Went for Testing Today

[hatgal]

Hi All - Just wanted to update, of course for support and advice and experience.  Still dealing with these doctors and went back Monday to my old gyno that delivered my last baby (2.5 years ago) and also removed the benign cysts in '04.

Although alot of my issues are uterine in nature, the cysts on my left ovary have grown and have not dissolved with my last three periods.  Also have two on my right ovary that I don't think dissolved with my last period either.

He's kind of concerned b/c of the TVU from December 7, 2007 that indicates some rapid changes to the uterus as well as the cysts.  So I went today for another TVU with doppler today and also a CA125 so I know he must be a little concerned (he doesn't test for nothing).

However, although he does think the cysts could be causing some pain (and the endo/fibroids), he doesn't think it's causing this so severe pain I've been having for the past 3-4 months.  He really believes those are coming from my degenerating back problems, which have progressed rapidly and are now a threat to my spinal cord and nerves.  He wants to do a hysto, but not until I get help with the back problems b/c he said the hysto could really mess up my back further.  So  he wants me to go back to the neurosurgeon (I know he'll want to do surgery - yuck!) and tell him about the gyno issues and then the two of them can decide what route I should take.

So it looks like two major surgeries coming up but don't know which one first.  I would like the hysto first as I, knowing my body all too well, really think alot of the pain is being caused from the gyno issues (as I've found through all of you and further research).  Since I have to have it anyway, if I still have pain after, then I can jump into back surgery; I'd just rather narrow down the possiblities of where this pain is coming from before having back surgery - it rarely works from what I've researched nd heard from others.

So please offer up any advice you all may have and also (as I know you will) keep me in your thoughts.  My marriage is so suffering from all of my health issues as well and I'm in counseling by myself for now.  I just don't know what to do on that front either!

Thanks to all for reading/listening .......... once again, you're all such wonderful women and I've found true support on this forum for a long time.

Best.......... Elizabeth

[Twilight_Princess]

Hey girl! I didn't know you were going through all of this at the moment. This is sad :-( I'm right there with you!

Send me a PM or email if you want to talk.

Kathy

PS - I'd go in for the hysto first. I will be going in for a hysto soon myself. Had the appt. with my doctor on Tuesday.

[lvfrogs]

You must be an amazing woman. You always have the right things to say - so appropriate. I completely agree with your post to Elizabeth - about men and controlling/waiting. So true - of even the best of men. I just wanted to tell you you seem to be a wonderful woman. Your husband was a lucky man. Have a good day both of you!
Colleen

[SimplyStar]

It is very hard to manage physical and mental problems at the same time.  The stress from both can over come the entire body and only serve to make things worse.  I would like to suggest something that worked for me when my hubby was ill for 11 years and I was his care provider.  I included him in as many decisions as possible to help him retain his feeling of worthiness. Is there some way you can figure out a way to make your hubby feel that he is still an important part of  your life and that you need him to help you make the right decision right now.  Men like to control, and when that is threatened, some cannot handle it. The sex thing is a very important part of this,  when that is curtailed for any reason, most men, here again, cannot accept "waiting".  As far as health discussions between you, he sounds like he is in denial,  he wants everything back to "normal" NOW. Since this is an impossible thing for you, then to get on with "curing" the medical problems first and then dealing with the marriage problems seems like the right path.  I reminded my hubby of our marriage vows, whenever he would get into one of those "sorry for me" states, for better or for worse, in sickness and health, I am here for you.  It wasn't always easy,  I had to "eat crow" alot to keep him feeling like he was "still" a man in charge of the family.  It worked for us. Good Luck hun, and stay connected with us, use us as your listening post, and shoulders to cry on.  Your kids are probably scared also, they are trying to understand what is happening in their family right now also. Straight talk with them, might help.

[Jaxsons_Mommy]

I can't give you any advice really on your medical issues, though I used to work in Main OR at my local hospital, and have seen so many procedures. I would have to agree with you and the other girls that trying to do the gyno surgery first would be the easiest as far as recovery, though I can also see (with my little experience) why they would suggest the back surgery first, because the ovaries are so deep, he probably doesn't want to risk interfering with that. But he can request your back surgeon to be there for consult though. They would probably have to discuss the best route for you, but its your body and you ultimately have the final say.

