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Avatar universal

Addiction fear!

Let me start with my quick history.  6 years ago I was in a horrific motorcycle accident that landed me in a wheelchair for 6 months.  I crushed my right foot, put the foot peg through my lower leg, seperated both shoulders, cracked four vertebrae and had a mild concussion.  Within the first two years I had two reconstructive surgeries to save my foot and a surgery on my back to remove the shattered portions of my vertebrae that had healed incorrectly and were putting pressure on my spinal cord, causing "electric shock" sensations down my left leg.  Ok, fast forward to now.  I've gone through several physical therapy centers trying to regain as much conditioning as I had before.  At the time I was in my accident, I was very athletic and active in the gym.  It was 3 years before I set foot in a gym again and another after before I attempted any kind of heavy weight lifting.  I'm doing great now and my two sons (3 and 6 years old) are the center of my life.  Their mother really isn't in the picture.  On several occassions she had stolen my meds and developed and serious problem of her own.  But that's for another post somewhere else.  So here's my concern.  For the past 6 years since my wreck and surgeries I've been taking percocet for pain management and soma for controlling muscle spasms in my back.  I'm functioning well and am even attending nursing school in two weeks.  In 6 years my dosage has only increased from 5 mg four times per day, to 10 mg per day.  I'm lucky!  Anytime I take more than I should, I get extremely sick.  So abuse has never even been an option.  Now comes the drama!  Seeing my wife's problem, I purchased a small lock box to keep in my desk and "checked out" one weeks worth of meds and religiously kept track of them.  At sometime during the past week, my wife broke into my lock box and took all remaining percocets that I had.  So I've gone from 10mg three times per day to nothing all together!  My refill is not due for another two weeks.  The real problem is I feel myself going through classic withdrawal symptoms!!!!  Flu like symptoms, cold sweats all night, insomnia and just feeling horrible.  The pain in my foot and back are all but unbearable, but I'm trying to manage.  I had to cancel my camping trip with my boys this weekend because I'm hurting so bad.  That was the worst pain of all.  Seeing the disappointment in my son's eyes.  So we pitched a tent in the living room and "camped" there.  Even made smores over the stove.  My questions is by taking percocet for 6 straight years, even in such a minor dose, have I made myself an addict?  Taking the prescribed dose is all I need to control my pain while being what I consider a good father and going to school.  But I don't like the idea that I crumble if I don't have them.  Is that addiction or dependance and what is the difference?  Sorry, I know that was long, but I need someone to see what's going on inside of me to get the whole picture.  I tried talking to my sister, but felt like a lowly junky by even bringing it up.  Please help.  What will withdrawals be like considering how long I've been on them, even with a low dose?  Thank you so much in advance for any advise.
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Avatar universal
Just had a little bit of an accident.  While getting my boys ready for bed (bunk beds so shared room) and after reading them a story, I was walking out and jammed my bad foot into the wall and my son's shoe.  In a normal foot, it would just bend the toes back which you can flex and do on your own.  But in my bad foot, my toes don't extend like that and I heard a loud crack.  Now most of the bone in my foot is synthetic, so even if one breaks, it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as actual bone since there are no nerves.  But since they do have a calcium base, the body repairs them.  I'm not a doctor, don't ask me.  Anyway, apparently I screamed like a 4 year old girl with a skinned knee.  Fortunately my wife was home and ran to my side because in blacked out and hit the floor.  So I have a knot on my head too.  Yes, my withdrawal symptoms have eased off conciderably, but the pain from my back and foot are still 100% there and now I have my foot elivated and wrapped in ice ready to cry!  Not very manly of me, I know.  My point is, my appointment to see my doctor isn't until tomorrow afternoon.  What can I use besides plain old ibuprofen to help with this kind of pain until then?!!!  Anyway, if anyone has any secret family recipe for a pain cure all, please let me know.  For now, I'm just kind of grunting when I walk and I can feel the two pieces grind against eachother when I walk.  Oh, here's the punch line!  I've talked to doctors like I mentioned earlier about going back in a fixing things.  I even have a screw that is backed out a little and creates and tender bump on the top of my foot.  Since it's not a health concern and artificial bone isn't suseptible to infection, any surgery is considered an elective surgery, so insurance will barely pay anything.  Boy, winning the lottery would sure simplify a lot of things for me and my boys.  Anyway, like I said, I'm very open to suggestions.  Thanks in advance!
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Avatar universal
Good job being a great dad first of all. I'm a single dad, but my ex is in the picture and we share custody 50/50, and I know how tough that is. That's what finally made me start taking pain meds again after 2.5 years without them. I couldn't do activities with my kids like camping or hiking or really much of anything. I have 2 N stage arthritic hips (i.e. totally shot) and 3 bad discs in my back and a 3 and 5 year old to chase around, and I'm only 34. I spent 6 months in bed in 2009 and lost 90 pounds (from 260-170) due to the massive surgeries to try and keep me on my feet.

