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1445257 tn?1289276926

My pain medication story need your help

Hello all, I am here to share my story with you and ask for your help and support. I am addicted to Percocet/Oxycodone 10/325. I have been taking them for a little over a year now. The kicker to this though is they are not prescribed to me but to my husband. I am terrified and ashamed to admit this to you all but I have been carrying the burden of this for so long and I need help and advice. I also am aware that what I have been doing is a crime. If you can still listen to my story and not hate me then I will be very grateful to you.
My story with pain began two yrs ago. I had began having severe stomach pain that radiated to my sides, severe distention, and throwing up after eating. The pain and swelling of my stomach some days was nearly unbearable. I cannot even begin to remember how many trips to the ER we made it was a nightmare. Of course every single visit they never found anything wrong with me, although many of the symptoms I was having were dead on for gallstones/gallbladder problems.
I was usually given Morphine IV and sometimes a few Lortab or something similar, when discharged. I was also seeing my regular doctor and then a Gastroenterologist. A doctor I had seen in the ER was suspicious that it was possibly Gastroparesis (or delayed emptying of stomach) due to my history of Diabetes. I told my GI about this after he had done a colonoscopy and endoscopy with nothing being found there either. He then sent me for for a gastric emptying test, where I had to eat and egg with dye in it and lay on my back for 20-30 mins (seemed like hours) to see how long it took for the food to empty. This was how I was diagnosed with the Gastroparesis and basically told I would just have to live with it, eat tiny meals, and throw up after eating for the rest of my life. Oh I was given many drugs to try to help with the reflux and to help with movement but they did nothing. Actually one nearly cost me my life. I was prescribed Reglan in an attempt to help me. Within three days of taking it I was an emotional and pyshical wreck. I became suicidal and was actually silently planning in my mind the ways I could kill myself without my son or husband having to find me. Thankfully I broke down and told my husband all this and stopped taking the medication. It took approximately two weeks before I was back to feeling normal again. I am doing better with the Gastroparesis now but am still in pain to some degree every day.
I have been told that I have sciatica, chronic arthiritis in my neck and shoulders with which I get muscle spasms and pain that shoots down my arms. My hip joints are also inflamed. There are days that I wake up in such sever pain that it literally feels like my hip is out of socket. I have learned now how to manage it some with flexing my legs back and forth slowly and with the help of the medicine it lasts much shorter now. I have been granted SS disability back in May of this year, but have no insurance coverage and can't get any due to my husbands income. I will get Medicare after a year waiting period. But even then no doctor will ever help me now most likely and certainly no pain management clinics would. At least thats what I feel. That's my story in a nutshell. I would love to hear your advice and if you can relate in any way.
8 Responses
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1445257 tn?1289276926
Yes the HIDA scan is what I had done to diagnose the Gastro . Is there different forms of the test I am unaware of?
As far as am I addicted or just dependent I have no idea. I think I lean more to the dependency, like I have referred to them as my crutch before. Cause really they are in a sense. Yes my husband does know, but please don't judge him for it. OMG my sweet, loving, and patient husband. Without him by my side through all this there's no way I could have made it this far. His patience with me and the Percocet is wearing thin though, he wants me to stop but is torn because he has to live me through wd's and bless his heart he has been there done that before lol  He wants to me to go try rehab and I am willing but not even sure if its feasible financially.
If I forgot to answer your other questions please let me know. I thank you so much for your response and advice. Just letting it out finally has lifted a huge burden off me.
Helpful - 0
1445257 tn?1289276926
Yes I do know it makes it worse but only found it out after it had exacerbated the Gastro. You are absolutely right and I do try and stop. I was off them for appr two weeks once and should have never started again. I hate myself for ever starting to take them in the first place but the amount of pain I was in then, the Percocet completely changed my day to day function to such a degree that I could not imagine going back.
I have taken other pain meds that are much better than on my digestion and help with pain. I was prescribed Vico-profen before and I really believe that is what I need to be on. It helped with pain and I was not stoned from it.
Helpful - 0
547368 tn?1440541785
Hello GracethruFaith,

Welcome to the Pain Management Forum. I am glad that you shared your story with us. My heart goes out to you. Chronic Pain is a horrible condition that reeks havoc in our lives and presents multiple difficult, sometimes seemingly impossible challenges. I am sorry that you have to experience this along with the rest of us.

Your reason to post appears to be your self diagnosis of "addiction." My dear I think that may be an incorrect assumption. True you are obtaining your opiates illegally. That must change asap. However I imagine you are doing this to allow yourself some sort of pain control. Am I correct?

In my opinion the first thing you need to do is to cease taking your husbands opiates. Go through a weaning process or whatever is medically safe for you to do. Then get yourself into a PM Clinic where you can be properly medicated and find good pain control. Don't assume you will not be treated. There is no shame is pain. The fact that you are illegally obtaining pain control is the concern.  

Certainly no one should hate you. You have just chosen the wrong path for pain management. Unfortunately this happens. We all make mistakes and you can "fix" this one.  Please don't despair.

