ptsd and rape

[broken74]

                         Im 37  and i was raped at age 5 till 12 and it came out i couldnt talk about it cause i  was really scared. i was beatin, stabed made to dress up and roll play. at age 16 i quit school in 6 th grade and went to work and it just got harder . at age 18 i tried sueiside bye taking 20,000 mg of eplasee pills. but didnt work and now have scars on brain. after that i went back to work still bottleing it up . i lost instrest in every thing and pushed everyone away. i didnt want people to see me like that. i  hated what i became. i mean i obessest about womens cloths and being raped. everyday it haunted me. at work one time i was going up stairs to work and other consturtion workers and i was sing " hi ho hi ho off to work i go" and it didnt come out like that. i said hi ho hi ho off to suck a d??? i go. i quit that job and fell hard that time. i did that alot you know think onr thing and say another. i  started not eating and would not eat for two or three days living off of just coffe and cigs. and weed was my best friend. i did know which way to turn and so know i been on soc.sec. for 8 years trying to find myself. i have ptsd bad and feel that no man has ever been down my road. i have learned that i have to take it day bye day or even hour bye hour it just depends . i changed what i could and live with the rest. i learn that talking to someone can easy the mind for a day . today i am me the person that i dont want but i feel good at same time. im wearing womens jeans and underwear. will i ever be normal  

[drifter0213]

im sorry for what you went through ihave PTSD from combat, intense fear and flashbacks and nightmares since '94 and i have never been the same since this  happened to me. what i realized in therapy is that i wasn't the only one sufferring from this illness :)

[broken74]

i also so picked up tattooing as a way to release pain and now running out of room. i ahve forgave my brother and he still has 6 more years till his release. every time i trie and stay away from it all it attacks me mentaly. today i want a change. im signed up for ged and i want to go for my electrical licence. i was a 18 year electrician and making tweenty an hour so you see i didnt want soc.sec. i had to take a break.