UPDATE: Jan & Brownie

Dear Forever Friends,

My whole world is falling down around me and I need your help.  I am going to try not to ramble but the last month or so has been very trying.  I have been in the hospital 3 times and I am just now home from my latest stay.  I do feel better.  The Gemzar has not worked since treatment 3 so he is stopping it since it is making me so sick.  My numbers are low enough that he says I can take a break for awhile and regain some strength.  That is good news for me but that is where the good news stops.  While I was in the hospital my chemo buddy from my carbo/taxol days was across the hall and our onc told me she only has a matter of days.  He is sending her home to hospice care.  She was stage 1 and I sure didn't think it was going to be her.  We have become pretty close and our husbands have become friends.  I am devastated by this.  I am 3c it should have been me.  There is no rhyme or reason to this monster.  

My FIL was given 6 months with pancreatic cancer and that was in Sept.  He had a mini stroke on Tues because of some brain tumors that have developed and Cory went tearing down there in the middle of the night after making sure I was okay in the hospital and I had friends around.   Anyway, they sent his dad home yesterday and this morning the hospice people said it could be anytime now.  Cory is on his way back from his parents to pick me and the girls up and we are going back down there.  

Brownie has sent me several text messages over the last little while and I will write them out here exactly as she sent them. "I'm back in the hospital with 102.6 temp, stomach cramping, bowel problems and a whole sort of mess.  I'm scheduled for CT scan and blood tests. Please keep me in your prayers.  Will you let everyone know on medhelp?..."  So that is what I am doing.

I would like to ask  you to pray for Deandra, Cory's dad and my friend Camille.  She's a cyster you all just don't know her.  As always, for those of you that don't pray, good thoughts, well wishes and loads of positive energy would be greatly appreciated for all of these people.  Also, let's not forget ourmarie.  Has anyone heard anything about her?  I would also ask that you pray for my wonderful husband (Cory).  He is just devastated by all of this and he is being such a rock.  Can you imagine what is must be like for him to have so many people he loves dying from cancers and having to hold everyone up?  For all of you caretakers, God bless you.

Also, I would like to ask that each of you take care of and look out for the forum.  My in laws have dial up and with everything going on I will not be able to check in much.  Will someone or someones, please keep up with people having surgeries.  I will still do the birthdays and as far as I know there aren't any until monday.  SimplyStar was trying to be in Chatzy at 10 and 8 and learinboutlife has been trying to fill in for those times while Star is away, but if some of you could make sure somebody is there at those times.  I have noticed lately that people keep missing each other and there have been people who need to talk.  In short, i am asking you all to keep a good eye on the neighborhood as i can't do the Neighborhood Watch this week.  Thanks you guys.  I know I can count on you.
I love you all
Jan

[ireneo]

I've started a list of surgery dates just for my own prayer list. I'm afraid I may have missed some since I don't read every thread. But I will add those names you've mentioned ( for prayer and good thoughts.) This has to be hard on you too since your own surgery is coming up on the 20th.

I must say that's what I admire about everyone here - that no matter how tough things get, you keep looking out for everyone else.

[ChrisP2236]

I'm so sorry to hear about all that's been going on. You will be in my prayers.  Big hug, ChrisP

[dian07]

I am so sorry all this is hitting at once....it must be especially hard to land on your feet right now....still ....no; it should not have been you.  You and your family and Camille ...Deandra is always on our minds...please give your husband my heart felt sympathy.
Peace.
dian

[cirella]

Oh Jan, so much pain and suffering around you now.  Right now I am offering you, Cory, Cory's dad, Deandra, and Camille up to the loving hands of our Dear Lord.  May he bring you all peace, comfort and healing to the extent of His good graces.  I pray for His mercy and care upon you all.  Lord, hold your children close to you now.  Please ease their pain.  Bring comfort and peace to them as only a loving father can.  

I also pray for each person who visits this forum.  No matter where we are in our journey to understanding in our lives I pray for a peace to come over each one.

In Jesus name, Amen

[ireneo]

Well said.

