10 year old lies, steals, and argues over everything she is told!

[nikkis1982]

I have a 10 year old daughter who has been having behavioral issues.  She is a wonderful student, very smart, and generally very well behaved and respectful when at school.  However, when she comes home, she is like a different child.  We have had issues with her "stealing" from us...she has taken jewelery, makeup, nail polish, and money from us.  She gets caught, denies it for about an hour, then finally admits to it.  She apologizes and swears it will not happen again and it always does.  She will even go into the kitchen and take food, even when asked not to and told to ask permission for snacks.  She gets three meals a day and two snacks in the day, so she is never hungry.  She will go and take an entire box of snack cakes, steal whole boxes of cereal, and sneak to her room to eat it.  She will lie to her father and I,and then in the next breath, deny that she even said the lie.  She lies A LOT, even about the most minor things.  She sneaks around the house during the night or early in the morning doing things she is not supposed to...most recently, she came downstairs and unwrapped and rewrapped every since Christmas present.  When confronted, she again lied over and over again. She is also extremely defiant in other ways.  If she is in trouble and asked to go upstairs, she will cross her arms and say "No" or go upstairs only to return in just a few minutes.  Every night is an argument.  We have tried escorting her out of the room and marching her upstairs, but she will throw herself in the floor screaming and grabbing her arm, telling us that we "hurt" her arm.  We have tried every type of punishment we can think of (taking things away, grounding, time outs, extra chores), as well as trying a reward system (If you do this, then we can go here, or rent a movie, or play a game together.)  Nothing seems to work.  We are at our wits end with this and there is a constant tension in our home with all the arguing, defiance, and rebellion.  This behavior has went on for the past two years, only very recently getting to the point where it is a daily occurrance. She was taken to a psychiatrist last year, who seemed to have no explanation other than "sometimes kids lie and are sneaky."  We just do not know what to do anymore.  We have tried talking with her calmly, and it does nothing.  Please help!

[yojojo12]

Seems to me like: One, She doesn't  know how to handle her Emotions,  has a problem with Perceptual skills and does not know how to socialize all if which are the 3 common traits of an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, I myself have High Functioning Aspergers Syndrome and PDD-NOS both of which are forms of Autism, Two, She is Frustrated over her lack of Independence as a growing child with to much Intellectual Intelligence and not enough Emotional Intelligence, and this is her way of showing you that she want's to be able to do more on her own with out the constant vigil of her parents. ( I was the same way in my early to mid teen age ears and between age's 6 two 13)

So Is she frustrated or does she have an ASD ?.  

ask your self these questions.

Question Set 1

Does she have many friends                                    Y/N
Does she make Eye Contact                                   Y/N
Is she a Social girl                                                  Y/N
Has she started Puberty                                          Y/N
Does she have good School Grades                          Y/N
Can she do homework for an hour on her own             Y/N
Is she completely Potty Trained                                 Y/N

If you got more No's then Yes's Answering the above Questions and More Yes's then No's Answering the below Questions She probably has some kind of ASD

Question Set 2

Does she have set Routines                                          Y/N
Does she Obsessions                                                   Y/N
Is she good at Maths, Music, Computers or Science        Y/N
Does she Have Epilepsy                                                 Y/N
Does she have a Learning Difficulty                                  Y/N
Does she get upset if one of her routines are changed        Y/N
Does she get upset if her Environment Changes                 Y/N
Is her Room Tidy                                                              Y/N
Does she talk loudly even when calm                                  Y/N
Does she get Lost easily                                                    Y/N
Does she watch or listen to things repetitively                       Y/N
Does she engage in Stimming                                             Y/N

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stimming)

If you find out that She has a form of ASD I wouldn't worry to much, from your description of your problem i would say it is most likely that she is either High Functioning or on the upper band of Medium functioning. Both yourself's and your daughter will be able  to learn to manage it however there is no known cure for ASD's. I would suggest that you get a Formal Assessment done as soon as possible, the earlier this is completed the more can be done, and the bettor quality of life she will have as she grows up. You will need the ADOS, and DISCO Assessments to be carried out to request this you need to see your GP and Social Worker.

If on the other hand Reverse is true of the Answers to the questions then she is just frustrated, try introducing more responsibility to her, and allow her a little more Independence, but don't let go of the reigns to quickly, you still want to be in control so you know what shes up to, wear she is going and who she is seeing. Maybe let her have a sleep over and movie night with some friends from school, but tell her shes got to orginise everything, and save up the money to buy any snacks she wants to buy, if she wants to order out a take away for the movie night sleep over tell her shes got to save up the money for that as well. that way shes not steeling and responsibility is on her shoulders not yours. If she asks for more pocket money or more responsibility, giver her extra work around the house for an extra dollar / pound a day that way she learns the value of money and has some extra income to go towards her movie night / sleep over.

buy her a mobile phone for when she goes out, tell her she has to call you ever 1.5 hours or she will be grounded for 3 days, this way she has another way to demonstrate responsibility and maturity and you can monitor what she is doing. but don't let her go to far from the house unless she is with someone you know and trust or an adult you know and trust.


I hope this helps.

P.S

Im not even a parent, never had children lol im only 24 just a geek

[Anandadithya]

Its due poor parental control you applied to your child in the past is reason for that.
Don't worry she will be alright in future.
First keep your mind calm it means be relax before you talk to her about.
Not necessary that you have to talk to her immediately one you noticed her bad behavior.
Develop a positive parenting skill.
Spent loads of time atleast half an hour a day in which she should be allowed to talk and listen her.
Develop an Assertive skill to deal your kid.
You know a lot you need to change before you want to change your a girl.
Mail me to ***@**** with queries I certainly will help you
Great day.

[dhelp]

i'm 10 and i have had the same problem with my mom for about 2 and 1/4 a year it is beacase you just don't understand what we are going through she might just feel lost and down a never ending road does she have anoying little sibling or maby she is just lost i am

[lea04]

I have the same problem with my 12 yr old and has been like this for the past 2 yrs.... everything you have done i have and nothing seems to work... iv even got out side agenices and still no different.... please let me know if you get any positive help regarding this.... I need help too

[AnnieBrooke]

Is this your child or your stepchild?