Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
My Boyfriend's deceased girlfriend
If anyone can give me feedback on this, I would be so incredibly grateful. I don't know who I can talk to about this.

I've been seeing my boyfriend for just over a couple months now and have started to really like him. I know this because recently I've been having some anxiety about how real our relationship is--if he is transferring feelings he had for an old girlfriend onto me. I wonder if this is a result from possible PTSD.

This weekend he will be traveling to Austria to visit the grave of his girlfriend who died in a motorbike accident a year ago. He was driving the bike and she was on the back when they hit a car they didn't see coming and flew through the air. He had major leg surgery, she slid into a coma and later passed.

He and I started dating 9 months after the accident. He had another girlfriend before me (their relationship lasted 2 months), and before her the girlfriend who passed (5-7 months... he changed the duration a few times). I'm American living in Spain and he's Spanish.

Very soon into the relationship he was telling me he loved me and he still tells me he needs me. But I can't help and wonder if he just needs someone, and that someone happened to be me. There's a part of me that thinks he's trying to find an outlet to put his feels of love for his lost ex. I hope enough time has passed that this isn't the case, but I also wonder if this is another way of grieving and dealing with the lack of closure.

Since he leaves for his trip this weekend, this week has been difficult. He doesn't show his feelings to me--which I can understand because he doesn't want to hurt me--but this is a double-edged knife because I'm also hurt he's not comfortable to share with me.

Seeing as how my time in Spain is a study abroad, I don't know if I should continue the relationship. It's very likely I will be back next Fall (for my 3rd year in Spain) and we could continue, but right now I feel like an emotional rebound for him. Will I end up being that girl who helped him get over his lost love? There's nothing wrong with that other than I feel I'm being used in a sort of way, and that our love is just because he needed me. He's said things to me before such as: I remind him of her sometimes, that if she were still here he'd be with her, that she was more beautiful than I am, and that she's like a ghost, sometimes in his dreams... these things really f***king hurt to hear.

He tells me that he wants to love me more, that he wants to continue this relationship and that he'll never forget me. But I really wonder if he just wants to love again so he can find some more closure with the death of his other girlfriend.

I don't know what to do. I'm really trying to be good, patient and sympathetic, although I realize how selfish this post must sound. But I'm hurting too now--clearly not as much as him--and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for the read and suggestions

Cancel
3 Answers
Page 1 of 1
Avatar universal
It to soon for him to be in a relationship I was the rebound girl in a very similar situation he needs to see someone for his PTSD and depression the best thing for the both of you is to work on yourselves
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Submit Comment
675718 tn?1449992146
" like button"
Comment
Cancel
675718 tn?1449992146
Comment
Comment
Submit Comment
4190741 tn?1370181432
Roxy hits the nail right on the head and said it nicer and kinder than I could...

M
Comment
Cancel
4190741 tn?1370181432
Comment
Comment
Submit Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Submit Answer
A
A
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
PTSD / Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488 tn?1310696703
Blank
Marathon Running Done Over Many Yea...
05/15 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
233488 tn?1310696703
Blank
New Article on Multifocal IOL vs &q...
05/15 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
748543 tn?1463449675
Blank
TMJ/TMJ The Connection Between Teet...
01/15 by Hamidreza Nassery , DMD, FICOI, FAGD, FICCMOBlank
Top Anxiety Answerers
675718 tn?1449992146
Blank
El Paso, TX
1699033 tn?1443113373
Blank
Somewhere in, MD
1530171 tn?1448133193
Blank
London, ON