[SimplyStar]

Jan , I cannot comprehend all the strife and suffering you are going through right now,  You all are in my prayers, you don't need to ask, just believe it, and it is so.  Life can be such a drag sometimes and all the sympathic words in the world cannot change some of the outcomes, but to know that there are many voices being raised in your behalf for comfort and in love should help in some measure to reassure you, that you are never alone in this time of trial.  God Loves You and so do I.   Don't worry about your neighborhood, it will be well and waiting for your return, I miss you and Deandra and the others that are going through rough times right now. Keep the faith, This too shall pass.  Marty

[lilbubba]

Please know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. There is nothing that can make sense of any of this, but you will make it through all this. My love and prayers are with all of you.

[vegas2cr]

In this world sometimes there is no sense... more questions no answers.. I pray for peace for you and all I know who are suffering right now.. Positive energy and hopefully from the darkness there will be light.. Ronni

[casey644]

Jan, I know, really know that there are times that are absolutely and totally overwhelming.  But in the midst of all of this nasty, stupid nonsense called ovarian cancer, there at least are sites such as this one.  I know I haven't weighed in much especially since the site changed, but you should know that it's your comments, your replies and insight that always make sense, that are loving, focused and really provide the comfort that all of us need on occasion.  Whatever we can do in return, you've got.  If there's a way to channel our collective strength, then I hope we find a way here and now.

Take strength in knowing we all care Jan.

[lvfrogs]

Jan,
I know you don't know me but I have been reading these posts for awhile, so I feel like I know some of you and every day I pray for everyone on this forum.  You, Cory, Cory's Dad, Deandra and your friend Camille, will be especially in my prayers. You have shown so much strength and compassion on here, that I pray God will give you, Cory and your family the strength to get through these tough times.
Colleen

[Mid]

You your family and friends are in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm sending you all my postive thoughts.
Take care
Love Mid

[cirella]

Hi All, Jan asked me to keep this bumped up so everyone gets a chance to read the update.

Take care!

[dawnlyn]

Jan,

Like Colleen above I am also new here...I sent post earlier today because you made my day with your response to "Waiting".  You and the other people that post here, I know have helped me and I am sure countless others.  

I wanted you to know I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,
Dawnlyn

[rootietootie]

I am sooo sorry there is so much horrible stuff going on now.  I too feel the pain and pressure just from reading this site, I can only imagine, what you guys are feeling.  I am Praying several times a day and sending out positive energies to each and everyone one of you.  You will prevail Shannon

[crecco]

I took a break yesterday and did not even touch my computer. I am so sorry now that I did because I was not here for you.

  Deandra, I hate hearing that you are back in the hospital. It sounded as if you were doing so well! I hope that they will get this all straightened out so that you can get home and continue on your road to recovery. I will keep you in my prayers. It is good that your Dr is scheduling the CT and blood work and I hope that they both show all is well.

  Jan, I do not even know what to say. You have been through so much lately! I am glad to hear that you are going to get a break from the chemo. You need the chance to build yourself back up again. I pray that your numbers remain low so that you will not have to start any treatment again for awhile. Please know that your friend Camille is in my prayers. Stage I? Will any of ever be able to understand this disease and just how it works? Also I will keep Cory and his Dad in my prayers. I know how hard all fo this has to be on him. You know that I have started keeping lists too and will do my best to keeo everyone up to date in what is going on. Please as Marty said, we will still be here, so you take the time that you need and know that our thoughts and prayers follow you where ever you go.

                  Love to you both, Chris

[Tybear]

Hi Jan... I am really sorry to hear of all that you are going through. It has been a really long month for you and although I'm sure this isn't how you would have wanted it, I'm grateful they are giving you and your body a rest. I can't imagine what Cory is feeling right now...please tell him I'm so sorry about his Dad.
I can't believe Deandra is back in the hospital...I know it's selfish, but my first thought was I hope she gets well enough to go on her trip! I just feel like she deserves it so much...we all deserve it! I wish I could wisk all of us who are fighting, away somewhere sunny to be pampered....
Please don't worry about us back here...there are plenty of us around to make sure help will be offered when it's needed.
Rest up Jan...
Love Becky

[Jan214]

Thank you all for your loving and understanding responses.