You're in great shape to still have the medications work after so many years at that level. There's no way to get around the physical addiction because it's a very addictive drug. The fact that you've kept them to that level says you're not mentally addicted and trying to get a high from them. You're using them for a purpose.

I wish I was in your boat. Before my prior hip surgeries, I was taking 120+ mg at a time of percocet while I was already on high levels of oxycontin and then fentanyl and I still couldn't get relief. Finally I just quit everything and went through the worst week of my life where I was in so much pain I literally had 3 ice bags stuffed in my pants 24 hours a day. One in each pocket of my sweatpants for my hips, and one on my spine. That was the only way I could survive. It took me a month this time around to have to go from 5 to 10mg of percocet to get any relief, if not 15. I have to take double the max dose of lunesta for it to do anything.

Keep up being a great dad and I wouldn't worry about the level of meds you're on. You're in good shape and good luck.
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Avatar universal
I think you do an amazing job.  I agree with JayBay about you looking into Al-Anon.  I lived with an addict and I know how hard it can be.  I will only mention this about Tramadol:  do your research on it.  It was prescribed to me years ago and I didn't find it too beneficial.  I had no trouble coming off it, thankfully.  But I have read some real horror stories about Tramadol.  Some say it is more difficult to come off than oxy.  It has an antidepressant component to it which can make it harder to get off.  There are different opinions on whether it is narcotic or not.  My doctor said it was not but another second-opinion doctor told me it was.  After what I've read about it, I would personally not take it.  Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you'll be okay.  Sounds like you know what you want.
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Avatar universal
Oh, I also forgot to mention that I'm going to talk to my doctor about stepping down my dosage and then eventurally switching over to a non-narcotic like tramadol or something like that.
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Avatar universal
Yes, I've tried several times to talk to her about her problem and it's almost a scripted response of "I'm ok, I'm ok.  I just needed it for....  You just don't understand!".  She is well aware of the fact that her problem will in the end cost her the great job she has and her family.  We've actually seperated once before and I told to take the kids and leave.  I actually felt great and grew closer than ever to my boys.  For a while she realized the error of her ways and became a new person.  But that transformation was too quick and it was into someone that was too perfect.  But I felt totally alone and ignored the signs that I should have seen.  I had hoped that locking up my meds and trying to just be supportive of her would have helped turn her around.  We've actually been married for 10 years and this scenario is nothing new.  That's partially why I'm so focused on my education and being the father that I know I'll need to be for my boys.  I know that at some point it will come to the point that I need to get my boys out of this situation.  I know that the quest for meds has become the center of her life and my sons and I are just there.  On one night, I had the boys at my parents house and created a candle lit dinner complete with rose pedals out to the hot tub and candles in the bedroom, only to be told that after a long day at work I was just another "chore" that had to be taken care of at the end of the day.  Sorry, I know this isn't a "Relationship" kind of site.  But I also know how drugs can enter a relationship and completeley overshadow the little things like love, romance and plans for the future.  To me, marriage is a never ending adventure that always needs to be worked on and built upon.  To her, marriage is just a box to be checked off on the to-do list of life.  She checked off the box, so she's done.  I know that someday I might just run into someone in the coffee shop or maybe even at school or work that has the same goals and outlook on life as I do.  At this point in my life, I'd give anything to hold hands with a woman that I could see myself with for time and all eternity.  Sorry it's getting a little sappy.  My point is, if I met that person today, I don't know if I'd have the strength to be faithful to the person I'm with right now.  Most importantly, the biggest responsibility of a father is to lead by example.  If my marriage ends because of my wife's addiction, that's one thing.  If my marriage ends because I was unfaithful, that's something very different.  My boys deserve a better father than that.  If I don't teach them things like respect and honor, who will?  So for now, my goal is to get myself together, complete my education and do anything necessary to protect my boys and provide them with the kind of loving family environment that I want them to have.  I don't want them growing up thinking it's normal for mommy to never be around and for daddy to always be sad.  Anyway, sorry if I'm going off on a tangent here.  Maybe someone will have a similar experience to me and read this and realize how prescious our kids are and that they are well worth enduring a week of hell to get cleaned out and enjoy life with.  I would never want to look back at my life on my death bed and realize how much time I just wasted and how much of my boys lives I missed out on.  I also want to be the man I need to be when the time comes that I meet someone that I really want to enjoy life with.  Someone once told me, "You'll never attract the kind of person you want.  You'll only attract the kind of person you are."  So if I want someone that's clean and trustworthy and energetic with life, than that's what I need to make myself.  Ok, sorry these are always so long.  Thanks everybody for their support.  You've helped more than you know.
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Avatar universal
HI TacticalDad767,

