for you and sending you warm thoughts.

Take care.

Susy

[bmcd]

Hi Becky,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I truely hope you get the results you are looking for and greatly deserve.

Take Care and God Bless,
Bob

[Neta100]

Hi there.  I am new in this site and I joined it because I was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and need to get operated.  I know that it's hard and you feel scared, but try to think positive.  I have tried doing that and taking one day at a time.  Like you, I have spent a lot of money over the years, but right now, don't think about it since no money puts price on life.  You'll be in my prayers.

Take care,

Neta

[onniebay]

Becky,
You are in my thoughts and prayers.  I really hope for good news.  Please don't worry about the money.  As a mother I would give up everything I own at a chance to help my son be healthy.  Hang in there!

[lvfrogs]

Becky,
I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and I am praying for good news on Monday.  As others have said, try not to worry about the money.  I am sure your family does not care about that, as I would not even think twice if it was one my children.  YOU are the most important person to your family.  Hugs,
Colleen

[nyc lady]

Becky - just remember there are many more drugs out there....don't give up and don't ever put a price on your life....if it doesn't work then move onto something else...and I can assure you that neither your parents nor your aunt and uncle care about money....they care about you....as we do....we are here for you....and will all be in that room along side you on Monday....just remember you cannot change the outcome of what is going to be said  Monday, so try to put it out of your mind until then, and try to enjoy the weekend.

LOVE YOU,
Pam

[dawnlyn]

I too want to send you positive thoughts for Monday.  You will be in my prayers and I am hoping for good news.  

The waiting is so hard.  I hope the weekend goes by a little faster for you.  I will be thinking of you ....

Take care,
Dawnlyn

[Teresa222]

I am hoping and praying that you will receive good news!
Teresa

[gah_70]

Nothing more I can say than these other wise ladies (and gentleman) have said.  You are priceless beyond compare.  I am sending love and prayers your way.

Love,
Gail  

[coogeegirl]

Dear Becky

I too can not say it any better than everyone before me, you a very special person and I am sending you my prayers and positive thoughts for Monday and hoping that you get good news.

Hugs

Jenny

[Terrin2]

No matter what..Keep fighting.....

[Mid]

Sending you all my  love, positive thoughts and prayers for Monday
We are here for you.
Take care
Mid form oz

[etaxitpo]

Becky-

You have been a true source of strength for me as I watch my mother fight this horrible beast.  Without realizing it you have put in me and many others I am sure the sense of "FIGHT" by just telling your story and being supportive to me and many others.  I have seen many of your posts.

My mother received her first Avastin treatment today.  I told her about you and your story and how you have been dealing with Avastin.  Becky, my mom smiled when I told her about you.  Thank you for making my mom smile today.  

God Bless you and I will be praying that the news is good on Monday.  Take care and keep yourself occupied this weekend.  I hope the weather is beautiful where you are so that you can enjoy Saturday and Sunday and not even think about Monday.

[ptr]

Dear Becky
My mum has been diagnosed with ovca4, summarising i am going through this nighmare with her. I feel your pain and torment, you have my prayes and thoughts. You are a brave soldier and should be amazed at your strength. I know your family are prod of you in every way. Try find some peace in your own way, your own philisophy, I feel for you, GD bless you

[Shari4444]

While you wait, again, for news just remember, any time you need it, just reach out your hand and one of us will grab it and try to pull you through this scary time. I'll think about snd pray for you!!!!.

Hugs,
Shari

[AnotherKatie]

I love what the other women wrote here and I just wanted to say.... "Yeah Baby" ....
I agree with 'em all.... Kick that stupid cancer to the ground.  Boot to the head!!!!!!!!

(I have been doing a lot of karate lately, I think it kinda shows)

You ARE going to get good news, you just ARE.  We are all thinking positive thoughts for you.  
We love you Becky, you're so darn cute, how can we not?????
Hugs from
Katie

[Mary 53]

Becky,

I think of you every day. Star commented on your beautiful picture the other day. I couldn't agree more. You are such a beautiful person. Why do you have to go through all of this? What is the reason? I agree with Katie and you KNOW she is always right :)) You ARE going to get good news, you just ARE.

So, add my positive thoughts and know that I am praying for you. Eager to hear, too, how things go on Monday.

