i think humor (and science agrees) stimulates endorphins and for a moment so here is a little break for you guys.
This is a story about how my grandparents thrived during the great depression by being very creative and resourceful. Lately there has been so much negative economic news and i would like to offer you readers and Times-Standard supporters a way to make a Very Good Living (more to follow about all the capitals!) by using some of our own local "stuff". Yes and bees. Here is why so many people want hives in their backyard. Or two hives!
- My Grandaddy did it with bees. G'Pa saved our family from the pangs of outrageous depression (really, this is not much ado about nothing). And how did he do it? I can't hear you?! Oh! Well he did it with late night--way late--radio ads. That's right. G'Pa invented the whole "But Wait There's More" sales technique! And what did he sell? I can't hear you (of course not don you got stung too many times.) He sold Very Special Beeswax!
We made this BW at home by a simple process my G'Pa taught me under Super Strict Security because the main ingredient that sold the product was---well---uhmmm--Medicinal as hell! And it wasn't illegal yet. Perfect Storm. More about that secret but first the process.
You start with really healthy happy bees. They are gonna hafta work 24/7 if you want a lot of wax because it builds up in direct proportion to hours worked. But it gets dark you say (yeah i hear voices over the buzzing in my ears don't you)? Yes it gets too dark to work. And here comes my Texas Bred Grandaddy's Genius$$$--(-i did mention Texas before didn't i?). He crossed his bees with some Texas Lightning Bugs with great big 'ol 2 watt butts. He just replaced the bees stinger butts with the lightning bugs light-bulb butts. We've all looked closely at these bugs' butts haven't we? One tiny connector thingy right? Nothing to it.
So now the bees can work all night and important for Humboldt they can work in the fog
because they now have foglights! The wax just builds up like crazy. The bees are heavy with it! But you have got to have a safe and healthy way to collect all that wax from those tiny bees. And this is where my Texas Bred Grandaddy"s Genius kicks in again.
I know you think that all you have to do is scrape off the honey and collect the wax. Well there you go thinking again partner! It is not that kind of wax. Not so simple. Not so easy. My G'pa sold late night radio Beeswax gleaned from the tiny little (i know) baby teeny ears of those Happy Texas Lightning Bees. And he used us children to collect it. Carefully! With Very Special Padded Tweezers to gently hold each of the happy tiny bees while you scooped out the golden wax with a Very Special Scoop. These very special products were only sold on the radio (hypnotically-barely-awake late night radio). But wait! There's more.
Once you collect the wax you combine it with the secret ingredient. C'mon Humboldters-(-or something like that). I have to pause for another couple of stings. When these happy bees sting you you get what we keepers call "stunged". Medicinally- only- stunged! The origin of the song Let's Go Get Stunged. The Very Special Secret? Yes! Those Lightning Bees were all lit up and Happy Bees because they were busy bathing and basking and breathing in Humboldt's finest pollen. Then heading over to Mad River to burp and belch a few brews. But Wait! I did mention Texas before didn't I?
alright everybody it is a stupid story but i am not very good at jokes or stories. just an effort to distract for a minute---i bet it worked for that even if you said "What?" so one of you be brave and try it yourself or som e more clapping---yelling loud (i love this one)---laughing on purpose even if you don't feel like it---
I am trying this same positive focused thread to see if i can gather some interest. I also wonder if there are more than just a few people posting or reading here. How about a head count of who is here over the next few days so we can see? Don't you guys want to know too---curious? yogadon
i wonder why no one wants to cheer themselves up for just a moment! Would someone respond and say why? Do people just want to vent---get advice---and when they get it do they want to use it or just look for more advice. what do the rest of you guys think?
want to know how to reduce your pain and be able to do it most of the time? i can teach you if you are interested. It takes some training--is free hello--uses no drugs. if at least four show interest i will do it (changed my life and many of my students--daughters for sure---=) easy to do and fun. well?
Okay you got me with the beat jokes it took me a while I thought you were for real I was scratching my head and shaking my head through the whole story! I was wondering why someone would take their time to replace a stinger with hey light bulb from a blow bug but then I was thinking once the bees lose their stinger they die so that's impossible! I tell you I thought you were on some good dungeon or something
Okay, you got me with the bees story! I am sitting here scratching my hand and laughing at the same time. Wondering why someone would take their time to exchange a bee stinger with the globe part of a go bug then I'm thinking that's impossible because I want to be loses his stinger it dies! Then I'm thinking why am I even really think you miss this is crazy! Can't be true! Then I read the rest of your post. Funny you had me for a minute maybe a couple minutes lol! But I think most people don't come to the site on a daily basis or an hourly basis I know I try to log on when I have a minute but there are so many different sites and different blog that I belong to it's hard to keep up especially when life happens you know. But if you're handing out free advice I will take it.
Please scratch that first post I went to edit it and it disappeared I thought I deleted it. I am using my cellphone plus talk to type the 2 combinations are a recipe for a lot of typos in mistakes unfortunately my phone doesn't allow me to scroll back and edit what I have already send. I am in a learning process. So again disregard the first post and any typos thank you
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