12 year old wetting on purpose

[Hegjez]

I'm looking for some advice about how to help my daughter (age 12).  The problem is that she is still wetting herself on purpose.

When she was about 7 years old, she was wetting the bed continually and having many accidents, so I started to try to work on it with her.  Initailly, we used a star chart method where we rewarded her for 1 dry night, then two and so on (this was primarily to see whether she had any control over her wetting - either conscious or subconsious).  She was able to manage up to a month using this system.  After a while, we realised that when the rewards were on offer, she stopped wetting and only had accidents when there was no reward.  When we stopped the rewards, the wetting returned.

With this in mind, we bought a bedwetting alarm and used it every night.  We encouraged her to take part in stripping the bed and made her get showered in the night (otherwise, she would just lie in it till morning and leave it).  We only knew that she had had an accident because of the beeping of the alarm (as she would choose not to tell us).

After a while (when she was approximately 9 years old), things improved, but we still had days where she would have an accident and then not make any attempt to clean up (despite clean knickers and clothes in her school bag).  She has told us that she knows when she needs to pee a long time beforehand, but she just carries on playing instead of going to the toilet.

The problem now is that she is 12 years old and started wetting again and not cleaning up.  There have been infections and hygiene issues.  We have tried talking about this many times wuth her and about the importance of hygiene.  We insisted that she get a shower everyday, but she now tells us that she is not really washing and so we are having to observe to make sure that she washes herself properly.  We are at a loss as to what to do.  Any advice?

[Linda71165]

This sounds like where my son is going. You are ahead of us though in that he has never been out of diapers! I think my son wants to return to being the baby in the family. His older sisters have been a little mean, teasing him but I haven't really stopped it because I was hopeing to encourage him to be a little boy instead of a baby. The oldest bought a pacifier and tether for him and put it on him after I let them out for school. Apparently he was under some threat to not remove it. But now he has started to use it. Go figure? I don't know how we can stop this sort of behavior.