help please

i had heart surgery four yrs ago and woke up about ten mins into procedure and felt everything the damn doc was doing to me all the poking cutting prodding around in my chest it caused me to have a heart attack on the table and was awake for the nurses and docs yelling for this and that and then they shocked me four times with the paddles yeah felt that too i havw no patience for any thing or anyone i go off on these rages toward family and freinds for no reason and wake up screaming cause i think im being shocked again ive punched holes in my home so many i cant count i lost my job of 10 yrs cause i went off on my boss and then went after him trying to kill him wat the hell is wrong and can anyone please help me????

[brice1967]

Hey Mike,
Hell of an experience you had.... sorry you had to go through it.  I woke up during a tonsil surgery when I was 4, and all I remember was the anesthesiologist pressing the plunger on a syringe and it was nite nite for Bonzo.  Also, tonsils are a good way from your pump.

From my understanding, PTSD can cause a lot of things.  Anxiety, depression, and even anger are just some of what I read.

First off, I think it is awesome that you realize there is a problem.  I'd check with my GP about possibilities with meds or therapy.  You can learn so much in therapy, man.  It sure helped me with all of my issues.

[brice1967]

Hey Mike,

Hope things are good this morning.  I've been thinking a bit more about your anger issues.  Just wondering, do the bouts of anger come out of nowhere or can you start to feel them build up until a blow out is inevitable?  The reason I ask is this.  If it comes out of nowhere, what you might try to do is track it.  Keep a small notebook that you can scribble quick notes in, then transfer those notes into a better notebook type thing.  By referring to this often, perhaps you can recognize some of what triggers the anger.  Write down times, dates, how you feel and what it was that tripped the breaker, so to speak.  Tracking this stuff proved to be a pretty big help for me, but I kind of felt like an idiot scribbling down notes whenever I felt less than good.  

If it is accumulative, by tracking this you'll be able to monitor all of the above and perhaps notice your breaking point.  (This little thing happened, then that one, then the other, then BLAM!)  The idea is to be able to separate every thing that would normally upset you and deal with each and everyone as they happen.  By dealing with each individual thing as they happen, that anger cannot accumulate.  Get where I am coming from?  I'll try to line out what used to happen to me.

Spill the morning coffee, someone cut me off in traffic, the boss disagreed with a decision I made, get the wrong change at the grocery store, somebodies dog got into the trash.... then BLOW OUT!.  When you look at any one of the above, they really don't amount to anything, especially anything that would cause you to lose sleep, right.  But, first the coffee then the traffic incident, then the boss is on your butt.... all of that just adds up!

Try to see each thing as its own issue.  Okay, you spilled the coffee.  It happened, now what are you going to do about it?  How does screaming, yelling, ranting and raving help?  It doesn't so if you messed up your work shirt, go put another one on and move on.  Now, some jerk cut you off.  (Pisses me off... not so much now)  Try to think of this... have you ever made a mistake?  This jerk was talking on the phone or just not paying attention and just cut in.  There was no accident, everyone is okay.... what does screaming and yelling do at this point?  Possibly it will worsen matters.... blow the horn, (no had gestures like the old me would have) and go about you day.  Be thankful that you nor anyone else was injured.  The boss is on your butt.... (think of the day you're having so far...) first ruined a work shirt, then the jerk in traffic, now the boss... Jeez!  What if the boss was having the same day?  If the problem is a legit problem concerning you, handle it.  "I got it, and Ill get that handled sir".  Crisis over, get it handled and move along.  If boss is having the same day as you, empathize with him/her.  He tells his story, you basically tell him... "That is a lot of crap to have happen before punching in and I hear ya.  I ruined a work shirt and got run off the road on the way in.... good news is, we are here now and we've got things to get done...."

Empathy statements when offered at the right time actually changes the chemicals in the brain.  Someone can go from anger from all of the garbage that happened, to okay with what happened and realize that the whole day isn't ruined.... that crap sucked, but it wont ruin the whole day....

[mikeinohio271]

hey brice thanks for the suggestions i dont know what trips the breaker but man when it does god help everyone.i had an incident last year where it acually worked in my favor though and found it kind of humerous and scary after the fact . i was at my local convienence store talking to a freind who works there and in walks this idiot holding one of those air pistols that look like the real thing well he tells us to get on the floor and starts screaming at my freind that hes gonna kill him if he dont get all the money and a carton of smokes okay, well off goes the breaker im not gnna go deep into detail but i stood up smacked him in the head told him he needed to get a real job and then lost it on him when the cops showed up they looked at the tape and couldnt believe how bad i lost it the poor guy ended up in icu for a week and i had to go to court. no charges on me but he is in prison for a long while. it actually works in your favor sometimes i know it was wrong but had to tell you that one. hope you are well will take your advice on the journal mikeinohio271

[brice1967]

Yeah, I've had mine work for me a time or two, but really Mike, it is a roll of the dice.  

Keep trying to place the triggers, Mike.  Work on that and I think you'll be surprised.  Once you can figure that out, it is easier to prepare to not blow an o-ring.  It really helps.