Car accident PTSD

[InkedMa]

I was in an accident with my daughter 6 years ago, she was 4. It happened during the winter, slick roads. We were both knocked unconscious. I came to, to the vision of my daughter lying next to me on the bench seat of our truck, with blood pouring out of her nose and mouth. Even though we are both perfectly fine now, I carry a lot of guilt from that day, and have been diagnosed with PTSD as well as generalized anxiety and panic disorder. I've been through therapy, years of medication, nothing so far has helped. Every winter it's the same. I hibernate. If I am supposed to be somewhere and it is, or is supposed to snow/sleet/freezing rain, I have panic attacks. I had a bad one tonight, which is the reason for me coming here. I don't know what to do, I dont like the idea of getting back on medication at all, but dealing with this on my own is becoming unbearable.

[MYoungAtHeart]

Tell me the story...It is only in the telling of the whole story can the healing begin...You can send me a private note, but until the whole story is dealt with, can the healing begin and continue.

When I was first diagnosed with Ptsd it was called shell shock and very few non military doctors knew how to deal with it, treat it, or even address it with the patient.  My doctor made me write out the whole incident, from beginning to end, and then when i did that, he asked me to read it out loud to him.  Before this all my thoughts and feelings were internal, I would start the story in my mind, have it sputter out in the middle and then become more intense towards the end, but reading aloud the whole story while he watched my face brought a new chapter of healing to me.  For one thing, he did not show disgust on his face, or show boredom or any judgement looks that might throw me off.  He just watched me, saw where i was hung up with the intensity and we started treatment on that note.  

My family members are head staff at the state mental hospital, and I too cannot be treated by them, not sure I would want to be, as easy as it would have been to go see a family member, I needed someone who was not related to me, had not heard rumors, had not formulated an opinion from gossip, and could be impartial and non judgemental.  I think that is why this rule of family and doctors is in effect.

I do wish you so much the very very best.  

M

[InkedMa]

And no, I wasn't texting or under the influence of anything. But I was coming home from somewhere I never should have been, so that's where the guilt comes in.

[InkedMa]

I do agree that our minds can't ever be completely controlled, but over the years, dealing with this, I think I could definitely use some help. It's not just the driving anymore, it has bled into other parts of my life. I don't know, there are tons of things really... I think I need therapy for sure. Dealing with it on my own worked for a while so I guess I thought it would eventually just taper off and go away. So wrong!

[Mysterious3000]

Hi InkedMa,

You are such a strong person for trying to face your fears. You said "I carry a lot of guilt from that day" and from my perspective I don't see why you should feel guilty at all. Where you texting and driving? Where you under the influence? If not, then why should you feel guilty? Accidents happen. Imagine if you stopped driving: your child would hate you for not being able to drive them to events, and they would think you are a bad parent for not driving. On the other hand though, maybe you should just throw in the towel with driving in the winter. I think it is false to believe that if you just try hard enough, or find the right combo of meds, you will eventually overcome your problems. The human mind is too complex to be totally controlled, sometimes you try your best to overcome something but you just can't do it mentally. Let me know what you think.

[InkedMa]

Thank you very much for the information. I was in therapy for about 6 months, I didn't feel as thought my therapist really understood me, as in, I think she listened, but her best advice was exposure. Every time I have gotten up the nerve to drive when conditions were less than favorable I have major panic attacks and end up back home. My ex husband is a psychologist, he can't treat me, obviously but he has a lot of insight to offer and I'm very familiar with the processes and  treatments that are involved with this sort of thing. I do well for periods of time, but then there are those times where it is overwhelming and uncontrollable. I live in a very small town and resources here are limited. I haven't looked into any specific groups, but I will.

[MYoungAtHeart]

If you have been diagnosed with PTSD and with Anxiety, have you been seeing a therapist or been involved in group that does specific work with PTSD and related issues.

Avoiding the driving, avoiding weather, avoiding having the freedom to move around from store to store, from place to place does not solve the problem because as you know, even if you don't leave the house, you are still in the pain of the accident as though it happened only a few minutes ago.

I have not nor do not take any medication for PTSD or its related issues, I got a good therapist who also had a self run group of PTSD survivors and made use of the Anonymous Programs that are free and which include Emotions Anonymous, and I am not sure if that is the legal name for the group now.

I am not knocking meds or scripts that some people must take for a variety of reasons, but I made a decision not to go that route.  

I do wish you the very best

M

[InkedMa]

Yes, I used to have nightmares, not as much anymore. I was on the highest possible does of Celexa for 3 years and Vistaril to sleep. That stopped working so they tried Lexapro, then Pristique  which made things so so much worse. At that time I decided medication wasn't for me so I stepped down slowly, even then the withdrawal was horrible. I feel like I did really well for a while but one bad winter set me back.

[InkedMa]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kindness. The only way I am coping with this is by avoiding the situation altogether. I really can't continue to do that, considering most jobs won't allow you to call in all winter. haha!! When I can be somewhat objective about it, I realize that there are things I can do, and that medication is an option even though I've been that route before. Hopefully I can figure something out that truly works before next winter rolls around.

[drifter0213]

a lot of guilt can surface quickly do you have nightmares? I dream of combat when I sleep I take Zoloft for PTSD and anxiety keep trying the pills may work. you must find a good mix they normally treat this with antidepressants you can find it thru trial & error. intense fear is also common

[ecotime47]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I absolutely understand why you would have this kind of emotional response to the idea of driving in any kind of weather.

There was a lady I knew from church years ago. She had a similar experience as yours and her fear was preventing her from being able to do certain things. We really began to pray for her. We prayed for her mind to be freed both from the awful memories of her experience and the fear that kept her from moving forward in a healthy way. She testified that God healed her of it and we all witnessed the change firsthand.

I know God doesn't always do things the same way for everybody, but I believe he does honor prayer and faith. Let me just offer you some encouragement to really trust the Lord going forward.  I love the words of Philippians 4:6-7 -
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

God bless you. I'll be praying for you today.