PARENTING CHILDREN (6-12)
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11 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Grow Up
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by karynh, Jul 22, 2010
My son just turned 11.  He is a very sensititve child and shows his emotions.  We were talking about how is growing so fast.  Entering middle school in Sept, etc.  He confided in my husband that he doesn't want to grow up.  He wants to stay like this.  He is happy.  I believe this transitioning to puberty is hitting him hard.  I have read that children this age know they are getting older and act it most of the time, but are kind of caught in between where they still feel comfortable hugging, snuggling and having you kiss them goodnight.

How to we help him with the transition?
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Member Comments (9)
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by margypops, Jul 22, 2010
Be as supporting as you sound, snsitive and emotional is okay , hes very young, he's probably feeling a bit nervous if he is going to another school so positive talks with him of reassurance are the best way to go, make sure he is getting plenty of sports and exercise I do believe that it helps all children .Keep an eye he is happy with his new school and makes friends okay and they are good friends .Hugging and cuddling is a good thing at any age...good luck he is a lucky young man to have a great caring mom ....
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by aid821, Jul 24, 2010
Wow this is a change, alot of kids these days want to be adults at 12! It's good to hear that kids just want to be just that 'kids'. One thing i'd add is that, to assist in the transition would be ensure you make him aware things will change soon (i.e puberty). This will hopefully lessen the anxiety and ease him into the next year or so. You are right saying that some kids can't place themselves during that age because things around them (also themselves as individuals) are changing at a rapid pace. Lastly, make sure you keep the lines of communication open with him and encourage him to ask questions id he has any. All the best :)
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by concernedMomofgirls, Jan 11, 2013
My daughter is turning 11 tomorrow and is also a very sensitive girl who shows her emotions and does not want to "grow up" - and on her last night of being 10, she cried herself to sleep. It breaks my heart. I am also sensitive and worry about her. Her body is changing ... breast buds (which she denies are there), tiny bumps beginning on her face. I try to talk to her about these changes, but she does not want to talk about them (yet). She attends a very small, supportive school where they are talking about changes in their bodies ... she will not have to go to a new school for Middle School (all in one).  I'm trying to keep the door of communication open. I hope she will feel better tomorrow. She has mentioned this before, and then it passes. However, tonight she was truly upset about it. We're trying to help her as much as we can by keeping her active in sports, running and having close friends - but tonight I felt a bit helpless. She also asked for Daddy. I felt like a failure - not being able to support her. Perhaps I sought a quick fix, by asking what was wrong for too long - and maybe she just needed to feel protected. I guess I should be just happy that one of us could do it - she is calm now and asleep. Thank you for your posts. This helped me a lot.
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by margypops, Jan 12, 2013
It is possible that you are transferring your 'sensitiveness to her, do you say things like you feel you are a failure you say you try to talk to her, I would focus on being up beat and not anything negative .Children learn emotions and behavior from us , if she is seeing you upset she will be .Of course you want the best for her...try being positive in every thing you do and say she will also learn that from you ..good luck.
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by Vickmcg, Jan 28, 2014
My son is the same way . He is 12 and has cried every birthday since he was 3.  Ultra sensitive, very smart (gifted) worries about things that he doesn't need to.  He will say "i just don't want to grow up".... I tell him he has to grow up but he doesn't have to grow old.  He will get older, have responsibilities, but he can always keep a part of him young and do things he loves to do now.  It's called being young at heart.  I tell him he 'll always be our baby, he will always have a home etc.  It seems to work sometimes. But sometimes I'm not sure I should say that!  I asked him if he wanted to talk to someone and he said " no I'll just keep talking to you and dad". He's such a good biy but i feel so bad to see him get sad about growing up.  Im sure it's separation and he'll get over it but anyideas in what else i can say ??
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by specialmom, Jan 29, 2014
Maybe have him evaluated for anxiety?  He falls in line with the emotional way some gifted kids are.  I would seek some professional guidance.  not because there is anything wrong with him but so that you can give him all that he needs.  good luck