whats wrong with me

[johnny80]

im a 47yr old male. to start, my mom died was 11yr old of cancer, my oldest sister, who i was very close to had an accident when i was 14, she had some brain damage and was never the same. i lost my leg in an accident where i slipped in an auger. i was 15. my dad died of a brain anyuresm when i was 19. i smoked weed occasionaly as a teen. and drank beer up till age 38, ive never been in trouble with the law. i had a panic attack in my twenties and suffered depression for about a year.  about 3 years ago i had a bone spur in my foot, which the dr. prescribed hydrocodone. it also helped with the pain i would sometimes get in my stump.(leg). i liked the feeling i got when i was on the pills, so i kept taking them even if i wasnt in pain. after 3 years i was addicted to them, the past 8 months taking 10 pills 10/650 or 10/325 a day. when i finally got tired of the guilt, money spent and sneaking around i decided to get help. ive been on suboxone for 2 weeks and when to see a psychologist. also im a very nervous person, i have all the symptoms of anxiety. when my kids (in their 20's) go out i stay up until they get home, always scared im going to get a phone call in the middle of the night telling me something has happened.  after my 1st visit with the psychologist, she diagnose me with post traumatic stress disorder. she said the reason i got addicted and worry so much is due to losing my leg when i was 15. not sure if i agree with her. i do think about it sometimes when i see someone running or walking fast, i think to myself "i wish i had my leg back". or if i see myself in a video i realize "I WALK WITH A LIMP".  but i then think to myself "it could be lots worse"  then i forget about it. ive never had dreams about my accident or think about the actual details of my accident.and ive read that is one of the symptoms of PTSD. i would like hear opinions as to rather that seems like a correct diagnosis.  thank you

[drifter0213]

do you take pills for this? if your having reoccuring nightmares i would see a doctor again

[brice1967]

Interesting story.  PTSD is a diagnosis and often comes with anxiety.  I've got them both and have also been diagnosed with a depression disorder.... I think the stuff you worry about is directly linked to the loss of your leg.... I personally think your therapist has the thing nailed down tight.  

What I suggest is, during therapy sessions, take notes.  It took a while for my therapist to actually make any sense to me, but when she did it completely validated all of my thoughts, worries, and fears.  

My therapist was trying to attach a lot of what I was going through to my past, and I just wasn't having any of it.  Being a man, (hard headed to boot) I thought that I had dealt with all of that garbage and put it aside to move forward.  The fact of the matter is, I never did deal, I never did grieve over things because I saw them as weaknesses and the last thing I ever wanted to be was weak.  When all of this finally sank in, instant relief.  All of the crap in my head now had a name, it had an origin, and it now had a starting place to start actually putting this stuff behind me.

Stick with it man.  Give this therapist a shot and open up... not only to the therapist but to what he/she is saying... take those notes, look back on them.  You'll get this figured out!

Good luck, and keep this thread updated.