This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
I found my 11 year old boy naked in a locked room with my 6 year old daughter. According to him it is the 1st time and no touching of private parts but kissing happened (after cross questioning he told). He was trying to follow a scene in Avatar movie. How should I deal with him ans behave with him as I was extremely disappointed and upset after finding it out?
Don't allow him to be alone with the child. Take the child to a psychologist to see if more really did happen and try to stress to the boy that what he did was extremely inappropriate and then punish him. (grounding, taking away of something...)
Tell him that this is really a bad thing to do.Talk to him continuously.Try to find out why did he do that. Kids of his age always try to do experiments. If you would be calm and listen to him then he would listen to you too.If you would be too strict he'll challange you and try to hide everything from you Try to make a strong bond between you and your son so that he can share everything with you instead of scared of you and you can easily controll his negaive actions.Don't give up keep an eye on him , make a rule in your house "no closed doors".Tell your daughter to tell you everything whatever her brother does.Take appropriate action right away as he tries to do any bad thing.Reward your daughter if she tells on him quitely.Keep talking to your son about the consequences.
I would try to limit what he is seeing on movies, also. I don't really approve of kids seeing sex scenes; their world is too sexualized already by media imagery. Puberty does hit around now, or a bit later (men on this site write that they have been masturbating since they were 12 and things like that), but maybe he doesn't know what is inappropriate. Be clear with him that sexual activity comes with adulthood and the ability to be responsible. (Just to make sure he knows, tell him sex with anyone under 18 is not OK or even legal, incest is really not OK, sex with a small child is really not OK.) Once you are clear he understands this completely, go with the therapy or other approaches suggested above.
Most boys are masturbating before 11 or 12. Some don't at all. Maybe get him a book or have a man figure talk to him. He is at a confusing age and his hormones are probably on the verge. Talk to him about masturbation and privacy, that could help a lot, u just may not see him much. I wouldn't seek counceling, it isn't that serious. If it happends again then u should. But deff tell him what he did with her was wrong, but don't be angry it will make it worse. Just teach him about sex now,and don't cover up anything. Now is the age where he's hearing all sorts of stuff from his friends. Talk to him, and keep an open mind when he asks u something. Be open with him and he will be open with u too. Good luck!
Maybe you should seek the guidance of a professional that has dealt with situation like this. I believe this would be extremely important for all that is involved. Of course for your daughter and to teach her how not to become a victim, your relationship with your son, and for his own peace of mind for the horrible thing that he did which could be what is going through his head. This could actually damage him more than anyone else in this.
Seek professional help with you alone then bring the kids in if that is what he/she feels needs to be done.
I think his story was probably dam true. You stopped it and had a talk with him about it.
Seeing a Doctor will not accomplish more then what you have, All you ladies are a tad paranoid Id say.
Yes, keep a watchful eye out, yes give him love and attention and guidance also. Don';t listen to some of these posters here-their all wet.
There is not necessarily fire where there is smoke.
I am no expert but I think that you should know your son better then anyone. I hate how quick everyone jumps to the child needs counseling. He is at a very confusing age and probably is starting to feel things he doesn't get. Talk to him be open. Trust your gut you should know your son.
You may need to get a male figure to talk to him if dont want to chat with you. I know my step daughter is 11 and just started. She has lots of questions and is so confused. Her mom is making it hard on her and she don't feel comfortable talking to her dad. So she comes to me. The point is your son needs to feel comfortable talking to whoever he talks to about this confusing time. Also as for your daughter you may want to talk to her to and explain why what her brother was doing was wrong.
Last but not least please don't just stress this and get paranoid about something being wrong with your son. If this is the first time then most likely he is just a bit confused about what he is feeling and how things he sees naked him feel. Good luck and may God bless you,
This is an old post from 2010 dredged up by someone obiously interested in the subject matter. All parents should do what is in their heart as best for their child. Calling that paranoia is worrisome. Luck to all.
Sorry wasn't meaning anything wrong. I didn't realize it was such an old post just wanted to be helpful. I wasn't calling the mom paranoid but was just trying to say not to stress the issue. Now a days parents get worried so quick and scared. The stress isn't good for anyone. I have learned from speaking to my husband how confusing 11 is for little boys. I also have learned that parents make this time harder on a child. Moms have every right to be worried and be there for their sons, but as women we don't know how hard this is on little boys.
