help, my bf is having suicide thoughts and hes acting very mentaly il

[katmeowness]

I generally dont ever post things, but im very concerend and have no one i can confide in totalk to about this issue. My bf and i have been together for 4years and everything bewtween has been wonderful. Recently on jan 3 he out of nowhere had an axiety/panic attack and so i had to call the ambulence for him and got rushed to the hospital imidieatly. They took blood samples and just told him that it was a minor anxiety attack and it was no big deal, just to take deap breaths and relax, stay calm those next couple days. Two days later pass and on the Jan 5th I came over to his house for dinner, he started yelling at me and his atitude towards me complelety changed. Iv never seen him so angry and upset and emotionaly distressed, I asked him if he was upset with me about soemthing since I hadnt done anything wrong to **** him off (he harldy ever yells or gets mad-hes very passive and calm) and he simply told me"you stress me out, you make me hurt, you take my energy away, i need a break from you" i was surprised and mortified and scared, becuase I am just a simple collge student spending as much time I can with him when im not on campus studying, i couldnt belive he blmaed me for that? I simply said ok, whatever works between nus. Days later no talk or communication he posts on facebook that hes single. it not like him to tkae our realtionship public, and he said a break not a break up, and its weird that he wanted one since everything between is great, we dearly love each other so much, hardly fought or argued. Well i kept calling him, still no answer and then yesterday he emails me this "I'm  getting sicker and I haven't got the time nor the desire to talk to you, I am in a dark place, angry, suicidal, i dont want to talk to u or about us, were over im done with you im out paryting, if alreadhy kissd and aprocahded this skanky girl, i dont want to be with u or anybody i just want to figure out me, im very sick right now, i dont know whats wrong with me, i feel like theres something wrong with my head like im going crazy kat, i gota go its hurting me tlak to talk you, i cant talk to you anymroe, Happy to let you know I'll be starting pycho therapy next week and I'm sure you will defiently make a most interesting topic for discussion with my phychyatrist "My paranoid ex girl friend. bye"
Since then we havnt talked and im furious,mad, upset, sadden, hes saying all these horrible things about me, when hes acting like a wierd strange crazy bipolar diffrent person, i dont even know who hes become anymore, after 4 years of being together iv never ever ever seen him act like this and iv always been by his side. WHy has he pusehd me away? why doesnt he want me there with him to seek help, why is he hurting me like this, i feel like i have myself to blame but what have i done. please help, if i dont get an answer soon, im going to blam myself and keep thinking its my fault hes going crazy? =( i cry so much im scared for him, i just want to be there for him, i feel like he really will kill himself if i call or try to contact him, and it breaks my heart that not even his family who iv had an amazing relationship will pick up my txt or calls.. what do i do?

[margypops]

Yes let go he is asking you to , he needs the break if he wants you back he will contact you , sometimes  seperation is good ,it would be better if you took a step back and let the dice fall where they may ..good luck.

[katmeowness]

Thnk you for the comment.... But it's so much harder said than done to forget someone you've grown to love for 4 yrs. Last night i received another email: I broke it off with (skank) and  I don't think I'm going back out for awile untill I get better. Sorry but I can't see you it's part of my process. I need help kat but I need it from a professional. Calling the guy tommorow to get in.  I'll call you someday once I get over this.

So I should I really let go? Or keep hoping, and still be single but wait for him? I'm lost as a crossroads, I don't want to let him go but I will if he wants me to but it just sounds like he doesn't want me to wee him struggle right now... I'm confused, I wan a wake up from tis and want this to be back to normal again.

[BeeFree]

Hey girl,

Well, I can't speak from experience on YOUR side of the situation, but I definitely know what your boyfriend is going though. I've pushed away all my closest friends and boyfriends, even family, when I was going through a really dark and depressive time. It is very difficult to feel confident in yourself when you deal with depression and anxiety. Males especially have this need to be strong both physically and emotionally, and when something hinders this, it can be very damaging to their ego. Your boyfriend is obviously dealing with low self esteem and is probably feeling too shameful to stay close to you right now. When he said he needs space, it is best to respect that. I, too, needed distance from all my closest relationships while I could figure out what was going on with me emotionally, and how to climb out of it. I didn't want anyone to see me in the state I was in. It was not that I didn't love my friends and family, it was just that I wasn't myself and didn't want them to see that side of me. I can assure you that this is exactly what your byofriend is going through right now.
No, none of this is your fault. I promise. He's lashing out at you because he is frustrated with what he is going through.
My advice would be to give him the space he asks for, and try to keep your head above water when he says these hurtful things. Understand that they are not about you. Trust that when things mellow out again, you can talk about getting back together.  

[AnnieBrooke]

See a counselor and learn to let him go.  It's obvious he's on his own psychological path; stay away, you cannot help.  (So what if he labels you paranoid to his counselor.  People ALWAYS call their ex names.)  He's either telling you the truth that he wants to break up, or he's trying to hook you with this crazy game, and neither thing is where you want to be.  It's hard to pick up your life after a breakup, so get someone to talk to about it, but don't call him.