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114870 tn?1210298346

Very upset

I dont post often but Im on here for my Mom. I've been on this board since 2005 when she was dx with ovca 3c.
Today we receive results of her ca-125 and it shows that she is recurring again.  She recurred same time last year this is her 2nd relapse.  I am so bummed out.  Her oncologist put her on tomoxifine 3 weeks ago when her ca started to rise.  I believe it was 47 and now its 127.  I feel so hurt, I cant hold back anymore, I feel like my happiness has been taken away by this disease.  My Mom is so young, 48, and this is just so unfair to her.  I have a 3 yr old and a 3 month old and its so hard to focus on them and my family when Im constantly worrying about my Mom and stressed out about her health.  I am an emotional wreck.  I cant even go to my parents house because I just want to cry.  She did just taxotere for her first recurrence and it helped brought ca down to 5.  She became allergic to carbo so now Im wondering what drug is next and will it help.  This is so hard.  Sorry but I needed to let me feelings out.  My husband is very supportive but I feel like he may be getting tired of my emotional ups and downs and constant stress about my Mom.
thanks all for listening.
15 Responses
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272338 tn?1252280404
I know that it is hard, but as the others have said, don't give up. I too was dx in 05, at stage IV with mets. I have been on chemo ever since. Don't despair if the tomoxifine does not work, as there are so many other drugs out there that they can try. I myself just turned 47 so I also know how your mother feels. This road we are on is a long and bumpy one, but the one thing that we all remember is to never give up hope. I know how depressed that your mom is but she can not let the depression take over. And you cannot let the stress take over. As hard as it is we have all learned that we need to look on the bright side (even on a cloudy day) Yes it is full of ups and downs and it is never easy, but with the majority of us our will to live soon takes over and we realize that we do not have the time to give in to all of our depression and stress. No matter what stage we are or whether we are in remission or not, we have come to realize that life is short to give in to all of the negativity. Oh yes we all have our days, we would go nuts if we didn't. But we get it out and move on. There is nothing wrong with a good cry now and then. But we have found we do much better if we take all of the energy we would use up being srtessed out and depressed and use that energy in a positive way. Use it in our fight against this disease.  I realize you feel it is unfair to your mom, it is unfair to all of us. But the best you can do is to continue to be there for her, just like you have been. You can do this. I am sure that they will get her on something that will work. Hang in there. This is just a small bump in the road. There will be many more, but you just need to get over them one at a time. Get over this one first.
  Good luck to both you and your mom
        Chris
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sorry to hear you and your mom are dealing with this. I know it's painful (my mom has ovca too).
Nobody deserves to have cancer of course, so it is easy to feel it's unfair anytime it strikes. However, maybe it will help to try to look at what you have going in your favor: It sounds like your mom's cancer is sensitive to chemotherapy since she has had two good remissions. Since some people don't go into remission at all, in that way she is fortunate. She's also lucky that she has you and her grandkids around for support and love as she goes through this. Even though this is not news anyone wants, it doesn't mean that all hope is lost, so don't give up. Good luck to you and your mom. :)
Helpful - 0
167426 tn?1254086235
Sure it hurts to be the one standing off to the side when a loved one has cancer.   When I read your first post on this thread  I noticed that you used the  term "I"  very often. Yes, I think you  have feelings that appear to be consuming parts of your life, but it is your Mother that is ill, not you.  To indulge in self pity and the poor me syndrome is wrong.  You cannot change the physical part of your Moms illness but you can control the mental image that you present  for yourself and others.  If you tend to dwell on the negative things that come with a dx of cancer , then you will not be able to see that there is a future.  For any of us, that future might be a day  or  years or anything in between.  I too went through all the phases of anger, denial and blame, but when I reached the acceptance phase, I was able to see that it is not me that is important,  it is my daughter.  She and I have many levels of interaction, much of what is not connected to her cancer at all.  I am her listening post,  her researcher,  her friend. These are all positve things. If I were unable to control my emotions when we are together it would upset her, cause her to be sad. There is a very strong connection between a Mother and a daughter,  and it lasts from birth to death.  Try not to think about endings, think about all the good times you can have, here and now in the present.  My greatest pleasure when I am with Leslee is to make her laugh. We share  fun times, we plan fun times,  I was told you cannot laugh and cry at the same time, but you can laugh so hard that  the tears do come and that just makes it all the more fun.  I sat at a table last night with Les, her 3 daughters and her 2 grandchildren, she could have sat there and dwelled on perhaps a short futrue to enjoy with family, pushed herself to the forefront by bringing out the side of her brain that deals with the cancer, but she used the happy side of herself that was enjoying a great time with family. Everyone at that table saw a woman that was happy with her life.  I do not have the feeling any more that I have to boost up her emotions with false gayity, but instead  I am just enjoying life with her as we would have done if there was no cancer. Try not to let the word cancer, be the driving force of your relationship with your Mother,  put it where it belongs, in the background,  that is dealt with only when getting necessary treatments to treat it.  I think one of the best slogans I have heard is the one that says, I may have cancer, but cancer does not have me.  That word "me" is important to all of us, but to really care about someone, is to put them first.   Marty
Helpful - 0
178345 tn?1242536246
After reading your post I really can feel the pain that you are experiencing. I  lost my mother when she was 44 to colon cancer..20 years ago..I was so young 20 to be exact.  I truly appreciated all the time I spent with her. We were like sisters also and needed each other to lean on..this may not sound so great now but believe it or not this expereince will make the two of you stronger! Everyone is right, tell your Mother how you are feeling and maybe she has some things she wants to tell you...have no regrets..we are all here for you and your mother...everyone needs someone and your someone is us. Your husband is probably just as drained as you emotionally and probably doesnt want you to know and he is trying to be the strong one..Keep the faith..this is just a small bump in the road that you will overcome....enjoy your mother, enjoy the time you and your family spend together. Appreciate everything life has to offer. Please know that we are all here for you....Stay Strong!!! Stay Positive!!!  Gia :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dear Fiana,

