ms.makita and ravenlady ...please read

I am so sorry for all your troubles...emotionally I am not doing well at all. I had quite a nervous and emotionally draining weekend..and I am so emotionally upset as I am on the verge of cancelling the surgery again!!! I called my therapist and luckily enough she will see me today.  I am fortunate to have a wonderful support system..I just have been suffering with this anxiety and panic for a while since giving birth to my 2 chiildren.  I know what i have to do as far as the surgery but I am so petrified...I need laparotomy for 2 masses along with a possible hysterectomy and I also need my gallbladder taken out..nothing like being hit with a double whammy!! I know I am much more fortunate than most and don't take anyone elses's problems for granted mine are small compared to other woman..and I pray for them as well.  My issues are more mentally right now as I am scared to death..I dont even take any kind of medication except tylenol and celexa for anxiety ehich took me 2 years to break down and finally take it. I have been taking small doses ox xanax the last few days feel a little like a zombie but it keeps me from crying...I want you all to know how much I appreciate everything all of you have said to me and the support you have given me!!! I am grateful to have come across this website and find such wonderful women. Thank you

[gah_70]

I am not Ms. Makita or Ravenlady, but I wanted to post to you anyway.  I have been following your story over the past few weeks, and wanted to chime in.  I probably won't say anything the others haven't already said but I hope I can maybe add a little insight.  

What is it that scares you so much about the surgery?  Is it being put under anesthesia?  Maybe being away from home?  Once you localize your fears, you'll be better able to put them in perspective.  You say you know what you need to do, but the fear and anxiety are overwhelming.  As you know, and have already been told many times, the fear of something is much worse than the actuality probably 99.9999% of the time.  Once you get through this operation, you won't have it to fear any longer.  You can get rid of those feelings that are eating away at you and tormenting you.  I know you think your problems are small compared to some of the women on this site, and maybe that's true, but you need to concentrate on YOUR issues.  Don't make it worse by comparing yourself to others.  To you, your issues are big ones, so don't make yourself feel guilty because you are having a hard time getting through them.  Perhaps you could plan a little reward for yourself...a trip or even something small that you've always wanted but never took the time to get or do for yourself...as incentive to get through this.  In the meantime, surround yourself with all the things that are comfortable and calming to you.  Could be a favorite pair of PJ's, candles, or some nice fluffy pillows.  Take time to enjoy those things and as you do, meditate.  Imagine yourself getting through this and all the feelings of relief you'll have when it is over.  Try to put those feelings of worry and fear aside and let your mind wander to good things.  It will be hard, and may seem impossible to do, but your mind is playing tricks on you.  Try to make yourself determined that you will take control.  We all have faith you can do this.  If it doesn't seem to be working, don't give up.  BELIEVE this is going to work out, and you can do it.

I will keep you in my prayers.  All things happen for a reason, and perhaps this is meant to help you realize strength you never knew you had.  It's in there.  You just have to find a way to pull it out.  

Gail    

[SimplyStar]

I fought a battle with myself about answering your post this time.  This is a site for OVCA as you well know,  lots of women come here worrying about whether their tumors are possibly cancer, as you probably did in the first place.  We rejoice with those that find out they are in the 99% club, we offer help to those that find the cancer. You know what needs to be done and we all sympathized with you after the first cancellation. You brag about not taking any meds for your so called anxiety. However this time you are making big waves for nothing. If your "anixiety" causes us to ignore you then try to think, for a change, about someone other than yourself. You say you have 2 children, are you being a good mother to them by doing this?  Most of these women have faced surgery for reasons of trying to get healthy again. You are trying to lay your feelings onto women that have faced their problems and got on with their lives. In my opinion you should be posting on the anxiety site rather than here.  As you know I am a retired RN and have worked in operating rooms, delivery rooms and psych units for years.  My advice to you would be get over this and have the surgery before people around you throw up their hands and leave you alone.  I think you are a silly, attention seeking woman.  I for one will read no more of your posts.

[Tybear]

I'm not quite sure what to say to you...I read your post a few times, and I guess I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around how you could even contemplate cancelling a surgery that may, in the end, save your life. I am one of the 1% ones...woke up to a hysterectomy and cancer and so on and so forth. I'm lucky that I had a Dr who was smart enough to realize that I had a situation that needed immidiate medical attention. Why would you even consider putting this off? I'm lucky, in that I'm not fearful of surgery whatsoever - I've actually got surgery this Thursday (my 6th for my kidney alone) and it's just not a big deal. I guess I too, am wondering what exactly you are afraid of? You can't be afraid of what's going to lie ahead for you once you wake up - it's life and it needs to be faced and dealt with. You sound like you have a loving and supportive family by your side - you need to deal with your anxiety better, or your going to end up inadvertently pushing them away.
Good luck to you,
Becky

[orangefuzzball]

I, too, am a little puzzled with what you are actually afraid of, the surgery itself or something else.

