Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

This is what they mean by effective?

I apologize in advance for this duplicate post, but I wanted to start another thread so that this thought doesnt get lost in the shuffle.

Anyway.....Turns out my brother wasnt paying attention.

I spoke with the doc myself....and she did say that the treatment is very effective and that 50% go into remission. The thing is, of those 50%, about 40% of those the cancer comes back.
I work with numbers for a living so this means, in agreement with the doctor, that the chances for long term survival are only 30%. They call that effective?!

The doc tried to comfort me and say you cant just look at those numbers. My mom had a successful surgery and right now she is doing well. I have to hold onto that. But still - the numbers terrify me.

I start the support group next week. Im falling apart - I cant sleep through the night and Im always crying. I have to be strong for my mom, but I cant pull myself together. Who the hell am I to feel sorry for myself when my poor mom, like many of you other women, have to go through this ordeal.

But come on, is 30% really considered effective? I was hoping for at least 50%. Actually the numbers really dont matter.....I just need my mom to fall into the category of beating this thing. Please pray for her.

Thank you.
27 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Hi Concerned,

My dad's a Holocaust survivor, and like any good child of survivor (cos), I grew up with a very sad feeling tugging at me that "I could never fix what was really hurting daddy".  Also like any good COS I learned early on how to sooth him and assure him and be there with him.  It's amazing how much a child's support can mean to their parents.  You can do this, and you can make a very special and big difference.  The little things and the little moments count.  They add up to a huge thing.

Cheri
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
She just looks so tired.....which I can understand  I just hope she has the strength to fight.  She is 75 years old...do women her age, in otherwise good health, able to battle this thing?

Is getting 98% out with specs remaining good?  Would that alone give her ax extra year or two?

I stopped by yesterday for a surprise visit and she was so happy to see me.  I just want her to be healthy and happy and to know we all love her.

Basically, I feel helpless...all she has done for me all these years and theres nothing substantial I can give back to her to take this away from her.

She starts treatments next week and Im praying the treatments will be effective for her.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello there - In a way I was relieved to see your posting as I have to say I thought your brother's interpretation of the stats was very optimistic.  I didn't reply to that as it seemed so negative and he had enough to deal with.  Yes, the stats are not optimistic or helpful especially compared with breast cancer, but you might be surprised at how tough your mother is about it.  I'm 65, a bit younger, but I'm very determined to do as well as I can.  I see older women at the clinic I attend who have ovca and they are surprisingly cheerful and matter of fact about their treatment.  My daughter was devastated at the first news but dealt with it by being very active on my behalf - doing research and finding the best specialists, making food for me to have on return from hospital, organising her brothers and father to visit and bring things etc.  She's the bossy one in the family!  How she dealt with it in private I don't truly know and didn't ask - too much emotion spilling around isn't our style - very British of us!  It did wonders for all our relationships - we were brought up short by the reality of cancer and were much nicer to each other and stopped whinging about trivia.  Funny how it takes real problems to bring you together.  Hope you are feeling a bit better now and not fixing too much on the figures - your mother is an individual.  Look after yourself and keep looking out for her.  Will be thinking of you, jenny
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Concerned,
You are not weak, you are strong.  Look at all the support you have pulled in here to take care of you.  It would be good to turn the strength on soothing yourself, so you can focus on your mother instead.

It sounds like your mother had taken care of you and made you the center of her attention for a long time.  It's a hard thing to give up.  I know you know that already, but you'll need to if you are going to be able to take care of her now.  A new role and a new way to look at one's life, is not only scary, but empowering.

Cheri
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks Dian.  You are absolutely right.  I know the whole time I have made it about me when it should all  be about her.  I try to keep it together as best as I can in front of her.  When Im by myself, or with people to talk to, and even on here, I let myself fall apart so I can get it out of my system.

