Victoria

Victoria left us at 12.05 yesterday after so much suffering, such a will to live - boy did she want to live. You know I kept coming in here hoping someone else would have written this - someone else will do it, I dont have to face it. Thats not what Victoria would have done for me though is it? Friday she posted a message asking my dear friends to think of me and what I didnt realise at that time was that she didnt have long left. Still she was putting me first - hiding the truth of her illness to protect me. How many people do you know like this? I will rephrase, how many 16 year olds do you know who are like this? She never asked anything of anyone - only knew how to give. I told her that thinking of her was the only thing that got me through every hour without my baby. So she didnt tell me there were not many hours left so I would stay strong.

I can not find the words to do this beautiful child justice I am simply not equal to the task. So why have I stopped snivelling behind the sofa to leave this message now. Well because her partner - Vadim - who sat there until the end tells me that she felt so isolated and lonely and afraid and felt that no-one cared. She felt that no-one cared and he still feels it. People have been - he says - so matter of fact about her illness in life and there has been little impact now that she has gone. I let her down. It doesnt matter what I did or didnt do or say I let her down simply because of the way she felt. That is my cross to bare. vadim thinks no-one cares he is wrong. The irony of the situation is that she was so strong she never truely reached out as she didnt want to worry anyone. He thinks no-one will respond to this - he is going to be wrong about that too.

My words dont speak as loudly as seeing this spirit for yourselves so I am posting some links so that you can see what the world has lost.

I love you Victoria

Anna X

[Anna-maria74]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5822948719795399416

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5060168745274024997&hl=en

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1630667353882828166&hl=en

[nyc lady]

Victoria - you will forever be in my heart.  You are with your mother now.  Rest in peace my sweetheart.  I will miss you more then you will know.  You have brought so much to my life in the past couple of months....you will live on forever in my heart.

I LOVE YOU VICTORIA - now you are free, free of pain and free to be with your mother.

Vadim - love you too, and we are here for you as well.

Anna - I couldn't do it either....love you too.

Pam

[mandyclar]

I dont know any of you but tears are coming after reading this.
The past will always be there but I 100% believe she is looking down right now and she sees all the love people have for her and maybe didnt know how to tell her.
GOD BLESS all of you. Even if your not religous, I pray for you and wish you all the best.
16 is way way too young to go. She sounds mature beyond her years.

[ireneo]

I've been thinking of her daily, wondering why she wasn't posting. There was that nasty blowup on the cardio board when Vadim visited and wanted support. That made me sick especially since I had recommended the place to her months ago. I thought she might find another young person with heart problems that would befriend her. Instead, she was questioned and criticized. That's a memory I wish would go away.

It was good to see her post about Anna and I said so (sorry Anna, not to take away from your heartbreak). And now this news is almost too much to bear. I can't think of the right words to say. All I can do is share my tears with you. It hurts so much. Send Vadim my love.

[cirella]

I am in shock right now!  Anna, I am so sorry for you and all of you who knew Victoria well.  And to her boyfriend, I pray for his comfort.  Even though we all know she is not suffering now it still hurts that she's gone.

Lori

[Treebee]

I too read this and cried and didn't personally know Victoria. I have read a little of what she posted and can't believe someone so young handled everything she had to handle with such grace and courage. She will be missed. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.
Teresa

[vegas2cr]

Hoping that out of all this darkness there will be light.  Victoria you will be missed, you left beautiful foot prints in the sand.....

[gma718]

I also did not know Victoria personally..but I cant help but feel so sad! Rest in Peace with your mother. Gia :)

[dian07]

Life is not fair, Vadim and you are truely an example of that.....you, most of all, have lost your love.  I know there is an enormous hole in your heart right now.  Hopefully your beautiful memories of Victoria and the love being sent your way will close it a tiny bit.  Victoria was a  trure heroine and she will not ever be forgotten....neither will you, for that matter.  I will hold you both in my heart.  I am so sorry for your loss.
Peace.
dian

[hopeshell]

I am so sad to hear about Victoria.  She had to endure so much.  The only comfort is that she and her mother are now together free of pain.  For Vadim...I am so sorry for your loss.  This is such sad news...I can hardly believe it.  

