how long to wait till shave hair?

[loralai]

My hair is really starting to come out now. I can pull 5-6 strands out each time...I know stop pulling! I got it cut really short before 1st chemo so I don't really see it on my pillow or anything but I toss around a lot so it might just blow off. I comb gobs of it out after shower and it is kind of itchy now. Do you think I should just do it this weekend? I did get a wig but I am not used to it either.

[loralai]

Well you were all right...Saturday morning I just couldn't stand it coming out in chunks and hairspray wasn't doing it's job anymore so my husband buzzed it off. Luckily we were both in such a rush there was no time to be emotional...actually I was relieved. It surprised me but now I don't have to wonder about it. I'll post my latest after I type this...
As for being offended if someone asked me...No I don't think so. I am still getting used to it all and honestly I didn't want to talk about it. I had to go to a 1st birthday party and a good friend of mine made the joke that my 16 mos old must be happy to be 2nd in the family with the most hair. Now I was kind of weirded out by this comment but I love him dearly and know he was just trying to lighten the moment. I feel so naked without my hair (even though I typically keep it short!) so it's taking some getting used to. So far hats are my preference. I should wear this wig after the $375 I forked out. UGH! I wish I had tried the headband wig with hair...might go try it on tonight. They have some cheapies online. Anyway, I don't think I would have wanted someone to ask me this soon but I am usually pretty okay with anything so if someone did I know I'd survive and handle it well. I'd rather help someone who maybe had questions or concerns than take offense. Thanks again ladies!!

[Jane39]

Wow, sounds just like yesterday for me, but thankfully I am at the end of my journey (hopefully- and with Chemo anyway).  But I have to agree with all of you, don't you ever tell me, don't worry about your hair, it will grow back.  That is one thing that angered me so much.  Don't speak until you've experienced it!!  I have to admit, however, each phase I went through, you grieved - got angry, and then I was over it.  I had my hair cut (over 12 inches of it) very short before chemo.  I was giving a glimmer of hope from one of the nurses (well you might not lose it), and it was around 2 weeks after my first chemo, that I went from getting a couple strands to that weekend where I just had tons of it coming out, and with tears gleaming down my face, ran to my husband to cut it all off, I couldn't bear it falling out this way, and bless his heart, he grabbed the hair buzzer thing and off it all went (and that's exactly what I said, Watch out GI Jane, here I come)  I cried and cried, and then that was it.  The stares didn't bother me in the beginning, I now despise them.  And me as well, it wasn't until just about two months ago, around the 4th treatment, that my eyebrows and eyelashes went.  I was putting on mascara each and every day, and just "wham" one morning, I said, where did they go.  I didn't not lose all my eyebrows, about 50% I'd say, but to me, is where I would look at myself, and say, you look sick, you now look like you have cancer.  I too wore bandanas (I literally have every color under the rainbow) and turban type hats I purchased on line, the wigs, never made it my head, and will be donated to the American Cancer.  Now I am just waiting to see how fast my hairs comes back, what color and curly or not.  You will get past this, I promise  :)  Take Care!!

[Tybear]

That's funny you should write that Danielle. I almost would have preferred it if people would have just come up and asked me outright what kind of cancer I had - I had no problem talking about it and would have much rather had that then staring! The only person who ever did was an old man who came up and said "you got breast cancer, huh?" and then proceeded to tell me that everything I had in my grocery cart was wrong - no milk, no read meat, wrong yogurt, wrong veggies, have to have goat cheese, shouldn't have banana's....you get the picture! I just humored him and walked away.

[ddemaso]

I didn't lose my hair with treatment, but there was the possibility. I talked to my oncologist about it and the first thing she said was "it'll grow back". She also told me about a mild mannered patient that came into the cancer center for chemo treatments. This lady was so quiet that no one ever expected it when she came in the office with a cone-head hat on!  She sat in the oncologists office and when she came in she just couldn't believe it. She said she would call the nurses in to say...look at what she has done. I just loved that story. I guess when Holloween came about this same lady came in for chemo with a huge orange afro wig! If I did lose my hair, I was going to hunt down that conehead hat.

I didn't lose it however, my sister Cindy did with her Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Treatment. She shaved it and walked around either bald or with a baseball hat on. She held her head high and I often wondered how she did it. She was so strong during her cancer and I was so emotional and weak.  Wear it proud. My sister Cindy said, "once you have cancer you become part of a sub-culture". You bond with those you maybe wouldn't have in the first place. You are all strong strong women. I don't know how you do it because I never lost my hair. Let me ask you, when you lose your hair, if I were to come up to you and ask you what kind of cancer you have/had, would that offend you? I just so want to reach out to those going through this hard time, but just don't know if I will be offensive. I walked around with hair during my treatment. No one really knew I had cancer if they didn't know me. I cannot understand thoroughly what I haven't been through, I know we women love our hair and I am no exception. I can only imagine, but I admire you all!

Sincerely,
Danielle

[gail47]

Two weeks after my first treatment my hair started to shed.  I got so tired of it I told my daughter to cut it off.  She refused, she said no mama I don't want to cut off your hair.  So I went and bought a wig and when I got back home I cut as much as I could and had my husband to shave the rest off.  After that I felt good for some reason.  I guess I just sick and tired of it shedding. That was my first list of check offs on my long list of things to do.