Thank you all for your patience, understanding and compassion.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
All the women who have taken the time to post here have been so very compassionate amd comforting.
I am desperately seeking to offer the same.
Your mother certainly senses your anxiety, guilt, fear, and terror with the prospect of losing her.  I am left wondering how much energy she is spending trying to comfort you?  She needs to be focusing her energy and time getting her mind set, her attitude cranked up, and spirit geared for a real fight. She has no energy left for anyone else....she needs to focus on herself.
This is the time for everyone else to take care of themselves and her; not the other way around.
If you don't think she senses these emotions, you are mistaken. Ask any of the mothers who have spoken to you....it's easy for us to sense our children's emotions and state of mind. And, it is very troubling for us when one of our children are in pain; physical or emotional.....it wears on us...it can wear us down. That would not be good for your mom.....she needs to sense peace, and positive emotions comming from you whenever you are around her. I know it is hard, but it is necessary.  Peace to you and your family.
dian
Helpful - 0
117289 tn?1391712825
xray is right.  My dad was dx with lung cancer (from exposure to agent orange) and passed away 11 months later at the age of 57.  He was there with me when my daughter, his first grandchild was born.  It was a difficult birth (ending in emer. csect) and even though he was going through chemo at the time, he held my hand and said he would take my pain away if he could. He helped my dh through it since I had to have gen ans, and no one could go in the or with me. My daughter was only 6 mos old when he passed.  I treasure every moment that we had and we had no regrets and nothing was left unsaid.
~Tascha
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's my mother in law. We only found out a week ago. We're not sure what's going on yet. We know it's cancer she has three larger cysts(one 9cm on her ovary pressing on her bowel) and several smaller ones. She see's a onc. proffessor next week and starts chemo soon after that. No dates yet. The waiting is driving us mad. She has raised ca-125(112) so we're guessing ovca. Worried that they're not offering surgery first or if we're being told the whole story.

You're bound to be upset by all of this, it's an awful thing to go through with all the waiting and uncertainty. Try to keep busy and I know it's easier saying than doing but try not to dwell on the negative. Is there anything your mother needs doing around the house, or yours? Does she have a favourite day out you could take her on?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think your mom will love the placque you picked out for her.  I do not think it is too depressing.  She will think of you everytime she looks at it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I wish you could just FORGET ABOUT THE NUMBERS! I know it is hard butyou have to try. THis is a very personalized cancer. So many variables and what happens to stats when there are so many variables??? they loose their bite. I know you men want to fix things and you need FACT and NUMBERS but I am giving you a new word to focus on. FAITH....Some gals here go searching for answers by researching on the web. But that just gives us more questions and anxiety sometimes. Several hee have said they can no longer look for answers, ther aren't any and it tears them up with what if's. You need to take a page from their book and STOP thinking in numbers and stats and start thinking in FAITH and HEALING.

Now I am not trying to be harsh, just saying what I would say to my kids. Tell them in your support gropup that this is what you need to work on....forgetting the stats! Wwe have established that they are obselete by the time they are published, but faith is never obsolete and it can really work or all of us would be in the nut house already!      Peace to you and KEEP THE FAITH!

Cindi
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
As a mother of 2 sons (22 & 15) I have to say that the plaque is beautiful, it made me cry... Best wishes to your whole family.:)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I understand that my chance is only 28% to live, but I cannot dwell on this too much..... I just do not want it to be painful I am most scared about that. I hope that these next two chemos  kill this **** forever, and I am positve about the great strides everyday that are new and come into focus, Usworldnews last week said that the NCIS hopes to have cancer gone by 2015... I also have been reading so many articles on SUGAR I get more articles from people about how bad this is for you and they believe that sugar fuels cancer cells. I know this is a hard thing to believe that I would be stuck by this in my forties  change my life forever but I am always going to try and be positive no matter much. I thank god everyday for the people who have stood by me because it hasn't been too pretty at times. I hope that you are feeling better and I also found out for myself that going to a local cancer support group was not my cup of tea. My family suggested that I go and I kept coming home crying, sad, and then they suggested that maybe I not go, so I stopped and have not gone back since, I find this forum much more satisfying and really have learned more about these brave ladies than at a face to face. I also have met so many brave wonderful people at infusion where it is always raw with emotion and reality.  I also have met Ovarian Cancer survivors and hope to be one myself someday. Good Luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had sent my name to the study at the UW and they are currently testing with 64 women. I want to make myself available for any study that might be the big thing!! Glad that you are slowly conquering with the chemo. I had a much easier time this go around and looking forward to finishing, going in for counts and neupogen shot today, talk to you soon, CHEEERIO!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If she is feeling good now, then make the most of the days she is feeling good.  When they found my granddad's colon cancer, they told with treatment they could give him a year.  He chose to go with a colostomy and lived nine months. He passed away the day I found I was pregnant with my first child.  He chose the quality of life verses the quantity.  He was 75 when he passed way.  Your mother may take the therapy and run with it- and be free 10 years from now.  Try not to focus on the stats-focus on each day you have with her now.  I will be praying for you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm new to this site and am sorry to hear your news. This is a terrible time for you and your family. You have to be strong for your mother and try to be positive for her sake. Falling appart won't do her any good. Be as informed as you can and try to be as positive and 'normal' as you can be when you're around her. From what I've read here and on the net they say not to pay too much attention to stats. Every case is different.

