Hello and Welcome to the Pain Management Forum. I am so very sorry that you are feeling alone and low. You have come to the right place. We can empathize with what you are feeling. Many of us have been in the same or similar situation.
It is sad that your partner does not understand. It seems to me that the ppl that have had issues with addiction or thought they had addiction issues seem less tolerant of those of us that are not addicts, have chronic pain and require opiates to control our pain and in an attempt to obtain some functioning level in our lives.
Your partner may never understand where your condition. I don't necessarily beleive that she was or made of tougher "stuff." We are all different but has she ever had your pain? I think not. She is just uneducated in the differences between addiction and dependent. There is a huge differance, though it may not seem to be true to outside observers.
You may want to follow this link to a journal entry of mine that has a better explanation of Dependency vs Addiction.
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/138942/Addiction-VS-Dependency
Here is part of the journal entry.
BEGIN:
One of the toughest challenges what we as chronic pain patients encounter is our quest for adequate pain control. There is a huge misunderstanding of the difference between physical dependence on a drug and drug addiction. It is true that many CP suffers, friends, family and unfortunately even the some physicians are fearful that ppl requiring narcotics on a long-term basis will become addicted or addicts. Statistically the number is very low, around 4%. The rare few who do develop a problem with an addiction are often those that have a genetic predisposition to addiction. But as a result of this unfounded fear and "opioid-phobia," CP patients are often labeled as “drug seekers” and stigmatized for their use of narcotic medications. Worst of all, our pain frequently remains under-treated or even untreated.
Addiction is a neurobiological disease that has genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors. It is often characterized by one or more of the following behaviors:
Little or no control over the drug use
Compulsive narcotic use
Continued use of the narcotic regardless of physical, mental and/or social harm
Taking narcotics more frequently or a higher dose than prescribed
Doctor shopping
Ingesting drugs in ways other than directed
Frequent reports of prescriptions being lost or stolen.
A deep craving for the drug
Using multiple pharmacies to fill narcotic prescriptions
END
If you do not have the above list of behaviors you are not an addict. Have you tried to educate your partner? Is it hopeless or you do beleive that she cares enough for you that she will come around? If she will never beleive in your chronic pain and support you than you may have some difficult choices ahead of you regarding your relationship.
We are here for you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. I will look forward to hearing from you again in the near future. Please feel free to become active in our community. Our members are kind, caring, informational and supportive.
Peace,
~Tuck