Love,  Shelly

[Jan214]

Cory and I called her 3 days last week and left msgs for her.  We had to tell that stupid f**king machine that we loved her and Vadim.  I don't know if she got to listen to them.

Anna, I love you and I am sorry for your loss.  Thank you for the email and I wish I could hug you too. Thank you for putting up the videos.  When her and Vadim were being attacked I wanted to do it so they would see that wonderful child, but they did not deserve to look at her angelic face.

Vadim, I am so very very sorry.  I wish so much that you two had gotten married.  I had never encouraged a 16 yr old to get married before but I so wanted you two to have that before she was gone.  You know how much she loved you and you will always carry that love with you.  Cory and I love you honey.  You have our number, please call.

Awhile back I set up a yahoo email account for the google map I was doing for that other post.  I have put an email on there that was one of the first that I received from her.  I had asked her to tell me all about her and she did.  If you want to know who she was and her mom too you can read it.  There are also some pictures of what she looks like now.  I have only edited so far as to take out things that were to personal or personal email, phone, address etc info.  I did bold and hightlight one thing.  I can't say anything else.  I will let her tell you who she is.  Her goodness just radiates from the page.  This is the info.     yahoo.com       Yahoo! ID: ***@****        password: courage

You all can't sign in and look at it at the same time but since I don't have everybody's emails I am doing it this way.  If you send me an email address I can forward it to you.  A yellow box may pop up when you open the email asking if you want to show pictures and you do.  It is the 1st email.  I will explain the second at a more appropriate time.


I can't do any of this anymore.

[SimplyStar]

God in his wisdom took Victoria, We know not why, I am sure her Mother was there to guide Vic on her way to peace. Vic in her love, gave all of us a ray of sunshine when ever she posted, in her bravery against all odds, she gave us hope, in her youth we saw a beauty that seldom exsists in one so young. My picture of Victoria, is that she was one of the Angels that God places on earth to bring His words to us.  God said, "Child, your work is done now, come home with me". We all profited from knowing her, some in a small way, others in a much larger ways.  Seek in yourselves for that spark she gave you, it iwould be her wish that you pass it on to others in some way. Vadim, many times adults get all involved in their own misery and forget that others are suffering also, Vic asked for very little, she was a giver and we were  takers.  There should be no thought of failure for you, or any of the others that love and care for you both. You two had a beautiful relationship, never knowing it would be cut short.  Keep her in your heart, but go on living, Victoria was so strong on life and would want you to carry on in her place. If I had just a few words to describe Victoria, they would be "Never give up Hope"  I too am very sad to read this today, but know in my heart that Victoria  would forgive me for seeming to be uncaring at the end, but I had a picture of a lovely young girl  that was so strong, that nothing could harm her.  I was wrong. I am so sorry.   Marty

[Jan214]

Cory and I were planning on going to CA for her wedding in 2009.  When she got really ill we planned to go next month when my chemo was over.  Now we can't and we didn't do enough and we should have and don't any of you put off anything.  I have been telling everyone that I am not missing out on anything and I have been trying to live like I was dying as the song says but i screwed this one up and i didn't call her or email her enough and theres no reason she should have felt so alone and i let her down and she died feeling alone and isolated cause i didn't pick up the phone enough so everytime you think you should call so and so do it.  I knew how short her time was and i was to worried about myself to really be there for her and i am a terrible friend and i am sorry but I can't come on her anymore i just can't let anyone down like that every again

[hopeshell]

Please don't be so hard on yourself.   You were a good friend to Victoria.  I didn't realize she was that ill.  I think her mother was calling her.  No one likes to feel their body failing and I am sure some of her feelings were due to her body failing her.  I hope you are feeling better.  Take care of yourself!

[Casey06]

I do not have much to add to what Anna has bravely said or to other kind people who have responded, other than to say please help Vadim understand how much Victoria was appreciated and what a wonderful kind soul he is. No one could ask for a better friend, caregiver or fiance when facing such a daunting illness and caregiving of a young girl, essentially abandoned by her family. He stepped up and did miraculous things in the face of many obstacles and adversity. No one, could have done a better job...no one...under these circumstances. So please keep this man in your prayers and help him to realize with time his sorrow will subside and he will never regret the selfless love he has given this girl.