Till then,

Love, Mary

[Brownie3321]

Becky - remember our deal girl? WE WILL beat this disease!! I have no doubts, I truly don't. I would suggest you take a deep breath and repeat to yourself out loud 'there is no more cancer left in my body. I have beat it. I am too strong for cancer' say it as many times as needed. I find this helps me when I am nervous. I also want to say, don't think about the money Becky. Believe me when I say your parents/aunt/uncle would pay double that amount with NO guarantee that it will work. I have been a bit worried about my procedure being cleared with insurance. It costs over $150,000 and I asked my parents what would happen if the ins wouldn't cover it...they looked at me absolutely calm and replied 'we will do WHATEVER necessary to keep you here. I'm positive your family would do the same. Don;t EVER feel as if you have let them down. We have no control over cancer. I will be praying for you Becky. With love, Deandra

[SimplyStar]

When my mind is really troubled I always think of this poem,  and it lifts me up to realize I am never alone.  As you can tell from all the Love and prayers sent your way, indeed, you are not alone.  

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.



When the last scene of his life flashed before him
he looked back, at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.



This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."



The LORD replied:
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."



I also put money into perspective, money is just paper and metal, a life is worth much more than that.  March into that office Monday  with a great big smile on your face,  head held high and expect the best and you will receive the best.

[vixen28]

Hi Becky. I'm thinking of you and praying hard that you get great news. About the money? I know in your heart you already know this, but your family would've paid 90 million dollars (by any means possible) just for the chance to make you better just as I know you would do. They will be devastated too if it hasn't got the results you and we are all praying for but it will have nothing to do with the money they have spent. Don't even think about that! I know that they wouldn't want you to. Together with everyone else here, I will be hoping and praying for you. Looking forward to your post where I can hear you whooping with delight!! Good luck Becky.

Luv Vixen

[Helmar]

Hi Becky... Try and have a good weekend... keep yourself busy, thus not having time to think about anything re cancer. Time to worry when you need to, so don't spoil your weekend with your loved ones stewing about something that you don't need to stew about. Wishing you great news on Monday...hugs..Helen..

[Casey06]

Hi Becky, just wanted to say hi and let you know i am thinking of you. I am sorry you are so scrared, so I am sending a big hug.
Don't worry about the money. Money comes and goes....but our loved ones are all that really matters....so I am sure it brings them great happiness to help you as much as possible.
I am praying for you,
Debbie

[benfranklin]

Maintain your serenity.  Keep in mind that there are some who recover.
A sound nutritional program in addition to whatever else you are doing is critical.

Wishing you all the best

Ben

[ShawnP]

Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts and/or prayers.  I have my fingers (and toes) crossed that you get good news on Monday!

Love,
Shawn

[ilisten]

You asked for support and prayers. From all those who choose you as a sister because we are all in this fight together, we understand your fear. We all have it. Others who do not have cancer can understand it from how they feel when their own loved one gets that diagnosis. But NO ONE understands your fear like we do.
You have a right to feel all of the emotions that you are feeling. You have a right to do whatever you need to do about feeling them, coping with them, deciding to move away quickly from the feelings that are most troubling to you.
Maybe ask yourself "What exactly am I afraid of, if I get bad news?" Make a list. It might look like this:
1. I'll have to have more chemo.
2. My family will be too sad for me to stand it.
3. More will cost too much and I feel guilty about taking all the money.
4. ........continue .... as long a list as you can think of.
You make your own list. See where it goes. Then realize, if you can, that part of our fear is just trying to make order out of all this chaos that OC causes. All of our life we have had lots of control, and now we don't have so much. All of our life we have had experiences that we used down the road, and this time the experiences are new, even when they have to do with recurrence. We really have nothing to draw on that tells us "Well, the last time we did this, so it should work this time too." Its simply not like a broken bone when you are 10 yrs old, and another one when you are 25. In a way it is like bungee jumping.... its supposed to be fun and work a certain way, but you are not positive that the elastic is really going to hold on to your ankles no matter how often you do it ... and especially if you never have. ( I wouldn't choose to bungee jump. No experience and toooo scary.)
I thought about being scared and realized that in this inexperience of OC business we are simply patients with good doctors who want us to live. About all we can do is trust them to talk to us and know what to do next when we need them. They have the experience with OC.
You have a right to be very scared, even if you get the BEST news possible on Monday. Fear is a normal emotion. My oncologist told me once "Of course you feel scared. Now, Pack up your bag of fear and go to the ER." She also said I would have that for the rest of my life. (Her sister died of brain cancer.) So our job, Becky, is to feel, understand that we do, trust, learn to cope and STAY positive, even on the worst of days as soon as we can. And do exactly what you are doing that is a perfect coping skill: ASK FOR SUPPORT, HELP, PRAYER, and TONS of HUGS. (hugs are really good.)
You are in my thoughts and prayers, as are all of my chosen sisters, and I KNOW that everyone in this OC family lifts up daily thoughts, support and prayers for each of us and all the women we have not yet met who have this disease.
Warmest care to you, Becky,
Holding the thought that you will have good news on Monday.
ilisten