Anyways also more review cadad seems to be posting on all these type of topics. This is somewhat disturbing and not a topic to be taken lightly every time. We as parents know our children and know when behavior is above odd for them. After an open talk with the child then it is our place to figure out where to go next. I just pray no parents are quick to get counseling. That is not always the answer. When they had me going to one they tried to make me feel like my mom and dad were bad parents. They weren't the best, but they never hurt me and was always there when I needed them.
The school recommended counseling and wanting the best for me, they tried it. The school recommended it when the grades slipped up. I was just upset over my little brother being taken by his mom. What helped me wasn't the counseling it was my parents talking to me. This is why I was saying not to be paranoid. I just don't want them jumping to their child is sick and needs help.
The reason why I think counseling is often helpful isn't because a child is sick though. No, plenty just need someone to help them sort out feelings. We all have different levels of being able to do so on our own. Another great thing about counseling is that so often kids aren't 'heard'. Parents often want certain things for and from their kids and so when they listen, they listen with that intent. A therapist is neutral and unbiased and able to just listen. So a place to vent that is safe like that can really help a child (or adult). There are different types of therapy. There is a clinical psychologist that works with folks having various issues related to a mental health issue or personality disorder and then there is something called a family and relationship therapist that helps with interpersonal issues or rough patches that someone is going through. I saw a Christian counselor for example when my mother died tragically for grief counseling. A wonderful experience that helped me tremendously with my grief. I saw a psychologist with a PhD when I was suffering some anxiety for talk therapy to work through what was at the root of the anxiety and ways to deal with it so I could cope better. And my husband and I have been to a family/marriage counselor to work on communication with one another which was very successful. And my oldest son has a developmental delay that makes some things challenging for him such as social/peer relations which has lead to some low self esteem and he has some anxiety. We are starting with a child psychologist to have someone for him to talk to and give him ideas of things to try and he can then work on these issues that he struggles with.
I don't think a person should seek therapy for themselves or their kids for the least little thing! You don't want to give the impression that something is 'wrong' with a child. But, there are situations in which it is really helpful. It of course would depend on a therapist and what they were like as I'm sure there are some bad ones out there. I don't think that a parent should worry about things that naturally occur in a lot of kids such as you see on these threads. Sometimes though it IS concerning. But it is just as concerning when someone pulls up post after post on the subject. Disturbing is a good word unsure for that!
anyway, just thought I'd clarify why I do say at times a therapist is helpful in terms of how I see therapy. It doesn't mean someone is sick to see a therapist. I used to call mine 'my own personal cheerleader'. It was nice to have someone to listen and to really try to help me figure things out without 'wanting anything' from me. I don't go anymore but I've had nothing but positive experience with it in my lifetime. peace
Old post or not, its the point I was trying to make.
I cannot but help wonder if it was an older girl and a younger boy if you would have the same reaction? So what If I post her and there, I am a parent like you after all and I do find a male point of view is needed now and then.
Be well all.
I notice that your on every single blog also, be disturbed all you want lady.I was directed here by a female friend of Mine who thought a male should offer a different perspective, so here I am.
You have no idea what I do or who I am, but you readily make some pretty inflammatory statements.
Does a males perspective bother you, is it you consider some of these discussions " for females only? Are we a feminist?
Talk about calling the kettle black
Oh yes, lets not consider the emotional health of our children. My wife and daughter have female Doctors and my son and I have male Doctors. There comes a time when a child needs to have their emotional needs met, not dictated to my a parent!I notice Specialmom that you have boys, so what if you had girls, would you force them to go to a male doctor just because somehow you think their adrogenious and the child could care less?
Their kids and we should respect each of their sensitivity. There are plenty of discussions on Nurses and Doctor forums where they support same sex care, for obvious reasons.
Lots of luck to the poster. I've been very pleased with my female doctor for my boys. And My ob/gyn is a male. So yes, I believe doctors take an oath of conduct that makes opposite sex doctors fine to treat my loved ones and myself. Best to pick a doctor that believe in rather than being sexist.
As parents, we make the best decisions for our families. Luck to all.
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