Got my daughter off

[mellie4]

After a week of anxiety, I took my daughter to college yesterday.  All week I had been crying on and off, but I did much better than I thought!   I only cried at the end (and part of the ride home.)  

We were the first to get to her room, which meant she got first choice of beds.  She took the one by the window, which gives her a lovely view of the ocean.  I met her two roommate and their parents, which was good.  My sister came with us and I'm grateful since I would have had to pull over with my crying!!  

My Olivia is like my best friend and I'm going to miss her so much. But her university is beautiful ... mid-size is my guess.  But her high school was very small, all girls and about 50 kids in her graduating class.

She let me and my sister stay and help set her up.  She had beautiful pictures that were framed and framed collages her friends made her, and they look beautiful hung up.  Her bedding is gorgeous and she has lots of space, plenty of dresser and closet space. The rooms are quite big.

I feel good about the campus.  I think she'll be safe.  The cafeteria is amazing, and they are nationally recognized for their food.  My sister and I ran out to get some extra extension cords (no one brought them except us ... and we needed more than the 3 we brought.)  So we bought some snacks, soda and water for them.

She got her choice for housing and it's so nice.  Not the typical dorm building.  It looks more like townhouses.  She's on the second floor with 9 girls on her floor (and 1 bathroom ... interesting how that will work!)  They have a common room on the bottom floor but the rooms are so spacious.

My friend's son is going there as well.  He's in the typical dorm-type building (which he wanted) but she said they're very small.  His location is more mid-campus and Liv's is right by the ocean, which is lovely.  (She's an ocean lover like me so I think it's perfect for her.

Saying goodbye to her friends this week was hard, and of course, leaving her was harder.  But it's what we've worked towards all these years.  I'm so grateful she's only an hour away!!  I'm going to go visit in about 10 days.  Her classes start on Wednesday and I figure I'll go the following Tuesday.

One thing I was so surprised by was that the upper classmen actually unload your car for you!!!  We didn't have to unload one thing ... which was great for me with my hand.

I know this has nothing to do with the forum, but there are some of you that I've shared how much anxiety I've had with my first baby heading off to college.  Parents weekend is the end of October and I'll be going with all the kids. She plans on not coming home until Columbus Day weekend.  I think it's a good idea since it will give her time to adjust and make friends, but it will be hard on me.  We plan to meet every two weeks for dinner.  I'll bring one of the kids with me.  That way I'll get a little one-on-one time with each of them on the car ride, and they can have some alone time with Olivia.

I think some of my increased pain and anxiety this summer has been due to my stress over her going off, the worry of her being on her own, finances, etc.  For me, the anticipation of things (anything, good or bad) is always worse than the actual event.  Now that she's settled, hopefully things will quiet down with me ... in addition to getting all the metal out of my hand.

[mellie4]

Thank you all.  I feel so silly being so emotional.  I mean, from the time they're born most parents hope is that their child does well in school, is happy and well-adjusted and is someone who grows up to do their best, have empathy for others.  This is what I've always wanted for her.  An old college friend of mine called yesterday to let me know she saw Liv there yesterday at convocation.  She emailed me a couple of pictures.  She's been a bit of a mess too.

I told Liv I'd probably be texting her a lot but she didn't have to always respond.  But she's been good.  She has sent me several text messages, a phone call and has sent a few pictures from her phone.

She has worked very hard in her earlier years, and I know she'll continue to work hard.  I already feel better.  Knowing she's going to be good about staying in touch is making this a little easier for me.

[designgyrl]

Mary,

How about you adopt me while your daughter is gone (smiling) my mom passed four years ago and I don't have a mom, except for a few on this board, so I need a good adoption while your daughter is gone.  I cook, clean, and even play the piano. Anyway, I know it's hard to see her go, but I know your so proud of her, too!

[namnam46]

Hi Mellie!!

You are SO correct about it being such a Bittersweet time!!  It ONLY happens once (the FIRST Time that is).  

You've just proven what a GREAT job you have done getting your children ready for this adventure of "being on their own"!!  Good Work!!!  Look how prepared she is for this new and EXCITING time in her life. She is confident AND  comfortable with her NEW role in life.

Sweetie - each and every day will get easier as your begin to hear of the WONDERFUL Adventures that she will be SHARING with YOU her Mom!!!  Just remember that you are the ONLY MOM that she has and she WILL share ALL of her Adventures with that VERY Special Person - YOU!!!!

I think your dinner's every two weeks are a Great idea and you will all have some VERY exciting things to share with each other (even though you will be talking on the phone - often).  I will look forward to getting PM's telling about how she is doing!!

Remember - I'm here whenever you need an ear!!........((((HUGS!!))))...Mama Sherry

[JadedSweetheart]

Aww.  I'm sure that is so bittersweet!  I still have some years with my oldest baby at home.  Thank you for the reminder to cherish them!  The teen years can be kind of difficult to cherish, sometimes!
Her college room sounds amazing!  I would love to be on the ocean, in college or not!  I hope that it gets easier for you as time goes by.  It's great that you have a plan to see eachother every two weeks.  It sounds like you are both on the ball with your planning!
Thanks for sharing this with us.  I will have to do this in about 5 years and that doesn't seem like a long time.
I hope your pain levels get lesser as the stress gradually goes away!

[Sarajmt]

Oh Mary, having our babies go away is so sad and wonderful at the same time.  Olivia's college sounds wonderful.  What a lucky girl.  With the unwavering love and support she
has received at your hands, she will be fine.

My son stayed in town to go.  I wanted him to go somewhere else but he wanted to stay here.  But he doesn't live here.  He has a house he shares with other boys.  I still miss him and talking to him every day.  I hated cutting those apron strings.  We have another teen moved into his old room.  She is living with us to finish school here instead of living with her mom out of town.  And I"m blessed to have.  Sorry, that was off track.

Olivia will thrive there.  You won't stop missing her but will adjust to life without seeing her daily.

(((((((((((((((Megahugs))))))))))))))))
Sara

[mellie4]

Thanks to both of you!!!  It's such a bittersweet time.  I was so happy to see a short text late last night and a short FB message this morning.  And she even gave me a quick call when she bumped in my friend who was arriving today with her son.

[Tuckamore]

Hi Millie,

I too know what you are going through. How's that go, "Been there...Done that??" It's a permanent step out of our door and to a degree out of our lives. We raised them to leave the nest, to be independant thinkers and productive members of society. When they do just that it is heart breaking. But don't worry, they never forget Mom and that special bond is always there.

Now you'll begin years of homecomings for holidays and special events. You will look forward to and cherish her return. There will be moments that it's just like she is three again and you'll cling to her and she to you. There will be more moments that you realize she is a young woman, trying her wings and asserting her independence.  This is an exciting stage in her growth and development. Sharing it with her will be as fulfilling as all her other stages.

Trust that you have laid a good foundation and instilled good ethics. She'll remember to make the right choices away from your guidance. There will always be an empty spot for the little girl that will forever be your baby.  

The emptiness will ease and it will get better. It's another step in the circle of life. As tough as this seems...wait for the wedding. :)

(((HUGS))),
~Tuck

[sandee1818]

I know what your going thru! I was so crying everyday when my Son left and still do sometimes.
It is very hard to let go and I want you to know that I am here if you want to talk:)
I still have a hard time with my Son being gone from home and I do have the privilege if being able to visit when I can as he is only 30 minutes away but it still is very hard to go thru. I wrote a poem ( I am not writer just from the heart) about my Son leaving. It is in my journal.
You feel like your just lost in a way and it hurts. My Son is like my best friend too so I know what your going thru, Just wanted to let you know  it will get easier:)