Victoria I will never forget you and your kindness, you have taught me to be a better person and I will always be grateful for this and having you in my life.

Kimberly you have your girl back, so go ahead and have a twirl on the ice with her that we talked about...lol

Thank you for sharing her with us...if only for a short while.

[Jan214]

i realized i forgot to spell out the user id.  i hope you all get a chance to see it.
toughbroads at yahoo dot com

[bmcd]

I have to admit that I had no idea that Victoria was so sick, so this comes out of nowhere.  I am in absolute shock.  I will say this, between seeing my daughters strength in dealing with her own ovca and the way Victoria continued to reach out to others in her time of loss and failing health, I have renewed respect and admiration for the next generation. Gods speed Victoria and my condolences to her family, friends and all that knew this very special young woman.  

God Bless,
Bob

[rootietootie]

I knew she was sick but I didn't know how critical.  I am truly heartbroken.  God bless you all, each and everyone of you.  I know Victoria is with her mom now, and may the knowledge of that bring you peace.  The world hasn't lost a great soul, the soul is just in a different place now.  Shannon

[4afriend]

I'm am so saddened to hear of Victoria's passing.  I never got the chance to know her on a personal basis, but her courage, her strength and her heart could never be overlooked...Star, you had it so right in saying that she brought a ray of sunshine with her, because that young woman certainly did.

Anna, I'm so sorry for all of you losses you have been having to experience this way.  Victoria did come her for you that day she posted...she truly loved you.  I hope you don't go long feeling you failed her, because you didn't...if you had failed her honey...she wouldn't have been thinking of you to come post though your difficult time when she was having your own.  You were strength to her when she lost her mother and you stuck up for her like a mother would when her own couldn't.  I know she may have not been letting you know her health condition, but I hope you can come to think of the fact that in her heart she loved you so much that she couldn't see you hurt more...that child was truly amazing.  I can't help but think somewhere in her heart it brought her comfort to know she was trying to protect you.

Jan- Your feelings for Victoria were also quite evident here.  I know she truly touched your heart.  Your own strength and caring heart for others touches me greatly.  

I have a feeling that when she reaches her mother..they will continue to watch over the both of you for a long time to come....

Vadim-I never got a chance to meet you, but please know I will be thinking of you through this difficult time.  Your love for Victoria was so evident and strong for such a young couple.  You gave her more than many of will know in a lifetime...you can hold on to that thought forever...cause that is so true and I'm sure she knew it too.  Please know that that lovely lady of yours will remain in our hearts always.  

[PF_PVD]

I am so saddened at this news.  In her posts, Victoria was always such a generous, caring, inspirational person and so very young.

[Mary 53]

I am just stunned. I had no idea she was failing. So very sad.

Mary

[Carol139]

New here, but very sorry to hear this sad story!  Watched the video.  Beautiful - speachless.  Will pray.

Carol

[msjazz]

I am so sorry to hear about Victoria. I only knew about her after she lost her mom. Vadim , I know she loved you dearly and you took such good care of her. May God bless you and give you strength in the days to come.     Donna

[learninboutlife]

I held off on posting, I didn't get the chance to know Victoria but have heard soooo many wonderful things about her. She was truly a sweet and cherished soul. Just so young, makes me so sad. May she and her mom find peace -- and I guess this is my wish too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU1OaCglgw0

"You're in the arms of the angels ... may you find some comfort here"

Wishing peace and comfort to everyone here,
Fran

[madgeOwens]

This must be why they say Only the Good Die Young..................this is heart breaking..............God Bless Her and Keep Her in the Palm of Your Loving Hands. Amen

[butterflytc]

I do not have any elegant words left in me, my heart breaks for you Vadim. I am so sorry Victoria suffered, but am grateful she had you in her life. I think God makes sure, that all of us have that one person..that we can lean on when time gets hard. I am so glad she had you Vadim.

