Respect

[dian07]

You know...I have been here since 2005.....I am one of the "old women" here.  I was 55 when I was diagnosed.  My youngest was graduating high school the same week as my first chemo.  My children were mortified.  My husband didn't have a clue as to what he should do (after all, he is a man!).
I had nobody to talk with about any of this stuff.  Not only was I alone (anyone dealing with this disease IS alone at so many times) I felt alone in my understanding of what was happening to me; and I'm not referring only to the medical side of this journey.
I found this site and have been comming here ever since.  I try to respond when I have something to contribute, or when someone is scared.  I have not always been nice, but, I will always step up when one of us falls or gets pushed down.
This journey is scary..... to all of us.  Still, there are differences in our experiences and understanding of those experiences.  Those differences are significant and need to be respected.  
Many of the women who I met here back in 2005 are no longer here.  We fought on a few different occasions just like you guys.
It's okay.
The end result is a better understanding of eachother's needs......still, not everyone will agree with everyone else.  That, too, is okay.
It is, however, imperative we respect eachother and our feelings.
Peace.
dian  

[gls2824]

I agree we need to respect each other.  I haven't read anyone's post that appears to be tearing people down or that tries to put their opinion above others.  But, people are being attacked for speaking what they feel or for trying to help others.  Medical information is objective and easy to convey.  Emotions are extremely subjective and easily misunderstood.  Who is to say who is "doing damage or doing good?"  Again, it's a very subjective view.

Had I come upon this site before I was diagnosed, and read some of the posts that have appeared recently, I probably would not have come back.  That's the sadness of it all.

[onthemendmomma]

You said : "no matter how you've been touched by this cancer, you have a right to be here." Obviously, some (respectfully) disagree.   Maybe the difference is if you are actively doing damage or doing good. I think seeking help and seeking to help others is doing good. I think tearing people down and consistantly putting your opinion above others is doing damage. There is where exercising respect comes into play.

[lucymullis]

I've been on this site for years and tried to share info that I learned with others.  I have often thought what I am about to say and never shared it because I didn't want to continue to "stir the pot."  Although I clearly agree we need to respect each other and try to not personalize posts, I really do think the pattern I have seen here periodically of writing posts like the first one here, that infers that someone or something has been a "problem" and doesn't state the real information just tends to put more attention and mystery on the situation.  I'd really prefer we not do this.

[gls2824]

I gave myself a week of rest from this site, after reading so many posts not only filled with anger and frustration (which are understandable) but with personal attacks.  I started reading this thread because it contained so many healing posts (thank you dian07) but then came to the post suggesting that Marty "move on."

So it appears not much has changed.  It's sad.  On another site that I regularly read, there is a man who knows so much about OVC that it's uncanny.  He's always there with great information and suggestions for all the new posters who are scared out of their minds (no matter what their ages).  His wife passed away from OVC and I've yet to see anyone suggest he "move on."  He is obviously trying to help so that no one has to suffer what his wife suffered, and I commend him for his dedication and compassion.

I agree with Teresa222, no matter how you've been touched by this cancer, you have a right to be here.

Sorry, I know this post is probably just adding fuel to the fire.

[crecco]

Well said Dian. I think that sometimes we get wrapped up in all that we are going through and we tend to forget the real reasons that we are here. We were all brought together for reasons unknown to any of us. Maybe not under the best circumstances but yet we are all here. The love and support that we can give each other cannot be found anywhere else. We may not always agree but we do always have that one thing in common that we cannot change.
                          Chris

[Hazel30]

HI Dian, I agree with your post and we all have our differences and opinions.  I also want to mention that I too have been on here since 2005 and you have been here since my first post.  Thank You for that.  Many women that were on here are now gone, unfortunately, but its nice too see some of the "old timers" .
take care
Fiana

[Ramsay14]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink!

[Teresa222]

Unfortunately, this message board takes on the same politics other message boards take. When I was first on the Internet, I was involved in a few sites that attracted folks who showed dogs. Man oh man... there was fighting going on there all the time! And it was always because a few posters would tell other posters what or how to post.