As far as personal/married life. I am currently seperated, I have been since September 2007, and it took my husband to finally wake up and take me seriously about our marital issues after I moved out and signed a lease on house to rent for my son and I. He finally came to me asked me to go to counseling with him, so I agreed, though I didn't have much hope for him and I. However, with drugs no longer in the picture he's made a 360 degree turn around, and we continue to go to counseling, and I'm very happy and excited to say that my son and I will be moving back to our home on January 28th, yeay!!  My husband and I got so bad before leaving that it became physical and verbally abusive, so I left immediately, I was no longer living with my husband, but a monster. It wasn't until he hit rock bottom and with counseling that I found out that he secretly was doing drugs which had started altering his personality.  We have fallen back in love again (we've been together for 8 1/2 years and married for 7 months), so we've been through alot in the last few years together. It all started when we had a miscarriage in Feb 2005 (thankfully we were blessed a second time full term with our son who is 15 months old now). Anyways, I would have to go with my experience and with what I've learned with counseling that your husband seems to be using your medical issues as a cover up (whether it be he's scared, stressed, upset, miserable), but I'm sure he probably still loves you, your not a horrible person, nad for him to be saying aweful things to you isn't right. My husband started calling me names and I just don't tolerate that. I grew up with my brother who was diagnosed with some form of personality disorder, and my mother using me as her own personal beat up back, and my dad too busy trying to keep the family afloat to not notice anything else.  So I don't tolerate anybody treating me bad or even calling me names. I would try to talk to him about what he is feeling, maybe he'll open up to you. I don't know. I hope this helps.

I will definitely keep you in my prayers!!  All I can say is the power of prayer can do amazing things!!

God Bless,
Erin (Jaxsons_Mommy).

[lvfrogs]

It is very hard for most women to think of themselves first. We are always trying to think of our kids, our spouse, our parents, our friends, etc.  But a happy, healthy woman is a good mom. I learned that the hard way.  Men are just not the same. That's a fact.  But some men are WAY better than others.  I too, had to laugh, because my ex, when he had a cold would take to his bed and expect me to wait on him. On the other hand, I had walking pneumonia and cooked Thanksgiving dinner for my entire family and nursed my fourth child who was about 6 months old at the time.

I am sorry that your husband is being a jerk and I sincerely hope that he will get help. In the meantime, please take care of yourself and your little one!!!

Colleen

[ckr]

It is good that you are in counseling for yourself.  (Been there and done that.  It really does help.)  You know when we are having problems, it sure would be nice if life would give us a break and just leave us alone for a while.  But, for now talk, talk, talk and get it out of your system as much as you can!

Lori is right.  Your docs need to do a consult and offer a treatment plan.  If you are in danger of spinal cord and nerve damage please, please listen carefully to your neuro.

My husband had instability and degenerative problems on two levels with danger to nerve roots; in his case, the doctor did the surgery through the upper abdomen to the lower back--less pain and shorter recuperation.  There are other new techniques and technology now to help you through this your neuro will tell you what is appropriate for you.  You can always get a 2nd opinion on the GYNO/Neuro.

Hoping all is made easier for you, Elizabeth.  

Carolyn

[hatgal]

Thank you also for your kind words; i was typing while you were.  Yes, I believe the hysto is the way to go first since it has to be done at some point and as i said above, the back recovery is really not a good stat.  My husband is a jerk right now as i also said above, but I have to get well to fight the proper fight!  Be well ....... Elizabeth

[hatgal]

Thank you all for your kind words and support.  God I love this forum and all of you on it!!  My husband has gone so far as to "mock" me for being on this forum.  He's tired of listening to me so I come here where I know people care.  I think he thinks I get information-overload; he doesn't realize the love and support as he's kind of an emotionless person and I'm a very emotional person - sorry, but I'm very human and a woman on top of that!  He also thinks that my time spent here could better be used by, like, doing laundry, etc.  Meanwhile he's got his like tenth flu of the season and remains in bed - poor boy!  The man is obviously under stress but yet he won't admit, talk about it, or do anything about it.  He doesn't get it that that is the reason HE is sick with the flu all the time!