Becky has some great advice for you there. I, too, think your mom would want to know how you are feeling. She already knows you are hurting. Don't be afraid to show her.....it's just another way of showing her, "I love you Mom."  Speaking, now, as a Mother, myself, there is no greater joy in my life than to be able to comfort one of my sons when they are hurting. If, by chance, I can help them through my comfort, it is double the joy. Your mother and you can share your hurt, and perhaps, through that,  you both can share the healing of those feelings. The hurt won't totally go away, but, certainly, together, it can be lessened.

Enjoy your shopping trip. I look forward to you letting us all know "the plan of action" when you have more information. You both, take care.

Group Hug,
Shari
Helpful - 0
135691 tn?1271097123
Your Mom is very young to be dealing with this. I am close to my Mom too, and I see her pain everytime I complain about my health. I try hard to always look happy when I'm around her so when she leaves, she doesn't leave seeing me out of sorts or stressed. This takes it's toll on everyone.
I'm glad you have a supportive husband.  I feel sometimes, like this has been going on so long with me, that some people in my family are just sick of hearing about it. Have you thought about joining a support group or seeing a councellor? I have to say, and I hope I'm not over stepping my boundaries here, but why are you so afraid to show your Mom your hurting? I know you think it will upset her, but you might be surprised. I feel sometimes like my sisters don't give a **** about what I'm going through, as they never show any emotion to me, yet my Mom is quick to tell me that they are hurting too - they just don't want to have me see it. I assure you, it does not come accross that way to me...I would rather them shed a tear once in a while with me, then pretend they aren't hurting...
I don't see why her doctor's  wouldn't try taxotere again. If it's been almost a year since her relapse, and she responded well to it then, I would imagine they would give that a try first.
Good luck to you...we are always here to help whatever way we can...
Becky
Helpful - 0
114870 tn?1210298346
Thank You so very much for all your replies and encouraging words. It truely made feel a lot better.  My Mom is my best friend and we are so close and when something is wrong with her I start to panic.  We see eachother almost everyday and Im there for her 100% solid and strong. I am very positive about most things and she is even more positive then me so Im hopping this is a big benefit to her health.  

Today we are going out shopping after she is done work and tomorrow as usual she will spend the day with her 2 grandchildren.  Her life and our lives dont stop because of this horrible disease and we have full intentions to beat this monster for many more years to come.  

I know many of your stories because Im on this forum every single day and I wish nothing but the best in health to all of your wonderful women.  You guys are very supportive and I appreciate that.  Not many people can understand me or know what to say so I hold a lot of my emotions inside.  I cant ever show my Mom my hurt because it will only hurt her more so to come here and have people totaly understan how I feel and be supportive feels very great.  I thank you all again and I will post again once we meet with her doctor and figure out a next plan of action.