First, I want to welcome you to the PM (Pain Management) Forum and let you know that we are glad you found this Forum. We are all CP (Chronic Pain) Patients that help each other with our own expertise and experiences that we have developed through our own CP Issues.

WOW!! You have been through so much!!!!  I'm sorry that you are having to face this problem with your wife on top of everything else you have been through.  I'm so glad that they were able to save your foot, as my Husband lost his leg due to Diabetes complications, and it would have been terrible for a young man such as yourself to have had to endure that also with 2 young sons.  They are so lucky to have a great Dad as yourself to set up that tent in the living room and make Smores over the stove!!!  :)  I know that meant the world to them even if it wasn't the camping trip that they had envisioned with you.

You made the right decision about the Police report this time but I hope that you can scare her into thinking that you will at least consider it if it happens again.  Have you had a long talk with her about this?  What did she say when you confronted her?  Is she giving you the same answers that she always has when she's taken them before?  I hope that your Doctor can get through to her as at some point she will get caught in something that she can't get out of.  Taking meds from someone else that won't give it a second thought but to report her to the police.  If that happens you won't have any choice but to face the consequences and I would hate to see your Family have to go through that.  :(

I hope that you will take Jaybay's recommendation and check-out Al-anon meetings in your area.  Maybe you can get your wife to get some counseling or attend AA meetings to try to help with her problem.  It might be worth a try, even though you can't help someone that doesn't want the help.  Hopefully, she does really want to be helped!!

Please keep us updated on how you are doing as I'm very concerned about you and your Family.  All of us on MH (MedHelp) are!!

Best Wishes and I'll be looking for your updates...........Sherry  :)

Helpful - 0
82861 tn?1333453911
With your attitude I have no doubt you'll succeed at whatever you set your mind to, pain or no pain.  You're a true inspiration!  Now that things are settling down, do you think you can live without any narcotics at all?  It's probably too soon to make that decision since your brain chemistry is still trying to settle down, but may be something to think about given your home situation.  However, even if you don't have narcotics at home, your wife will find a way to feed her addiction.  She probably already has other sources that you don't even know about.  Anyone willing to watch someone she loves suffer through withdrawal and horrific pain in order to to get high is a full-blown addict - functioning or not.

Does your wife admit she has a problem and is she willing to do something about it yet?  If so, there's always Narcotics Anonymous and/or Alcoholics Anonymous.  (AA takes both addicts and alcoholics.)  That would be a great way for her to take back control over her life without having to lose her job.  

The sad thing is that addicts truly believe they can control their addiction without working a recovery program.  They make us believe it too and we're constantly disappointed when they relapse.  You've heard the term "dry drunk" before?  That's an alcoholic who doesn't work a recovery program and the same thing applies to addicts.  Putting down the booze and drugs is only the first step in recovery.  I pray she's open to the free help that's out there before she loses her job (and maybe her life) in spite of trying to keep her addiction secret.  

One thing is certain.  Given enough time and lack of unpleasant consequences, it always gets worse.  Always.  Performance suffers, attendance suffers, and everyone knows something isn't right even if they don't know exactly what it is.  She's not a bad, morally bankrupt person who lacks willpower, she's a sick person.  There's help out there for both of you when you're ready.
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Avatar universal
Hey everybody!  Thank so much for your input.  It's been very helpful.  A couple things, one not so good, and one good.  First the not so good:

My wife actually works for the police department, not as an officer but a dispatcher.  She has been there for years and the money is incredible.  Unfortunately, until I finish my schooling, she is the only source of income for the family.  So filing any kind of police report would actually cost us her job and would financially ruin us.  So, that part's not an option right now.  I have however talked to the doctor about her problem.  Because of doctor patient confidentiality, I was only able to advise him of a possible problem for him to look into.  Luckily he is also an old family friend of mine.  So I know that he is going to at least talk to her about it and present her with options for help.  

