Talk about inpersonal

[livertrans]

None of my siblings were on good terms with our oldest sister(myself included) for  quite a few years.  My oldest niece just emailed me-if you could imagine- a note that her mom passed away June 3 with cancer.  Even though it was sudden you think she could have picked up the phone to call me.  She knows, because of a short letter I sent her a little while ago, that I am facing surgery soon.  I knew she was cold but this takes the cake.  I am the only living member of my family now.

[livertrans]

Actually, after see all this tales about other families and their problems I came up with a thougt.  I said to my husband I wonder if screwy families have any connection to ovarian troubles.  Just for a laugh.  I am sure no study was ever done on that theory.

[md1johnson]

Isn't it amazing as we all talk just how much we all have in common. I look back before I found this forum and all my new cysters just how scared and confused I was. Now I just sit down and begin to share and things are not as bleak as they appeared to be. I hope I can give back some of what I receive from everyone. And, Livertrans you have alot of friends here. I've for a long time lived by the saying "Family is who you make it". Great day to everyone.

[livertrans]

Thanks confused Lex.  Ya, mixed up families are multiple.  That is one thing I have learned over the years.  I have no regrets about my oldest sister.  I tried reaching out a number of times to smooth over the gap but she wanted no part of it.  Her kids have bought into the whole mess with their mom.  You want to hear a real goody.  Her son, her youngest, is a Baptiste Minister and he is as bad as the others.  How's that for good christian behavior?  I would love to be your big sis.  That is a role I played a lot for the niece that emailed me about my sister.  She was only 5 years younger than me.  Her mom was 17 when my parents had me.  I had a brother 15 years older.  The other sis was 5 years older and she was ticked when I was born.  I stole all the limelight.   We fought like cats and dogs when we were young.  We had a 3 day fight, as adults and cleared up a lot misconceptions.  We had become very close as adults.  Her passing was the one that really broke my heart.  She had been through so much and just wanted someone to love her for her.  In many ways you may be better off without your husband but boy could you have used some family help.  My hubby and I did what I called tagteam parenting.   When one of us had enough the other stepped in a took over.  We always joke that our son turned out in spite of us.  I really hope all the problems, with your health, turn out to be nothing.  Keep me posted.  Your son must be in high school now, is he?  I enjoy my son with each passing year.  He is almost 22 and when he finished college and has to move I will miss him.  I know I will see him and talk to him and I would never hold him back.  I
know better than that.  When I moved to this area for a job after graduation from my course my parents had a rough time of it.  I was the first one to leave home before I was married.  My hubby, who I was engaged to then, moved up about 4 months after I did.  My parents never let on that they knew we lived together before the marriage.  On one of my hubbies visit to my parents, my dad gave him some tools that he said were extra ones he had.  I laughed and told my husband he had just gotten the seal of approval as my dad tools were his babies. He was a real handyman.  My mom fell in love with him too and would take his side if we had an arguement.  I finally told her he was my husband and it was my fight.  Amazingly I mellowed greatly over the years and don't get upset about much these days.  So here's a hug form you new big sis.  I am spreading myself around as dian07 has adopted me into her family.  Thanks all.

[livertrans]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts.  Dian07, thanks for adopting me.  I know what you mean about feeling like an orphan when both parents are gone.  There was an article in Readers Digest the month before my mom passed away.  It talked about no matter how old you are when that last parents die you feel like an orphan.  I also know what strange famalies are like.  My brother was a loner who did not look after his health.  He had already lost one foot to gangarene when he died and was just about to lose another. He smoke like a chimney and that was what did him in.  He went into respiratory distress and refused treatment.   My other sister had almost chronic problems with depression.  I lost count of how many times she overdosed.  I often felt like her older sister because I was there to help her through it.  She also was there for me whenever I needed her.  It was carbon monoxide poisioning, from an appartment fire, the finished her off but they found a brain stem bleed when they did the autopsy.  That would have killed her in a few more days, anyway.  My oldest sister was married to an abusive alcholic for 18 years.  After she finally kicked him out she seemed to act like the world owed her for having had such a bad life.  She never got passed that.  She died from cancer with liver mets.  They do not know the primary.  She smoked until about 3 years ago and had already been diagnosed with emphasema.  I say that I am relatively sane but who knows.  My hubby helped me a lot. Moving away from my home town helped as well.  It's amazing how you revert to childhood behavior when you go back home. I needed to shake free of that.  My dad died 25 years ago from cancer and my mom died 9 years ago when flesh eating disease got into her blood stream and she slipped away in less than a day.  It was painless and fast and that was the way she wanted it.  Is there a true "normal" family out there?  My parents were solid good people.  How they gave birth to the brood they did is beyond me.  Thanks again.

