New results, cancer back, this time in lungs after 5 year remission

[rodstar]

Well, we finally got the results of the CAT scan and it appears as if the ovarian cancer is back but in her lungs.  The doc said that its peppered throughout her lungs and the lymphnodes in the lungs, but the nodules are small.

They followed that up with a biopsy which shows that it is ovarian and now I think they plan to do a PET scan to see if its anywhere else in her body.

So, after 5years of remission, it is back.  The doc said to expect chemo before the end of 2010, but she has no reason to believe the chemo won't be as successful as it was last time.

My mother had prepared herself for bad results and was fine for a few days, but her attitude and emotional state has deteriorated in the last several days.

In the meantime, I am getting a lot of guilt from my sister for not being there more often.  I had may parents over for dinner last Wednesday but haven't been bakc since.  The issue is that sister is a stay at home mom who lives right next door and has only 2 kids, both school age.  I work full time, live a bit further away( only 15 min) and have 3 kids, of which two are not yet in school.

I am worried about my mom, but she and my sister are going to have to understand that I need to ensure that my family stays well too and that means going to work every day, spending time with my wife and kids, etc.  I love them all very much, but, this is going to be a challenge, especially considering we are about to start building a home before the year is out as well...

Sorry....  venting, while updating...


I am better now.  Pray for my mom, please


This discussion is related to Recurrance after 5 years?.

[rodstar]

Dian,

I hope you are cured!  Good Luck to you!  Actually, my sister has been life saver for my mom.  She goes to every single doctor's appt and is at her house constantly.  She is the ones who gives her her Lovanox shots twice a day right now and she is at every chemo treatment.

My sister is the other extreme.  And I guess, because of that, my once a week visit pales in comparison.  But, its okay.  It is what it is and my sister only gives me a hard time when she is sick of hearing my mom complain that I haven't been there.  

Thanks jr1971!   We are all hoping for the best!

I used to joke that my mom could find the negative in any positive situation.  So, times like this are typically very difficult.  She has already bought cards for all of the kids birthdays and signed them for the next year in case she is dead.  She did this last time as well.  Lots of talk about "this is my last..."  But, I learned last time that she is also very very strong and though she complained a lot (and can you blame her?), she fought very hard and she is vowing to fight this.  

[jr1971]

It sounds like your sister is just angry and frustrated at the situation rather than at you. I am sure that in time she will come to realise that you have done what you can.

When this kind of news comes along it is always tough to start with but in my experience it is easier as time goes on. I think that focussing on the positives is the best route forwards. Being clear of the disease for 5 years is great. Like you said, it should mean that she is responsive to that treatment again. If that results in another 5 years without a recurrence, then in the scheme of things, its a pretty good result.

I hope the PET scan shows no other disease and that the chemo works well for her.

[dian07]

I , too, am five years out....I can understand how disappointed your mom must be.  I would be as well if that monster showed up again.....for me, so far so good; but, who knows.
I wonder if what your mom is going through is some type of processing of the situation.....her mind can deal with only so much at one time and right now she feels defeated.....hopefully her optimism will  return when she begins to fight again.
As far as your sister goes....I don't get it.  Family dynamics can be crazy at times....who knows why people do what they do.  Don't give your sister any of your power.....you need it to do what you are doing....caring for your family.  You are responsible for you.....if your sister is not being the daughter she should be.....well, she owns that....you don't.
As long as your mom knows you love her and that you will be there when you can you are doing what you should do.  What I needed from my children was to know they were taking care of themselves and to help me find things to laugh about....however stupid....not just in person either !  A phone call was sometimes easier because I could lie down and chat.....they didn't have to be there in person.  Just hearing their voice, knowing they were thinking of me, was often plenty good for me.
Your mom did this before, and I have to believe, with time, she will come around and fight this again.
You need to stay strong for the rest of your family, including your mom.  Don't let your sister become a stone around your neck.  Maybe even she will come around.....she must be devistated as well.
Good luck to you all.
Peace.
dian

[rodstar]

Thanks for the encouragement Jane!  I saw my mother last night and she was doing okay.  Spent a lot of time talking about other things, but as soon as we get back to that topic, she is quite morose.

"This means I was never cured and I can't be cured"  "Who knows how long I have..."

I kept trying to be optimistic.  We're just going to have to take it one step at a time.

I will keep you updated on the results of the PET Scan.

Derek

[Jane39]

Wow that's enough to take the wind out of your sails.  That magic 5 year number? I guess that's what it is with this disease, just a number.  I am sure every year you get away from that original diagnosis, the more empowered you get, and then when something like this happens, I am sure it is heartbreaking in any respect.  Your mom sounds like a fighter, don't let her get discouraged, and don't you feel quilty about having to work and support a family, that doesn't mean you love your mom any less.  Tell your sister to be thankful that she is able to stay at home and not forced to go to a work everyday, alot of us aren't that lucky.  
I will keep your mom in my prayers.  Tell her to get back in there and kick this cancer to the curb.  God Bless.    Jane.