I had surgery in August, the fear of my cyst being cancerous far outweighed the fear I had of the surgery. In fact I was begging for surgery to be done. It turned out that I had appendix cancer (about 1 in a million and thankfully slow growing.) I'm waiting for a 13 hour plus operation to remove all dispensable abdominal organs, I certainly don't relish the thought but it has to be done. I'm still fearful of what they find, that they can't complete the IPHC, that it'll be less than 10 hours which means it's going to be unsuccessful in removing all the cancer. It's a means to an end. If I want to go for cancer-free I have to do it, it's a small price to pay in the bigger picture. As, for you, if you want to be pain-free and not to have the worry of having the cysts and the surgery, then you need to do it. It won't get any easier by putting it off and you will almost certainly benefit by having the surgery. My cyst was 24cmx18cmx6cm, or there abouts, I didn't think I had many symptoms before hand, but once it was out I felt completely different and well for the first time in months. The fear won't go away while you are putting the surgery off, and the level of anxiety you are experiencing sounds awful. You'll also be amazed how easy it is compared to how you think it's going to be and I can guarantee that you'll kick yourself for putting yourself through weeks of unnecessary stress.

I'm reading a book at the moment which you might find helpful, 'Feel the fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers. I read half this morning, it's pretty easy reading and made sense to me anyway.

Good luck,

Lisa.

[gma718]

You are all so knowledable and speak such words of wisdom and beleive me I am forever grateful. To answer some of these questions I am scared of alot of things that are going to happen...not knowing what I will be waking up to, relying on people for help which I am not good at accepting I am always the one to be the one to help everyone..having trouble accepting that I will need that. I am scared of the anesthesia...afraid of the pain after, there are many different emotions going on..I decided I will not be posting here anymore after the comments I have received from Simply Star..I felt they were definitley out of line...Does anyone realize that I know the logical thing to do is go and do the surgery get it over with and move on? My mind is playing a vicious role in this right now and I need to come to terms with it.but one thing I am not is looking for attention! I don't know anyone that would want to have a health issue as an attention getter!! I have seen and spoken to some wonderful women on here who also have dealt with fear, anxiety and other issues and I am quite upset with the nasty previous post! I thank all of those who have offered me words of advise and have leant me there ear ....you are in my prayers and I really appreciate it.

[justscore]

DO IT and get it OVER!!  Ask for a calming drug when you get there!  It's great to have it done and go from there.  I have had several laps and a partial hyst and am having my ovaries out next week.  I can't wait to get in there and get on with my life.  I am sending you good thoughts and soon you will be on the road to recovery!  Relax and let people who love you, take care of you!  Enjoy the down time and catch up on well deserved rest!  This too shall pass!

[RavenLady]

Hi GMA,
     The Cysters may seem a little harsh just now, but they are letting you know that canceling is not a rational option.  Prospectve surgery is scary, Gail suggested zeroing in on the particulars about the surgery that frighten you so you can face them and mentally prepare ahead of time.  Visualizing yourself coming home to recover is another mental technique condusive to coping.  I hope your Therapist will advise you to see your Psychiastrist to discuss adjusting your meds.  That is something you should have checked at least twice a year.  Therapist generally cannot prescibe medication.  You know you have had anxiety issues since your kids were born, that's a challenge you are still learning to meet.  Unfortunately, it is the type of disorder that can prevent you from taking care of the cysts with surgery, Canceling was a mistake the first time and has caused you near panic with this surgery.  This is not elective surgery GMA, chances are the cysts/tumors are benign and you will be one of the 99%.  None of us know that ahead of time, that is why this surgery is not optional.  Hope to hear from you soon GMA.  MV

[Helmar]

Hello.... If you've had two children, then going 'under the knife' shouldn't be a problem. You won't know anything about it, until it's all done, and you are in recovery, whereas giving birth.... you feel every twinge. My last one was 'true breach' Ouch... not to be recommended, so having the debalking operation was a piece of cake. Don't be a sook... go and have your operation, and I'm sure you will be glad when it's all over. You'll wonder why you worried.
Wishing you all the best.....Helmar...

[Stretch63]

Is something wrong...I hope all is well.

[Ms_Makita]

Hi! I know it is hard time for you,trust me,I understand..but please dont cancel your surgery!!! I know it is scary..but you will be ok!  get it over with! put your faith and trust in the Lord..he is with you! I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks as well..left me emotionally drained this week with several breakdowns,and I'm scared,scared they wont do surgery!! lol,most people dont look foward to having surgery,but I'm fighting to have it done (gallbladder)
     What is it that is really scaring you? talking/confiding about it will help alot.Were all here for you,your gonna be ok..you will see! your in my prayers,hang in there chickie! brighter days ahead!
                                        Stephanie