The stages of mourning your life of pain - Where are you?

[mummy3too]

It is like a death - the death of your 'normal' life. And then you go through all the stages or mourning:

Denial - this can't be my life, there has to be a cure

Anger - Why me??!! (or you have anger towards the doctor, the person driving the car who hit you, etc...)

Bargaining - I will do ANYTHING to make it better and the pain go away!

Depression - Because you realize this is now your life and there is nothing to fix it.

Acceptance - Understanding your pain will not kill you and you now modify your life so that you can finally LIVE again! You accept your limitations, and LOVE the people around you!

Where are all of you?

[rmml]

I am at acceptance. I still have hope that one day a miracle will happen, but I have definitely accepted that this is how I will be for my life. It doesn't mean that I don't struggle with being in pain all of the time, but I feel like I live a full life because of the support that my family, God, and friends give me. I still have times when I am sad because of the pain, but overall, I feel like I deal with it much better now than I did ten years ago. It still does get me down though and sometimes I feel sorry for myself and angry that I'm disabled, so maybe I'm at the beginning of the stage!

Flower

[jamlws]

I picked Bargaining cause as of right now I am not getting any kind of treatment and I just want this pain to get better so I can get on with my life.
Jamie

[mellie4]

RunningMom hit the nail on the head for me.  There are times I'm accepting (though it's sort of few and far between.)  And it's usually when I can find something that occupies my brain and keeps me interested.  I do, even at it's worst, realize it could be much worse, and that in a lot of ways I'm fortunate but lately I've been feeling depressed.  

[RunningMom]

I've actually gone through everything.  There are days where I do in fact accept the pain, but there are also days where I am not accepting this.  

I often wonder if I actually have to live like this for the rest of my life being bound to the couch or bed.  It's so unfair.

When I do accept this pain, is when I have actually found something to do to keep me going.  Like reading and studying up on something that is very interesting to me.  This is when I'm at my happiest, which isn't very often.  

So, I go back and fourth with the acceptance.  Maybe I will fully accept this pain?  I don't really know.  The past few weeks the pain has been unbearable and I haven't been able to get past it or the pain at a managable level.  

[mellie4]

I wish I could get to acceptance.  Denial was even better than depression.  Searching and believing there was a cure was better than where I am now.  I know I'll get there.

[Jaybay]

That can be a hard answer because we usually move in and out of various stages before reaching acceptance.  Even then, we can go back to anger and depression periodically.  That's true no matter what the cause of the grief may be.  But yes, I've been in acceptance mode for a good 5 years.  Life got a whole lot better when I quit trying to live my old life in my new body.  :-)

[runitskat]

I don't really know. As of right now I'm pain free for the time being. I guess I still think there has to be a cure for me since the ESIs are working but i know they are a temporary fix. I guess I'm holding on to the slight chance that they will last forever but I can still feel phantom pains so I know the problem is still there.

[namnam46]

I've accepted my pain from the FIRST day that I was diagnosed. I was so FRIGHTENED that I had bone cancer back in 1974 at the age of 28 that I was THRILLED that I ONLY had Osteoarthritis in my hip and needed to have an implant. I was a young wife with 2 small children 7 and 4 and I was SOOOO happy that I didn't have a death sentence ro face an amputation that I had NO problem accepting my pain. I've NEVER looked back.

I will tell you that I have ALWAYS been an Optimist ALL my life. I think it makes a HUGE difference how you have always approached complicated or stressful things in your life. I think that plays a VERY big part in how you will accept your "LOT" in life and If I'm going to have pain then I make sure that I find something POSITIVE about it. I've just always reminded  myself how much worse it COULD have been and I find myself THANKING God for giving me something that is treatable and that their are NEW treatments and medicines being invented EVERYDAY and that there is ALWAYS hope!!

Sorry for the book, but I TRULY think that it TOTALLY depends on how you have ALWAYS tended to look at your life. I've ALWAYS been a Positive thinker thanks to My Mom and Dad!!

I hope that you all can have the same comfort when dealing with your pain as it really does help.....Sherry

[Mollyrae]

I have learned to accept my pain. If you haven't then you haven't moved on and started living life again. You must accept what  you cannot change.

Molly

[Tuckamore]

Interesting poll. Only 57% of the seven responders are in the Acceptance Stage! It's where we should all strive to be.

I'll have more on this later.

Peace,
~Tuck