[confused Lex]

My goodness Lady ..and I thought I was alone in the way off family situation ..but i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes ..and as sad as it may sound ..I am relieved to know I'm not alone ..
I am the yougest of 7 and 14 yrs younger then the second last ..I was adopted when my oldest sister was having kids and she has hated me all ny life because my parents wouldn't takecare of her kids so she could still be young and crazy ..because I was there and in the way.
I adopted my son 14yrs ago and my husband left us when he was only 6months old after 8yrs  of marriage..I was in a car accident 6 weeks before he left(he couldn't handle me recovering and taking care of a baby alone ) the coward.. But my lovely family has sat back and watched me have 31 operations in total and visited me once in the hospital and never once offered a helping hand with my son ..I've gone through everything alone and I still raised a wonderful boy who is my world ..
Now they're trying to make me feel guilty that I haven't let them spend enough time with him ..now that he is 14 ..pleaseeee
I needed someone out of my 5 sisters and 2 brothers many times down the road and not one offered even a minute of help .Nor has one of them ever asked to have my son over in the past.
We were invited to florida 3yrs ago and my son was so excited about disney world and so was i just because i was asked..but my 2nd oldest sister manipulated the situation in a manner that we were left behing so my oldest sister could go ( the one that hates me for being born )Was told to wait for a call before leaving time and the call came 2weeks after they came back and I tried to reach them to no avail. So you see we all have sad family storys .. I now see that ..
I am very sorry for your loss anyway Livertrans ..
And I really could use an older sister so if you want I'm available .. :)
Takecare hun

Always here for ya...Lex

[dian07]

Hey there....my family is sometimes off the chart ....I think more of us than any of us knows has families that are a little strange.  My dad died in 1982, at which time my mom climbed into a bottle...she never climbed out...she even moved three times and didn't tell me!  That made me feel wanted! Then there was the family reunion that nobody told me about...oh, then there was the trip to Europe that didn't include me....I am the oldest of five and each one of us has our own stories to tell...I got lucky....my mom and I finally re-connected over the phone the day before she died.....I have two brothers who don't talk and they both live in Bradenton...nobody wants our sister to come around as she is always TROUBLE....I live in Iowa..they all live down south....that's a good reason for me to stay in Iowa....It's not your fault your sister wasn't speaking with you...even when my brothers are at eachother's throat they know each loves the other...I am the oldest..my mom was only 16 years old when I was born and she wasn't happy to see me...my position in the line-up is just opposite yours....I can only imagine how you must feel...just loosing both my parents made me feel like an orphan....I might be an orphan but I have three brothers and one sister who are also orphaned...even mor than that..I have my husband and children...they are my world...you people here are becomming more important everyday...you might feel alone but clearly you are not....I'll adopt you! You can share my brothers and sisters if you are really desperate!  My oldest is 35 and the youngest just turned 20....we are willing to add you to our family....gladly! There...that is settled....you are now a member of this family.....with all it's good and not-so-good traits....welcome aboard!
Peace to the newest members of our family!
dian

[confused Lex]

Hug was felt and greatly needed ..
Thanks my new big sis ...
Maybe just sis ..cause we are really close in age ;)
But thank you all the same
Hugs in return
Lex

[Grateful06]

One thing I know is that every family has problems, and often it is one agitator, or noone to blame, just very different people not able to get along.  Our famiy is divided, my primary family is close, but I have a crazy Aunt who has spread lies about everyone, and so her whole famil (seven cousins) are not in our lives anymore.  It is sad in a way, but necessary to remain apart.  I ache for all of us who have trouble with relationships, but I do know once you start talking to people, you find out we all have these problems.  Sending some LOVE to you.

[livertrans]

Thanks for the thoughts.  I am not angry at my sister but just ticked off at my niece sending an email with this information.  I wrote that letter a lot of times and cleared my mind of it.  We last saw each other at the funeral of my sister that I was close with last year.  I had to make the decision, in that sisters death, to not take heroic measures( she had severe brain damamge from carbon nioxide from a house fire), plan her funeral and do all the calls and such that need to be done.  This oldest sister and niece at least had the opportunity to come to her funeral.  I was not given that option.  We live about 300 miles away.  It was just the timing as well.  I am already stressed and worried about the outcome of my own surgery.  Now I have lost all of my siblings in  the last 5 years.  I am the youngest so I knew this was a possiblilty but I thought I would be older than 52 by the time they all passed.  My hubby is great.  He left work to come home for a while when I called.  He has always been my pillar of strength.
I had reached out, over the last 4 or 5 years, to try and restart communication but it was not well received on the other side.  This sister that just passed away thought that we all were bad people and she was fine.  Funny thing was she was the one not talking to any of us.  Makes you stop and think.  Well, I am just rambling so thanks again.  I am so glad I came across this site.  It helps in so many ways.

[Gatsby]

I am so sorry to hear this.  It is a shame that you and your sister were estranged, especially when you each could have used the bond between you to go through the problems that you each have faced.  Please don't hold on to the negativity of this, let it go and move on with your life.  Perhaps you could write a letter to your sister and then burn it.  It helps to get rid of the bad feelings and helps you to move forward.  You know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Godspeed
~Tascha