Some Updates

[PinkTissue]

I would like to give a big thank you to all of you who have asked after my mother.

I have gone MIA (missing in action) after Jan has passed on to a better world. She has touched my life and although I have never met her, I still miss her.

The truth is that I am bogged down several non-OVCA life issues. There is a lot of pressure from my workplace and I don’t think my office is really happy that I am taking so much leave (even though it is my entitlement) to accompany my mother for medical check-ups. And with H1N1 exploding in my country, my hands are really full as I deal with manpower deployment.

For some quick updates – the initial 3 cycles of navelbine/gemzar did not really work – ok, the cancer did not progress but it did not shrink the cancer. We switched to doxil for 3 cycles and have been told that it worked. There is only very little ascities left and the cancer shrunk, to quote the doctor, ‘to the size of his finger tip’. We have discussed the options – one is to continue with another 3 cycles and the other to have another operation. The surgery idea was dropped since the ‘finger-tip size cancer’ is at a very awkward position and it would be a major surgery to get to the position. The other is to continue with another 3 cycles of doxil.

Now…..all hell breaks loose at the news. I am sure that many of you would be ‘happy’ to be in such a position where it is possible to get another remission. But no……my mum is really upset to having another 3 cycles of doxil because of the side effects. Okay – there are no unpleasant side effects like vomiting/loss of appetite (she ate so much that the doctor prescribe an additional cholesterol test to ensure that her cholesterol level is ok). And while there is 1 or 2 days where she has to rest quietly, she went out almost everyday shopping, karoke singing or having tea with her friends. However, my mum is MAJORLY upset at the thinning of the hair, that her skin turned dark and parts of the finger nails turned black. Knowing my mum is on the verge of outburst, I managed to persuade the doctor to give a 3 week break before resuming the treatment to give my mum a break after 6 chemo treatment cycle.

But now without fail, my mum is talking about stopping chemo totally to try on ‘alternative’ or ‘Chinese’ medication. Being Chinese, I do believe that Chinese medication can alleviate some of the symptoms and if approved by the oncologist, my mum could still pursue her ‘other’ treatments. But……I also believe that it is sheer folly to stop something that has worked and to just rely on other treatments which has yet to prove its effectiveness in ‘curing’ cancer. I try not to get into fights with my mother but I have told her honestly that she cannot expect me to say the things she want to hear (like it is time to drop chemo totally) when doxil has helped her. Now my mother is upset at me for not supporting her saying that I do not know how tough the conventional cancer treatment is for her.

Sorry for venting out my frustration. I love my mother and it is true that I do not know how she truly feels as I do not have OVCA. But I get truly upset by all those anecdotal stories of people cured of cancer using alternative medication – be it Chinese medication or some fancy mushroom my mum is always quoting. I am perfectly fine with my mum if she wants to try alternative treatment with the blessing of the oncologist but it really frightens the hell out of my when my mum wants to stop chemo treatment totally.

[bohan54]

Good to hear from you.  
I too find your mum's reluctance to continue treatment baffling, especially since the side effects are basically only aesthetic.  I for one don't care if I turn purple and have one hair on my body as long as the cancer stays in check.  
Hoping she comes around to see your logic.
Sharon

[Ramsay14]

I agree with you and Bohan.  The doxil is working!  It's shrinking the tumor.  She could get rid of the tumor completely without surgery.  If we could all be so lucky.  One point I don't agree on is the break from chemo.  She could lose some of the progress she's made and that would only extend the treatments even longer.  If I were her I would want to get the treatments over with and get in to that possible remission.

[PinkTissue]

Well, in some strange way, I can sympathize with my mum not wanting chemo. In my living memory, my mum kicks a huge fuss when she is really ill (which thank goodness, is a rare condition). She just hate the idea of getting ill. Despite living with cancer since 2007, sometimes my mum still lapse into denial stage saying that the doctor 'may have made some mistake'. She just could not believe that she has cancer. The cosmetic part may seemed.....frivilous but to my mum it is 'proof' that she has cancer.

And from another perspective......the initial instinct is to kill of the cancer...but there are cases where people do co-exist with cancer as long as he/she is in a stable condition. My mum is always saying that cancer may not kill her but the cancer treatments may just send her off to another world. My mum just did not want a life where she is so ill from treatment (which there is no gurantee that the cancer would not appear again) that she could not have a semblance of 'normal' life.

I am trying...very, very hard to try to understand my mum's thinking but there are times that I find it impossible since compared to many others, her side effects are really, really manageable.....and her social life is more active then my own. And did I mention that my mum's consultancy business is blooming and my mum is mumbling about expansion?

It is killing me to ask the doctor to stop the treatment for 3 weeks but I knew it in my gut that my mum would lapse into a depression if we have continued with the treatment last week. And sometimes, mental health is as important as physical health. I hope I made the right decision. I talked to the doctor privately and he felt that the 3 weeks break would not do any damage but there is just this niggling fear in me that I made have made the wrong decision.

Well, there is always hope. I would try to cajole my mother into another 3 cycles to kill off the cancer remnants but I am mentally prepared that she would likely to lapse into another depression especially when all her hair drops off.

[TrudieC]

Pink, I really feel for you being stuck in the middle of this and so wanting your mother healthy again.  I do hope that she has a change of heart after the break and that if she can use the alternative treatments in conjunction with the chemo with the blessing of her doctor that she will have some relief from the side effects.  Can you take her to a place that can help her look and feel more beautiful?  I know in North America women with cancer can get help with wigs, makeup, etc. so they can feel more like themselves.  

Hugs, Trudie

[Teresa222]

I can understand how your Mother could be very trying at times...but she sounds absolutely ADORABLE to me.  She is just full of LIFE! That is good if you can channel that energy in the right direction so that she can remain relatively healthy in spite of it all.

Doxil was tough on me too. I find I am still losing a little hair each day.  And that is over two months after my last treatment.  I remain too tired to do much productive about 50% of the time. And that other time, I am very limited in my energy. If you can steer her away from the fad treatments and back to the conventional treatments that we know will work, you will be doing what a loving daughter should do.
Teresa