This is probably going to be a long question as, honestly, I'm not sure what I am doing here. My boyfriend has concerns that I may have PTSD and having a quick look over the symptoms on a couple websites, I feel I fit the bill, so to speak.
I went through a 'traumatic' experience about 3 years ago. It was abuse from my father and I both witnessed it (with my 3 sisters and step-mother) and recieved it. I lived with my father, in a different country and away from my mother, for 2 months before finally getting away. I felt trapped and isolated.
At the same time, I had a sexually abusive boyfriend who was also verbally abusive.
Now, this is affecting my quite badly in my everyday life to the point where I am scared to go outside. I'm afraid of the vast majority of things which is very irrational in my eyes. I have about 2 or 3 nightmares a night for 4 or so days out of the week. The rest of my nights are restless and I am unable to sleep. There are times when I remember the things that happened at extremely inappropriate times. I can be sat on the bus, staring out of the window, and I will suddenly remember something and get very frightened and start to panic. My fear of leaving the house is due to encountering men, I am afraid of men, as silly as it sounds. I have to take time to get to know a man before I can be comfortable around them. And by time, I mean months and months. I met my boyfriend in September, we started dating the same month, however I wouldn't even let him touch me in anyway (hugs, kisses, holding hands even) until we'd been dating a month or two months.
In the last year or so, I have been constantly on edge, even in my bedroom... I can't walk down my street without looking over my shoulder everytime a bird rustles in the bushes or a car goes past. I tense up and my pace quickens and I pretty much run home. I'm avoiding going out, and seeing people. I'm terrified of meeting new people because I have this irrational fear of the person I am meeting to be my ex-boyfriend.
I can't help feeling guilty about leaving my sisters with my father and I worry about them just as much. I've hallucinated both visual and auditory - relating to my experience. I'll be walking down my street and I'll see my ex-boyfriend stood at the end of the road. I've been laid in bed after a bad dream, trying to get back to sleep, and I will panic and be in a state of fear and hear my sisters screaming and crying. It's honestly terrifying and almost disabling. I dropped out of college because the college I was going to was the same one my father went to, and so every two seconds I was reminded of him and what happened.
I am currently seeing a Clinical Nurse at CAMHS (UK mental health service for under 18s) however, honestly she is useless. I asked to be changed and to have a new lady to speak to, but the Clinical Nurse told me she reffered me for an assessment for depression and the whole asking to be swapped was ignored. The psychiatrist told me I was fine and just being a teenager, but she was looking for symptoms of depression, not PTSD and I had no idea about PTSD then. My boyfriend only just brought it up in the last couple weeks. And it got me worried.
Does this sound like PTSD? And how should I talk to my therapist about it - I am very nervous and not exactly blunt when she asks me questions. The psychiatrist asked how I was, and how I was sleeping and I just told her I was fine.
Have to tell truth or no supporter can help.
Know society causes us shame but not you doing anything wrong.
We call little things you described, triggers, and little things can happen lots But after a good therapist, specializing in trauma, you will learn to manage, I did and have had many severe childhood/adult events. I made it through and now help others through Recovery Learning Communities, RLC which may have in your area, maybe look up your area for a WRAP group, Mary Ellen Copeland created it and it changed my life by empowering me and helping me understand my self.
I also take 20 mg 3 x day of Enderal, blood pressure and public speaking med. I like it and helps my getting out.
I felt someone to listen, who understood ,was first thing I needed then reached out for more.
A good trick for panic or close, is keep an orange or lemon in freezer, go hold it when things feel to big, you can smell it as well. It makes the brain focus on your freezing hand and the aroma of fruit, blocking the other distressing feelings.
Caution with meds, many Drs. will tell you you must take stuff, research first because some is very hard to get off of, been there too.
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