PTSD and opiate abuse ..

[jessica0220]

So I know its 2:30 am of course I can't sleep , I'm 20 years old I've relapsed once since 11/16/2013 by smoking a perk 30 ( my first time ) I didn't like it at all .. I honestly wish I wouldn't have wasted my time smoking it and just popped it . anyways I was only addicted for about a year but heavily addicted at that popping up to 7 dalaudid 4s or 3 30mg perks a day . kicking it without any help but 3 days of rehab was the hardest thing I've ever done but well worth it I guess .. I suffer from severe PTSD depression anxiety disorder . I do not use that as a crutch to why my addiction started but I can say that pain pills made me feel a whole hell of a lot better about things and that's why I fell so deep . and now since I've told my doctor they will not prescribe me anything that doesn't put me straight to sleep for my disorders .. So I buy xanex when I can some days are better then others but I'm not sure if I'm buying them and taking them as a substitute for the pain pills or if I truely believe that it "cures" my troubles .. That's just a piece of my my situation and now here's my question . why is it that I can't remember anything anymore ? I mean anything and I feel its only getting worse I'm wondering if I'm mentally blocking things out of my brain because I'm not using to suppress my disorders or if its just something permanent from my use of opiates ? My eye sight has gone to **** and my balance is horrible I also think I suffer from tremors that is also progressing because not only do my hands shake now but from time to time my head does also and I have no control to stop it Has anyone else had this problem ? I'm still recovery mentally but physically my withdrawals are over thank Jesus . and does anyone have advise on what could help with this.

[BnDMaster]

Pain killers kill all pain;, be it physical, mental or emotional. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD on top of a host of physical illnesses I have been dealing with all my life.

I am in constant pain and always have been. I can remember being in pain as early as 7 years old. Anyway, I have been raped three times in my life. I have always (so called) Coped by blocking it out of my head and denying it ever happened. Sadly, that is my way of dealing with it- I am a master of Block &; Deny. However, the most recent occurred 5 years ago and I am unable to B-&-D because of my husband. We had a very rocky time resulting in him moving out of our home for 4 months. During that time, a co-worker of mine started coming by VERY often and would offer help around the house and yard, mowing the lawn, fixing things that needed it or just moving heavy things that I couldnt lift. He was very helpful and kind and even befriended my kids. When I told him I was going to accept my husband back and allow him to move back home, he wasn't  upset or angry, he was just quiet.

Later that day, he forced himself upon me. My husband is the kind of man who would literally "remove" anyone who ever hurt me or our children from the face of the earth. When we tried to be intimate for the first time after he moved back in, I broke down. He asked me if I slept with my co-worker and I told him "yes".

I did not disclose the circumstances in fear that he would kill him and go to prison. After five years, he is still deeply hurt and no longer trusts me. He constantly accuses me of being unfaithful and says hurtful things that are sometimes outright mean. How can I possibly Block & Deny this terribly awful experience when it is thrown in my face every single day?!? I have come to find myself resorting to using my prescription medications to help ease the pain.

I am in therapy- I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist and am on meds for depression and anxiety in addition to medications for my physical illnesses. Everyday I want to tell my husband the truth. Do I tell him and risk losing him to jail for murder or keep my mouth shut and let him go on believing that I was unfaithful?!?

It kills me every time I look into his eyes and see the hurt I have caused! I love him more than anything and could never and would never cheat on him. I dont know what is worse, trying to cope with that evil scumbag forcing himself on me like that or coping with my husband believing I could/would EVER hurt him like that. There are only so many pain killers in the world!!

[lynzietye90]

My dad also suffered with PTSD and opiate dependency. He use to refer to the opiates as "glorified antidepressants'... I can't condone his point of view as I know opiates are anything but good. But I just wanted to say that I'm very glad you are off them and living your life as best you can!! My dad wasn't quite so lucky.. He tried to kick the habit and on his third day battling withdrawal symptoms he succumbed to his illness via committing suicide. I still can't seem to wrap my mind around it. But I know your a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[lynzietye90]

My dad also suffered with PTSD and opiate dependency. He use to refer to the opiates as "glorified antidepressants'... I can't condone his point of view as I know opiates are anything but good. But I just wanted to say that I'm very glad you are off them and living your life as best you can!! My dad wasn't quite so lucky.. He tried to kick the habit and on his third day battling withdrawal symptoms he succumbed to his illness via committing suicide. I still can't seem to wrap my mind around it. But I know your a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[Dee1956]

Hello there!  I have read that taking Xanax can cause the symptoms you are describing.  I don't know how many Xanax you are taking or total mgs per day, this is just a suggestion
I had surgery back in 2013, suffered from PTSD for almost a year.
I was taking xanax to help me sleep at night.  I was getting similar symptoms as you.  I looked it up found it could be the xanax so have slowly been reducing the dose.  You have to be careful about reducing.  What you want to look at is total mgs a day and go from there.
I hope you can get some help.  Hey there are no judgements here.  I understand how a pain pill can make you feel better.  It takes away our pain, whatever is left over can give some of us energy.  While others pass out I have been like the energizer bunny on percocets or vicodin.
Take Care
Dee

[drifter0213]

quiting is easy staying quit is a full time job I have PTSD and I abused alcohol ive been good for three years now best thing to do is stay quit ok :)