physical abuse as a kid

Our family moved to this country when i was 6-7.  At that time, both my parents came to America to study in graduate school, and i had to live with our sponsor/friend who kind of helped my parents emigrate here.  So stayed with their family for the time being.

Now this guy was a total disciplinarian type (and later on i found out he has a bit of a mental disorder) .  He used to discipline his own kids and spank them a lot.  Now when I moved in at just age 7, I was new to America and I was a bit spoiled previously by my parents being the only child.  This guy would spank me every day for the most stupid stuff such as not wanting to eat American food.  The reason was because I couldn't handle new food since I was spoiled in my home country and I could eat whatever I want.  So i would throw up every time I tried eating the food, not on purpose obviously.  And this idiot would discipline me for that, saying you must learn how to get acquainted with the new country and then hit me multiple times.  One time he even tried making me eat my own puke to teach me a lesson.  Anyway, my parents found out about this and immediately took me away from that environment and they were able to get our own apartment while they studied.  I was there for about 3-4 months.  

Later on, I developed tremendous hate... as expected ... because of the lies and abuse this guy put me through.  My parents are deeply hurt too by this guy.  I realized later on that he got fired from his job and kicked out of his church and social clubs, so he had no choice but to move to another country.  He also used to beat his wife (who now has cancer last I heard).

As for me, I did ok in school but was pretty rebellious later on, and I have some problems with addiction such as gambling and substance abuse.  Currently I am 25 and I have been going to 12 step programs such as AA and GA.  I'm wondering, is that the only way I can solve this addiction problem of mine by believing in a higher power?  Also, was the physical abuse the reason why i became rebellious and got into some bad stuff such as drugs?  I probably have ptsd since I remember all that stuff like it was yesterday.  I mean, thru grades 2-6 it wasn't that bad since i thought hey being disciplined is good, I was a spoiled brat so i needed it.  but then as I started to mature, I realized thats not the truth, and that i was abused and that this guy was a nut.  Also, when i realized I was totally abused and not "disciplined", it gave me an excuse later on in high school to get into trouble.

Perhaps i have developed bipolar disorder due to the ptsd?  since i heard ptsd is linked to bipolar disorder or vice versa.

[drifter0213]

i am glad you recognize that you have a problem that is step 1 it is also possible that you have ptsd from the possible abuse you suffered as a child do you have flashbacks, nightmares? bipolar disorder is not linked to ptsd. bipolar disorder is like not being able to control your mood swings etc. i am currently on day 39 after relapsing on day 1018 yeah it's that real anyway try to identify your triggers mine are friends that use, money, birthdays, depression, and chronic pain i had to learn this in rehab as part of relapse prevention there are other things too like recognizing your cravings and what they are linked too i hope this helps :)

[brice1967]

Sorry that this was your welcome to America story.  Sad....  Listen, there is plenty of help out there that does not have anything to do with religion.  For some, religion is the only way.  For others, traditional 12 step programs hold them back....

What would best suit you is talking with your primary care physician.  Be 100% open and honest with him/her, and they can point you in the right direction.  As for being bipolar and having ptsd, and them linked???  Again, your doctor is the one to ask for that.

Good news is, all of this is treatable.  Bad news is, regardless of whom your god is or isn't, you have to rely on yourself to make sobriety happen.  It is about choices.  You can choose to use, you can choose to gamble.... addiction makes those choices cloudied.