The thing we have to remember is no one CONTROLS who posts or the content that goes into those messages. Well, there are monitors, but you know what I mean. Marty has a wealth of knowledge to offer to all of us.  There is no reason for her to feel like she has to "leave" just because a few don't like a few things she said. She belongs here just like the rest of us. All of us are hurting..that and only that is the common thread. There is no contest for who hurts the most.  Yesterday, I felt I might have earned that distinction, but I am fine today.
This daggum cancer ride is a roller coaster. No wonder all of us are on edge.

I will be out of town a while.  I have a very sick brother in another state.
Teresa

[helenl89]

I agree with your comments. A much as we need each other sometimes it's okay to dis agree and even argue with each other. It all comes down to, that we all need each other  somedays. Even if its to just scream and vent. Many of you were there for me when  I was in the most darkest places. Being sick all the time, and the isolation, can be unbvearable. This site keeps us going somedays.

[dian07]

I thank you for leaving your "heart and prayers" with the women who continue to deal with the reality of this god-awful disease.
I think it just might be time for you to move on.  This site has not burried it's victims....these women are still living with the side effects of and the collateral damage of this disease.
Your  daughter is gone....perhaps it would be more productive to deal with her children, who are missing their mother, and her husband who is missing his wife.
There is no need for you to inject your desire to prove your sincerity....seems most of the women here have given you credit for that.
It is a strong wish of mine that you find peace.
Good luck to you, my friend.
Peace.
dian

[SimplyStar]

I feel like this whole thing came from the use of a single word by me, "irreplacable"   I happen to believe that we humans are among those things that are not replaceable in the manner of being ,  we are very unique in that.  Unlike a broken vase, a totaled car,  a missed appointment, these things can be replaced  or remade,  We are more like a Rembrant painting, burned up pictures from the past,  or your ovaries and uterus after debulking.  Our bodies can be fixed,  by those with the knowledge, cancer can and does go into remission, but too many times it becomes  too much even for them to save us.  I have been accused of being like a "dog with a bone"  insensitive to young people, and not understanding what your fears are,  believe me I do understand and I do know why you are in dread of the future.  All I was trying to say was, appricate the past, live for today and let tomorrow take care of its self.  No it is not fair  to lose a young person, but the elderly also fight everyday of their lives to live longer, everyone should  do this.  I do not know why I am still alive, I could have died in a car accident at 14, but I didn't, I could have died  with the Polio, but I didn't, I could have died in childbirth, but no, I always have survived,  I know that death will not pass me by now in my elder years, but until then I will live for today and see what tomorrow brings.  I have not stopped being a human being, I still am active in many things,  plus I am also active in my childrens, grandchildren and now the 2 little greats lives, but when I am gone they will have to do without me, and they will.  So now I will withdraw from the forum because  many of you mean too much to see this grow any bigger.  I have done the best I knew how in the 2 1/2 years I have been here.  My heart and prayers are still with you. Marty

[onthemendmomma]

Thanks...your post was kind and beautiful....For  me your post shatters barrier of  the isolation and loneliness , desperation (and yes anger) that fueled that now infamous "problem" post that I started. I do hope we can all be stronger and more informed. I for one hope to continue to learn from ALL the remarkable women (and occasional men) on this board for a long, long time.

[dawnlyn]

Thank you, and amen....Your wisdom is profound..........Love, Dawnlyn

[Ramsay14]

Thank you Dian for your profound comments.  A little wisdom was needed right about now.  

[bohan54]

Says the right thing every time.
Sharon

[doicat]

Thanks for this...yes we need to be reminded from time to time the purpose of this site.  I for one really do want honesty...whether I agree or not.  I also want to be able to not have to spin things...to make things all brightness and light.  We all have to do that with our family.  So it's nice to be able to have a place like this where we  can be truthful and can ask questions our family can't even entertain.  

I guess we all just need to respect each others needs.

Teresa

[SwOC5]

Such an inspiring  calming and beautiful post.
I am  relatively new here although I have been on the OVCa trip for a few years.
I agree we all have our unique variation on this journey with its twists and turns to deal with.
When I read the posts here at times I am amazed at the detail of information so many of you have in relation to your disease and treatments.
Here treatment and reviews  concentrate a little more on overall wellness.
However with the smaller numbers of cases of OvCa here (and even fewer of these in younger women) there is no local support group enabling  the woman to woman interaction  and chat on all the little questions and idea sharing that this wonderful forum allows.