I am going to do a separate post for Deandra's updates  as I don't want her overlooked.  Thanks again you all for your support. You all just mean the world to me.  

[gma718]

I am so sorry to hear all that you are going thru right now..Life can be so overwhelming..please know that you,your husband, camille and your father in law are in my prayers..I am also so upset with the news about Deandra..Please when you speak with her send  her my love and tell her I am thinking of her daily!!! I want to hear that she is back home and feeling good soon!!! I HATE THIS DISEASE AND ALL THE OTHER CANCERS!!! I wish there was anything I could do for all of you suffering..i will try and help with the posts as much as I can..whatever it takes I will be there for all of you. Stay Strong!!! Love, Gia :)

[Jan214]

Gia, thank you for keeping up with the posts. So many of you are so good about being good friends to each other and I am always touched by it.

I have started a new post for updating everyone on Deandra as I want the focus on her and I managed to turn this post into a pity party for me.  Sorry, but thanks for all of your support. Please look to the Deandra Update post for further updates on our little Brownie.

Thanks,
Jan

[Lafnatitall]

Don't know how many of you may know this, but a friend of mine set up a "website" at www.caringbridge.org so that friends and family can keep up with the journeys that others are on with this disease.  The family members, if the person with the cancer can't, can put in journal entries as well.  You write your particular story, and then can post updates in your journal.  Others can go to the site, read about your journey, and then sign the guestbook with their own comments.  If you'd like to go to mine, goe to the website, and then in the place where it says, "enter name of site", enter my site name of scrapbookqueen.  It has been so easy to set up...and has been quite cathartic for me and my friends and family.  Much easier than trying to keep up with posts...

Try it and see!  It's a great offering fo rpeople to communicate in one spot!

[Anna-maria74]

You know ive been knocking around this forum a while and the one thing that really strikes me is the devistating effect it has on all the cysters when someone passes. Whether its one we have met or someone we chat to in the forum. Even those of us who dont have cancer are knocked sideways and for those who do ...well its a constant reminder of your won illness.

Jan it says in the bible that God never throws anything at us that we are not equal to. Sometimes I really do wonder if this is the case as we all seem to have been confronted with the overwhelming lately. BUT we are all still standing - even if we feel like absolute cr**. I sometimes just get this real sense that we are walking through this together. I think of everyone in here as the family I have chosen and although it does not make sense to everyone......it makes sense to me.

Love you Jan and all

Anna XX

[freshair]

Dear Jan,
My thoughts and prayers and with you, Deandra and your FIL and relatives. This is a very tough time for all and I wish we could go back 10 or 20 years. Sending lots of love, Helen

[hopeshell]

I have had computer problems and haven't been on in a couple of days.  Jan - I am so sorry read you have had so many hard things to deal with.  I am praying you feel better soon and that God continues to give you and Cory strength.  You are so sweet to be concerned about this board while all else is crumbling around you.   Hang in there...you can make it!!!

Deandra - My heart breaks to hear you are going through so much pain.  I am praying that all the complications will resolve and you will feel better soon.  You have endured so much during the past seven months and I am praying remission is around the corner for you.  Keep the faith!  

You both are in my thoughts and prayers.  

Love,  Shelly

[cirella]

Just bumping this up.

[Helmar]

It's said that God only sends us what we can manage to deal with, but it does get rather much at times. My thoughts and prayers are with each and everyone on this site.I guess my daily humble prayer may not count for much, but I'm rather hoping that together with everyone else in our 'family' here... we maybe heard.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through at the present time Jan.... and we can only hope and pray that things will get better for us all soon.
Thinking of everyone here...hugs...Helen...

[silver&gold]

Jan ,
Thinking of you , you have so much to deal with that it just seems so unfair . Keeping you and your family in my prayers and hoping that things will pick up for you really soon . love Angie xx

Deandra,
Hoping that you will not have to endure another surgery and i am keeping you in my prayers , you too have had a very tough time .  Take care love Angie xx