It must be difficult for her, I'm sure she's worried about this and all of you too. Does she have an outlet to let off steam? Our loved one loves computer solitaire and sudoku puzzles so we're stocking up for her. She is also having a lot of back pain, finding it difficult to get comfy, so we've got her a v-pillow.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks Marie.  Is it a family member of yours that has ovca?  I am trying ot be as normal as anyone can be under the circumstances...but its hard to smile and pretend everything is good.

Right now my mom feels and looks fine.  Im also thinking about when the treatments start how it will her affect her.  I want her happy and healthy for many more years.

I just keep saying I love her because I dont know what else to do.
Helpful - 0
117289 tn?1391712825
You say your mom feels good right now, right?  Well you need to live in the moment, do not get so caught up in the what ifs and how longs.  You need to be happy with her now.  As the saying goes try not to "borrow trouble".  Granted, it is hard not to look at the statistics.  Your mom is not a statistic, so please try to keep that in mind.  If we live our lives worrying about tomorrow, we will miss the wonderful things that happen today.  Each day is a gift and we must enjoy it.  Godspeed
~Tascha
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What a beautiful thought - "each day is a gift and we must enjoy it". Enjoy each moment with your mum. Let her open up and tell you how she is feeling. She strikes me as a very strong woman. Do not for a moment see yourself as weak. You are NOT. What you are going through is a hard thing to bear and how can you be weak if you are able to express what you are feeling. I give you a BIG hug and wish you peace in your heart. Keep the faith - stay POSITIVE. Nothing could be stronger.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Im just having such a terrible time dealing with this. No matter how many people cross my path or how many people care about me, no one can ever love me the way my mom does.  I honestly dont know what to do.  My heart is breaking and Im panicked.  Im praying the chemo will work on her.

I also hope my mom is not that scared.  Thats also weighing heavy on my mind.  I dont want her to feel afraid and alone.

I always knew I love my mom...but until this all happened, I never realized just how strong my feelings are for her.  I just dont know what to do.


I would have felt a little better if they had gotten out 100% of the visible cancer.  As it stands now, theres 2% remaining plus all the microscopic cells they cant see.

I really need some hugs.  Im a weak person.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't get too caught up in the stats.  One of the things they say now about ovarian cancer is that it is a long-term disease.  By that I mean that there are many different chemo treatments they can use when one fails.  After her first round of chemo 'if' she has a recurrence (and I hope she doesn't) it's not necessarily dire news as there are a lot of different chemos and combos of chemo to try.  
When my dad was diag. with cancer it was real tough, he was in his eighties but in very good health prior to diag. and very athletic and ate better than anyone I knew.  It was hard trying to be strong for him and my mom, so I know what you're going through.  You want to do something to fix it, but you know you can't.  The best thing you can do is be supportive and become educated about her illness, but don't let it drag you down too.  Your mom needs you healthy now too.

Take care.
I'll keep your mom and you in my prayers.

debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The thing is, she is 75 years old and lets face it, she is getting up there.  Its just that I want so much more time with her.  I love her.

Im scared...she is Stage 3C...BUT no signs of it in her lymph nodes or on her liver.  THAT has to be good....because some Stage 3C have them in the nodes or even on the liver.  Does this at all improve her odds?

I hate feeling so panicked and unable to help her.

That saying on the placque....is it too depressing?  The last thing I want to do it upset my mom.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Concerned-
You have to believe that your mom can beat this.  She needs that energy from you.  Also, continue to surround her with all of this love.  As the mother of three boys and a cancer survive I can tell you that when those boys of mine (22,17 and 15) put there arms around me, or make me a cup of tea or tell me they love me - I can practically feel cancer cells dying!  Just give her love and let God and the doctors take care of the rest.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I bought a few gifts for my mom...hopefully to make her smile.  But I wanted something to convey how I feel about her.  I found a small placque with this message on it:

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."

How true is that?!

I love you mom!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
cip
I will think positive thoughts for your mom. My sister was diagnosed with Stage 3C lung cancer at the age of 36.They gave her a 15% chance of making it 5 years. They rejected her as a surgical candidate in Ohio, and we found a surgeon in Texas to do surgery after she went 15 rounds of chemo and had a reoccurance. She lived, went back to grad school and made it another 9 years. Stats aren't everything - it is more helpful for people to focus on living and thriving - I wish the best for you and your mom.....
Helpful - 0
2
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Ovarian Cancer Community

Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Learn how to spot the warning signs of this “silent killer.”
Diet and digestion have more to do with cancer prevention than you may realize
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.