Anyone who could help me, please reply. I am eger for help. Here is my story. My name is Eric, I've gotten myself into a situation. At 15 I started casually smoking marijuana with my friends. It was just on weekends. Then it became all we did when we hung out. It was out of boredom. Long story short I bought a bong and started smoking by myself regularly. It got worse in the 2 year span. I found by the time I was 16, I was smoking most of my life away. Everyday, every minute I was pretty much high. I smoked marijuana with tabacco unfiltered, like all of my friends. I live in a small town, and I'm not lieing one bit when all my friends do it. I don't hang around those types of people, and I couldn't find new friends because 80% of the male population at my school smokes. When i turned 17 is when it got really bad, I was smoking all the time, sneaking it from my parents. At first I was absoulty paranoid about smoking at home and then i started doing that too. I got myself to a point where to do anything or enjoy myself, i had to smoke weed before. I formed an addiction with tabacco, a dirty one at that. On a good day i was smoking 10-15 bowls a day. I got bronciutis and phnomonia in the same year. Last month, I bought a car, and got a job. So I decided to go cold turkey and quit everything. I don't know why I did, maybe because I had lost most of my friends to my addiction. I knew by then I was addicted and it was sad. My parents always got mad when they smelt it, and I was always, ALWAYS paranoid from hiding it. I even had a few run ins with the police in that time. Most of you are probably saying how does this have anything to do with Panic attacks and anxiety, but i'm absoulty sure it has something in common. After I went cold turkey was the worst. I had so many symptoms, i couldn't list them all on here if I tried. Shortness of breath, horrible depression and anxiety, chest pain, thought my heart was going to explode because it was racing so fast, dizzyness, numbness, couldn't eat for about 2 weeks without feeling as if i was going to throw up. I lost 20 pounds in that span. Before i went to the doctor and she prescribed me anxiety meds. I had to go to the hospital twice because i thought i was having a heart attack. They took blood and EKG tests, both showing up normal. Between the time I quit and now have been the hardest. My mind is NEVER at ease , and I fear im going crazy. I took the meds until i gained my appetite and for some stupid reason stopped taking them. After about 3-4 weeks they symtoms had got better, but had not all gone. I tried smoking marijana with my friends a few times, and one out of about 5 times it turned out fine. The others I had gotten horrible horrible panic attacks. The first was triggered after i quit, i thought i would hit an "all greener" (a bowl of just marjuana) but that was a bad idea. I had the worst panic attack ever. I thought for sure i was going to die. My body felt like something else, I felt 3D at times not even in my body. I went for a long walk and to my grandparents house. It never helped and i could never get my mind off what was going on. It lasted for about 5 hours until I fell alsleep. From that day i have not been the same. I was diagnosed with an Anxiety disorder during this time, which im sure i've never had before. After choosing not to smoke anymore, I still felt weird weeks after, its been just over a month now and I had been doing better each week, although for some reason I would always studder with sentences and say stuff to fast. I feared going home and being alone for awhile. I don't know why though, it terrified me and brought on panic attacks. I had very vivid dreams after quitting pot, so much i'd wake up in a sweat debating if it was real life, because i never once had dreams like that. They have been still occurring for just over a month now. I don't really know what to do, I just don't feel like me any more and can't enjoy anything at all. When i bought my car i was waiting for sense i was a kid, i wasn't happy and couldn't enjoy it. Makes me want to cry now because i was happy when i smoked. I enjoyed alot more things and was thankful. I miss those days and think about it mostly everyday, its hard when all your friends smoke and you can't because it terrifies you. Just last night I gave in (this is whats making me right this) I hit the smallest bowl ever, and instantly I felt werid. My eyes tripped out, i was seeing stuff, and zoned out to the max. my chest got tighter and numb, and my heart was racing more then ever. I find myself shaking and took a hot shower but still it never went away. Im sure it was a panic attack from the weed, just like one i had never experienced. it was really scary, i was tripping out in my head thinking my parents would catch me high, or that i had schizophrenia and i was certain i was going to die. Im paranoid about the littlest things, and it turns into a major worry. I couldn't fall asleep, when i closed my eyes i was seeing stuff worse then when they were open. I was shaking or at least felt like i was. And couldn't stop for 4 hours until i fell asleep. I woke up feeling anxiety again. Like how it first began a month ago and thought it can't be happening again. All day i felt like crap and felt nervous, this insane guilt which i have no reason for. When i go home its the worse after school, I feel like im getting mini panic attacks and I can't eat again, without the feeling that im going to throw up. I now know i am never going to smoke again for sure now. Going out with friends helps me calm down, but when i go home im right back in this horrible mindset. But I just don't feel the same and it won't go away. This is ruining my life, i am never happy, and im always tired. I think i'm really going insane and i need help. My mind wont be at ease till i know im alight. Please if anyone has been threw this or knows what's going on, reply. Any help is greatly appreciated
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