I am new here and hoping someone can tell me what is going on.
I keep seeing the same hallucination every couple of days, and I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m starting to think it is real. Even though I know it is not real, I can certainly see why people think NDEs are real.
Basically I see a gossamer-like substance in coils, with circumferences from two feet to five inches. In a full-blown episode, my entire bedroom is filled with it.
The first time I saw this was days after a serious suicide attempt. I was in my bathroom and noticed this fabric on the walls, with very thin gold threads. It was shaped in coils, and was constantly moving. I had just had a shower built in the bathroom, and I literally thought it was a protective fabric for the glass, and that it had just fallen off. But soon I realized it wasn't, though I still had no idea what it was (and still dont).
The thing that stunned me was that it reacted to me. There was a window across the hall, and it was very windy. Every time the wind reached the bathroom, these coils BILLOWED in the wind! So I tried to blow on it, and sure, enough it billowed as well.
Until recently, I would see this hallucination once a month or so, and found it fascinating, knowing it wasn't real. But now I am seeing it every couple of days, and it has escalated into the truly bizarre.
I have an air conditioner in my window, and I know how bizarre this sounds, but it actually starts writhing when the hallucinations start. There are vent levers on it, and they move up and down on their own!
I finally decided to get up and go toward it to see what would happen, because I’m tired of it scaring me. It was writing around like crazy, and I actually put my hand on it and could feel it moving.
I went over to my laundry basket, and held on to the bookshelf for balance, and the bookshelf was moving!
Everywhere I looked, the things in my room were moving, sort of writing around. I was committed to not being afraid, so I moved closer to see what was really happening, and it was all moving like crazy.I could FEEL it moving.
My pillows on my bed were moving, the covers had tunnels in them like some burrowed under them.
In the past, whenever I’ve seen the coils, I’ve tried to touch them, but it would just disintegrate. Last night, I had eaten a chocolate bar, and my fingers were sticky. I moved my hand through the coils, and SURE ENOUGH, THE STUFF STUCK MY STICKY FINGERS!
One last thing: while the coils are a gold color, there is a red color that sometimes pulls out of them. If this happens, the red often turns into red streamers, like the ones in a Chinese New Year dragon. The vertically movie through the coils. In a way it is very beautiful, but it is also the most unnerving.
Last, I feel like this stuff shows up when it wants to. A few times I’ve concentrated on certain spots it hovers in, and probably twice have gotten it to show up.
Other than that, I’ll be in my room and suddenly it’s filled with this stuff, and everything is writhing. Sigh…..
I do see a psychiatric nurse who is wonderful, but I haven’t been able to see her as often as I’d like. I’m going to call tomorrow and ask for a visit, because I want to know what this is!
I am currently taking Seroquel, Lexapro, Lamactil, Mirapex, Ambien, and Lorazepam if needed,
Has anyone experienced anything similar to this? I haven’t really been worried about it, knowing it wasn’t real. But lately, I’m starting to think it IS real, especially because it interacts with me.
Has anyone experienced anything similar to this? I am very worried about it, because it is so bizarre, yet so real.
I need help.
Thanks in advance.
Jaynee