I've never been diagnosed with PTSD but this category is best fit...
A little bit of background info: I have recurring nightmares occasionally about what I call "woman molesters" who are mature females who have sexual intentions toward younger females. These make me terrified of any mature female who are not in my close family. I have never physically encountered a woman molester before in my life.
Well, the other day I was at practice and my coach was trying to demonstrate some move so that our team could try it. Well, the move was where someone had to stand directly behind another person to make what would normally be a one person move, a two person move. So, me being team captain, she used me to demonstrate this move. She got right up behind me so that our bodies touched to practice it. I started to freak out, but very subtly so that no one would notice what I was thinking. So the rest of the day I was off in the way I was thinking because I was still freaked out about what had happened with my coach. Strangely though, the next day, my thoughts changed. I had all of a sudden felt so much closer to my coach. Like, really close. I had previously felt like I didn't like her at all because she wasn't a good coach, but the day after our close encounter, I loved her. I started to defend her when my teammates would say something bad about her. And last night I did something totally crazy that I am not proud of at all... I was in a dark-ish mood because of everything that was happening, and I started to fantasize about my coach. Now, we're both females, me being a young teenager and her being in her 40's or so. I fantasized that we were at practice and she had taken me aside into another rood to "plan things" for the rest of the team, but that's not what we were really going to do. In the fantasy my coach, I guess you could say, pleasured me. And I liked it I think.....
I am not gay, I promise you. I am extremely attracted to men, but this is also not the first time I have fantasized about and older female that I was close-ish to.. :/
I think I'm a crazy psycho and I don't know what is wrong with me. Any thoughts??
Hey.....From reading your post, it does not sound like PTSD, but I'm not a doctor so I can't make an official diagnosis. Your recurring nightmares can be analyzed in so many different ways. I'm sorry that you are experiencing that recurrent dream, but remember....it is just a dream. Who knows where our unconscious minds pick up info to turn into dreams. One thing that might help with the dreams is talking about it on this website, to a psychologist, therapist, or someone you trust. I wouldn't recommend your teenage friends.
The fantasies are absolutely normal, provided they don't go farther than fantasies. When I was a teenager, I had crazy fantasies about all sorts of things and a lot of them I felt ashamed about, but they are normal. I'm in my 20s now and I still have weird sexual fantasies. I do not think you are crazy or psycho. I am straight woman and I have fantasies about other women.
If you want more input, try the Women's Health forum or the Mental Health Expert forum.
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