Was I being too "sensitive"

[kenneltech]

I have just started with a new therapist, and she said we are going to start EMDR treatments, but for about 3-4 months, we are going to "talk about my past", so I can become more stable and ready for treatment.

Last week, we talked about some of the other therapists and doctor's I have gone to throughout the years, and how some can really hurt you when you begin to trust them.  I told her about how one doctor kept pushing me and pushing me and pushing me to "get angry", and finally I stood up and started yelling, because he finally pushed me too far.  I never touched him, didn't do anything other than yell.  Then he told me that was "inappropriate behavior" for the office and committed me for 72 hours!!

Needless to say, I have REALLY bad trust issues, and they stem from my childhood as well as some doctor's.  

Well, I have bad PTSD, and have never been able to sleep without medication (I'm afraid to sleep since most of the sexual abuse happened at night) since about the age of 12.  But now, medication is starting to not work anymore, and I have literally been up for 4 days, I'm hallucinating, and nodding off while driving.  I even jumped a curb yesterday.

My doctor and my therapist have decided that they do not want to give me anything stronger because when we deal with the PTSD, I will be able to sleep.  THAT'S IN 4 MONTHS!!!!!   I'm wrecking my CAR!!!

Well, I told my therapist that when I was in my early 20's (I'm 56 now), I became addicted to drugs (prescription), because this one doctor was over medicating me, and I was truly like a zombie.  Ended up having to quit seeing this doctor and entering a rehab.  I've never been on street drugs, although, what's the difference.

So I call her yesterday and tell her I am a hazard on the road and I am starting to hallucinate, and she tells me to "take a bus" because we don't want you to "become a zombie like you used to be".  WHAT THE HELL KIND OF STATEMENT WAS THAT!!!

Talk about throwing what you say in your face!!  I am extremely careful about what I take ever since that happened to me, and I don't even LOOK or ACT like I take many drugs.  I only take Effexor ER and sleep meds.  I realize they are addictive, but that is the short answer to a serious problem.

Well, I e-mailed her and said I could no longer trust her and cancelled all other appointments with her, and that I thought what she said was totally inappropriate.  I told her I wasn't going there busting my butt in therapy because I was "doctor hopping" to score.  And that she (being the doctor and knowing about me) should have KNOWN not to make a blanket statement like that, that I wouldn't trust her again.

So, my neighbor says I am wrong, and I am "too sensitive", and that I should go back and talk to her about it.  Well, I can't go back, because I won't talk to her because I no longer trust her.

Am I wrong??  I have been sexually, physically, emotionally abused (tortured really), my entire childhood.  Incest was also involved.  So, when I say I have trust issues, I mean I REALLY HAVE TRUST ISSUES.  Please keep that in mind.

Thanks, any help would be appreciated.

[narla]

All I can say is she had no right to talk to anyone like that,I wouldn't trust her either but you will need to find someone,you have to continue with therapy to get through all the feelings and emotions that go hand in hand with abuse,I really hope you can find someone you can trust.If you ever need to just talk PM me I'm a good listener.Take Care  Denise  

[amym2002]

Mine said the same thing. And you know what? She was right. Just because someone says what you don't want to hear doesn't make them insensitive or inappropriate. Difference between the two situations? I stayed. Hardest thing I've ever done. I also took the bus (and I live 4 miles from the nearest bus stop). Staying and getting through EMDR changed my life.(no trust issues anymore, and no more PTSD).  The first person you need to trust is yourself, trust that you are strong enough to endure and make an appointment with someone who does EMDR, and don't walk away when it gets tough.

[freebird227]

I believe her comment was extreamly insensitive, And I'm glad that you have decided to seek out a new therapist.
Be careful though, try to set up guidlines with the next one on how you would like for them to respond too you and what are some of your major triggers.
Take it slow........it takes time to build trust.

We are masters at setting people up.  Good Luck Keep posting

[kenneltech]

Thanks for that.  I have really mulled it over and over and over, and I truly believe that her comment was inappropriate and insensitive, and I don't think it was me.

Since I do have serious trust issues, I am going to have to ask for a new therapist, because the trust bond has been broken.

[freebird227]

I also respond to people out of my historic issues. My rule of thumb is**** When my actios are not approiate to the situation then I am probally Postering myself in order to protect myself from believed harm.
With your extensive background in therapy you probally know exactly what I'm talking about.
My take on trust issues ( the really short version ) Is to develope better internal boundries. I trust me to take care of me
I hope in some small way this has helped you and if you can, sit down with pen and paper and sort of inventory the conversation and you decide for yourself if the behavior was historic......Best wishes