Colleen:  I hope to God that our marriage will take a turn for the better, but he's got to be willing to get help with me.  Right now, everything is my fault and he won't go to counseling with me.

Gia:  I totally remember you a year ago!  I know how hard it was for you to get into surgery but I'm so glad you did it (albeit with alot of problems along the way) and all is o.k. now.  I hope that my support helped you back then; I know all to well about anxiety and just wanted so desperately to help you see that there was help out there for you and you did get the help you needed.  I know some on here were angry that you did not jump right into surgery back then b/c they really did care and felt your life was depending on it (and it could have been), but you had to do what was best for you at the time and you did.  I'm so glad for you!  I know I have to get my health on track and have been dealing with alot of health problems over the past year; I had neck disc replacement surgery in June and was not on this forum for a while.  My gyno problems continued through all of that but b/c of the pain meds I was on for that, they also helped with the gyno pain.  But here I am again and the gyno issues have only gotten worse.  I really have the gut feeling though that my back will feel alot better once I have a hysto.  I DON'T want back surgery as the stats are not in my favor for a good recovery.  I owe it to me and my chldren to get well and I'm trying sooooo hard to get there.  I have a 2 year old that needs her mommy and so much attention and I'm just a lump on a log at this pointt I feel so bad for her.  But I'm finally moving along and hope to have the hysto by the end of the month.  Please stay well.........

Lori:  Both doctors will work for me, but probably not together, to figure this out.  I will tell my neuro everything the gyno said and we'll go from there.  My gyno wants some sort of "clearance" from the neuro to go ahead with the hysto so I will then follow his lead.

I am going to a pain clinic since my neck surgery and they are basically now medicating for the back problems.  The vicodin is not helping much anymore and I'm taking more than I should but I really don't want to go any further with narcotics; I'm going to have to medically wean off of them when this is all over anyway.  I just want to get rid of the source of the pain instead of continually medicating.

My husband does not go to the doctor with me anymore; the last time he did was when I had that goofball gyno/onco tell me that cysts don't cause pain.  That was all my husband needed to hear for him to tell me I was just like his mother - as though I'm some sort of hypochondriac.  Well guess what dear husband, the tests don't lie and I do have some very real, major issues.  Whatever...... I can't worry about him too much right now as I have to get well for myself and my kids.  He's been rather uselss lately as a husband and father and I hate to say that, but it's true.  He needs to recognize for himself that he's not mentally well and seek the help he needs.  Maybe he'll follow my lead with counseling - who knows!

So, again, thank you all for your support and I'll keep you updated!  Be well......... Elizabeth

[crecco]

Hi Elizabeth,
  Yes it does sound like you have some major issues goint on right now and some major decisions to make. I have to agree with the others abotu having the hysto first. Then you can go from there. Who knows? Maybe that will help with the back pain and you won't need the other surgery. Have you ever been to chiropracter? I know that some people do not believe in them but I have had back problems for a long time and they really do help. You might think about checking into it
Sorry to hear of the marriage problems. It seems that a lot of men can not deal with their spouse being sick. Funny huh? Esp since we all know how big of babies men can be even with a little cold. I hope that he comes to his senses and can start giving you the support that you need. Just don't forget, we are all her for you even if he isn't. Please take care and keep us up on what is going on.  Sending a big hug your way. Love Chris

[cirella]

Hi Elizabeth,
I'm glad that you have some kind of plan, even though it'll require some big decisions.  Is it possible for the GYN and Neurosugeon to consult together on this issue?  I think it's important, given that the GYN is blaming your back for some of the issues.  They need to look at your films and such together and proceed further. It sounds as if you need a medical team at this point.

