Scared and waiting

[HoneyBfly2u]

This site has been wonderful, and has made me feel so much better over the past week.  When I can't sleep I come here and read all the comments I can to reassure myself that my mom will be alright.  Last week my mom had an ultrasound done, and was told she had an enlarged right ovary and a lot of free flowing fluid around her uterus.  Yesterday she was told the mass in her ovary was 16.4 cm by 7.5 cm which is quite large and no doubt has us worried.  I would go on the internet and read all the symptoms and just ball my eyes out because my mom has at least half of them, and cancer runs on my mom's fathers side of the family.  I don't know that anyone had ever died of ovarian cancer though.  This time is especially hard because I am 6 months pregnant with the first grandchild, and I have all these thoughts going through my head.  I feel like I'm giving myself an ulcer.  My mom is truly my best friend, we've pretty much grown together.  She had me when she turned 19.  I'm now 24, married...and she's 43.  She's been the best mother in the world to my sister, brother, and I.  She's made so many sacrifices so we'd never go without, and for us to be where we are today.  She's the most caring, and least selfish person I know, and for that I will always be eternally grateful.  I know that because of the Mom I have, I too will be a great Mom because I've learned from the best.  It's been so hard trying to comfort my siblings, and my father.  This is especially hard for him, he keeps his composure until he talks to me and lets it all out.  My mom's the love of his life, they've been together almost 30 years!  She's at the doctor right now, and I'm just sitting here playing the waiting game.  I'm not even sure what, if anything they'll find out today.  I haven't slept much, too much running through my head.  I just hope we all know something soon because this is a lot to take.  Sorry for all the rambling, for some reason it just makes me feel better to get all my thoughts out.
Shannon

[HoneyBfly2u]

Thank you for your responses and comments.  It helps to hear from people who have gone through these types of experiences.  I'm gonna stay optimistic, because the odds are in our favor right?  This type of thing really puts life into perspective.  Life is so precious, and time shouldn't be wasted on things that are unimportant.  I will keep posting, as it eases my fears.  Any useful information, or similar type experiences that anyone would like to share with me will be greatly appreciated.

[SimplyStar]

Hey fellow Iowaegan, I am in Cedar Rapids, the University Hospital is good, we opted to go to Mayo in Rochester because of its reputation, Dian07 is also from Iowa  so we do have that good old hawkeye rooting section for your Mom.  Whatever you do be sure an onocologist is near by or does the surgery, they have the best training  for this and are more sucessful in getting all of it out if it is cancer.  if there is any thing at all I can do for you, please let me know.  Good Luck to all of you.

[bmcd]

Shannon,
I'm sorry for what you are going through.  I have a brief comment about the ascites that will hopefully ease your fears of ascites and the relation of ascites spreading cancer.  My daughter was dx with ovca.  She had so much ascites that she looked 9 months pregnant.  Although her cancer had spread to her omentum, all of the ascites fluid they tested was cancer free.  All of the lymph nodes that were removed and tested were cancer free.  The spread of the cancer was not related to the ascites nor does the existence of ascites mean that there is cancer present.  Needless to say, my daughter finished treatment in March 07 and is doing ok.  The fine women on this post have taught me something pretty valuable and that is do waste good worry on nothing.  Only a biopsy will confirm malignancy or not.  Wait for the surgery, get the facts and react accordingly to the results.  Hope this helps at least alittle with your fears of presence of ascites.
Take Care and God Bless.

[HoneyBfly2u]

I just got off the phone with my mom and she is getting surgery done next week.  They said her mass was long, like a sausage which makes the doctor feel like it's been twisted, and that being the reason she's been in so much pain.  He gave her the option to stay in our city and have the surgery (Davenport) or go to Iowa City and have it done.  I would much rather her make the 45 minute trip, but my Mom being my Mom is thinking about how she's gonna take care of my younger brother, and everything else before herself.  This frustrates me.  The doctor told her it was a 50/50 chance it's cancerous which upsets me, just because it is/it isn't is 50/50 the chances that it is aren't 50/50.  Saying things like that have a big impact on the person, and I just wish some caregivers would choose their words more wisely.  My mom sounds so down, and seems to believe the worst.  This makes it all the harder to keep pushing forward and being optimistic, telling her everything will be alright because she doesn't seem to believe it, and therefore makes me not believe it.  She keeps saying she wants more time with us, like she's dying.  This hurts a lot.  I guess what worries me the most is this fluid, I believe it's called "ascites" because if it is cancerous, then it's probably spread.  Is this fluid common with cysts, and benign tumors? I don't know how sane I'll be in a week.

[dian07]

Hey kid....I can certainly understand your fears and anxieties.....this is a good place for you to come and talk....we are here for that reason.  I am now two years out from my last chemo treatment....my kids were my biggest source of strength and hope and joy during those times.  You know...worrying won't accomplish anything positive....it won't change the situation as it is....when I was diagnosed I didn't waste a minute wringing my hands....I just said "Okay, so what do we do now?".  All you and your family can do here is get the facts, find out what you are dealing with and get on with it....if it is malignant (98% of cysts/tumors/ growths are NOT malignant!) start chemo as soon as she is strong enough after the surgery.  Yes...there are side effects from chemo....it's not fun, but it is doable.  Hopefully it is not cancer , but if it is, you guys can do this along side your mom.  How wonderful you are pregnant with the first grand-child!  That really gives your mom something to look forward to!  You have to take care of you for your health and the health of your baby......come back and let us know how you and your mom and family are doing.