[OCFB]

My hair loss started about the same time as everyone else's.  I had long hair which I had cut short just prior to starting treatment.  When it began to go, my husband shaved it.  For a week or so I looked like Demi Moore in GI Jane (at least as far as my skull!).  I went bald a lot since I live in a hot climate, but did wear a wig to work. My husband shaved his head, too, and we looked like salt and pepper shakers.  You have to have a sense of humor about it.  You can't change what is happening and it WILL be over, so what can you do?  Now, 2 years later, I keep my hair "little boy" short because it is so comfortable and I always get compliments!  There's a good side to everything, I guess.

[Nelpe]

My sister held on to her hair as long as she could.  She dreaded losing her hair and cried often.  At first, she could pull out about 6 strands then it eventuall got really bad.  It was on her pillows, in the tub, and on the back of her clothes.  It got to the point that it grossed her out.  She still cried through it all, but finally she went to my parents' home and asked my dad to shave her head.  My younger brother drove up at the house at that time and together they shaved each other's heads. Sweet!
THE GOOD NEWS:  Once it was out she was very relieved, and wore a giant smile on her face.  She didn't cry again.
She bought an expensive wig and didn't care much for it.  She felt very self conscience in it.  She mainly wears hats and scarfs.  She did purchase a very cheap wig and it looks great on her and it's light weight, she wears it often.  She's also been known to walk around bald, hee hee.  

[Tybear]

Can I honestly say, that telling someone who is losing their hair that it's not a big deal because it grows back is the most insensitive thing ever!! I should know - that's what all my friends and family said to me and it was very upsetting. How the hell do they know what this feels like? I think for me, it was hard because now, instead of just feeling sick, I looked sick too. I looked like I had cancer, and it sucked. You will get through it though, but do give yourself time to mourn this - it's a huge change and it's a lot to adjust to. In time, you will discover that there are bonuses to having a shaved head as well! I would also recommend going out now and getting an eyebrow pencil to match your brows, so when they start coming out, you know what color you need - my eyebrows didn't start falling out until probably 3-4 treatments in, and they weren't totally gone until my very last treatment. I also found that lining your eyes with light liner helps with the no-lashes. One thing at a time though...
By the way, you have a wonderfully sweet husband - I'm sure he'll look great with his shaved head too!
Becky

[loralai]

Good tip Becky! Thanks! I'll tell my husband you said so too :)

[loralai]

These responses are so wonderful! I love the support and humor in them. I guess this weekend will be it. I sprayed it this morning to keep it from shedding all over but I have waited long enough. It's been 2.5 weeks...I have a LOT of hair and could probably get through the weekend but I want this dreading feeling to pass as you all have said. Face it and get it over with. My husband being cute offered to shave his too...mind you he already did about 6 mos ago! LOL! Thank you all...my beloved friends just don't get it...they say oh that is the last thing you should be upset about or it's only hair it'll grow back...and I'd probably have said the same thing until I actually had to lose it. I know all this but it is still the hardest part so far. You all are amazing!

[gah_70]

It takes a while to get used to anything when you are used to having hair on your head.  I didn't like hats, either, but I got used to it.  My hair had always been long, and it was my "comfort blanket", so when I lost it, the hats took over.  It took me a while to stop wearing hats even after I had hair on my head.  I, too, had mine shaved right about two weeks after the first treatment.  I donated it to Locks of Love, because i figured maybe it would give me some good karma.  The stylist cut it in a short style, but it only lasted through the weekend.  On Monday, my dad came over and he and my husband took turns shaving different hairstyles on me (letters, mohawk, etc) until it was gone.  We had to laugh about it or we'd have all three sat there and cried.  But I found the thought of going bald was worse than the reality.  If it is something you dread doing, then go ahead and get it overwith, and you won't have to fear it any longer.  Best of luck to you as you continue treatments.  

Gail :)

[Tybear]

I shaved mine almost two weeks after my treatment - it had started to fall out in bunches, so off it came - I would think it would be really distressing to have to see it coming out for days on end. Shave it - I know it's scary, but if you jump in with both feet and do it, you won't have to prolong the inevitable. I bought a wig also, but think I wore it twice (much to the frustration of my mother who paid $475 for it!) You know what? It just didn't feel like "me". I wore my bandana's almost like a badge of honor -  this is me, and I have cancer. Yes, I got many looks, but you get used to it. I actually felt more self-concious in my wig, believe it or not! I would have never believed that it would grow in curly - my hair before wouldn't even hold a curl that was sprayed with hairspray! But here I am, trying to learn what to do with a head full of curls! Oh well. Good luck to you - this is the hardest part, I swear.
Becky

[rmarie]

I got mine shave about 2 weeks following the first treatment, just when the nurse told me it would could come out.  I had turbins and scarfs, didn't really like the wig, even though I wore it.  You'll need something soft for night, your head will get cold.
It is tough, but it does grow back curly.  Good luck, thoughts are with you