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1490116 tn?1304817137

Spouses

Hi All-Thanks for all your prayer for the last month. It has been wonderful. I have found a wonderful Pm Doc and I am almost pain fee right now and it has change my life. I can enjoy my children and I am even able to do some liight exercise which has been amazing. the problem is I am still living with my husband who is in misery every day from a bad spinal injury in college. He refuses to do anything ffor it and it is very difficult for me and the children to live with such a miserable moody person who most nights does not even sleep from the pain. He gets angry at me for taking care of myself and tells me that God is going to heal him. He judges mme for taking medications too. I really just want him to deal with this issue as now he is on unemployment (he has gone from job to job for fourteen years)we have three kids. I think all of this stems from chronic pain and his inability to concentrate . I don't know what to do-he is very stubborn and a born again christian. Any input would be apreciated. thanks.

Inga
Best Answer
1068689 tn?1325827206
I had and still do have a friend that was a born again christian and took that very literally. Even the healing and medication thing. Wouldn't take any because the Bible told him God will heal him.
It took him a long time to figure out that God also puts doctors and scientists on this planet to help his children too. He now uses dr's and medications all the time. He told me long while after that he felt he was pretty insecure with himself and stupid for putting his family through it all. I tell you it took a lot of prayer and support by other Christians to get him through it. The pastor of his church had to have several talks with him to figure it out.
There's nothing in the bible that I know of that states to ignore the talents that God has provided to others on this planet to help each other.

You may have a great man but he needs to step up and be that man of God that he thinks he is. Tell him to pray, read the Bible again and go out and have some good Christian counsel about this thing. If you are in a Church that promotes this kind of feeling...in my opinion run as fast as you can!
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Avatar universal
Hi Ingrid,

I don't have any guidance for you unfortunately, because I live in the same type of situation. My husband grew up in a grin and bear it household as well and he has a really hard time with my pain management. He wants me to "get it fixed" or just "deal with it" and get off the meds, It puts a big strain on our marriage and I'm really afraid he's going to leave me if I continue to seek treatment for my pain.

I'm sorry you are going through this, You are not alone! Just try to remember that you have to fight your own battle and you cannot fight his. He cannot decide that you are an addict and that you need to go anywhere. If you are on pain medication prescribed by a doctor for a medical purpose then you are not a drug addict and if he thinks that then those my be his own guilty feeling being projected upon you. Has he been to an alanon meeting yet? I wonder what they'll tell him when it's his turn and he talks about his wife taking PRESCRIBED medications for a valid medical purpose?

This subject is very sensitive for me. My husband hates that I go to the doctor. We got into a fight about it just last night. Would they rather that we lay on the floor and not be able to function or play with our children? Would they like us better then? Do they really believe that we CHOOSE to live this life and that we could just CHOOSE to feel well instead?

Frusterating. I send you hugs. That's all I can do. Hopefully someone has a magic answer for us. :)

Kat
Helpful - 0
655875 tn?1295695107
I'm very happy to hear you have wonderful pain management!

The PM clinic I go to strongly suggests and is required for the spouse to attend the appointments if there is any problems with support.  

I'm very lucky to have a supportive husband with my spine injury and pain issues.  On the other hand, no one else in my family supports me and they all judge me because I take medication.  Especially my mother.  I hear several times a week that my mind is clouded and that I don't know what I'm talking about because "I'm doped up".  My mother has no idea exactly what medications I take, nor will she ever know.  She also accuses me of being an addict and has gone as far as accusing me of faking this pain.  It's unbelievable.  She also tells everyone in our family how she feels and they believe her.  

I really don't know if your husband would have an open mind about your treatment.  Maybe you can talk to your PMP and he can come to one of your appointments.  That's if your comfortable with him going.

If my mother went to my appointment with me, she would speak her mind to the doctor and would make up things up to make me look bad.  I no longer discuss my issues with her at all about my pain or my injury.

I wish you the best of luck and I pray your husband has a change of heart with your treatment plan.  
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Avatar universal
Hi Inga,

FIRST, I want you to know how VERY happy I am that you have found such a WONDERFUL PM Doctor!!  You DESERVE to have the BEST, and NOW you have him.  I'm SO grateful that you do!!

I KNOW what a GOOD man your Husband is BUT you MUST be sure that he doesn't put you down and keep telling your parents and friends that you are an addict!!  Unfortunately, you are NOT the ONLY one that is going through this with your Family.  It's TERRIBLE for ANYONE to have to go through this OVER AND OVER again!!  

I think that you are doing an AMAZING job the way that you AREN'T letting him OR your parents STOP you from getting the pain relief that YOU DESERVE as well as so DESPERATELY NEED!!!  Whatever you do, you MUST NEVER let them stop you from what you KNOW you must have to be able to survive.

Normally, I would tell you to take your Husband and Parents with you to your PM Doctor to hear about your Diagnosis.  HOWEVER, in this case I DON'T think it would be a good idea as he DEFINITELY isn't in the right frame of mind and is SO SURE that HE KNOWS what is best for you and that you are an addict!!  I think that he would TRY to undermine you at your PM Doctor's office.

There is NO WAY that you will be able to get him to help himself IF he ABSOLUTELY refuses and he will just resent you IF you try, even though it would help him!!  

I think that you already know that IF this continues, you MAY have to make some VERY SERIOUS decisions about your marriage and what this is doing MENTALLY to you as well as how this dissension is affecting your children.  Have you EVER considered a marriage counselor? It MIGHT help open his eyes and HELP him see what he is doing to you AND possibly to his children.

You KNOW that I'm behind you and am here for you!!

PLEASE keep us posted on what is going on with you and we ARE behind you ALL the way.

Sending your MEGA {{{{{HUGS}}}}}..............Mama Sherry  :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Inga,

Hang in there as soon as I get my Granddaughter ready for bed I am going to post.  I tried to earlier but she got in my way.  :{
Helpful - 0
1490116 tn?1304817137
I just wanted to follow up on that comment because it sounded kind of harsh because I have a good guy its just that i wish i could get him to do something to help himself. I was rushing when i wrote the post becasue my kids were has in the room at the time. i wanted to explain that he came from a family that you were supposed to grin and bear it. I did too but I rebelled against that philosophy after my third child, He has been patient with the kids but also has this attititude that I am faking it and my pain can't be half as bad as his back injury from college that he has endured. it is passive aggressive. I have tried to take him to the Doc but he will never follow up- like with the injections(he cancels) or the PT he won't go. We have had  ten beds becasue he says they all hurt his back. NOW that  I am  helping myself  DDD and fybro, he is really angry and has told his parents and my parents (as well as some of our closest friends) that I am an addict which is not true. I always do what my Doc tells me to do. I am pretty strict about it.  Now he is telling me that he is going to go to Alanon. I go to church tho, I am a christian-low key. He wants me to go to AA? B/C he said I am an addict becasue I am on pain meds. Any feedback would be apreciated. Thanks for letting me vent guys. I gotta go.

Ingrid

Ingrid
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