11 yr old and tampons?

[UnsureMS]

Ok here is my story. My 11 yr old girl (step daughter) has started here time and last week came over saying she can't go swimming because of it. I spoke openly with her about tampons, and she told me her mom told her that she couldn't. That day when the kids went home the mother freaked out on my husband over it. I told the little girl we would talk to her mother.

So, this weekend she is on it and her mom has made it clear no tampons. Does she have a valid reason to say this? I used them when I was younger and never had no issues in fact they made my life alot simpler and more comfortable. I feel bad for the girl. I don't think she should be left out just because of her time. I have done research there are even tampons made especially for younger girls. So what does everyone here think?

I tried even getting my husbands mother to help talk to the mom. But she said she was too young too. We're my mom aunt and grandmother bad people for teaching me about them so young? I have spoke to a few woman and they don't understand why she would be to young. They get why I would want her to be allowed to use the tampons. But I have heard a few with a different opinion. I just don't get what would be wrong with it.

What I do understand is summer means swimming, and we go all the time. I am willing not to when she is over. But this weekend it was a pool party for my nephew. I don't want to cancel on him. I also hear how my little girl feels about her time she dreads it. She feels so uncomfortable and stresses it so much. She is constantly running to check her pad. She was told never to use panty liners and that her undies should never get blood on them. She is so young and sometimes has trouble judging when she is going to start. Plus she likes to play sports and the thick pads with wings she uses all the way through it have to be uncomfortable. I just don't get why you would want your girl feeling like it is her curse to be on her time.

I never dread it. I never worried about it. I felt it was natrual and as long as I wore my tampon or pad and changed them as needed it was no big deal. I want that for my step daughter. Last night it made me realize just how little say I have in these kids lives. I really would appreciate advice, and opinions. Thanks may god bless,

Kimberly

[shelly296]

That's what I used when I first started... as a matter of fact there's even a tampon commercial directed at "blossoming" girls...
I had friends that didn't use them because of the "virginity" thing influenced by the parents (but if you ask me, it's just silly, and does nothing to change the status of one's virginity)
In all fairness, the mother of the girl might think that you are "stealing the spotlight" - after all, it's the mom that usually wants to have the discussion with their "little girls" about the whole period thing...

[rioamylyla]

Hey I used them straight away it was my only option as I was away from home and that was the only thing there my mum didn't find out for about a year and she only used tampons so I used to take some of hers and say my friend needed them she found out when I came on during the night and didn't get the sheets in the wash quick enough she was fine with me using tamponsiI dodon't see the issue with them they are discreet less messy quieter to change easier to hide in a bag not noticeable in tight clothing

[dailyweird]

all right girls ah I never understand the things that happen to them but. I have little experience with it (from every morning with my g/f) if she's woired tell here its almost normal (you can leave almost out) but it is soon it happens and tell her if she's real scared pack a few extra good luck.... im a guy so yeah... the other anser do seem better so I consider mine as last idea if the world is ending... ha-ha that's funny but yeeah...

[UnsureMS]

I am not going to argue with her mother, and I never intended to. I always tell the girl to talk to her mother first and I always try to help her feel at ease about embarrassing moments. I get that this is a hard time for her. So I try my hardest to put things at ease. Like I said I need to learn to control my emotions. Still it is hard and its really not that I want control. I really just want to have some type of voice. The kids mother always acts as if I am not a woman and like I don't know anything.

I feel sadden for the little. Her eyebrows were plunked at 8 underarms shaved at 10 and upper lip shaved at 8. So it just seems her mother is letting her grow up fast but not wanting to let her have any say. She even has told her soon she needs to shave her legs. Why is that all ok??? But I am not going to push the issue and I pray that the little girl will stay happy this weekend.

Thanks again for all your help and suggestions. May god bless you,
Kimberly

[AnnieBrooke]

You have some choices, and I hasten to say some of them are totally lousy.  

1.  Abet the girl in using tampons (you're correct, my pediatrician assures that they are safe, and do not take away a girl's virginity).  This will cause an absolutely certain blowup if/when the mom finds out (and you can be sure she will)

2.  Egg your husband into fighting with his ex over this

3.  Feel superior to your husband's wrongheaded and deluded ex, cloaking it in overwrought sympathy for the girl and her "feeling cursed"

4.  Wait until the girl gets bigger at which point she will certainly go out and buy her own tampons (I am sure she is not a baby even now, and that she will begin to flout her mom's restrictions in this regard when she has finances and the ability to go shopping alone)

or

5)  Be sympathetic, and provide cover for the girl at times like this when there is a pool party and she will be expected to sit out; act like it is no big deal, she wants to wear her pretty sundress and hang around but not to get wet, and quietly make the moms understand what is happening so nobody presses her to get in the water.  

Please don't catastrophize the thick pads with wings, they are actually not the worst thing for a girl to wear.  She can use them when doing sports, somewhat clunky though they be.  

Please don't escalate your opinion of the girl's mother for being wrong-headed.  It can so readily be a war ostensibly fought on a child's behalf when in fact it is a control fight among the adults with the child as collateral damage.  The girl would be better served by you being helpful with ideas about how to wear the pads comfortably, than by you saying she should wear tampons when the person who is primarily in charge of her care (you get her on alternate weekends only, is that right?) has made this decision.

Learning to manage a period is really not a simple thing for any kid, even those who wear tampons.  (In fact, more than one woman I know remembers her most embarrassing life moment as a time when their tampon leaked when they were wearing white pants.  You can't always tell when a tampon is full, especially when periods are new.)  Your stepdaughter will get over feeling cursed as she begins to understand periods as the ticket in to the fun things about being female, and she is well within her rights to dislike her periods in the meantime, and that would go for someone who uses pads or tamps.  It is awkward in the early months.

Be there for her, to help her manage the awkwardness of what she has to do (wear pads) and to give her social cover and good suggestions about clothes, and so on.  She'll appreciate that, rather than being made a bone of contention in an argument between adults.

[UnsureMS]

He doesn't know. But I don't think she does. I just think she seems them as something that could give her daughter sexual ideas. I have used them since 12 never saw them that way. I also thi k she is worried that it will take her virginity as you said. That is not the case they have special sizes even for young girls. I hate that she is making this an issue. And that the grandmother agrees.

My little girl hates womanhood and believes its a curse because the mother won't hear me out. I hate that I have to learn to sit back and watch the little girl feel cursed just to keep the peace. What should I do? How am I suppose to handle this?

[RockRose]

I decided to google your answer,  but I've been curious too about girls who aren't allowed to wear tampons.  Mothers always seem to get this knowing look.  um hmmm,  she's too young.  Apparently "too young" is code for virgin.

I guess to some people,  an intact hymen is more important than having to give up a week of your life every month.  

Periods are weird things,  to some people - and her mother seems to have some very odd issues.  Your husband would know this - does she still use pads herself?