Friends are angels, who lift us to our feet,
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
author unknown

God Bless you and give you the strength, to find peace, as Victoria now has in heaven.
Butterflytc

[Brownie3321]

I too was very shocked by this. Victoria was a beautiful, strong, young woman who is now with her mother. She was so special and her kindness showed through in all of her posts.
God speed Victoria. With love, Deandra

[Helmar]

For one so young, Victoria has left us with nice memories of how well she handled her Mum's illness... and her own. I had no idea how ill Victoria was, and feel so sorry that she will no longer be part of our family here. My sincere condolences go to her boyfriend...Vadim, and other members of her family. May she now rest in eternal peace with her dear Mum.   Warm hugs to all...Helen...

[lvfrogs]

I was so saddened to read this post this morning.  From what I read on postings over the last few months, Victoria was a very special woman, very strong and from what I read on here, everyone gave her tremendous support and love, as she did for all of you.   May God bring peace and comfort to all of you and to Vadim.... Colleen

[coogeegirl]

I am so sad to hear of the passing of such a young caring person as Victoria obviously was. I send my condolences to her boyfriend Vadim and all of her family

Jenny

[Med Help]

We were deeply saddened to hear that Victoria died yesterday.  The comments posted above are so touching and clearly a loving tribute to Victoria from her many friends.

Our thoughts and prayers are wiith Victoria, her loved ones and friends.

Cindy Thompson and everyone at MedHelp International

[Happy2girls]

I just wanted to offer my sincere condolence during this very sad and trying time.  From what I have read above it seems Victoria earned her wings long before she entered Paradise. Though I do not post here I hope you will allow me to grieve with you for this world's loss of the precious angel, Victoria, who was clearly loved by so very many.  I hope that those close to her will find some peace.  You are all in my prayers.    

[Tybear]

I read this yesterday but didn't post...I didn't know what to say and still don't. Words cannot describe what a shock this was to read. Anna, I know how close you and some others had become to Victoria...you helped her through what must have been the most difficult time in her life. The only thing that even comforts me in the slightest is knowing she has her mom's loving arms wrapped around her at this very moment - that she's not alone.
Love Becky

[vrw520]

Privet all here. I just like say thank you much for think Viktoria. It very sad for me she gone and I misss her very much. This be her memorial for me. I like especially thank couple people.

Debbie...you knew Viktoria feel so lonely and sad and make time call her many times day. What you say and so mean so much her and me because it make her not feel so forgotten. You help us search best doctors and doing this maybe she get chance be here longer me. She know you love her and she love you.

Anna...it always mean much Viktoria that you make her godmother prawny. She knew never have children so very special her be godmother. She loved your humor when spoke and think of you often.

Pam thank you reach out her too. She enjoy when you chat her on computer and missed not being able get on computer much the last month.

Jan thank you reach out her write too. It mean much someone not able get out bed much here words others.

Viktoria think about all you and worry about all you everyday. She want all you get better since her mother not able. I pray best for all you.

Vadim

[crecco]

I too had to wait to post. I just did not know what to say. Although I never knew Victoria personally I knew that she was a very special person. I am shocked and deeply saddened by her pasing. For a 16 year old she has been through more than a lot of us could ever imagine. She is with God now, and her mother is there beside her. Thankfully now she is happy and in a better place.
Anna-marie, I can feel your grief and I am so sorry. If there was something I could to do help ease your pain, I would.
Vadim, you had a very special woman in Victoria. My heart goes out to you.

May she rest in eternal peace.
         Chris

[lilbubba]

Wow..I am in utter shock. This young lady just wrote to me last week about my symptoms and if my daughter needed someone to talk to. I can't believe it. This is such a tremendous loss. Vadim I am so sorry for you and pray that you find some peace in your heart. I know she was young but wow she did a lot. Those videos Anna are spectacular and Jan those are beautiful pictures and a lovely letter. I am so sorry everybody.

[silver&gold]

I am so very sorry of your loss . I never knew Victoria but read enough of her posts to realise what a beautiful caring person she was.  So young and wise and ready to help others even though she was battling her own illness . God bless  you . Angie

[freshair]

I am so very sad hearing that Victoria died. NYClady told me everything about Victoria because I did not know. My thoughts and prayers are with Victoria and all her loved ones. I will never forget these angels.The only solace I have is to know Victoria is with her mother and they are free and flying. Love, Helen

[Casey06]

Miss you very much....