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About (Personal) Support Network

I am going into the hospital on Sunday for a laparoscopy to drain what they believe is a tubo-ovarian abscess.    They may also possibly remove things - ovary, tube, uterus or even portion of the bowel - if they find they're involved,making this even more invasive.  I am currently ill from this abscess and running a fever, so maybe not totally coherent, forgive me. I'm not bedridden but trying to move as little as possible, just lying still and quite uncomfortable, hoping I feel a little better soon,

My husband is a dear person whose heart is in the right place. But ... maybe I'm using this moment to be a drama queen, but he just doesn't seem to get it.  His ex wife suffered from some sort of gyn problem and apparently had procedures regularly that had her off her feet for a day or two.  Hubby nearly fell off the stool when told this wasn't outpatient surgery and that even in a best case scenario I will be in the hospital for three days.  He immediately set out not-really-hearing that.  I am usually healthy as a horse, so this is the first time in our five year marriage I really CAN'T put his needs ahead of my own.  Not that I always do, but I usually have the option ;-)   The point is that we often have these little power struggles about who will be the center of attention.  He usually wins, but it never occurred to me that he might be incapable of losing, no matter how obviously I need to be paying attention to myself and how much I need HIS help.  

I know he's scared and doing a denial thing.  It's one of his defenses.  His inlaws are coming for an (unrelated) visit  11 days after I go in.  Which means they will arrive at the house somewhere between 2 and 7 after I do.  And he wants to "wait and see how you feel" before making any decisions about calling this off.

What I don't know is, in this situation where I don't have the luxury of indulging his denial ... well, does anyone have good suggestions for me?  I can get myself marginally prepared but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.  Cook and freeze meals, go out and buy bran muffins ... um going to the loo or making coffee seems like an accomplishment this week.  Is there an ultimately simple prep  list that I could share with Hubby?
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi sorry to hear ur feeling bad at moment, be strong with it hubby, tell him straight that u are going to do role reversal, he will have to do everything for his in laws if he wishes for them to come over when u may not be feeling upto running around after others, I have done similar with mine, and at first they are ok with it then after a few days it wears thin but then they have to just suck it in and get on with it just like we would!
Don't pressure urself into doing stuff when u don't feel like it because it could set u back even more,
I had cyst, Fallopian & an ovary removed and the surgeon came and told me that even tho it was done via laproscopy it is still MAJOR SURGERY!
Take Care & try not to stress out over things that don't matter (easier said then done I know)
Take a look at my thread that I posted on here that might give u a few tips?
Best wishes
K
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Avatar_f_tn
If I were you, I would call the in laws and let them know you are going in for surgery and will be laid up for at LEAST two weeks afterwards (I am basing this on the experiences of numerous friends and relatives who have had to have hysterectomy...they were down a minimum of two weeks and it was a good month before they were nominally functional). Maybe they will come early and help...maybe they will reschedule...but at least they won't come expecting you to take care of them.

Check with your doctor and insurance about spending some time in a skilled nursing facility between the hospital and home...and at least about having some assistance through a home health care agency. Check into the feasibility of hiring a home cleaning service...and it really isn't unreasonable to ask hubby to cook while you are laid up. If he won't, check into a service that make meals and delivers them...maybe he will change his tune when confronted with the cost of having to pay for someone else ot do what he should be doing.

Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself...and do NOT risk your recovery by giving in and trying to do for your husband when he is perfectly capable of taking care of you both.
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