So sorry to read that your marriage is suffering.  I'm glad you're in counseling for yourself.  Is your husband willing to go with you?  Or by himself?  That way he could vent in the privacy of the office.  It sounds as if he thinks there's just a magical way that this will all go away.  With the back issues, you may be in pain for the rest of your life.  Maybe not as badly but still.  I'm sorry, I can't remember if you're seeing a pain doc?  Take your husband with you on the next visit so that he is able to ask questions.  It really is an issue for you both b/c it affects you both, in different ways, of course.

Elizabeth I really wish you well.  I know it's been a rough road.  Take care!
Lori

[gma718]

I remember how much you were there when I needed you the most. I feel for you at this difficult time. I know how much anxiety you can get from these issues. First things first...your health comes first! you have been dealing with this for so long.  I know how not feeling good can affect every aspect of your life. It can make things seem even worse.  I would take care of your gyn issues before doing anything with your back...I had alot of back pain that after my hysterectomy has subsided.  I went to therapy for a few months prior to coming to terms with my gyn issues.  As far as your husband is concerned MEN do not understand! Right now forget the finance issues, the marriage issues and worry about YOU! Everything will work out but putting all this stress on yourself is not going to make anything better.  Therapy is good for you..you can vent freely! I know how stressful kids can be.. I have 2 daughters..7 and 11! Getting yourself well should be your priority now. We are no good to our families or  ouselves if we are not feeling well. health comes first! Let me know how you feel and anytime you want to talk let me know. Be Well, Gia

[lvfrogs]

I certainly do not feel qualified to tell you which surgery you should have first, but I do believe that you are right in that the hysterectomy surgery will be easier than back surgery.  I have heard through family/friends that back surgery doesn't always work and very hard to recover from.  But I guess you need to speak with both doctors, get all the info you can on each procedure, trust your gut instincts and then make a decision. Life is hard sometimes, isn't it?  as for your marriage, I have been where you are and I understand. I had a husband who would not do counseling (I tried for 10 years) and was completely unsympathetic and understanding.  Mine did not work out, I am sorry to say.  I hope that you can get him to go to counseling with you as it seems like that would be the best thing for you both.  Let us know how you are doing. You and everyone else are always in my prayers.
Colleen

[hatgal]

Thanks for your comments.  We've been married almost 20 years and things have gotten really bad lately for us:  financially, health, teenagers (just normal teenage stuff though, thank God).  You would not believe some of the absolutely rotten things he has said to me lately.  I am really wondering why he is still with me as it does not appear that he likes any facet of who I am - it's all on paper and in my head.

If I asked him to come here, he would say:  I know you're sick, just get to the doctor, get well, and get on with it.  I don't need anyone to tell me how you feel - you remind me hourly.  And he would also ask if any of you have a magic pill to make me want sex again.  He would basically say that he doesn't need anyone to tell him how he feels or what he should feel and it will be the same if I asked him to go to counseling.  The counselor wants to bring him in down the road, but not now; I have way too much hostility and resentment toward him right now.  I know it won't work unless we get help - tell him that!

Yes, I believe your Dad is right and that is the route I'd like to go, but it's up to me to persuade the doctors and you are right - they don't really listen and/or understand that we really do know our own bodies.  And I really feel strongly about this being alot of gyno related stuff.

Thanks again and I'll keep ya posted. I go back to the counselor tomorrow - I went today and would like to go like every other day with all I have coming up.  It helps me alot!

Hope you are feeling better soon - I think of you very often.  Best....... Elizabeth

[Jan214]

Wow, I don't know what to advise health wise.  I guess I would have the hysterectomy first like you said.  It causes more pain and problems than Drs know or will listen to us about.  My dad said always rule out the easiest stuff first.  Of course he was talking about fixing  stuff  like cars :)
Back surgery can lay you up far longer than the hysto and can have so many complications.  If he isn't for sure that's what it is, I would definitely do it second if you have to do it at all.
As far as the strain on your marriage, why don't you have your husband come on here and some of our guys can talk with him.  My husband is wondeful.  We got married in August, just after first round of chemo and knowing it could come back any second and it did. Sometimes they feel alone and helpless too.  Maybe he just needs support from others in his shoes.
Get him into counseling with you or you know it ain't gonna work.
Take care honey and try not to stress.
Jan