[OzBron]

In some ways I hope you aren't reading this as I hope you have found a way to distract yourself and fill in the time this weekend. I know I come on-line when I need buoying up so if you have come back on here, just take the comments to heart and feel the love and support. Look how many people have responded - you are not alone and we will all be thinking of you and sending you silent encouragement.  Just one night to go, take a sleeping tablet and it will be gone quickly and you will atleast know, and knowing gives you power. You are so strong and such a fighter that no matter what you WILL be able to cope.
Bron

[Sandymac]

Gosh, when I thought of posting a nice little "thought" for you, I really had to scroll down aways !! How great that must feel to know how many folks are rooting for you !!! Count me as one of them.

I don't have OVCA but I certainly know what it's like in that awful limbo land of waiting..!! It's truly brutal.. Just as Bron said above;  try , try to think wonderful thoughts and keep your mind as busy as possible.

Just know you have so many people thinking of you.

The best,
Sandy

[lucymullis]

I surely will continue to send positive prayers your way.  You are in my heart.

[Danimatt]

You are in my nightly prayers.  Stay strong - you are truly a remarkable woman.  

[Jen Y]

Add me to the people pulling for you!  I hope you've been able to relax a tiny bit this weekend. My fingers are crossed...

[Tybear]

Wow. That's all I can say...how lucky am I to have such an awesome group of people here to support me? Your kind words and extra prayers mean the world to me. This is truly what this forum is all about...
I have started spotting again, which obviously had me very concerned. I'm feeling ok though, so I will just hang tight until my appointment tomorrow...I will post something as soon as I know.
Thanks again everyone...
Love Becky xx

[mrsbaguba]

Hi Becky
I was away this weekend and sorry I missed your post. When I returned, I headed right to the computer to see how my friends are doing.  And you, my friend, are going to get through this.  I pray for you each day, and I cannot offer any more sage advice than our others sisters have done above, but I want to reiterate that what they say is true - you will get through this, you will not falter if Avastin did not work, you will find another drug, money does not matter when it comes to one's life, AND, you will go in there tomorrow and the doctors will say that you have made great strides with this drug and you are on your way to remission.  You are a strong woman who has done everything right; and whatever the outcome is tomorrow, it will not be in spite of you, but because of you and how you are handling things. When tings get toough, I always resort to a favorite prayer of mine:  "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change those things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." You've exhibited courage, strenght and wisdom during all of this.....and God will be good to you.  I, along with everyone else here, will wait to hear from you.  God Bless, Love ~ Judie :)

[kimmywah]

Hi Becky,
Im just back at my computer today (Monday) and had to scroll down ...alot to post. You are brave and kind, Becky and I cannot say anymore than all the beautiful words and support from all the wonderful women above...except that I am praying hard for you today.
Kia kaha (strength be with you)

Arohanui (Much love)
Kim

[Laney8463]

Becky....
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Like many before me have said, you cannot put a price on a life, you are priceless and worth every cent!!!
Stay positive girl...
Best Wishes for awesome news!!!! Im in your corner
Laney

[justscore]

I am praying for you and sending you nothing but good thoughts and well wishes.  You have helped so many people on here and you DESERVE good news!   You really helped me with my questions and concerns when I first came here a year ago.  You are an inspiration and I wish you well tomorrow and beyond............

[crecco]

  Know that you and LesLee both will be in my thoughts as I recieve my treatment tomorrow morning. I know how you are feeling and just want you to know that you are not alone. Though I will not recieve my results back until Wed, I will anxiously be waiting to see what you find out. Fingers, toes, and everything else will be crossed for you.
        Love Chris

[Knotmeg]

Good Luck today.... you've got a lot of support here!

[orangefuzzball]

All the luck in the world Becky. Lots of good thoughts sent your way

Lisa xxx