Are you comfortable with your PCP? Do you have a good relationship with him/her? If so please consider discussing this with your PCP and ask for his/her help. A referral to a PMP can be made by your PCP. Believe me they have heard worse stories than yours.  

I won't "guess" on your diagnosis. I am hopeful that your physicians are astute enough to determine the cause of your symptoms. I sounds like all the correct diagnostic testing has been performed and your symptoms do fit gastroparesis, as happyhbmom said. Given your diabetes this absolutely makes sense.

I hope you will keep in touch and become active in our community. Our members are supportive, informational and understanding. We've all been through much in our journeys through chronic pain. We welcome you to our membership. I'll look forward to hearing from you again.

Take Care,
~tuck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
And you can get your gall bladder checked, but those are also the symptoms for gastroparesis, which is more common in people with diabetes, and is incredibly uncomfortable :( :(  There are treatments, however, such as feeding tubes and such, if the symptoms become too much to bear!
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Avatar universal
People who are chronic pain victims should also pay attention to pseudo-addiction.

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/413598

discusses dependence and psudo-addiction (you might have to register with medscape, but it's an invaluable tool for articles and such!)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Jaybay gave you great advice.  I second it.  I think you need to figure out whether you're addicted or just trying to treat your pain.  And I don't think you've closed the door on pain management, but you need to seek that out.

I also agree if you are addicted, there is no shame in that but you need to address it.  You'll find all sorts of help on the substance abuse forum, both emotional support and ideas on how to make withdrawal a bit easier.

I hope you'll keep us posted on what's going on.  Chronic pain is very difficult to treat.  And you need to treat it regardless of if you're addicted or not.  But you need to have it treated by YOUR physician and in conjunction with all your health issues.

Best of luck.
Helpful - 0
82861 tn?1333453911
You're a medical victim in more ways than one.  And nobody here hates you so get that out of your head.  :-)

I'm not sure that I buy the gastroparesis business myself.  Have you ever had a HIDA scan evaluation of your gallbladder?  The reason I ask is that your symptoms are exactly like mine were.  My gallbladder was infected but I had no stones, so everyone assumed it was just fine and dandy.  

Now to the addiction problem.  There is no shame in being an addict, or at least, there shouldn't be.  Are you certain you are talking about true addiction and not just physical dependence?  There's a big difference between the two conditions, and the treatment is also different.  Another consideration is pseudoaddiction.  That just means that the patient exhibits behavior similar to an addict's, but the motivation is undertreated pain rather than addiction.

Is your husband aware of the severity of your problem?  Does he know that you take his medication, or does he know all about it and just let you do it?  One of the hardest things for an addict to do is admit that he's an addict.  The next most difficult thing is getting past the secrecy and self-induced shame to get help.  If you try to detox by yourself without professional support, you are probably doomed to failure and relapse.  At the very least, you need to bring your husband into your world and ask for his support.  Sure, he may be shocked, he may even get angry.  This is all new to him, right?  You've had months to sit and think about it and imagine all the scary things that "might" happen if "everyone" knows about it.  Maybe they will; maybe they won't.  But you sure won't get any better by yourself.

It's really important to be honest with yourself about why you take the percocet.  If you truly take it for pain, and ONLY for pain, then I wouldn't consider you an addict.  If you take it to escape emotional pain and for the feeling you get from the drug, that's an entirely different story.

Check out the Addiction: Substance Abuse forum here at Med Help.  There are tons of great people over there just like you who got into trouble with prescription narcotics, and they come from all walks of life.  Addiction is an equal opportunity condition. Some of the members were able to successfully home detox; most weren't and needed recovery support.  It wouldn't hurt for you to attend a couple of NA meetings just to see what it's all about.  You don't have to speak, just be sober and listen.  The SA folks are very welcoming and will help you out in any way that they can.  Go ahead and introduce yourself.  :-)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You do know that opiates exacerbate gastroparesis, right?  In fact, I have delayed gastric emptying caused solely by my legitimate opiate use.  The opiates relax the sphincter muscles at the bottom of the stomach, so it does not pump the food out as quickly as it should.

You need to get off of those meds right now, they are making you much more ill than you need to be!  If you need a pain medication for your other issues, you must find a physician to help you choose one that will not interact with your health problems.  This is why you should never take other people's medications- because what is good for them is not necessarily good for you!

And that temporary feeling of relief you are getting from the opiates is actually making you worse, and making you need them more.  

Second point.  You are responsible for your own health care.  If you do not like the health care you are getting, find a new doctor.  Find new specialists.  You are your own advocate- this is your body, and it needs to last you a good long time.  

There is nobody else to blame for this situation, you are not backed into a corner.  There are plenty of options, you just didn't choose to pursue them.  So, now, you can choose to get out.  You will fee physically better if you get off of those meds and on to something that is compatible with your system, but it will take you getting clean.  So I do hope you try it- hugs.
Helpful - 0
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