Ok, now the good.  I'm on day three since having to go "cold turkey" and I can actually say that symptom wise, I'm feeling a little better.  I took an ambien to help me sleep last night and woke up feeling well rested and in a much better mood.  I had a great breakfast with my boys and am looking forward to a good day.  Unfortunately, the pain in my foot and back are still with me.  But I'd take stabbing over the uneasy nauseated aching pain anyday.  I made an appointment to go in and talk to my doctor about getting back on my usual pain management schedule, and with a lower dose.  Maybe 7.5 instead of 10's.  

For anyone that reads this post and all of your replies to it, I hope they know that the pain at the beginning is TEMPORARY and goes away.  It doesn't seem like it for the first few days, but it can be done.  I know that mine might not be the stereotypical story of the junky that saw the light.  But after being on the meds for 6 straight years, then all of a sudden having to stop all at once was a serious taste of hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone.  But enduring that hell for a few days and then being able to see things get better a tiny bit, was incredible.  It also gave me a bigger appreciation and caution for what it is I'm taking.  I've been to two seperate doctors asking if anything can be done to completely eliminate the pain in my foot and back and got the same responce from both.  After looking at my files and xrays, they both shook their head and said "They saved your foot and you're walking.  We're not miracle workers."  So, I just try to stay positive and focus on the fact that I'm alive and still have my boys.  My motorcycle accident could have ended much worse.  I've lost serveral friends both on and off the track.  I tell my family that I don't walk with a limp, I walk with a strut.  We don't talk about my wreck because of the nightmares I had for months afterwards.  Besides, I refuse to let it define who I am.  For a long time after my wreck I was known as the guy that raced for Honda that was almost crippled and killed.  I'd much rather be known as the guy that's a great Dad to his boys, working as a nurse to help people, and oh yeah, he was a pretty good rider too in his day.  

Anyway, sorry my posts are a little long.  It's been nice to get a lot of this off my chest.  Thank you again so much for the help, advice and encouragement.  
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547368 tn?1440541785
Our members have offered some great suggestions. I have little to add.... but I had to stop by to applaud you for your strength, courage and determination. You sound like an exceptional father and human being. Kiddos!!

I do want to encourage you to report stolen opiates. I know this woman is your children's mother.... But you are not doing her (or your children) a favor by letting her get away with this behavior. Don't enable her. If she can ever be a mother (and your children deserve one no matter how great of a dad you are) she needs to get clean and be responsible. Allowing her to steal your opiates is allowing her to continue on her destructive path and supports her addiction. No you are not responsible for her.... your plate is full. But please don't help her.

You are certainly not an addict. As said above you we become physically dependant on opiates and our body experiences withdrawals just as an addict would experience. This informative and well written article may help explain what we have all said:
Addiction VS Dependency:
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/138942/Addiction-VS-Dependency?personal_page_id=14686

Best of luck to you.... and your career goals. Please let us know how you are doing. I'll look forward to hearing from you.

Peace,
~Tuck
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82861 tn?1333453911
You are not an addict but your wife is.  Withdrawal is only a symptom of physical dependence and it's normal for anyone on opiate therapy to experience it when the meds are suddenly discontinued.

What concerns me most is that you have assumed responsibility for your wife's addiction.  Attempting to control her drug abuse makes you responsible for her actions.  The best way to help her is to allow her to feel the consequences of her drug abuse.  Reporting the theft was one such opportunity.  Only when the consequences of abuse become some painful and impossible to ignore will an addict begin to make necessary changes and look for real recovery help.

Spouses of addicts take a parental role over time and we were never meant to be parents to our spouses.  Locking up your medication is treating her like a child.  Necessary, yes, but still you're trying to save her from herself.  How much of your behavior has changed to accommodate her addiction?  Covering up her theft is even worse.  I know it seems like you're helping her but as you just found out, addicts will find a way to get a fix.  Lying, cheating and stealing are just symptoms of a larger problem.  Covering up, smoothing over their messes, pretending life is normal and praying they'll come to their senses just doesn't work.

