I am screaming

[promqueen]

i cant explain it verry well, but i close my eyes n see visions of dramatic events in my life and i can feel this pain go right threw me, n its like i almost lose my oxygen n i have to take an extra breath to breathe again cuz my mind gets surrounded by all these bad things that happen to me. i ahve dreams of bien raped by guys, chased and held hostage by guys, n in reality, i get so uncomfertable around around guys, i dnt talk much to them exept my ex. i pretty much disclude my self from everyone when i am mad, and i make myself be alone and i alow myself to sit for hrs n cry and get enraged about things that come an go in my life. its like theres a girl standing infrnt of me, yelling at me , but i dnt know what she yellin at me for, but i get more angry at myslef cuz i blame me for everything that falls apart. and all the memories i have of the greatest things in my life that ended so quick and unexplainable, i pretty much put my hands over my ears and close my eyes and scream cuz i cant get the memories to go away n i cry cuz they haunt me threw the day. i can be in the car, n look up at the trees and picture myself climbing up one with a rope n hangin myself, or hangin someone else. i look in the mirror and i reconize myself, but i dont know who i am. when i get around older guys, i feel like a child, like a 8 year old, and i get so uncomfertable around them.

[promqueen]

19, just turned

[Delusion]

Ah ha i see now just thought i should check. May i ask how old you are?

[promqueen]

i dint not know my profile said boy.ahahhahah na ima girl.

[Delusion]

And this was homosexual rape? I only ask from your profile it says your male but rape is most common with females and i assumed you were female originally from your name.

[promqueen]

well, raped multiple times, different guys. its not like im a hoe n i put myself in the perdicument. i mean i did, but i dnt know

[Delusion]

I am out of denial new to the PTSD forum but know a lot about it and i am a long term member of medhelp in general.

You say these visions are of guys raping you or taking you hostage, can i ask if either of these things have ever happened to you before?