-Fiana
Helpful - 0
408448 tn?1286883821
All of the ladies above have spoken for me. I just wanted to sign on as one more person fighting the fight. Brownie (above) is right. We cannot lose hope. Hope is what feeds our fighting spirit and helps us beat this beast back. My mom had ovca, and now I have it. I plan to keep up the fight until the breakthrough cure we need is found. I will pray for you and your mom. Marie
Helpful - 0
146692 tn?1314331773
I am so sorry you are going thru a rough time right now, let it out, keeping it inside will only eat away at you. I am sure your husbands frustration is only because he knows you are hurting, and he cannot make the pain go away. Just as you can not take this away from your mom. When you find the strength you will be there for her, and will find, she just wants you to be o.k. My mom passed away just over a year ago after 12 yrs. of fighting non hodkins luekemia. I found by talking with her during her battle that her sadness was not for herself, but for all of us kids (adults really) she would be leaving behind. When I was diagnosed with OVCA, she became my strength. I had watched her all those yrs. fight so hard? and knew I would not let her down. I am one of those woman who was diagnosed 3b/c during a hysterectomy (done on my moms bday!) I went thru my chemo like every other woman here fighting the disease. and was found to be chemo resistent. that was in 2004...don't give up, and don't lose the special days with your little ones, you cannot get those days back again later. Without real sadness in our lives, we could not experience true Joy. Cancer s***s but at the same time it can bring us closer to those we love.
I will keep you in my prayers
butterflytc
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I know how hard it is to watch your mom go through recurrences. I watched the same thing with my mom, only it was breast cancer. I am very glad that you decided to come back, visit us, and cry on our shoulders. You know, all of us, together, have a huge shoulder for you to cry and vent on, so feel free anytime.

I wish I had some magic words of comfort that I could give to you and make everything tolerable. Do try to remember, this reoccurence news is new to you, and time and reaching out to others will hellp with your emotions. Understandably so, you are overcome with disappointment, sadness, and fear at this point. Just breathe, honey, and hang in there as best as you can. Hug those babies extra tight....give each a few extra kisses.....hg your husband extra long...and when you are strong enough, you will be able to go over to your Mother's. You won't even have to say a word....she'll know.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family. God bless you.

Healing hugs,
Shari
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hazel, I'm so sorry to hear that your mother is experiencing a recurrence. The emotional ups and downs are totally normal and come with the territory. (I can relate to your stress, as my mom was also diagnosed IIIC in 2005. She had a brief 6 week remission in 2006 and has been on chemo and in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time ever since. But most important, she is still fighting) The best thing you can do for your mom is to try your best to keep your spirts up, appreciate the time that you spend together, and take care of your family. And please take care of yourself.  

I'm hoping for the best for you and your mom...
Helpful - 0
295767 tn?1240188314
Hi Hazel. You have every right to feel the way you do, and I'm sure after reading all the responses you will get on your post, you will feel better. Don't lose hope, that's what the cancer wants you to do - DON'T let it win. There are many survivors that have gone through 1, 2 and 3 recurrences. You need to believe your mom will be one of them. I will keep her in my prayers. Take care of YOU, with love - Deandra
Helpful - 0
194838 tn?1303428544
Dear  Hazel,
Im so sorry that you are going through this , its so hard to watch those you love going through this awful disease. There are a lot of long term survivors and when im feeling low I go to google and find stories of ovarian cancer survivors and find the stories give me inspiration.You have a young baby to look after and that is hard enough alone . It is natural that you feel so upset about your mum but Im sure she wouldn,t want you to be suffering as you are .
Take care Angie
Helpful - 0
447161 tn?1262923084
I know it is very hard for not only the woman going through this terrible disease, but also the families who are supporting them.
In many posts that I have read, a lot of the women don't read too much into the CA125 results and there is definitely a lot of different drugs, if there is problem with tolerance.  I guess discussing this with your Mum and her Oncologist would be the best thing.  
And..PLEASE know that we are all here to support each other and there is no need to be sorry for having all the feelings that you are having. It is ok to be bummed sometimes.  We are here to listen.

Peace and love
Kim
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't give up.  I too am on my 2nd relapse.  On my very last cycle of my first relapse, I suffered an allergic reaction to carbo.  I have completed my first cycle now and am on taxol only.  They're looking at 4 cycles and then reassess.  There are other options available if her current treatment isn't working.  I know on line I've found a lot of long-term survivors.  A couple have relapsed 2x, one clean for 15 years; the other has been on and off of chemo.  Many speak of long term maintenance, and even to me that doesn't sound good, but they all just live their lives.  It's OK to have a meltdown, but don't ever be afraid to show your mom how much you love her!
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