I know you have a whole lot on your plate right now but I urge you to attend some Al-anon meetings so you understand exactly what you and your wife are dealing with.  Meetings are about improving your life and not about changing the addict/ alcoholic.  That's their job.  Our job is to take steps to protect ourselves, our children and to learn to live a better life focused on ourselves rather than the addict.  You don't have to speak if you don't want to either.  It's only an hour out of your life and it's free.  What's to lose, right?  :-)
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Avatar universal
You got great information.  I had a similar situation where my ex-husband stole meds a couple of years ago.  My doctor did give me an early prescription and even wrote it slightly differently so I didn't have to pay out of pocket!  She did encourage me to report it to the police; that's their normal policy.  But because he is my kids' dad, I didn't want to be the one to put him in jail.  She didn't force me to make a report and I didn't.  (At the time, he had some pending charges on something else and I thought he'd be going away for that ... though he has 9 lives and always gets off on things.)

If your doctor won't give you an early refill, check out the substance abuse forum here.  There's information there about making withdrawal more comfortable.  There's something called the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocol that tells you about vitamins, drinks, etc. that will help withdrawals.  Hot bath helps.

I wound up in withdrawals due to a stomach bug before and they are awful (for me anyway.)  The doctor can give you some medications that will ease the withdrawal symptoms.  But I'd still call and see about getting the script filled early.
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Avatar universal
WOW!  You are quite a survivor!!  You have been through so much and I can't even imagine the type of pain that you must have (and are) enduring.

My first question is - when you discovered that your wife had broken into your locked pill box, did you call the police and file a report?  If not, it's kind of a moot point, but that's really what you should have done.  Not only to very loud and clearly give her the message that you are not going to tolerate that, but also by filing the report and getting a copy of it, you could take that to your doctor who presribes your meds and he/she may then be able to give you a replacement script for the meds that were stolen.

Even if you didn't file a police report, you may still want to call your doctor and talk to him/her (maybe even making an appointment with him/her to talk face to face - and take your lock box with you, so he can see where you normally keep your meds.  I'm presuming this is the first time that you've "run out" (of course by no fault of your own!) and have needed to request an early refill - some doctors will be willing to grant a one time early refill in situations like this and other won't.  But it sure would be worth a try.  

There is a HUGE difference between addiction and dependence with pain meds.  Anyone who is on long term opiate therapy will become DEPENDENT on the meds for pain control.  That does NOT mean they are addicted.  The actual percentage of chronic pain patients who become addicted is very low.  The addiction part comes in when/if the patient begins taking more than prescribed, more often than prescribed, in a different form than prescribed (i.e., crushing and snorting as opposed to taking orally), going from doctor to doctor to obtain pain meds.

Unfortunately, the withdrawal symptoms don't differentiate between whether a patient is DEPENDENT on their meds or ADDICTED to their meds.  Even taking opiates exactly as prescribed for am extended period of time and then abruptly stopping them can/will cause withdrawal symptoms.  It's really difficult, if not impossible to tell exactly what your withdrawal symptoms may be - the same way each person is different in the way that meds affect them, withdrawal can be different for each person as well.

I would definitely put a call into your doctor an explain what happened and see if they would be willing to do a one-time early refill for you.  Word of advice, though, even if the doctor approves the early refill, your insurance probably will not, so you'll probably have to pay cash for it.  What I would suggest, so that the pharmacy doesn't have any questions about it when the insurance comes back and says it's too early to fill, is to have your doctor either write on the new prescription "AUTHORIZED FOR EARLY FILL DUE TO STOLEN MEDICATION" (or something alone those lines) - or have him call the pharmacist directly while you are at the pharmacy and speak with him to let him know that he (your doctor) IS aware that it's early for a refill and that he is authorizing it due to the circumstances.

In the meantime, to help with some of the symptoms you're having, try heating pads, wam/hot showers or baths, eat small portions several times a day as opposed to larger meals (if you're nauseas), drink LOTS and LOTS of fluids and get as much rest as possible.  If your doctor is not able to issue you an early refill, you could also ask him if there is anything he can either suggest or prescribe taht would help you with these symptoms until you are able to get your meds filled again.  He may be able to give you something to help with stomach upset, sleep, restless legs, etc.

Best of luck and please let us know how you're doing.
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