terrified of chemo #2

Ladies...I have ovca stage 3C - had surgery (1st one) and 1st chemo with very few, minor side effects. Although I also see an oncologist of traditional chinese medicine and drink herbal decoctions, I have been told that chemo gets much worse the more you do it. As the days pass, I can hardly function due to panic attacks, anxiety/depression, so many sleepless nights and the shadow of death hangs heavy - I'm living in constant mental anguish especially as Fri approaches for chemo #2. Is it possible to endure several rounds of chemo without becoming so ill you can barely function (I'm taking Carboplatin and Taxol)?

[gah_70]

You have to remember that everyone reacts differently to chemo,  I was diagnosed with IIIC in August 2005, and am currently going through my first recurrance.  I also had Taxol/Carboplatin the first time, and although I was not at 100%, I worked part time throughout chemo.  You have to allow yourself time to recover, though.  The regimine you are taking is first line chemo, and it has been tested and proven to be the most effective treatment.  Take comfort in that, and know that it is killing those nasty cells.  You should also talk to your doctor about the dread you feel.  Antidepressants are not the answer for everyone, but in your case, it might help.  I started taking them when I started chemo, and am still on them.  Those medicines are out there for a reason, and if they can help you, there is no reason not to take advantage of it.  There are chemical changes that take place in the brain with chemo, and it will very often cause depression....not to mention just knowing you have cancer.  There is no shame in taking a pill that can help you function better in your daily life.

Best wishes to you, and please keep us posted on how you are doing.  I will be thinking of you on Friday.  Hang in there!!!

Gail :)

[dian07]

Hello....I too had 6 rounds of carbo/taxol and I can attest to the fact that it was neither fun nor easy.  Gail is right when she says there are medications out there that can help reduce the anxiety, depression and dread. I too am on an antidepressant and I thank god  this rx exists.  So far as sleep goes....I was unable to sleep and my onc gave me a script (which I no longer take) for sleep....without sleep I simply couldn't function.....the one I took left a terrible taste in my mouth, though....I just found out there are other sleep meds that don't have that side effect.  Your medical team wants  to help you get through this nightmare.....give them the chance to help....that is why they do what they do.....talk to them....they can't tell what's going on by looking at you.....talk to them.....you aren't going to tell them anything they haven't heard before.....they are there to help....trust them....give them a chance.  They can make your life so much better. When I was where you are right now I tried to give myself permission to feel scared and filled with dread...but only for so many minutes....when my time was up I tried to move on...in some weird way I wore my cancer diagnosis as a badge of honor....I became more than a victim....I was a warrior....a champion.....no "why me" for this girl.....if not me then who...my daughter...my best friends....my granddaughters....who if not me?  I tried to turn this into my burden to bear...someone is going to get this disease....I got it and I will fight like hell and hopefully be the champion!  That was my head-game.....my mom always said I lived in 'Alice in Wonderland's" world.....it made her crazy.....works for me!  Play whatever games you need to play...talk to yourself regularly.....say to yourself what you would say to your best friend if she was in your place.....give your onc and medical team the opportunity to help you....they want to help in any and every way possible....just don't give up.....you are one tough lady and we are here to help.  Please do stay in touch.
Peace.
dian
(didn't mean to write a book here.....)

[YvonneS]

Hi,  I just finished 2nd round of Carbo & Gemzar.  Was not anything as bad as 1st round of carbo & taxol. Alos had 1 intraperitoneal (where they put chemo directly in the abdomen).  That was BAD.  Just hang in there.  Good luck.  Yvonne

[rmarie]

I too, am a stage 3C, and did carbo and taxol for 6 rounds.  I found the worst time was 3 days after when I felt like I had the flu and did not want to get off the couch.  and yes the more we receive we get more tired because our blood counts drop.  I asked for meds to turn my brain off, and used it if my overworked brain kept me awake.  The fear of cancer will aways be with us, because we have it.  I like what Dian said she wore it like a badge.  It is possible to receive chem and fucntion, your Friday timing means that it is hitting you on Monday when you would be going to work.  Mine was on Wednesday, so I was able to work and not feel as bad as I did 3 days after.  Ask about antidepressants, find a support group to share you feelings with, we all have the same feelings, and see about changing the day you get chemo so that the worst side effects hit on the weekend.  You have to control the cancer, not it control you.  I am on the second round of treatment and still working, tired today, however still working.  Keep us posted and keep up treatment, your mental state is as important as your physical.  

[mercymaiden]

Hi!  I, too, was diagnosed with stage IIIC ovarian cancer in 2005.  I had the taxol/carboplatinum, as well, after the debulking surgery.  The taxol was bad, but only for about 1 week after taking it.  First, what I called the 3 day slide into the "hole", then a 3 day climb out of it.  In the middle of those days, about 2-3 of them I just spent in bed, taking vicodan and doing my natural supplementation stuff, and most importantly meditating on truth.  Listening to CDs and watching whatever programs I could where someone would speak truth to me about life, not death.  I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I know that there is ONE day set aside by God for me to die, and I will die on THAT day, and not one moment before or after.  I know that cancer is just a thing to God, and it will not kill me.  God will "kill" my body when He decides - NOT cancer.

My original OB-GYN said that her husband had cancer before they got marrid, and it was SO BAD, most of those around him thought he was just gonna die.  He remembered being in a hospital bed, and watching something about the bulls chasing people in Italy - some kind of tradition - and he said to everyone in the room that he was going to be there, and do that.  It seemed like not many, if any, believed him, but he was just such a positive person, and refused to think a death mentality.  And you know what?  He was there!  And he got married and they have a child, and I assume he has been in remission now for a good while.  I learned from that story what a powerful influence my mind, and the state of my mind - what I think relates to how I feel emotionally - has on my body.  Someone dear to me began to say things like  - do whatever you can with the time you've got left to spend good time with your daughter before you die - something to that effect, like 2 or 3 different ways of saying "prepare to die" in some way, and I asked her to please stop speaking death over me.  I stopped talking to her for a while, too, because I don't need to think that way, and I don't.  When I start thniking about death, I meditate on the truth of God's Word: Jesus is LIFE, and the Holy Spirit of LIFE lives inside me!

On another note, I use natural supplements and haven't had many side effects on the Doxil.  I take Barley Max with Ambrotose (which is some glyconutrients), and I drink fresh, organic carrot juice, and a mixture of fresh organic beet, spinach, parsley, ginger, celery, cucumber, carrot, and aple juice daily, when I have all the ingredients.  I take a liquid vitamin called "To Your Health", and I had a low thyroid hormone level last time at the dr office so instead of synthroid I am trying a seaweed supplement called Modifilan.  I also try to eat fresh, organic RAW vegetables and fruit every day.  A large salad of dark greens is ideal at least once a day (romaine and spinach are my staple).  Other things important are making sure to forgive anyone who has ever offended you, walking barefoot on the dirt/grass and getting sunlight on your body for about 15 minutes a day (although if you're not juicing and eating raw, the sunlight might give you problems on Doxil), and as I mentioned, thinking LIFE.  Giving stres to God, and letting Him deal with it, because you and your body just can't have it right now.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.   (Proverbs 3:5,6)  

Meditate on that, and ask God to make it real for you; to help you think on him and to really believe that He is taking good care of you; after all, He IS!!  :)

mercymaiden